Words She Never Spoke; Things They Never Said

A private tour bus

With 20 passengers on;

Only one can drive.

We agree on the

Direction, back seat driving.

I’ve been through some shit lately. some good, mostly I suppose. Girlfriend in texas did not come up because she’s an adult but her mom quote “won’t let me”. I and a friend have tried to explain to her several times that her mother can physically and mentally not stop her, but it’s up to her and I physically cannot do anything to help because I don’t drive.

I’ve discovered I hate when people tell me they're going to be somewhere or something is going to happen and they keep assuring me that it’s fine and nothing can go wrong and then either they bail and everything goes wrong or everything just goes wrong and they keep telling me it’s still going to work out.

I don’t mind holding her hand and “doing her a good momthering” as I say, but like it’s mentally exhausting. If I don’t do it she’ll drown and I’d really hate to be the death of someone. I know I can’t be responsible for everyone and what they decide to do. It sucks because they only friend she has literally that’s supposed to be supporting her is an argumentative and morally ignorant underwear sniffer that thinks this country is “sunshine and rainbows” in her general opinion.

In other news: A girl I’ve been talking to called me her gf and I love her now cause that’s apparently how this works lmfao! Yes, that exact lesbian moment when she flings the word girlfriend into a sentence and then you’re like “who me? is it me?” and she’s like “yes, nerd, tis you” and you immediately die in lesbian. she’s bought me a total of like, 3 pizzas this year and a very expensive flower arrangement w/ chocolate for the day of birf. She might come down in the next few months to shower me with unending smooches

We’ve got a new job and it rocks! The managers are super nice and supportive, and my coworkers are all pretty nice too. Yesterday was my first day (10/11) and my coworker Adri was showing me how to do the old IBM registers. When she went on her break I swear to gods she looks at me and says “Ok Alice, you’re THE Cashier now” and I turn to my coworker Lupe and say “Did you hear that, she said THE Cashier, not A Cashier, T H E  C A S H I E R!”. I have thus of course, been reveling in it since. In fact I helped a lady today who’s  friend’s girlfriend broke up with her (the friend of the lady not the lady) so she was buying her some sage! SAGE PEOPLE! SAGE! not any plant! S A G E! and she said it was to “just clean all that shit out” and I was like “you know, as a high priestess, I can tell you you always gotta have some sage!” and she laughed!

I’m remembering things I usually do around this time when the chill of fall sweeps in and whisks me away to places I’ve been and things I’ve done. Some of them good, most of them bad. But unlike normal, I think I’m going to try to stay calm and rather than let everything overwhelm me, I want to reflect on them. I never asked for a lot of things, but part of life is living with what is given to you. Not everything is a choice. I love the cold, it’s just that it brings a lot of things and my brain doesn’t agree with how it’s seduced me so. 

I just know, that in December I still have a choice to make and hopefully we find the year has been good to me, but until then, will you Slow Dance with me?

Power of fire consume you

Winds make it still.

Rains wash over thee and,

Earth bid its will;

The seas thrash and tangle below

The skies howl and bellow.

The trees and souls see you there:

Everything as it were;

Everything bare.

Eyes affixed, crossed and narrow

Sing these words cast through you

Deep into the earth, our marrow.

Harrow this song so sweet and vicious;

Make all you know real from what is seen fictitious.

Power of fire consume you

Winds make it still yet slow.

Bare the rain wash over thee

and,

Earth, dear mother, bare this will to grow.

Here’s the “Fever You Can’t Sweat Out” album cover I glitched for a accurate cover for the song by Panic! I just Chipped

Oi @feedyourdeadnametothevoidfish glitch me babes