I woke from a nap, limbs numb, short of breath. I dreamt of a conversation that broke me. I was at your house, expectant of something. All of a sudden, or possibly way over do and a long time coming.. we face me to tell me, shakingly, it’s best if we all aren’t friends anymore. I was okay with it. I agreeable and was relieved to have the truth be revealed by you. You compared me to a meal, a meal you would’ve had when you were okay treating your body any way you’d like. Now, you can’t face me without honesty. Things have changed, and last month you would have said yes to a dangerous meal, but now that you are face to face. This is what had to be done. I accepted the fate although thrown off at being compared to food. Nevertheless, I understood and wished to respect their wishes. I go to the store and come across your partner. He tells me I have a lot of excuses for treating my friends like they were easily replaceable and that he hoped I sincerely reflected on why I don’t deserve them as friends. Naturally, I became defensive. I thought, what does he know? My heart ached and was in flames. I wanted to drop kick him into three parking lots over. Instead I was magically his manager and fired him from my life as well.
I’m in Montreal, the room is dark, my partner sleeping soundly next to me and his sisters in the other room. I had just completed a 16 hours drive with everyone and as I lay awake from such an excruciating slumber, I can feel the weight of that loss still, deep in my chest.
