welcome to my jpeg & mp3 diary

i know i’m just in a bad mood but this push to re-categorize every kind or moral human action as inherently punk and cool is fucking cringe because you’re showing your ass about your priorities. as a visibly alt queer myself, who gives a FUCK if being nice is “punk”? just be nice because it’s nice. i’m not giving you special scene brownie points for it?? and you don’t even listen to punk music or care about the history? so why do you care about being “punk”?? IM GOING CRAZY

this is why the idea of identifying this essence of queer cinema as an elevated festival film is more and more boring to me like. We’ll talk about Cheryl dunye in film theory classes but no one ever mentions that she has spent the past decades since the watermelon women directing for commercial television. I’ve been assigned the watermelon woman for two different classes and every time it’s been taught as an auteur film and they kind of imply that she just made that one film and retired. Turns out she’s been directing like lovecraft country and hunting wives and Bridgerton episodes the whole time? But that like is not acceptably queer theory for people so they kind of just act like she died

how do you just get up and deal with the fact that there’s a last time for everything. there was a last time you sat on your dads shoulders and there was a last time your mom tucked you into bed. there’s going to be a last time you kiss your sister on the head and there’s going to be a last time you hug your best friend. there’s going to be a last time you feel exactly as you feel right now and there’s going to be a last time that person says i love you. i need to lay down

the benoit blanc movies show really beautifully how to write a queer character whose story is not centered around their queerness. it's shown that benoit blanc is gay married (to hugh grant!) it's shown that he participates in queer mediums like musical theater and fashion, but none of those things are ever explicitly remarked on. he doesn't have a big coming out scene because he doesn't need one; and the subtle details about him not speaking to his mother, the way he associates a church with homophobia, allows us to draw conclusions about how his family felt about his queerness without making that the sole conflict in his story. the conflict in benoit blanc's story is not that he exists in the world as a gay person, it's that he's always trying to wrangle a bunch of 30 somethings into not confessing to crimes they didn't commit