james

fk this is so great

fuck i have a date/hook up tonight in stockholm....... how 2 deal

yesterday was so good, i felt 100% content. i forgot what that felt like, truly

maybe we were just like everybody else

i wasn't easy enough to love

im in pain again but im trying

maybe a part of me does hate you 

kind of wanna overdose on something but like i dont wanna die i just want to get to the point where i feel really tired and i doze off and i fall sound asleep and i can pretend that im Dying and then we'll see if i actually wake up or not (but hopefully i will)

lately the thought of stabbing myself/cutting myself has been calming me down from anxious thoughts. i close my eyes and i get vivid flashes of stabbing my arms. i will never get better

i feel like there's a huge flaw, or hole, in my individuality. i feel stuck in my own skin and i am incredibly bored with my being. i want to write, but i'm not a writer. i want to draw, but i can't draw. i want to photograph, but i'm not a photographer. i want to make music, but i don't have the patience. i lack talent and i feel like there's no use in trying because no one is going to care. i can feel so motivated and inspired at times but then i remember that i don't have any real talent so why should i do something that i'm not good at? who am i trying to fool? i want to dye my hair, i want to cut it short, i want to buy new clothes but i dont dont do it, for whatever reason. i am too plain and i am too basic and my days all look the same. i have so many ideas and i have such a creative mind but i am not passionate enough. i wish i was passionate. i wish i would do things for myself and i wish that could be enough. i wish it wouldnt feel so pointless. there are so many things i would love to do, but a voice is telling me that nothing matters and my ideas dont matter and no one cares; so why should i care?

it's just tiring feeling like you're constantly at the verge of a breakdown and it's tiring feeling like the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders. it's tiring being tired all the goddamn time. everything is a little too heavy to carry and im drawn to selfdestructive behaviour. i can't stop thinking of ways to hurt myself. maybe then things will be lighter

what the fuck is wrong withm e i am so trired i hate this i want to die i want to be dedad i want to kill myself i dont want to lvie anymire i want to HUTTRT myself  iwant to go awy. i dont want to ever exist again i want to not ecist im so tired. everything is too heavy and i am so pathetic i want o ill myself i actually want ot kill mysel becuae im a weak piece of shit. pathetic piece of shit. disgusting piece of shit. selfish and weak and pathetic and löslöc..l,dfmkc,x.,cöfijkfv,c.xz.,lkmscjvnkbjlkfmsd,x. please let me die 

why did i promise myself i wouldnt selfharm in 2k15. it would be so much easier to relapse if i didnt make that promise. fucking stupid

i have noticed that i have stretchmarks on my ankles and i want 2 die. look like sausages

okay. starting today im gonna swear off soda for 10 days. im gonna start exercising with my sister and i'm gonna get organized and happy.

i hate myself i actually hate myself. i dont want to do this anymore i want to be dead. i want to die. i want to never be looked at or talked to ever again. fuck everything im done goodbye