The Lesbian Lorax, I Guess

So first of all, I'm pretty sure they're all mainlining 3 day old black coffee half the time. But when they have the choice:

House: Black coffee. It's not a macho thing, he just doesn't care about the taste one way or another. He's a little bit of a coffee snob -- not a grind your own beans kind of guy, more like he will Not accept coffee from certain places (cafeteria, X deli) for fairly arbitrary reasons, considering he's not in it for the quality. Does sometimes enjoy a ridiculous frappe, but considers it a different thing entirely from "coffee."

Wilson: Black with sugar. So much sugar. In his heart, he'd love a frappe or fancy coffee, but it is a macho thing for him: when ordering, he'll ask for one sugar and then sneak like 8 more packets in to keep up his image.

Cuddy: Milk and a bit of sugar. Genuinely finds flavored coffees and frappes too sweet, but very much likes a cup of tea (sugar, no milk) in the afternoons.

Foreman: Black, sometimes with a little milk, no sugar. It's a little bit of a macho thing: he doesn't think taking sugar in coffee is "girly" or anything, more like, what's the point? You're having a coffee, if you don't like it, drink something else.

Cameron: You knowww she's a pumpkin spice girly. Loves trying different flavors, stocks the work kitchen with blueberry coffee everyone else hates. Likes a little sugar but nothing too sweet, but likes milk for real.

Chase: There's a stereotype that people from Melbourne are coffee snobs, and he isn't, but he feels like he should be, but he kind of doesn't care, but he'll like, order flat whites for the bit or whatever. Likes frappes when other people are buying, the more milkshake-y the better, otherwise his default is black with sugar (not in a Wilson way, or a fake macho way, he just. Likes sweet coffee).

Taub: Is a coffee snob. Claims he can tell beans apart. Drinks black coffee for the flavor, sincerely.

Kutner: Cream, no sugar. This surprises people. Has less of a sweet tooth than you might expect, but he likes trying out new flavors and blends (he and Cameron could start a club).

Thirteen: Drinks decaf and doesn't even like it. It's purely to fit in. Doesn't like tea much either, though she's tried; however, she's very happy with a hot cocoa.

Masters: Forces herself to drink black coffee. Hates it. Likes to talk up coffee milk and how good it is, which is true, but it doesn't actually have coffee in it.

Park: Drinks black coffee out of some complicated form of spite. Looks longingly at dessert frappes but refuses to let Chase or Adams buy her one.

I don't think there's any reason to assume Park and Adams wouldn't at least stay for the typical 2-3 year contract. Park is a bit tricky, as she's technically still a resident, so I'm not sure how that realistically would work: is she doing a diagnostics residency? What does that even look like? But either way, they probably are sticking around at least another year or two.

Would they try to stay after that...? It really depends, lol. I can see Park lingering or trying to linger, as she's been kicked out of Neurology (her actual specialty), especially if it's a residency/fellowship issue. Adams doesn't need the job -- she literally came here to work with House -- so I can see her moving on with no hard feelings when her time is up, but on the other hand, she doesn't have any pressing drive or other place to be, either. I tend to assume that Adams moves on and Park tries to linger an extra year, but you can really go any way you want on this.

Chase's hiring criteria is fascinating to think about, because we really don't know what he'd look for. We have a pretty good grasp on what House liked in an employee (argumentative and an underdog); I'm not sure Chase would really be drawn to the same type, you know? In S7 he briefly, fascinatingly, tried hiring a psychologist, and as much as that was a joke about him wanting to get laid, it's actually a pretty clever/creative choice -- especially since so much of House's diagnostic style leans on psychology, not that he'd admit it. We know Chase can be a pretty creative thinker; I'd love to see him make a couple more left-field choices for his team. On the other hand, I can see his first round of hiring going pretty poorly -- not knowing what kind of person he wants to teach yet (because that's ultimately his job: to teach), picking applicants who "seem" right or who House would have chosen, you know?