Pun Monster

Watson #4, absolutely losing it: Everyone already decided I’m guilty, and all of my problems could be solved by just becoming the person everyone tells me I am! Don’t you see? I can fix this! I just have to kill him!

WHAT THEY ARE AND HOW TO SPOT THEM

okay, I thought I should make this post since there has been an influx of scammers plaguing AO3 comments section and people are falling victims to them. so here it is;

WHAT THEY ARE

so far, there are three main types of these scam bots

bots that tell you AO3 is deleting works, and that you should delete the works yourself because your entire account will be affected if your works get deleted by AO3

bots that tell you your works are terrible

bots that tell you they want to draw comic panels from your works

ALL OF THESE ARE SCAM WITH MALICE INTENTIONS

bots that tell you AO3 is deleting works, and that you should delete the works yourself because your entire account will be affected if your works get deleted by AO3 are just trying to get you to delete your works, most certainly because they want to steal and/or use your works to train their AI and, once you delete your works, it becomes extremely difficult, almost impossible for you to claim ownership of your works when the original works have been deleted. AO3 IS NOT DELETING ANY WORKS.

bots that tell you your works are terrible are also just trying to get you to delete your works, most certainly because they want to steal and/or use your works to train their AI and, once you delete your works, it becomes extremely difficult, almost impossible for you to claim ownership of your works when the original works have been deleted. (more examples here and here)

bots that tell you they want to draw comic panels from your works are trying to hack your password, personal data and credit card information (they will say they see potentials in your work and are interested in drawing comic panels from it, and then they will ask you to discuss this with them on discord where you will have to pay/commission them for the “comics” you will never get, but you will get your password hacked, personal data and credit card information breached and stolen instead, do not fall for them).

HOW TO SPOT THEM

what all these 3 types of bots have in common is that;

most of them (keyword, most, not all) are guest users or empty accounts that have just been recently created.

their comments are all the same copied and pasted scripts that they mass leave on lots of authors’ works at random.

they will ask you to contact them outside of ao3 by giving you their discord, or instagram, or other social media handle.

their comments are all vague, in the sense that there will be no mention of any specific characters’ names, no mention of any specific scenes or events from your works (granted, they need to be vague because they are bots, they never actually read your works, and they have to be able to use the same comments on other writers’ works too).

EDIT: I’ve been told they got “smarter” and are now mentioning characters by names and also specific scenes from the story. Most definitely because they ran your fic through AI and let AI write comments for them. So basically, if a comment, from someone you don’t know, ends in something along the lines of “I’d like to draw a comic panel about this”, “can we chat on discord (or anywhere outside of ao3)” or anything that’d require your email or other personal information, always assume that it’s 90% a scam.

report them for spam then delete their comments when/if you get them.

please spread this if you can. us writers gotta look out for each other. stay safe, everybody ♡

EDIT (Dec 10, 2025): NEW TYPE OF BOTS WHO THREATEN PEOPLE WITH LEGAL ACTIONS

EDIT (Dec 15, 2025): BOTS IMPERSONATING LEGIT USERS, WITH REGISTERED ACCOUNTS, BY USING THESE LEGIT USERS’ AO3 NAMES AS THEIR GUEST-USER NAMES IN THEIR GUEST COMMENTS

EDIT (Dec 22, 2025): BOTS PROMOTING THEIR APP/PROGRAM AND ACTING AS AN AD (WHICH I BELIEVE IS AGAINST AO3’S POLICIES) ON COMMENTS SECTION

EDIT (Jan 16, 2026): BOTS TRYING TO PASS FOR GENUINE COMMENTS BUT FAILING AND ACCIDENTALLY MENTIONING NAMES OF RANDOM CHARACTERS THAT ARE NOT PRESENT IN THE FICS OR THE FANDOMS

EDIT (Jan 18,2026): BOTS TRYING TO ACCUSE INNOCENT WRITERS OF USING AI, BY COMMENTING ON OTHER WRITERS' WORKS AND TELLING THESE OTHER WRITERS THAT 'THIS WORK BY THIS SPECIFIC WRITER IS AI'

So the only reputation he has is ‘that bastard con artist who banked 19 years of aw-shucks-wormie-ness and used it to outrageously fleece everyone who’s almost anybody.’ Vader reading the report like…damn you Kenobi did you get HONDO to raise my son??

Jabba’s reaction to Luke’s message is INFINITELY funnier if we consider the idea that ‘Skywalker’ amongst the wretched local villainy (who mostly ignore imperial and rebel propaganda) is actually synonymous with TWO things - that brat who totally messed up the podrace bookies 25 years ago, and the infamous Anchorhead Con. Jabba gets this message about ‘Jedi’ and is like LOL i think the other Skywalker tried to pull some hotshit with that too before wimping out.

Everyone openly laughs like sure you’re a Jedi and I’ve got a bargain vaporator farm I want to sell you. 

“So this fucking—SKYWALKER, dude, have you ever heard the name Skywalker? You know what it means? A FUCKING ASSHOLE, that’s what it means. Like. The first one was bad enough, this little shit named Anakin who was fuckin’ NINE YEARS OLD and he just WON THE FUCKING BOONTA EVE PODRACE and set SIXTEEN bookies out of business and if I ever meet him I’m gonna set him on fire for it—

“And then this new one, Luke? Fuckin’ nobody, raised by his aunt and uncle out in the Wastes, little aw-shucks hick farm kid, the kind you could give him a five-credit piece and a ten-credit piece and he keeps taking the fiver because it’s BIGGER, that kind of simple, and then he comes into Mos Eisley one afternoon and sells his aunt and uncle’s moisture farm, right, I’ve been out there a few times, several of us have, and it’s a nice place as far as moisture farms go, mildly profitable, and the kid is fucking happy to get like two-thirds its value, so he sells the farm, right? TO NINETEEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE! Do you have any idea how much Jabba’s finance people had to do to get that sorted out? Nineteen fucking mortgages on ONE fucking property, puts every real estate con Jabba the Hutt’s entire CLAN ever pulled and we were on the WRONG SIDE OF IT! We had every pirate and smuggler from here to Corellia laughing at us! And THEN! And THEN—!

“So he pops up via hologram message acting like a DIPLOMAT from the REPUBLIC, claiming a title and rank from an extinct, defunct, ILLEGAL order and wanting to bargain with Jabba—are you fucking kidding me, BARGAIN WITH JABBA for a smuggler who’s up to his ass in debt when he’s responsible for that farm scheme, acting like he doesn’t even fucking REMEMBER it and expects that Jabba’s forgotten it too. Like. Absolute fucking idiot, and anticipating that Jabba’s just as stupid. And he offers a pair of droids as a gift. Like, built-in-the-Republic-era, random-ass droids that he probably picked up from the Jawas that morning for a few hundred credits and a junked ‘vaporator.

“I mean, Jabba’s seething here, but hey, free droids is free droids. Whatever. He takes the droids, throws things, orders a fight to the death between two gamblers who owed him money, killed one of his dancers at some point … and then Boushh shows up with fucking Chewbacca in chains—he’s Solo’s first mate, so Jabba was all happy about that, but not happy enough to pay the full bounty—and what’s Boushh do? Pull some gonads out from somewhere after all these years, and also pull out a fucking THERMAL DETONATOR! Going to blow us all to fuck if he doesn’t get his measley fifty thousand, and, well, there’s no arguing with crazy like that. 

“So now, if you’re keeping score, Jabba’s lost an absolute SHITLOAD of money and had his bookmaking industry fucked all to hell for like three years after the stunt from Skywalker the First, got screwed out of ANOTHER shitload of money in the farm scam by Skywalker the Sequel, got all but called an idiot to his face and insulted six times over by the same dude who’s apparently scammed so many people he’s forgotten who he has and hasn’t scammed, and got threatened out of fifty thousand credits by a second-tier bounty hunter IN FRONT OF HIS ENTIRE COURT.

“And then the next morning, what the fuck? Jabba’s favorite sculpture is gone, the one with Solo as its main ingredient that Boba Fett brought him. And Boushh is gone. And Jabba’s got a brand-new dancer chained up next to him. Night duty guy tells me Boushh unfroze Solo, and the new dancer girl IS Boushh, which, okay, you’re dealing with people like that and you look like that? You definitely need a helmet, but I feel like pretending she didn’t breathe oxygen was overkill. Anyway, then Skywalker shows up. All alone, no weapons, nothing, like he really believes in this Jedi shit. Arrogant little bastard, and we’re all laying bets on how Jabba’s going to kill him.

“So he talks a little, and fwoop! goes the trapdoor, and okay, everybody who bet on “Rancor” is doing a little happy dance, but then! BUT THEN! He fucking KILLS THE RANCOR! Drops its own cage door on its head and punches right through its skull! And—fucking NOBODY bet on that, which is a damn shame because everybody else would’ve just torn the winner apart out of sheer rage at that point and we coulda used some good bloodshed then, y’know? I mean, I dunno if you’ve ever met Jabba the Hutt, but he’s the kind of boss that’ll just go off and kill you for failing him or just because he’s angry at something. Just complete fucking asshole. I mean, he was pissed enough that everybody was worried for their safety, and so somebody dying messily right then would’ve calmed him down a bit.

“So Jabba’s big mad, and he gathers Skywalker and Solo and Chewbacca all together and says he’s gonna feed them to the Sarlacc, which is a nasty tentacled carnivorous plant out in the desert, so we all board the sail barge and have a nice little pleasure cruise—have you ever been to Tattoine? I’m fuckin’ kidding, it’s brutal. But hey, we get to see Skywalker executed, right? Wrong.

“Jabba offers them the chance to beg for their lives, and Solo calls him a slimy piece of worm-ridden filth, which, I mean, I could do better, y’know? If I’m about to die? Anyway, Skywalker goes up first, gets prodded to the edge, flips a salute off to who-knows-where, and does this little twist in midair, catches the fucking plank, and fucking SPRINGBOARDS himself back onboard, CATCHES HIS LIGHTSABER FROM MIDAIR where the one DROID shot it to him, and starts sending guards over the side, usually in pieces.

“So more guards rush forward to help, and there’s this huge fight, and fuckin’ BOBA FETT falls in, and while that’s going on? The fucking dancing girl has grabbed her chain and is FUCKING STRANGLING JABBA WITH IT! Like, I look over and he’s bucking and struggling and she’s pulling on that chain like anything, and then somebody hits me over the head with a bottle of Corellian brandy, and by the time I look again he’s pitched over dead! And nobody freaking bet on that!

“And then? Off they fucking go, Skywalker and Solo and Chewbacca and the dancing girl and the droids and one of the guards who I played sabacc with the other night and he owes me twenty credits! And that fucking Skywalker just cost me my job, and if I see him again I’m going to burn him to cinders myself!”

The man subsides, eyeing the gigantic ebony figure in front of him who, except for a couple of momentary starts as though he might say something, has been silently listening to him all this time.

Size-wise, Darth Vader has nothing on Jabba the Hutt, but somehow, he is scarier.

Finally, the dark form speaks. “You said you could do better.” A moment’s silence, and he clarifies. “If you were about to die.” He gets the impression that whatever monster lurks behind the helmet is smiling. “You are about to die now. Because you are a criminal, and because of what you have said about my son, Luke Skywalker. You have an opportunity to do better. Use it.”

The so-condemned criminal, late of Jabba’s palace guard, lets his jaw hang open unflatteringly for a moment while his brain catches up with events. HIS SON, which means …  

“YOU’RE Anakin Skywalker’s HUSBAND?”

The steady, hissing rhythm of Darth Vader’s rebreather actually stops dead as the Dark Lord straightens up as if stabbed with an electroprod.

this rest of the thread continues after the third tweet from the reblog.

like THE FULL THREAD is genuinely so reassuring.

sometimes, it is not enough to just know, sometimes you might need that reassurance of "do you really think of me when i'm away?" and someone reassuring you that yeah, they do. and evaluate that! trust that! just like op did.

and then learning that ykw, it's NOT any of my business really. and finding comfort in that trust that like. whether they are or aren't thinking of me, they really do love me.

i recently experienced some pretty severe transphobic abuse in my workplace (children’s home) that included having food thrown at me, being called slurs, being told i was a pervert because i am trans. one of the managers talked with me afterwards and shared that he had had a similar experience as an Asian man. this wasn’t him derailing my experience, or talking over me, or making things about himself. he was communicating “hey, i know how it feels and how much it sucks. you’re not alone.”

THAT is what solidarity IS. i don’t know what it’s like to be Asian, he doesnt know what it’s like to be trans, but we both had a similar experience and we were able to turn a horrible experience into an opportunity for bonding and comfort.

Heated Rivalry incorrect quotes 3/?

Bonus: