mint

I put on my sunglasses, to hide my swollen eyes, over my tears. I cried all my makeup off. Went inside to have a milkshake. I don’t know why. I wanted something to drink as I figured out what I would do. I got a soda and a milkshake. Medium. The cashier looked at me and with a line around the corner of the counter he rushed away from the counter “Hold on “ he yelled to a coworker.

I filled my soda and went back and saw him looking all over. I go up and he gets close and says “I made it a large”.

That was seriously enough for me not to do it. His kindness. Someone went out of their way and as I went back in my car to cry I realized I could muster through a few other days. A few more weeks. Then I came down from that panicky high of anxiety, depression, and pain. I finished my shake. And it was enough time to let me feel better. I… I’m alive. I’ll make it through.

Try and be nice today. Tomorrow. Something as much as a smile. It helped so much.

Thank you man at McDonalds.

This was a post from February of 2017. I was forced off campus by death threats, I was completely alone in the world. I felt so horrible in every aspect. I didnt think there was a future for me. I even tried to go to a depression therapy facility but was not able to at the last minute. I found ways to make it through each day.

The next time I felt this low (maybe lower) I had moved across the country for a job in early 2019. What I was promised was different than what I received and spent the afternoons crying in the car on my lunch break. The people I had met were cruel and wanted nothing to do with me. I was broke and hundreds of miles away from anyone I knew. I was sent on a business trip my second month there and was approached by a man asking me where husband was. I told him I didn’t have one. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no. He said “well you’re what mid twenties? If you don’t have someone by now you must be intolerable.” As I burst into tears he apologized for a mental illness and walked away. But that was my truest fear- being alone. Some stranger approached me with my deepest fears. I figured I’d finish my milkshake-broken job at the hotel where no one would find out until it was far far too late. …I couldn’t go through with it. I hated myself for thinking of the poor woman I met at the front desk having to find me… so I didn’t. I didnt want to transfer my pain to her.

A week and a half later I met the man of my dreams. We have spent every day together since then. Seriously everyday.

We have since had a child together.

I lost my job shortly after the stork arrived with the news. They let me go… then the virus hit… its been rough.

But my guy and my baby make even the worst days better than the best days without them.

I even started my own business

The world opened up for me in ways I never saw coming. I can’t believe I cried over story-lines that would never be as good as the one I’m in today.

You may not believe me (I know I wouldn’t have) but it really does get better. Am I depressed now and then of course. But now, I can see a future where before there was only darkness.