Sometimes I wonder if this is actually happiness.

Or if im just numb to the pain.

Don’t get me wrong

I don’t hurt anymore

I am a lot more emotionally stable

Emotionally aware

Emotionally intelligent

But I can’t help this feeling of apathy

It doesn’t escape me for shit.

I don’t have my confidence anymore.

Where’s my motivation ?

I don’t have any excitement anymore.

I’m lonely and I can’t get away from it.

…

I think I’m afraid of responsibility

I’m afraid of commitment.

I’m afraid of how big I can be.

My pessimistic thoughts always get the best of me.

Where am I going ?

I could be successful right now.

But I run in circles from anxiety

Insecurities

And doubt ..

Where’s my peace of mind ?

I think I’m too numb to even vent completely.

I don’t even know what I’m feeling

When I wanna speak, I can’t find the words

I want isolation

But I don’t wanna be alone

But I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be alone with

If someone could make me feel the way ____ did.

If I could make myself feel the way she did.

I shouldn’t have to rely on external forces to feel great though

And after everything I’m letting out right now , I don’t feel any weight lifted because I can’t channel my actual problem that I’m facing.