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Stop Arguments Before They Start

It’s good to argue from time to time, and it’s not realistic to agree on everything. But many of our arguments can be nipped in the bud if we employ some communication techniques. Here’s how to spend more time happy and less time fighting by stopping arguments before they start:

Address issues ASAP. When you are upset or annoyed about something and keep silent about it, it only festers and grows bigger and becomes harder to ignore. When something is bothering you, get into the habit of telling your partner about it right away, rather than letting it build up inside of you. Clear the air as soon as you can so you can move on, instead of silently stewing over it.

Move on from old fights. Holding grudges isn’t fair to you or your partner. If you’ve said that you’ve forgiven them, then you need to be true to your word. It’s not fun for you to stay mad about something that should have been cleared up. It’s not useful to either of you to hold on to old issues and keep bringing them up. When you end an argument and make up, make sure you really move on and leave it in the past.

Don’t just say it’s fine. If you’re still upset about something then just say so. Saying you’re fine and then getting mad later only means that it’s been brewing inside of you and that you’ve mislead your partner to think that you’re not mad. If you’re upset then just get it out into the open rather than postponing an argument with passive aggressive comments.

Give them the benefit of the doubt. Before you jump to get mad at your partner for something they’ve done wrong, give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they didn’t mean it. This can diffuse so many arguments because we spend lots of time being mad about things that they didn’t intend the way we’ve interpreted them. They probably didn’t mean anything by what they said or did, so instead of getting in a twist about it, just try to cut them some slack.

Let the little stuff go. In relationships we need to pick our battles or we run the risk of nitpicking or nagging. You can’t get mad at your partner for every little thing that they do that gets on your nerves or you’ll likely be fighting all the time. Let the small stuff go and just bring up the larger, overarching issues that are bugging you.

Address your feelings, not just the actions. When you’re upset about something try saying something like, “I really felt unappreciated when you don’t ask for my opinion” instead of just saying, “you don’t ask for my opinion”.They are probably aware of their actions, so if you’re going to bring it up in a conversation, make sure you explain to them how it made you feel or why it’s a problem. Unless they understand why something is a problem they are likely to think it’s not a big deal and just keep doing it.