may

                 I’ll cry if you yell at me

"come here" I command, my voice a low. "you know the routine. If you’re feeling unwell, I need to check what’s wrong. I can't have you neglecting your health can I?" I take your hand and guide you to the bed. “lay down” i say as I reach for the box on the side table. the snap of the black latex gloves as I pull them on is loud in the silence. I see your knees weaken just at the sound "let me find out what's bothering you" I unbutton your shirt, not taking it off completely. my gaze cold and analytical as you shiver. I pull the stethoscope around my neck and press the bell to your chest.

"deep breath" i say while my eyes are tracking the way your thighs are already beginning to tremble. "your heart is racing sweetheart” I place a hand on your forehead. “that’s a very high fever for a girl who claims she just has a headache. let’s see where else the inflammation has spread" I move my gloved hand down, the latex dragging slowly over your stomach, then lower. I part your legs with firm pressure. you’re already glistening.

"oh…I see" I say my voice filled with fake sympathy. pretending to be surprised. "is this what’s been bothering you? what a mess" I slowly slide a finger inside, watching your back arch off the mattress.

"does it hurt here?" I ask my voice clinical as I press a little deeper. "or is it here?"

I find the spot. the heavy, swollen curve and I hook my finger inside you firmly. your entire body spasms, a broken needy sound escaping your throat "there it is" I smirk leaning in close so I can hear your heart rate through the earpiece. "It’s so sensitive, isn’t it? soaked and swollen just for me. don't worry...I’m going to be very thorough. I’m going to stay right here until I’ve drained every drop of this fever out of you". listening to your heart, pushing my fingers in and out at the same rhythm as your heart beats.

-the idea that women are less capable of abuse than men is an extension of the idea that women are weaker than men.

-the refusal to acknowledge men's mental health and emotions as valid things worthy of support comes from the idea that emotions are inherently feminine in nature and having them is, again, a sign of weakness.

-the treatment of men as generic and expendable and women as special contributes to the idea that women should have less representation because we already "have enough" and "don't need more" and we gotta "even the playing field" or some dumb shit, so any need or want for more attention, regardless of reason, is attributed to "pointless attention-seeking".

-all of this puts trans men in an even more uncomfortable position, because either they're made an exception (because they ~aren't really men~ you see) or they're viewed as self-hating misogynists because why else would you "choose" to be the Trash Gender (tm)?

-the idea that men are inherently terrible only serves to excuse men for being terrible. because, hey, they can't help it, so why bother trying, right? part of holding men accountable for their awful actions is believing they can in fact be better.

-the reason "not all men" is so frustrating to hear is because it's often used in poor faith to derail much needed conversations about toxic masculinity and how it manifests, not because the phrase itself is untrue.

-continuing from the trans men thing, misandry can and does make it harder for trans men to come out, for fear of the aforementioned responses.