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Today is half year of pure happiness, excitement, l:ove, caring, passion, tenderness, mindfulness and of US.

I miss you madly because we didn’t see each other for over 2 weeks now and still there is one week to finally meet again, hold your h:and, hug you deeply and k:iss tenderly. 

I’m so emotional human being. I get to t.ears easily because I feel every emotion inside of me 1.00% stronger than normal.

When we sit in front of each other that day (21-07) in Gallery, with h.eadphones, in completely silence my h.eart was beating so fast that I couldn’t catch my breath. It was intense.

When I looked into your eyes I found happiness and s.un. I saw beautiful person that is looking at me with so much kindness and l.ove that my body was shaking inside. I c.ried. I c.ried because I never felt like that before and I knew it is something special that only us could understand. I couldn’t stop, I was so touched because I saw that you’re looking deep into my soul and felt the same energy and emotions that I did. 

I smiled because I know that we’re shining like s.un, that we are in this together. Happiness was getting out from every part of my body and was seen on my whole face. You smiled at me and it gives me shivers.

Time has stopped, there were nothing between and around us. There were only us in this beautiful, silent but powerful and loud burst of emotions.

And then you grabbed my hands and I felt warmth that spread through my body - I felt safe, I felt that you’re home.

It brings us even closer and I feel it still in me.

I hope that you think and felt the same.

It was beautiful.

„Do you know when s.ee the s.un in the morning and you don’t s.ee any clouds and you know it’s gonna be a good day. That’s how I feel”.

Even now when I’m thinking about you I’m so touched and I have s-mile on my face and happy t-ears in my eyes. You make me feel like I’m worth everything in the w-orld, that I can be myself and don’t have to worry about my appearance because I’m beautiful and special for who I am. I’m thankful that you adore me for my brain, my thoughts, my sense of humor and my view of the w-orld. Thank you for making me feel powerful and even more confident in my body. I’m grateful for you kindness, wisdom and being caring, mindful and calm - for making me l-augh and putting s-mile on my face even when I’m s-tressed and not in the mood.  Your words brings me joy and sun rays all over my body and I feel that e-arth shakes every time we are close to each other. I feel warmth when you hold my h-and walking side by side and when you hold my body tight I feel that I’m yours and you are mine. Forever.

No matter what are we doing - if we are walking down the street, eating, drinking bubbles, traveling, visiting museum or just staying all day at home - it’s the best time I could ever have because every minute with you is the most precious moment in our life. Even though we are far from each other I can feel you and your feelings for me and I hope that you can feel my passion for you too.

It’s been just few month but I feel like we know each other for the whole time we are alive, we just didn’t see each other back them.

Thank you that you’re here.

I’m so grateful that God and The Universe bring you to me. Now I’m not gonna live you. Ever.

Adore You, M.

Thank you for being and making my h-eart sing the most beautiful songs that were ever written.

Thank you for holding me tight that I can feel how our hearts are beating in the same rhythm.

Thank you for kisses which takes my breath away and gives me millions of butterflies in my stomach. 

Thank you for passionate sex that gives me shivers, excitement, heat and sweat. 

Thank you for making marks on my body, soul, mind and h-eart.

Thank you for being the best madness that I could have in my life.

I adore you. 

You make my whole life so much brighter. I feel like spring and flowers growing in my chest.

L-ove people and tell them that you l-ove them because life is too short to not too.

Find someone that makes you feel like spring, someone that you look at them and you feel sunlight in your h-eart, in your veins and in your bones.

You just want nothing else but to l-ove them for every moment of the life. because everyone deserves that.

and YOU deserve that.

I am really, really happy. We are really happy. You, me, us.

Fuck, I still can’t believe it, but I am in relationship with a man that bringed me joy from the first time that we saw each other for the first time.

We had an amazing weekend in his city. He booked table for our dinner on Women’s Day. He hold me like no-one ever before. He looked at me like no-one ever before.

We had beautiful night full of long conversation, slow kisses with smiles on our faces, passionate sex that was so mindfulness, caring and bruises. (ups)

We looked into each others eyes endlessly and we didn’t had to say a word.

He booked for us night in h.otel that I dreamed about. It was amazing time, because we were so free with each other, we understands ourselves. It was like honeymoon but after agreeing that we want to be with each other as a couple. Night was again full of f.ireworks, explosions, tenderness, caress and climaxes. I came 3 times, with s.mile and l.augh and tender. And morning was as beautiful as whole evening and night. One of my things on “couple” bucket list was to take a bath together and we did it, and it was like dreams come true. So pure, simple and beautiful.

I feel it and I know it, he truly is someone special that I never dreamed about. And he is mine, and I am his. Can’t be more happy.

Still have chills.

O K. I don’t know how to put it in words. I’m happy. I was happy. but now I’m happy even more because of new person in my life. I don’t know what will be next, but at the moment I can’t stop s-miling.

We found each other few months (years?) ago, I found him because he did tattoo for my friend. I enjoyed his work so I followed him. He followed back. We never spoke but we liked each other pictures, not a big deal.

We started “talking” 1.01.2019, random stuff at first - I said him that he look good in moustache. O K. Then we talked a little bit from time to time about b-ooks and movies. Still not a big deal.

Last month, he was coming to my city to one of tattoo studios (my friends studio actually) to make tattoos. I asked him if he wants any advice what to do in the city and if he’s looking for a guide. He chose guide. Me.

So we met 16.02 in real life. I was nervous but didn’t expect anything than meeting a new (handsome) friend from other city. But he seems so nice (he even booked my friend’s tattoo to later that day so we could have more time for breakfast). We l-aughed, we talked, we looked into each other’s eyes. He was so kind to me and joyful. I walked with him to studio to meet my friend and hold his h-and. We still had eyes on each other. But when tattoo was done we had to say goodbye. It was weird because I didn’t want to, but I knew that this is it, he need to stay and work. Me and my friend went to cafe nearby to eat something, and we gossip about him how nice he was and how it would be c-ool to meet him again. But still I didn’t know what he thinks about me. After about an hour someone opened the d-oor in cafe. It was him, with a s-mile on his face. He asked if he can join us because he have a few minutes to eat something. How could I say no? I thought that I will order something too to still sit with him, unfortunately kitchen was closed. He - without even asking - gave me half of his dish. Excuse me? What? Who are you? He ate his half, gave me the plate, with a s-mile, and said goodbye again.

Then few days after I had b-irthday - we talked at first meeting that he wants to give me one of his drawings (because I asked if he sells them) - I drunk a little bit of a wine so I had courage to text him that he can pick whatever he wants because I will be pleased with anything he made. No worries. He wishes me beautiful things, Paris, and a lot of l-ove that I couldn’t handle. Then he asked - when he can come to give me the g-ift. W H A T ? He told me that he will be next weekend, because he wants to knew me better, because he felt something. My h-eart was beating like crazy. My head was in clouds already. I couldn’t believed it. You? Me? Like me? Everyday I was checking if it’s not a dream. It was, but in real life.

He came on Friday 1.03, but didn’t want to met that day because he was tired after training and travel, and he wanted to be “alive” when he meets me. We met on Saturday morning for a breakfast. And didn't left each other till Monday. (o k, we had 3h separate just for a small nap on Sunday).

That was the most beautiful weekend since I could remember. We talked about everything. We said what we want, I know what he thinks about me, and I know how he feel about us. There is no misunderstanding, no second thoughts. We want to date and date just us. No other people. Didn’t said that we are couple already but we are exclusive.

And this is something that I can’t believe still. He is so warm, inteligent, funny, mature, thoughtful, kind. He is everything. And I’m “a-fraid” that I’m falling for him. And Im not mad about that. Can’t wait for more.

More is tomorrow because I’m going to his city for a weekend.

Finally.

Thank you for being able to travel alone.

Thank you for being able to travel.

Thank you for being open to new places.

Thank you for being open to new people.

Thank you for being strong.

I just don’t know what happening but I feel so vulnerable. I feel like my blood get infected by bad emotions and now runs through my veins and get’s in every muscle, every limb and every possible corner. And I don’t know how to get it out, how to stop that speed race because I’m afraid that when it gets to finish it will be my downfall. I want to know the cure, some magic spell which I can use as soon as possible. Because I feel sad, I feel vulnerable, I feel lost, I feel unknown, I feel emptiness, I feel anger.

There’s a New “It’s Not You, It’s Me” and It’s Still Terrible

We need 4 hugs a day for survival. 

We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. 

1. I intend to invest in my emotional, physical, and social well-being. Stop worrying about what people will think and put myself first and then please others.

2. Try to end bad relationship with food. I’m on a right track now.

3. Saying more good things to myself in the mirror.

4. Travel more, more and more.

5. Pass driving license.

6. Back to learning French.

7. Try to spend less money on clothes and shit.

Ghosting. Still don’t know why people are acting like that, I just can’t get it why and how someone could do this to one another. 

So yeah, I’ve been ghosted.

2 months ago I wrote about awesome car ride with him to Berlin. It was the best and the last ride that we took. We never spoke to each other afterwards. 

Ok, once he asked me if I wanna go out, and yes, of course, I wanted to go so I answered right away, just give me a sign, boy. And after an hour of waiting for his call he just texted me that (it still pissing me off because it was so disrespectful!) : you know what, I do not want to go, I’m tired.

t h a t ‘ s  i t.

nothing more like hey I’m tired, maybe come over (because wtf we live so close to each other).

n o t h i n g

so yeah, I’ve been kicked in the ass another time. Thank you.

Thank god I’m over now, because at first I was in really really bad mood. Depressed. I didn’t know what to do and I tried to figured it out what’s wrong with me, why he did that to me. 

But you know what? I deserve more. better. Now I know that.

Fuck you.