I’m convinced see you again by Miley Cyrus was written about a goth girl at the bar

i need to eat some mushroom chocolates and write about growing up in san diego and navigating that for the past 25 years of life. almost all of my good friends have left san diego or california and I don’t blame them. the standards growing up were so crazy…especially since I went to a high school that was outside of my district in a predominantly white (very) wealthy area. it led to a lot of years feeling really trapped and limited inside myself- mainly with my physical appearance. high school for me was a horrible experience. when I graduated I had only one friend by my side. even after I graduated- for years I felt like I was constantly being judged, critiqued, and mocked for my outfits, body, interests, and creative expression…by those same people that I grew up with and went to school with. it felt like growth was never an option unless I got out of a limiting, stagnant environment. and that’s how San Diego feels to me…everyone cares so much about money, facial filler, botox, drama and gossip, making eating disorders their personality, shitting on people who are different than them, pretending to be someone their not, playing games and being toxic, and everyone is in secret competition with one another but its never spoken out loud… it’s just an energetic agreement that people have with each other that they don’t acknowledge because they can feel it on each end. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t care about having immense wealth, who’s fucking who, what new plastic surgery there is to get, or a large following on Instagram. all of it feels so vain and constricting and downright disgusting. living a slow life away from people like this would heal me tbh

how I decided to move to the country: flip a coin and pull some tarot cards. suddenly it all makes sense and I know what to do 💫

I need to find new friends 😭 friendships that don’t center around men and male attention. or making their bf the center of their existence. it feels harder and harder to find these days

okay I think living outside the us would solve most of my problems…somewhere tropical

took shrooms at the concert and there are so many young people here….I feel like a grandmother ☠️

going to a concert tonight and tomorrow after being a literal hermit for the whole month