The funny thing about a break up is that you never know what's going to catch you off guard. For me, today, it was a bed. I've been having a hard time sleeping and was waking up in excruciating almost paralyzing pain in my back because of an old injury. I started a new job and my already hectic schedule got even crazier. With having to get by on 2 3-4hour naps each day instead of a solid nights sleep I have to make that little amount of time count. To remedy this I decided to splurge on a new mattress. Found one that I loved, bought it and scheduled it for delivery. As they were taking the old mattress away I teared up and as soon as they were gone the waterworks came. Yes that old mattress was uncomfortable but it was what I could afford when we moved in together. It was the first bed and only bed that was OURS. It was going to be what we came home to on our wedding night. I planned to get all the mattress pads and luxury sheets I could to make that mattress our retreat, a safe haven where we could cuddle up and relax. I didn't realize how much an uncomfortable mattress that caused me pain could mean to me. My heart told me to stop them. It screamed at me, "don't take that away!" But for once I listened to my head instead. It reminded me of the pain I keep waking up in and how it miserable it was making my life. This was the first time I let myself weep for you, for us, for what almost was but will never be. I have to let you go so I can take care of me. In a way that mattress was like our relationship ... It wasn't giving us what we need. Yes love was there but we weren't taking care of ourselves or each other and it was paralyzing and kept us from growing as people or as a couple. As much as I hate to say it, because all I want at this point is to be over you and move on with my life, I will probably always love you. Even if, like now, I really, REALLY don't want to.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
