w o r t h l e s s

tomorrow marks one month since i last saw you. that day we didn’t even have time to say anything to each other, though. so really, add a week to that. but i miss you a lot. i thought i was over you but i’m not. it’s hard not seeing you twice a week anymore. you made me smile and laugh during some of the hardest months of my life. i don’t even think you know but it meant a lot to me. your teasing, your smile, it was so great. i’m ridiculous. i know you have a girlfriend. i know you’re older than me. i was so fine with just being friends. i wish we became closer, though, considering i haven’t talked to you since you quit. but this, not talking, this i’m not okay with. i hope you’re doing well. i hope you were able to find a new job. i hope that maybe, once in a while, i cross your mind.

i’m feeling and wanting to do things that i haven’t even thought of in months. i don’t even know all of what i’m feeling or what’s going on but it hurts, it hurts so bad. i don’t know what to do. i really just want to hurt myself. or die. something. i don’t know what’s going on.

i got my hours back, thank god. working 8 hours a week was pointless and awful.

i've been eating so much over the past few months because of everything going on and it's honestly so disgusting. i'm disgusting.

i've been trying so hard to keep you out of my mind for the past few weeks but tonight you're all i can think about

i thought we had a special connection. i thought you felt it too. maybe not even romantic, just friends. that would have been okay with me. but i guess you didn’t feel the same way. that’s okay. i hope you’re happy. you made the last few months of family drama and stress a lot easier and i am forever grateful for that. for you. i miss you. i hope i can see you again soon.

going to start using this blog again so i don’t bother people on my other one with how i feel. keep in mind that all posts previous to this one are from months and months ago.