kfics :]

Taki couldn’t stand being your roommate.

Don’t get him wrong, you two work very well together as roommates and are extremely close. Your humor is the same, you watch the same shows – cohabitating together is like 2nd nature for the both of you.

He just had a little problem. He wanted you. He wanted you bad. He wasn’t the strongest-willed either – almost everything you did riled him up. Taki had to pretend to glance over at you uninterested when you joined him on the couch after getting home and changing into comfier clothes; the whole time his mind and cock was jumping at the sight of your exposed thighs in your pajama shorts. When you spread your legs over his to get under the blanket he had sprawled over his lap, his mouth goes dry. 

You two are extremely close. Too close. You know everything about each other, including each other’s sexual preferences. You don’t hide anything from him, and he doesn’t hide anything from you. Aside from his obsession with you, of course.

His lust for you spilled into his daily life. He started using your shampoo – but sparingly, not wanting you to catch on. His search history was filled with lewd POV videos with girls that looked like you. It got to a point where he could only think of you while pleasuring himself. If you came home while he was jerking off (which happened more than he’d like), hearing you call out to him would only make his fist pump faster.

Taki loved your presence a little too much. He loved it in a way he knew he shouldn’t. He loved the way the smell of your body wash lingered in the bathroom after a hot shower that steamed up the mirror. He loved the way your pajama pants hung off your hips in the morning, and how your flimsy tank-top hugged your torso… but that’s besides the point.

He also loved the way you inevitably fell asleep while watching TV with him after a long day, and today was one of those days. You were just sitting next to each other at first, but as time went on, you both melted further into the couch. By 1am you both had drifted off, Taki lying behind you.

He wakes up abruptly, eyes adjusting to the brightness of the TV that was left on. Mouth dry, he sits up slowly behind you. Attempting to reach for the bottle of water one of you had left on the table, he carefully reaches over your sleeping body so as to not wake you up. I really don’t have that much space he thinks to himself. As he grabs the bottle, his crotch accidentally bumps the swell of your ass. He gulps and pulls himself back onto the couch. While drinking the water, he looks over at you. Still asleep. He once again, ever so carefully, reaches over you to put the bottle softly on the floor. This time, his chest lightly grazes your arm, and he can see your resting face up close. Not only that, he could see your stiffened nipples through your tank top. You refused the blanket tonight. He stays like that for a second, soaking in the view. Usually he has to steal glances at you, but now he can openly ogle you. After a moment he snaps out of it and pulls back again. He feels his cock twitch in his sweatpants and lets out a light sigh. He knows he could get up and go to his room, sleep in his own bed. But selfishly, he doesn’t want to. He carefully slots himself back behind you and tries to go back to sleep.

Taki can’t sleep. His boner hasn't gone away. In fact, it’s gotten worse. He could go to his room and deal with it, but he doesn’t want to give up this opportunity of being in such close proximity to you. To make matters worse, he didn’t realize how uncomfortable the position he was in was. He was virtually stuck laying pin-straight behind you. He tries to adjust, but he ends up accidentally bumping your ass with his hard-on. Fuck, he thinks to himself. He shuts his eyes for a few moments to try to force himself to sleep, but all he can think about is you. They’re right there. I really have no room… they smell so good. His mind is racing.

He finds himself scooting closer so he can smell your hair. You had just washed it, and the smell of your shampoo had lingered. It only made his dick get impossibly harder. At his point, his frame was only about an inch away from yours. His boner rested in between your ass cheeks, and he couldn’t get himself to pull away.

His hand reaches up to ghost your waist. After a few seconds he builds up the courage to lightly rest it on your waist, on the exposed area between your tank top and pants. Your skin is soft and smooth, which spurs him on even more. He doesn’t even know what he’s doing, but just having his hands on you is making him spiral. He knows he’s playing a dangerous game, and is crossing a line.

After a minute of just sitting there with his hand on your hip and his clothed boner against your ass, he begins to wiggle slightly against you. He doesn’t want to wake you, so he tries his best not to shake the couch. The friction feels good, and he lets out another sigh. I’m such a creep – fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing this, he thinks to himself, never slowing his ministrations.

After a few minutes, he’s as hard as he possibly can be, sweat forming on his forehead. He can feel the uncomfortable wetness of the precum that’s made the front of his boxers sticky. He can only hope that it hasn’t soaked through his sweats.

Wiggling and bumping himself against you isn’t satisfying enough for him anymore. He needs more. Without thinking, he took the gamble and began fully grinding himself against you, trying his best to not wake you while increasing his pace and intensity.

The tightened grip on your hip is what woke you. You opened your eyes groggily to see the tv quietly playing in front of you. Before you had the time to do anything, you felt Taki’s hand on your waist. You weren’t going to think much of it, until you felt it. You felt Taki’s undeniably hard cock grinding against your ass rhythmically. Your mind froze. What? You thought to yourself. You didn’t know what to do, so you pretended you were still asleep.

Of course, you couldn’t just ignore it. Your mind was racing. Your roommate and best friend was using your sleeping body to get off. Sure, you noticed him looking at you in less than innocent ways sometimes. But you thought that was just Taki being Taki. You never thought he would take it this far. How long was I asleep for this? Has he done this before? You genuinely don’t know what to do. In all honesty, you think Taki is an attractive guy. You wouldn’t even mind crossing the line with him. But this… this was not the right way to go about it. This was not right.

After a few more minutes of pretending to be asleep and internally panicking, Taki crossed the line. He got greedy, moving his hand from your hip slightly up under your shirt, up to your navel, then back down, slightly dipping into your waistband. His head is resting on your shoulder blade, and you can hear him practically panting behind you.

You decide that you have to “officially” wake up. You let your eyes flutter open and, hesitantly, you move your head ever slightly towards him and say with a small voice, “Taki?”

His heart practically drops through the sofa. He freezes immediately, but his hand is still on you and his cock is still pressed into you. He had obviously been caught.

A moment of silence passes and you go to turn to face him, but as you do, his hand moves off your waist and grabs your bicep, squeezing it a little. “Don’t… don’t look at me” He pleads.

Silence again. “What are you doing?” You ask. You don't look. He lets out a deep breath and begins, “I’m so sorry. I… I don’t know. I don’t know what I was doing. What I’m doing. I just…”

You don’t know what to do. You let him continue to ramble. “I was just being a perv, okay? I just… I couldn’t sleep, and you were just like, already on me, and I just… I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t.”

“It’s okay.” You say, deciding to stop him there. You don’t know why you said that; it wasn’t. He’s shocked at your words. “It is?” he asks, “No, no it’s not. Fuck, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it. I really couldn’t. I still can’t.” he lets go of your arm and slides his down to your hip, and grips it once again. “You just… you weren’t even doing anything. You were just… fuck, you were just sleeping. But you… fuck, everything you do makes me so hard. It’s embarrassing. I can’t control myself around you.” He confesses. Every so slightly, you feel him bucking his hips into you again. 

As soon as he started grinding against you he stopped, pulling himself back a few inches. He reaches over your torso to grab your hand, and he pulls it behind your back towards him. The twist is uncomfortable, but that doesn’t matter because your hand is now resting on the hard bulge that’s hidden underneath his sweatpants. He grunts at the contact. “See what you do to me?” he says, holding your hand in place with his own. “I can’t help it, I can’t…” with that, he begins to grind into your palm. 

“Fuck, I…” he lets go of your hand and drapes it back over you. “Is this okay? Please, fuck… please let this be okay… I need this, please.” He grabs the meat of your hip and pulls it towards him, your ass immediately coming in contact with his length. At this point, you can feel its hardened figure almost perfectly, even through all the layers separating you. 

He pushes your knees inwards with his own, curling you into a spooning position for better friction. Fully dry humping you at this point, you still haven’t said much. Again, you are attracted to Taki, yes, but you were too overwhelmed to think at all at this point. Your mind was blank. 

His head rests against your shoulder blade again with a breathy moan as he continues to grind against you. “You feel so good, fuck…” he rambles as he grip your waist harder. 

After a few more minutes of rubbing against you, his movements start to get sporadic. “Please, please… don’t… just let me…” He pleads, practically panting. Suddenly, he ruts into you particularly roughly, then ruts into you a few more times, slower than before. 

The both of you are still for a moment. Taki catching his breath, and you remaining still as a log. After a minute or so, he sits up and climbs over you off the couch. Mumbling something about needing to change, he heads towards the bathroom, leaving you with your thoughts.

You pull your knees to your chest to make room for Leehan in the windowsill nook. The two of you loved people watching from your apartment window. It was your favorite activity to do together.

“My new medication has been making me nauseous and giving me the worst headaches. Doctor said this one wouldn’t do that.” You complain with a huff. Leehan has always been an amazing listener. He always heard you out and never complained about his own problems. Everyone needs someone like him in their life, you think to yourself.

“It must be too strong. Tearing up your body from the inside. Stop taking it, missing one here and there won’t hurt.” He offers.

You sigh and bore a hole into the empty bench across the street. “I know it won’t, but the doctors lectured me when they found out I had started skipping. They were real serious – I hated it. They always try to make me feel like there’s something - something wrong with me.” You say. “How come you haven’t been coming around lately?” You add.

He looks at you and responds, “I don’t know. You just haven’t needed me lately.” He grabs the top of one of your knees and says, “Hot chocolate?”. Smiling, you simultaneously get up to make your way over to the kitchen.

You had known Leehan for what felt like forever. It might have been forever. You must’ve given him your apartment key ages ago, because you don’t even remember doing it. He’s been by your side through thick and thin.

Sometimes you wonder how he hasn’t gotten sick of you yet. He stays until you fall asleep, then quietly lets himself out. Sometimes you’ll wake up and see he’s already come back – like he never left. Sometimes, though, he’ll go MIA. No text or calls back, completely off the map. You’ve learned not to take it personally, and figure he needs his alone time as much as everyone else.

He doesn’t seem to have any other friends, which he doesn’t seem to mind. You don’t have that many friends either. You don’t think your parents like him though. Everytime you brought him up in your formative years you saw their eyebrows furrow, like they were holding something back. You wondered what rubbed them the wrong way about him, he’s never done anything to offend.

Leehan always has your back. He’ll hype you up when you need motivation and comfort you when all you need is a shoulder to cry on. But most importantly, he understands you. He made you realize that it’s okay not to be okay. When the meds fogged up your brain, he helped you work up the courage to stop taking them. When you couldn’t manage to go outside, he kept you company inside. He helped you wash your hair in the sink when getting in the shower seemed like an impossible task. Leehan has and will always be there for you.

Leehan made you think deeper about things. One night, he and you lay in bed together, enveloped in a comfortable silence. He sat up and scooted closer to you. You noticed and diverted your attention to him. He stared at you for a few seconds, then put his hand over your lower left rib cage. "Fear," he said. Confused, you cock your eyebrow but let him continue. He moves his hand up to your heart and makes eye contact with you, "joy." As he moves a little to the left to your sternum he scrunches his face and says "anger." He then trails his hand up to your jaw, lingering on your neck for a few seconds, causing goosebumps to rise on your skin. "Sadness" he says. After this, he retracted his hand all together and let himself fall onto the pillow next to you.

After coming home from a doctor’s appointment in one day, Leehan ran up to greet you. “How did it go?” He asked.

“Not the best.” You respond, setting your bags down on the kitchen counter. He picks up a small paper bag and shakes it. It lets out a rattle. “More pills?” He assumes disapprovingly. You nod your head. 

“What, you’re just going to let them control you like this? You said it yourself, you can’t get anything done on these stupid pills. And the side effects – I can’t bear to see you in pain. They’re not worth it.” He reproaches.

“I know. I agree. But you know it… it gets bad when I’m not on something. I have to keep trying until one of them works.” You counter.

He huffs and puts the bag back on the counter. “Not with this bullshit. Find another solution. Truthfully, I don’t come around that often when you’re on meds because I can’t stand being around someone I don’t know. You change when you’re under their spell.” With that, he storms off.

You’re surprised and a little upset at the very least. He never gets mad at you. The last thing you want is to drive away the only person who’s stuck around. You stand with a hand on the counter for a moment to compose yourself.

When you finally gather up the courage to go speak to him, you find him at the window nook. You stand in front of him and he looks up at you. You start, “I’m sorry. I know it’s annoying and unfair for you to have to keep up with all my mood swings and problems. I’m sorry you have to deal with me at all. That being said, you’re all I have. I’d rather spend time with you than have you not recognize me when I’m taking some medication. I choose you.”

Not knowing what to do after that declaration, you looked to the side sheepishly. Silently, he wrapped his arms around your waist and pressed his head against your stomach, pulling you closer in the process. You wrapped your hands gently around his head, fiddling with his long hair in the process. You loved this. You loved him, and wouldn’t trade him for the world.

A few days and an annoying phone call later, you sigh and leave the comfort of your bed to go find Leehan. You see him on the couch, reading the book he had most recently brought home.

“I just got off the phone with Sophia, you remember I told you about her? My friend from high school.” You start. He nods, and you continue. “She’s asking why she hasn’t met you yet.” He shifts uncomfortably. “What did you tell her?” He asks.

“I just told her because you’re busy and a bit introverted. She doesn’t need to know that you basically live here.” You say, making your way over to the couch and plopping next to him.

“Good, thanks.” He says. “As we both know, I’m not really a people person. Besides you, of course.” He says, face illuminated with a smile. You immediately felt warmth grow in your chest. Seeing him smile felt like winning a prize at an arcade, like the smell of jasmine. You never wanted to lose him.

One night, it got particularly bad. You had been up for at least 24 hours, full of energy. You paced back and forth behind the couch where Leehan was sitting, thoughts racing 100mph. Leehan notices how antsy you are, and intervenes, “What’s wrong?”

Heart pounding, you try to respond. “I don’t know, I just, I feel so helpless. I have so many ideas but I’m too useless to do any of them. Why don’t I always have this sort of motivation? It’s burning inside of me.” You grab a fistful of your oversized shirt and pull it out and in to fan yourself lightly.

“Do you want some water? I can grab you a glass.” He asks, feet already moving towards the fridge.

Unable to properly respond, you just let your feet guide you over to the kitchen. Bouncing on the balls of your feet, you decide that you need to shower instead. “Shower!” You yell over your shoulder, already halfway to the bathroom by the time Leehan registers where you’re going.

The shower is refreshing, but mid-shampoo, the buzzing feeling in your heart seems to shift. It feels heavier, uglier. You slowly drop your hands, letting them swing to a still at your sides. You don’t feel so good anymore, about anything. Everything felt a horrible shade of brownish green and the taste of lemon lime gatorade.

20 minutes pass, and Leehan decides to check up on you. With a soft knock on the door, he says, “Hey, you alright in there?”. Ear pressed against the door but still not hearing any response but the running water, he knocks again, calling your name.

Now it’s his turn to pace. Finally deciding, he turns back towards the door and says a bit louder this time, “I’m coming in!” Hand shaking a bit, he grabs the door handle firmly and opens it.

When he gets inside he sees you curled up on the floor of the shower. He grabs a towel and rushes to open the door. You don’t seem to mind – or even fully acknowledge his presence. He tries his best to wrap you in the towel and slumps on the wet ground next to you. The last thing he’s worried about is his clothes.

He grabs the bottom of his face and guides it to face his own. “Breath, breath. What’s happening?” He asks.

Sobs racking your body and hot tears streaming down your face, you (unsuccessfully) try to pull yourself together. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know why everything is so hard. Why is everything so hard? Why can I not fucking do anything? What’s wrong with me?” You babble.

He quickly pulls you impossibly closer to him, legs clanging against each other and your head on his chest, his chin resting atop it. He tries his best to sooth you, hands stroking your wet hair.

“You’ll get through this. I won’t leave until you do. I promise.” He says assuringly.

All you could do was sob into his chest for what felt like hours.

He didn’t leave.

You slept for most of the day, woken only by the ring of your phone. You both woke up in a haze, stiff from sleeping upright on the bathroom floor. You reach to the counter to grab your phone. It’s Sophia. You call her back.

“Hey! Where have you been?” Her voice stings your ear. “I, uh, I slept in.” You reply. “Until 4pm? God, okay, well, have you read any of my texts? I’m in the neighborhood so I thought I’d stop by. I’ll be there in 5.” She says all at once. “Okay, I – okay. See you then.” Instead of arguing, you decide you’d use the few minutes to make yourself look presentable.

Once you hang up, you tell Leehan about Sophia. “She’s coming over in a few minutes. I didn’t really have a choice, believe me.” You say, going to your room to get changed.

When she arrives, you let her in with a fake smile. She wraps you in a half-returned hug. “Didn’t you say you just woke up? You look exhausted.” She says with a grimace.

Did she come here just to insult me? You wonder, annoyed by her blunt comment. Brushing it off, you retort, “I didn’t sleep very well to be honest. Can I get you anything to drink?”

After a somewhat pleasant visit surrounding small talk of where Sophia’s moved since high school and what your lives have been like the past few years, it seems like she’s finally finished with her stop by. Walking to the door, Sophia quips, “You know, I was sure I was going to catch that Leehan boy here. You always mention him but never offer to introduce us. Is he really that shy?”

Thinking that this might be the right time for Leehan to meet someone else from your life, meaningful or not, you respond. “Actually he is here! Let me go get him. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” As you go to find him, she mumbles under her breath. “He’s here and he didn’t even come out? How rude. I don’t know why she hangs around that guy.”

Oddly enough, you search all the rooms in the apartment to no avail. Leehan isn’t there. With a frown on your face, you go back to the entrance of the apartment to try to explain yourself.

“He actually um, he must’ve left while I was changing. He really is that shy.” You say with a light chuckle, in an attempt to make the situation less weird.

Sophia nervously laughs. “Okay, okay. Maybe another time then. Also, are you taking your meds?”

Your heart jumps at her question. “How… How do you know I’m on meds?” You inquire.

She shifts her weight a bit with a pause, looking as if she’s carefully choosing her words. “I bumped into your parents recently when visiting home and, you know how your mom is…” She says.

A sting of betrayal sparks in your heart. “Did she ask you to ask me about the meds? Does she not think I’m taking them? Actually no, I’m not going to discuss this with you.” You extend your arm past her to open the door, insinuating that she needs to take her leave.

All of a sudden, Sophia grabs your shoulder. “Please, your mom is worried about you. Both of them are. I am. Can you just take your medication for us?” You screw your face up at her sudden request.

“Sophia, I’m really fine. I can manage without them. They don’t make me feel good, do you understand? Plus, I have Leehan-” You begin to express, being cut off abruptly.

“That’s just it though! You’re not! You sleep all day, don’t respond for days, and your only friend is someone no one else has ever met! You’re not fine! There is something wrong and you are scaring us.” She outbursts.

You’re in shock for a moment. “You don’t care about me. You never did. You’re just a henchman for my parents.” You shake her hand off your shoulder and it falls back to her side, defeated. The look in her eye turns from concerned to blank. Her fallen hand goes to clutch the strap of her bag. “Okay. Good luck then.” She says, turning and opening the door in one motion. She leaves without another word.

Even though you didn’t appreciate Sophia’s visit, it held a little more weight to know that your parents were involved. They were concerned, scared for you?

That evening, you thought about this standing by the kitchen counter with the new medication in front of you. 

All of a sudden, Leehan walks in. He sees you and walks over to you, patting your head like a puppy. You beam up at him, the first time you’ve smiled all day. “How are you feeling?” He says, taking off his jacket and draping it over the closest chair. “Utterly and completely exhausted.” You respond honestly.

You turn to face him directly. “Hey, I think I might give this new medication a chance.” You say. His eyebrows knit almost immediately. “After everything they’ve done to you so far? Really? They practically make you a zombie.” He says.

You move to grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it halfway with water. “Yes, after everything. I can’t afford to go through last night over and over again. I can’t handle it.” You say.

He goes silent. Too silent. “What are you thinking?” You ask. It takes him a few heartbeats to respond, but when he does, you wish you never asked.

“How do you think I feel?” “What?” “How do you think I feel? I’m by your side through all of this. You don’t think I’m sick of it too? This is just as much my battle as it is yours. You… you couldn’t do any of it without me. You need me. These pills, they just make you some brainless loser. Those ideas and dreams you have sometimes? You won’t be able to achieve any of them on those damn pills, I can guarantee you that.” He says.

Your jaw tightens at the shocking and harsh comments he just made. It turns to anger in your heart. “What, are you trying to control me too? Is that it? If you feel so burdened by me then why don’t you go and leave me too? You are by no means obligated to stay here with some brainless loser.” You angrily swipe the pill bottle from the counter and shake out a pill. You toss it in your mouth without and drink from your glass without hesitation, looking him in the eye while you do it. You felt like you could see his resolve break through his eyes, and your jaw tightened with sadness again.

You left for your room. You got in bed and immediately burst out in tears. You left the door open, though. With Leehan, an open door meant the other could come in, even if you weren’t in the best of moods.

After a minute, Leehan slinked in. He silently climbed into bed with you. Instinctively, you put your head against his chest and continued to cry. What you didn’t expect was for him to start shuddering. You open your eyes to see tears coming out of Leehan’s eyes. The look on his face brought you so much anguish. His shade wilted to a dull ash and it broke your heart.

You sit up and try to wrap your hands around him for once. Still crying, he says, “I just… I don’t want to lose what I have. Don’t let them take you away from me. Please. I need you in my life. I can’t live without you. Please let me stay.”

You hold him close until you both fall asleep, just like he’s done for you time after time. When you wake, you see that Leehan has already woken up. After you fully wake up, you return to your room. You sit on the window nook, legs to your chest to make room for Leehan out of habit. He’ll turn up soon, you think to yourself.

He never does.

hi guys! this is unedited so i apologize for any mistakes :,) wrote it in the spur of the moment, i hope u enjoy! also i realized how little works there are for the bonedo community to i'm officially joining the forces 🫡

You had been passing the time by distracting yourself with your classes and friends. Nothing felt the same without him, though. The blueberry lattes you both would share from your favorite cafe turned bitter, and his side of the bed was always cold.

You hated the way he broke up with you.

He had spent the whole weekend with you acting like he wasn’t going to end things. When he finally did break up with you, he started crying before you did.

His reasoning confused you. He said that he was “too immature” for you and was only weighing you down. He wouldn’t listen to any amount of reassurance from you, he had already convinced himself otherwise.

You tried to put him out of your mind, you really did. But it was hard when he kept texting you. First came the “how are you?” text near midnight 2 days after you broke up. You were crying silently to yourself when your phone lit up, so it was safe to say that you were not happy to see that it was the perpetrator of your tears.

You played along, however. You couldn’t pretend that you didn’t miss him. When he sent you a selfie with the bear plush you had bought him for his last birthday, you hearted the picture.. 

A month ago, he called. You picked up.

He’s called consistently the past 4 Sunday nights. The night he broke up with you. The first time he called, you had half expected him to ask for all the clothes he had left at your apartment back. He didn’t.

It was awkward at first, but became a part of the week you involuntarily looked forward to. You hadn’t just lost a partner when you broke up; you had lost a best friend. Your other best friends would kick you for saying that, but there was something so special about trusting someone with your time, secrets, and body.

Some nights he would ask about your day, listen intently, then tell you about his. Other nights were rougher on your conscience. He would reminisce about your time together, followed by large bouts of silence. It was evident that you both missed each other. These calls made you sad and confused. You’ve tried asking why he broke up with you and if he still misses you, but he continued to say that he didn’t “deserve” to be with you, that he loved you too much to continue to be a burden.

It didn’t matter what kind of night it was, you would always hang up first. His voice would always falter when he bid you farewell. In reality, it terrified him that you might decide one day to not pick up his call - that he might never hear your voice again.

“Goodnight, sweet dreams my love.” He never dropped the pet names, which gave you mixed emotions. On one hand, it tore you apart. On the other hand, you were glad he never stopped.

His texts became more and more blunt the more you opened up again over the phone. When you texted him that the blueberry latte didn’t taste the same anymore, he responded, “I know”.

Last week’s call was interesting to say the least. When he asked you about your day, he wasn’t as responsive as he usually was. When you finished, the other end of the line was silent. “Gyu?” you said softly. “Keep… keep talking” he said breathily. So you told him the nuances of your day like you used to when the two of you were dating.

When you had nothing more to say, you asked him how his day went. He didn’t answer your question.

“Have you slept with anyone since we broke up?” He asks.

You’re silent for a moment. You couldn't bring yourself to be intimate with anyone since you broke up. Your friends tried to get you out there. You tried.

“No.” You confess.

He sighs, seemingly in relief. “Good. I haven’t either.”

Shaky breaths came through the mic. “Gyu? Are you okay?” You ask. Your mind immediately goes to what he could be doing, but you dismiss it. He couldn’t be.

But he was.

Cover blown, he lets out a light moan. “I miss you… so much.” He says with a half whine.

You don’t know how to react to your ex shamelessly touching himself while on the phone with you.

“I miss you too Beomgyu… so much.” You say after a pause.

“Do you really? Say it again for me. Please” He whimpers.

Weirdly, you wanted to let him have this. You enjoyed this.

“I do. I miss coming home to you, miss your embrace, miss you in bed next to me…” You tell him. You weren’t lying.

His breaths get shallower, and his speech labored. “God I need you… can’t do anything without you, f-fuck… nothing without you.” He rambles.

You feel something stir in your core, but you don’t let yourself act on it. This was wrong.

“Wanna hear your voice…” he pleads with you.

You inhale deeply. “I miss the way your breath feels on my skin, the way your tongue feels in my mouth… I miss the way you feel inside of me. I miss the way you make me feel. I miss you.”

With that, he let out a strangled moan, then went quiet.

“Thank you, my love.” He said gently.

“Goodnight, Gyu.” With that, you hung up. Needless to say, you had trouble sleeping that night.

It was Sunday night again, a week after the incident. You had just gotten back from an exhausting dinner with your friends. Almost its entirety was spent lecturing you on how you should cut contact with Beomgyu, how foolish you were for letting him back into your life.

“I don’t know why you respond to his texts, let alone his calls… if he loves and misses you so much, why did he break up with you? I don’t get it. Either way, letting him weasel himself back into the picture is dangerous. You don’t want him back, right?” Your friend advises.

What your friends don’t know is that you do want him back. So desperately. He sends mixed signals - leaving you sad and confused - but that doesn’t mean you love him any less.

His call couldn’t have come any sooner.

“Gyu.” You say rawly.

He says your name back, voice hoarse as if he hadn’t spoken all day. He speaks again.

“I… I miss you.”

You sigh even though you knew he would say something like this. You stay silent.

“Do you miss me too?” He asks apprehensively.

“I… I do. I miss you, Gyu. But listen, we… I can’t keep doing this.” You respond.

After a few heartbeats, he speaks up.

“I know, I know we need to stop. That this is wrong. But… I need to see you. Please. One last time. Come over.”

You’re silent for more than a few heartbeats. You contemplate for a minute. For the sake of self-preservation, your brain was yelling at you to deny his request, hang up on him, and block his number. The ugly truth was that you needed him just as much as he needed you.

“Now?”

He was quick to respond. “Yes, god, any time. I would let you in at any hour of any day”

You look over at the clock. It reads 11:13pm.

“Ok… ok. See you soon.” You think out loud. You hang up and slink out of bed. I’m definitely not telling my friends about this, you think to yourself.

20 minutes pass and you’re approaching his apartment unit. You knock softly, knowing that he was probably waiting nearby the door. He always was like a puppy dog.

As you expected, he opened the door almost immediately. You both were silent for a moment, laying eyes on each other for the first time in 2 months.

He had baggy eyes and puffy lips. He was wearing the plaid pajama pants you got him last Christmas. You’re sure you look like you’re in bad shape, but that doesn’t matter. You’re not here to look pretty for him.

He outstretches his arms to wrap you in them and you walk forward, letting it happen. You stand at his doorway for a moment, holding onto each other. When you pull away, he looks at you in the eye. Suddenly realizing how bad this idea probably was, your eyes dart to the side, breaking contact.

He senses your unease. “Want… want to sit? To talk?” He asks. You shrug. He’s the one who asked you to come over in the first place. He leads you to the couch with a light hand on your back.

When you’re both sitting, it’s silent for a moment. You decide to ask the question you’ve been agonizing over for the past 2 months.

“Why did you break up with me Beomgyu? I know why, but why couldn’t we have worked through it together?”

He stares at his feet as he responds. “I told you. I was a burden to you already, I wasn’t going to burden you with my problems.”

“Gyu, you’re the only one who thinks that. Please stop being so hard on yourself.” You counter. 

“You’re better off without me.” He mumbles. This makes a spark of anger light up inside of you. It’s so ironic considering the fact that he is making it impossible to move on.

“Then why won’t you leave me alone?” You ask, voicing your thoughts and raising your voice slightly, making him raise his head to meet your eyes.

Surprisingly, he responds with equal fervor. “Because I need you! I need you like-like air. I can’t stay away from you.”

“Why are you pushing me away then?” You say, softer this time.

He responds candidly, “I don’t want you to see my shortcomings. I don’t want you around when all I’m going to do is be a loser. You deserve more than that. More than me.” he continues. “But I don't want you to move on, to stop loving me. I’m… I’m fucked up. I’m sorry.”

He has tears welling up in his eyes at this point. The both of you do. Your eyes meet with his and you search them like they hold all of the answers.

Suddenly he leans forward and you let him. His lips ghost yours, noses touching. After what felt like eternity, he pressed his lips against yours tentatively. He swiped your bottom lip with his tongue, asking for entrance. You let him in, letting him explore your mouth.

After a few minutes of teeth clashing and knees bumping, he breaks away and stands up. He extends his hand out to you. Looking up at him, you take it. You would let him lead you anywhere.

You trail behind him to the bedroom. Your thoughts are racing. This is wrong. I missed him so much. We shouldn’t be doing this. I just want to feel his touch again.

He climbed onto the bed, releasing your hand and beckoning you over. He sits in front of you, spreading your legs to get closer to you. Your lips find each other again.

He pulls away from you, begrudgingly so, and backs up enough to grab your pants by the waistline and pull them off of you. He slotted himself between your legs and sunk his head down like he had so many times before.

You can feel his breath against your core as he presses light kisses in the innermost parts of your thighs. He finally starts by pressing his tongue flat against you, licking a strip up to your now throbbing clit. His spit mingles with your juices as he eats you out. Your mind drifts to all the times he ate you out, how he destressed you instantly and turned your bad day on its head. He always knew how to take care of you. His soft grip on the plush of your thighs tightens lightly as you start to squirm around.

Your thoughts melt away as Beomgyu continues to work in between your legs. Your stomach begins leaping with anticipation, and you know you’re getting close. Your hands search for something to hold. One finds the sheets, crumpling up as much of it as you could into your balled fist, and the other reaches down to grab a handful of his hair.

He knows you’re close. Your legs start jolting and you let out breathy moans. He slows down and retreats from your now soaked cunt. He wipes his chin lazily with the sleeve of his shirt, sitting up. He starts tracing circles on your thigh, suddenly acting sheepish. You push yourself up onto your elbows.

“What is it?” You ask, having your high stolen from you just moments ago.

“I want… I want you.” He says quietly.

“You can have me. You can have all of me, Gyu.” You say, letting yourself collapse back onto the bed.

You feel the bed rise then sink again as he takes off his pants. Staring at his ceiling you realize that coming to bed with your ex wasn’t the best idea. It was a lie to say that he didn’t always have you, though. That you ever stopped being his.

With that, Beomgyu climbs up alongside you, encaging your body under his. You had just given him the world. He wastes no time aligning himself with you and slowly sliding in, filling you up with a slight burn.

As he thrust in and out of you, he craned his neck down so his lips could meet yours. Lightly you tasted yourself in his mouth, yet it mattered not because in this moment he was you and you were him.

When his lips weren’t desperately on yours, they were buried into the crook of your neck. “I missed this so fucking much… I missed you” he panted. His voice was muffled yet his words were perfectly clear.

After a bit you could feel your release approaching. Your orgasm that had been pent up for the past two months. You finally reach it, Beomgyu fucking you through your high. Your release was bittersweet.

His thrusts became less coordinated and shallower. He always was vocal, though the whines and whimpers were amplified due to the lack of physical intimacy for the past 2 months.

“God, fuck… feels so good… I hope this feeling is the last thing I feel on Earth.”

As he reaches his release, he presses his forehead against yours, hot breath against your face. Routinely so, as it were. He always did like to be close to you as he came.

He pulled out of you and slumped down at your side. He quickly snaked his arm around your waist and pulled you close to him.

Hazily, he says, “I just want you in my arms tonight. Please. Don’t go. Don’t leave me.”

Your boyfriend sat next to you on his childhood bed, hand in the air clicking through channels on the tv in front of the two of you aimlessly.

"There's nothing good on. Nothing good to do in this house." Beomgyu said dully.

"I'm sure there's something fun we can find to do around here." You reply.

"I'm not sure about that. Any weed I have hidden in my drawers is long dried up. My mom is right down the hall anyways, there's not much fun to be had." He says, followed by a deep sigh.

The pair of you were visiting his hometown for the holidays. His mother liked to turn in early - albeit unusually early, so the two of you were left to your own devices for the rest of the night.

You look over to the digital clock on the nightstand next to you. It read 8:09pm.

When you turned your head back, he was already looking at you.

"What?" You ask.

He shoots you one of his signature smirks. "If I had a pretty girl like you in my bed when I was a teenager I'd probably be hard right now."

You slapped his shoulder and he started chuckling. "God Beomgyu! Is that all you think about?" You say, jokingly disgusted. His brazenness gets you every time.

"What, I'm not kidding! It's even hard for me not to get turned on right now..." He says in defense. You don't fail to notice how he shifts slightly in his pants.

You continue to play into it. "God, my boyfriend is a pervert that wants to get with a girl in his childhood bed to fulfill his teenage dreams." You say, waiting for his laugh to come.

It didn’t.

"Would you?" He asks at a voice you had to strain to hear.

You whip your head over at him. The circumstances aren't the best, but denying Beomgyu was an even harder task. One glance downwards and you could see him already pitching a tent in his sweatpants. You flick your eyes back up and he's looking at you hopefully.

You answer by moving to sit on his lap. You could feel his length perfectly, though it was separated from your core with your clothing. Once you're centered on him, he wastes no time pressing his lips onto yours, holding the back your head and pushing you impossibly closer to him.

Lips clashing together, you run your fingers through his hair, then make your way down to his neck. You trace it down all the way to the curve of his collarbone.

You feel him grin into your mouth, then he pulls away.

"Baby... I really need you. Any part of you." He says breathily.

You remember where you are in that moment, and worry about the creakiness of the bed. You decide to slip down and rest in between his now spread legs.

He lifts himself and pulls his boxers & sweatpants down far enough for his length to spring up and slap against his stomach. It reached his mid-thigh, and was thick. No matter how many times you've taken him in your mouth, it's always been a struggle.

You see glistening beads of precum on the tip and spread it down his length, pumping lazily. He puts his arm behind his head and he props himself up against the pillows.

You lick from the base to the tip, peppering it with kisses when you get there. He gently gathers your hair in a make-shift ponytail above your head.

Finally, you start taking his length in, and he guides your head down slowly. When you take all you can fit, you still for a moment. Taking in half of him is a feat.

You bob your head up and down on his cock, taking in as much as you can each time. You use your hand for whatever you can't reach.

After a few minutes, he's grown even harder in your mouth. "Do you think you can take some more?" He asks shakily.

You hum in approval around his length, the vibration making him grip the sheets lightly. He uses a hand to guide your head down further than your own head would let you go.

You deepthroat him, nose tickling his trimmed pubic hair. You pull up, go down, still, and repeat.

Tears are brimming in your eyes as you fight for air. You can tell Beomgyu is close, because his soft grip on your hair has become tight, and he has taken to fucking your mouth.

Your throat rejected one particular thrust and you gagged around his cock.

"Shhh baby, try not to make a sound, this my mama's house." He says in a strained whisper.

You try your best to continue to let him use your throat, even though the tears have well escaped your eyes and run down your cheeks.

"I'm... I'm gonna c-cum... Take it?" He says in whiny intervals.

You once again hum in approval, vibration pushing him over the edge. He shoots his load down your throat. When you pull off of him, he meets your gaze. "You're beautiful," he admits.

You scoff at him, knowing fully well that your hair is a mess and you have tear-stained cheeks.

He pulls his pants up as you sit up. You lay your head against his chest, listening to his pounding heart return to a normal pace.

"If you would've told teenage Beomgyu that I was going to have a smoking hot partner giving me head in this bed I would've freaked." He quipped.

You chuckle against his chest. "Shut up."

"I'll be home late tonight, I'm still in the studio with Han and Chan."

You sigh as you place your phone down on the kitchen counter in your shared apartment. You had gotten enough dinner ingredients out for two people, but begrudgingly went to put away his half. You knew you should be happy that creativity is flowing in the studio, but they've been making a new album and the late nights without Changbin have felt like eternity.

After finishing your dinner alone, you open your phone to ask Changbin when he will be home. 

“Probably not until after midnight. Don’t wait up, go to bed when you’re tired, but don’t get too comfortable without me. Sorry :(“

You flick your eyes up to the corner of your phone, which reads 10:23pm. You frown at your phone for a bit, before deciding to actually do something about it. You grab your keys and head to the studio unannounced.

You enter the JYP building and wait for the elevator. While you do, a figure appears beside you. You see Chan in your peripheral vision holding a plastic bag.

“Chan! How are you?” You turn and ask. 

“I’m good, thanks. How are you? Are you here to visit Changbin?” He replies.

As the elevator door opens, you both walk in, and you continue, “I’m great, thanks. Yeah, I came in because Changbin said you guys would be working late and to be honest it’s a little boring at home without him. I promise I won’t get in your way.”

“No, no! You never get in our way. Whenever you come around Changbin actually works better. It’s a pleasure to have you here.” He says as he smiles brightly at you as the elevator door dings open and swiftly walks out.

When Chan opens the door for you two, you see Han laying down on the couch and Changbin sitting in the empty spot next to him, staring intensely at a piece of paper, not bothering to look up. He looked frustrated.

“Did you get the cheesecake I asked for?” Han asked as he shot up at the bag in Chan’s hand.

Chan lifted the arm with the bag, “Yes, you’re lucky they were still open. We have to eat in the cafe though, I don’t want anyone to make a mess in our studio.” He waves Han to come outside with him.

“Oh, hi!” Han says as he squeezes past you through the door frame, shutting the door behind him.

At that, Changbin looks up. His frame softens. “You’re here?” He says as he lightly beckons you over. You walk across the room and stand in front of him. He silently wraps his arms around your waist, and you stay there for a moment, with your hands draping over his shoulder blades.

“I missed you.” He mumbles from somewhere below you.

You run your fingers through his hair and respond, “I missed you too”, smiling to yourself.

He lets go of you and looks up. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you here?”

You break his gaze and start knocking your knee against his.

You begin, “I missed your company, it was boring in the house without you.”

“Come here and say that.” He says as he taps his thigh twice, smirking out of the side of his mouth.

You follow his orders and lower yourself onto his lap.

“Good girl, look at you doing as I say. Now go on, continue. What else?” He says, staring into your eyes.

“Well,” you start, suddenly nervous, “Since you weren’t home, I didn’t really know what to do… and I don’t mean to bother you at work, but-” You stop as you feel him lightly grab your thigh through your pants. You now understand what type of visit this would be.

He uses your silence to lead the conversation. “What would we have done if I were home?”

You take a second to think. Your eyes begin to wander, but his are on you the whole time. Intrusive thoughts of the night before flood into your head.

His tongue lapped at your folds as his hands held your thighs open. Your hands desperately wanting to tug on his locks of hair, but unable to due to the restraint of his belt being wrapped around your wrists.

This all happens in a matter of seconds, but you feel yourself grow wet on top of him. You hope he doesn’t notice.

You finally begin to answer his question. “Well… I would make dinner for us… then we would watch that show we started last week… then… I don’t know.” You clearly begin to get antsy.

He leans back and continues to toy with you. “No idea at all? Let me give you a hint: what usually happens when we’re around each other?”

You hesitantly continue, “Well… we usually have sex.” He smiles, and you know that’s what he was expecting you to say.

He gets even more comfortable in his seat. “Exactly. I come home, you’re all needy, and I have to take care of my pretty girl.” He pulls you closer to him by your hips. “Is that what you came here for? You couldn’t wait?”

You frantically try to defend yourself. “No! I promise I just wanted to see you.” You don’t sound convincing - to the point where you’re not convinced that’s even the truth anymore.

He pushes it, “So if I tell you to ride my thigh right now you wouldn’t? Because that’s not what you’re here for, right?”

You stay silent. He takes that silence as a green light to move forward.

He guides your hands onto his shoulders, and moves one leg from under you out to the side. You wiggle around until you’re comfortably balanced on him. You then slowly start moving yourself up and down the expanse of his thigh, mentally wincing at the feeling of your clothed crotch rubbing against his rough pant material. In a few moments, the feeling of friction began to feel nice. Every once in a while he’ll tense up his thigh and you’ll whimper at the added friction. “‘Bin, please…”

He doesn’t know where to put his hands. They travel from your hips to your ass and back. “Does it feel good baby? Do I feel good?” He taunts.

You can’t take it anymore, and you’re nearing your high. You answer him by smashing your lips against his. You kiss him sloppily, rushed even, like he was going to disappear into thin air once you pull away.

With your escalated grinding, and his firm grip pulling you down on his thigh - creating even more friction - you unravel. You finally let go of the knot in your stomach and continue to ride out your high, rocking less and less each time until you finally stilled on top of him. You scoot forward to be able to wrap your arms around his neck and slump your head against his collarbone.

After a few moments, Changbin is the one to speak first. “Is my baby too tired? Can you do it for me again before the boys get back?” He asks, “Because there’s a little problem.”

Before you could question what it was, he gently pushed his hips up and you immediately realized what the problem was. He was hard.

You shake your head and pull yourself away from him to look up at his face. He smiles and kisses you softly. He slithers his arms around your waist and holds you tight. You’re confused by this, until you feel him stand up, bringing you with him. You instinctively wrap your legs around his waist. He kisses you again then lets you down. He goes back in, lips colliding with yours as guides you to the armrest of the couch.

“Now is my baby going to do as I say again?” He says, making eye contact intense enough to make anyone break. You nod and he follows up with, “Then bend over and let me fuck you.”

Your eyes go wide at his brazenness. Not wanting to waste any time, however, you quickly lower yourself over the side of the couch into a somewhat-comfortable position.

He leans forward and traps your body under his. Nipping at your neck, you feel him unzip your pants. Once he’s satisfied with his new work of art on your neck, he pulls your pants and panties down to hang off your ankle in one swoop.

You then hear another zipper - his - followed by the light rustling of clothes and you start squirming slightly in anticipation. He steps forward and stills you with one hand, the other rubbing the swell of your ass. He spreads one of your cheeks, and retracts his other hand so he can start rubbing himself up and down your folds, allowing his member to get covered in your juices.

He finally sticks his tip in, giving you a split second to adjust before pushing the rest in. Already wet from the first time you came, he had no resistance. You let out a moan into the cushion of the couch at the sudden fullness. 

He simultaneously let out a groan. As much as he liked watching your pretty face contort from the feeling of him filling you up, he also loved watching himself slipping in and out of your insatiable pussy.

He sets a steady pace, fucking into you ruthlessly while occasionally placing slaps on your ass, enjoying the light whimpers that you released upon impact.

You feel yourself getting close, and you involuntarily clench. He lets out a guttural “fuuuck”, and you feel him lean forward again onto your back. He hooks his chin into the crook of your neck. You can feel his hot breath against your cheek as he starts to speak at just above a whisper.

At this point he’s gripping onto your love handles so tightly you’re sure his fingertips are white.

“Missed me so much you had to come pay me a studio visit, huh? Making me use you while the guys are out… you don’t want them to walk in and see you like this, do you?”

His dirty talk paired with his balls slapping against your clit sends you over the edge. “God…” you let out breathily.

“God? Close, but darling, Changbin works just fine.” You can hear him scoff behind you, but you know he’s close too from the way his thrusts are becoming sloppy.

As you reach your high, he pounds through it, chasing his own. Once you’ve ridden yours out, you wince slightly at the overstimulation. He cums moments after you, letting out a broken moan in the process.

Before any of his cum could leak out of you, he positioned your panties and pants onto your other ankle and pulled them up. “None of the boys need to know that I just filled you up, okay babe? Just go home and clean yourself up for me, I’ll be there before you know it.”

You push yourself up off the couch with your arms, albeit feeling like jelly. Changbin adjusts himself in his pants and you zip up your own when the door swings open.

Han walks in, seeing your unzipped pants and freshly bloomed hickeys on your neck. He freezes in the doorway. “What are you doing, man, move.” Chan says, pushing past him. He didn’t piece together what had just happened like Han clearly had. Chan took his seat in front of the mixing boards where he left his laptop and began working.

Han, however, continued to eye the two of you up. In order to save you from any further embarrassment, Changbin decided to send you off. “I’ll see you at home, love.” He says, planting a kiss on your cheek. Ironic how he could be so sweet like he didn’t just crack you open with his dick moments before.

You give Han a half smile as you walk by him. On your way out, you hear Changbin say “Not there.” You spin your head around just in time to see Han jump up from the couch cushion you were just being pounded into. “Jesus man…” He says to Changbin with a chuckle, scratching his head.

You laugh lightly to yourself about the situation and head out.

On your way home, your phone lights up. It was a text from Changbin.