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no remorse

Colourful Montreal apartment | photos by Marie-Lyne Quirion

i’ve been trying to figure out the right words to say for this post but, really, it doesn’t matter because what can be said that already hasn’t been? i began writing it before the confirmation from sm as something generalized, as a way to tell shawols to lean on each other during this difficult time and that much is going to get obvious as you make your way through to the end. this isn’t going to be eloquent because i’m still in shock. not in denial but shock and i feel like i’ll never be able to properly express what jonghyun not only meant to me but to all shawols and every fan of korean pop. 

jonghyun was a special person. he was kind and compassionate and he always did his best to make sure that those around him were happy, no matter who it was. he wasn’t perfect but he always went out of his way to fix anything he did wrong and he was constantly trying to better himself. he was always growing and learning. he fought for people who do not have as much of a voice in korea like the lgbt community and those in poverty. he dedicated his life to doing good and making shawols and those who loved him happy and proud. he gave so much to us and he never hid that he was struggling. he gave us so much in the last nine years and we can give back to him by keeping his memory intact in the way that he would have wanted us to: by supporting the other members, by supporting those closest to him, by remembering his music and by remembering the time that he spent with shinee. he fought hard and he did well and that’s what i’m going to be left with, despite the massive ache that i feel in my chest. i don’t know what else to write to justify him or how great of a person he was so i’ll leave it at that.

please keep his mother, older sister, jinki, kibum, minho and taemin in your thoughts along with all the other people that he is closest to. this is difficult for us but it’s just as difficult for them. please refrain from leaving anything but caring and supportive messages on their social networking accounts, if you leave any at all. 

as i said in my earlier post: i don’t really know what to say right now. i’m still in shock but i want everyone to know that we’re all in this together. i ask everyone to please take some time for themselves in the midst of all of this. please take care of yourself and those around you - whether it be simply talking to them or hugging them if you’re physically able to. also remember that if you need to take some time away from everything this is nothing wrong with that. you need to keep yours. i’m not going to close or delete this blog. i’m always going to be a fan of shinee. i’m just don’t feel right posting content on here when we’re all going to be in mourning. so, for the time being it’s on indefinite hiatus but it’ll always be around as a archive and as dedication to his life.

jonghyun: is there anyone, from our blue night family, that is crying alone?

not crying of pity, but asking, “why am i living like this?” is there anyone that is feeling uselessly sentimental and guilty? 

don’t be like that. i hope you think those bitter days of crying alone are the most beautiful days of your life. you’ll realize with time that your life is actually, pretty alright. i promise you. i’ll write you a guarantee! 

the most beautiful thing in the world is right now, this moment, you. don’t ever forget.