Archer

i can feel my legs getting heavier every day

and so every night i take a shot of apple cider vinegar and lemon juice, drink a chamomile and peppermint tea, and take two extra-strength acetaminophen and two extra-strength ibuprofen. i wash it down with half of a stale vodka-diet iced tea. i dissolve twenty miligrams of melatonin under my tongue. i crawl into bed fighting light-headedness and a blaring migrain at 10:30pm, and finally manage to dissociate enough to fall asleep at 1am. in the morning i'll drink the same bland protein smoothie i've had every day for the past month, and walk to the same creek and back. i'll take too much caffeine and put too much effort into a workout. its been too many days since my last rest day. i'll eat the same yogurt and granola, and spend the next 6 hours panicking about dinner and my calorie count for the day. I'll allow myself to eat dinner, but spend too much time in the shower that night. and i'll repeat this.

the way that I'd rather die rhan acknowledge my eating habits>>>