I’ve got exactly a week till I get on a plane and fly 5 hours back for third year. I’m barely halfway into my degree (getting my clinic coat in two weeks, super stoked for that), but already I’m beginning to wonder- what’s next?
People hear often seem a little scandalised when I say outright I have the intention of working abroad, maybe even permanently relocating. The funny thing is, the more time I spend away from the place I grew up in, the easier it is to see myself being someplace else. Ask anyone, and their definition of home varies. I haven’t quite figured out what my personal definition of “home” is, though I firmly believe it’s a lot more than four walls and a roof. The thing is, I feel comfortable in solitude, with only my own thoughts for company, just as much as I feel at home spending time with family and friends, albeit for short periods of time. I haven’t ever had the foresight to set goals, much less plan for what comes after the completion of my degree.
A conversation I had with an ex-classmate a couple of days ago left me fumbling, unable to articulate what exactly it was about Singapore (and its people) that I didn’t like. I concede it is a safe haven, but more and more these days, I find it harder to relate to my friends here, because of how different our experiences are, and how different the paths our lives have taken are. Physical distance is one thing, but this thing about not having anything in common makes you feel a little alienated at times. On the flipside though, is the undeniable fact that even if you do migrate to a place you could see yourself building a life, you’re forever going to be caught in between, calling a place your home, but yet, never really fitting in.
I wonder if someday I’ll look back at this period of confusion and laugh, when I’ve my shit altogether and found a direction to run in. Maybe someday. But that day sure as hell isn’t anytime soon.
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