He’d changed you himself, gently wiping your makeup off and massaging lotion into your skin, then held you close to him as you caught up on much-needed rest. He wakes up when he feels your body heat leave his side, and groans as he watches with foggy eyes as you disappear into the bathroom. 

“Don’t go to work. Stay here with me,” he begs sweetly when you come back out. You consider it, he can see it on your face, but you ultimately shake your head.

“I can’t, baby. Gotta get this project done, then I’ll be all yours, m’kay?”  He pouts, but it doesn’t last long because you kiss it away and ruffle his already messed up hair. Within minutes, you’re out the door.

Leehan sulks in bed for a little longer, wishing he could make you pay attention to him. It feels like the only time you’re actually looking at him, thinking about him, is when the two of you are intimate with each other. It’s hard to find time in two busy schedules, but during those rare moments, it’s just you and him; the world around the two of you doesn’t exist anymore.

He’s so warm and safe in bed and the only thing that would make it better is if you were here with him, tangled up in the sheets and wasting the day away. He thinks about your soft skin and how sweet it smells, how warm your touch is when he’s lucky enough to be blessed with it, blessed by your gentle eyes and kind words when they’re focused only on him and spoken just for him to hear.

His hand is traveling under his waistband without hesitation, and thoughts of you clutter his mind as he wraps his palm around his length. He tries to mimic the way you squeeze his base and flick your thumb over his slit, tries to imagine it’s your pretty hands touching him this way. It's not long before stars are dancing behind his eyelids and he’s grunting out into the silent room. 

You never want him to cum the first time around, and almost always pull away when he’s on the edge. He’s so used to the denial, to the feeling of his orgasm slipping out of his grasp that it just feels natural when he pulls his hand away from his cock. He sucks in a breath at the way it twitches and sees you, hears you in his imagination, saying, “Good boy, aren’t you so well-trained?”

He chews on the inside of his cheek to distract himself from the burning hot need coursing through his veins, and an idea forms in his head. He knows he shouldn’t, but it should be fine, right? Just a voice message showing you how much he misses you. You wouldn’t get upset with him for that, surely.

He reaches for his phone on the nightstand and opens you guys’ text messages. He spends another four seconds convincing himself this is a good idea. Then he’s grabbing his cock again, pulling all the tricks to put him on the verge of tipping over. When he feels close, he presses the “Record a Message” button beside the text bar.

At first, it’s just shy little moans as he complains about how much he misses you, how much better it would feel if you were here. Then, they turn into desperate, raspy gasps as he pushes himself over the edge. The audio recording sends the second he releases the button, and he can’t unsend it, so he accepts his choices and waits to hear what you have to say.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

The answer is absolutely nothing. You don’t respond to or address the audio recording at all, aside from a smirk and a “Did you have fun today?” that you throw his way when you walk through the front door. 

He continues doing it, messages ranging from more audio recordings to photos of his stomach painted white, and usually you’ll kiss him, ruffle up his hand, call his “little treats” cute, make more promises to help him out when you’ve met your deadline.

He knows your work is important, but although guilt claws at him for it, Leehan still feels a bit hurt that you didn’t take his complaints to heart, just assumed it was another one of his trivial games. 

Leehan can play games, and when you hole yourself up in the bedroom to type away at your laptop, he realizes that he will. He’ll do whatever it takes to get your attention.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

You finally have a day off, and have decided you’d like to spend part of it at the mall looking through new arrivals. Leehan’s not big on shopping, so he just follows you around and occasionally gets distracted by fish merch. 

You’ve stepped away at least four times to take phone calls from your coworkers, and you guys have only been at the mall for an hour and a half. When lunchtime rolls around, you excuse yourself again to answer a call from your boss, leaving Leehan alone to pick at his food in disinterest. 

“Um, hi. Are you busy?” A feminine voice says. The girl has to stand directly in Leehan’s line of sight for him to realize she’s talking to him. When he looks up at her, she smiles shyly and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Can I help you?” 

“No! Well, yes. I…was just wondering if I could have your phone number. I saw you standing alone earlier…” The girl’s voice fades out as Leehan peeps your approaching figure in the distance, and the gears in his head turn with another (probably bad) idea.

“...alone again here in the food court, so I thought I should take the chance.”

Leehan didn’t hear most of what she said, but he can tell when someone’s interested in him, and he can play along.

He flashes the girl a charming smile, dimples and all, and nods along to whatever she’s rambling about. She’s cute enough, and seems like a nice girl, but Leehan’s real focus is entirely on you as you watch the scene. He watches you as best as he can from his peripheral, but never takes his eyes off the girl in front of him. 

“Is that…alright?” She says, looking at Leehan with wide, hopeful eyes. He pretends to consider whatever she asked, and holds a palm out for her to rest her hand in. Her face gets even redder, and he kind of feels bad that he’s using her to get to you.

He’s about to tell her that he’s sorry to disappoint, and that he appreciates it, he really does, but he has a girlfriend. He doesn’t get a chance to say any of that when you come up behind him seemingly out of nowhere and tap him on the shoulder. The girl pulls her hand away from Leehan’s and stands around awkwardly.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You ask. Your arms are crossed and your eyes are locked on his, but not with the love and admiration he’s been longing for. His composure falters when he sees your expression, one that says he’s fucked up more than he knows.

“This girl came up to me and…” He trails off and gestures in the girl’s general direction.

“And?” You ask impatiently, but Leehan doesn’t know how he was going to conclude that sentence. This girl came up to me and I pretended to be interested to get a rise out of you? He has a feeling that’s not going to support his case well. You turn away from him and to the girl behind him, causing him to turn around as well.

“You’ll have to excuse my idiot boyfriend. I’m sorry he wasted your time instead of just telling you he was taken.” The girl nods in understanding and tries to hide her disappointed pout. She accepts your handshake when you offer it and hurries off. 

You shoot Leehan another pissed glare, then dump your remaining food in the trash and walk out of the mall. He considers apologizing to the girl as well, but she’s already out of sight, so he trashes his own food and trails after you with a ball of shame sitting in his throat. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

To be honest, you scare Leehan just a little, especially when he knows you’re angry with him but you’re not talking about it. He’d rather you just chew his head off and get it over with, just tell him how much of an inconsiderate dumbass he is. You don’t, so the guilt manifests and manifests until he feels like he might puke it up.

You lock the front door and hang up your coat, and the first thing you say to him in the last twenty minutes is “Sit.”

Leehan parks his ass on the couch immediately, and waits to hear whatever other command you might give him. He expects you to sit next to him, or on the armchair by the couch or even on his lap. He doesn’t expect you to sit right across from him on the coffee table. At least a minute passes full of you just staring at him, and the silence is killing him. 

“Baby–”

“Shut up,” you say, and his mouth clamps shut. You stare at him for a few more seconds, poking your inner cheek with your tongue in thought. Then, you shake your head and laugh in disbelief. Leehan watches as you cross your arms over your chest, and tries not to flick his eyes down to the way your boobs are being pushed up. He may be sick with horniness and loneliness, but it’s really not the time.

“Why are you acting like this, Leehan?” It takes Leehan a few seconds and a quirk of your eyebrow to realize you’re actually waiting for an answer, that you want him to speak now.

“What do you mean?” That’s his intelligent response. You scoff and roll your eyes.

“Don’t act dense with me. You were flirting with that girl just so I’d see. I know when you’re acting out for attention, and that’s exactly what you’ve been doing this entire week.” Leehan’s embarrassed at being caught so he shakes his head in denial, but it’s nowhere near convincing even to himself.

“No? You didn’t touch yourself and record it for me? Didn’t send me photos of you covered in your own cum? Didn’t flirt with a girl right in my face in a desperate attempt to get my attention?” Leehan’s cheeks burn at the direct confrontation. Hearing his actions out loud brings a fresh wave of shame over him, and he’s so ready to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness.

“Show me.”

Leehan’s eyes fly wide open and he lets out a nervous chuckle. “W-what?”

“You wanted my attention so bad. Now you have it,” you say with a bored expression. Your eyes leave a trail of fire wherever they land on his skin. He has your attention, and has to think of a way to keep it. 

“Go ahead,” you command with a jerk of your head. Your lips are turned down into a frown, and it’s so condescending, like you don’t even want to be here. Leehan needs you to want to be here, and he’s nothing if not a performer. He lifts his hips and tugs his pants down to his thighs. 

You make a noise, something between a hum and a coo, when he pulls his boxers down and his dick springs against his stomach.

“Your little cock is hard, Hannie.” He knows he’s not small, but your words are still humiliating, and still burn the need to impress you across his skin. “Gonna show me how you fucked yourself when you were moaning into your phone?”

Leehan’s hips buck against nothing, causing his member to slap against his stomach again, and his mouth falls open with a groan.

He does as you tell him, wrapping his hand around his cock like he’s been doing every morning for the past week, squeezing his base, flicking his tip, imagining it’s you, wishing it was you, but he doesn’t dare ask. Instead he watches your facial expressions, how your lips curl up into a smirk when he’s close.

“Stop,” you tell him, and he pulls his hand away without question. He would’ve been foolish to not expect the sensation of his orgasm floating farther and farther away from him. He tries to slow his breathing, tries not to lose his mind so early into this session.

“Keep going.” 

He continues his previous pace immediately, and his hips tremble when he tries to stop them from bucking up. His tip is a bit more sensitive when he brushes his thumb across it, and it takes less time for him to get close. 

He strokes a bit faster, moans a bit louder. He has no idea how long you plan to keep him here, but he still anticipates the relief of falling off the edge.

“Let go.”

Leehan pulls his hand away from his cock and clutches the couch instead while willing his legs to stop shaking. He’s helpless to disobey you, but he groans as his orgasm escapes him a second time.

“Hm…I dunno. Something’s not right.” You tap a manicured nail against your chin in thought. He can never understand how you’re so composed in moments like this, like it’s a normal evening. If you’re turned on, you don’t show it, and it makes Leehan flush with shame. “What do you think, baby boy?” 

He huffs out a laugh at the question. How is he supposed to know? But you’re looking at him expectantly, so he scrambles to come up with something. “I mean– Usually I’m, like, in bed, I guess. Thinking about you, imagining you, smelling you…” God, don’t get him started on smelling you. 

You hum thoughtfully and lift off of the table. In seconds, you’re hovering over him, flashing him a devious grin. Your hips are so close to straddling his, and you slap his hand away when it reaches up to touch your waist. You hold yourself up by the back cushions with your arms on either side of his head. He’s trapped, and suddenly, everything else in the room is overshadowed by you.

 “Is that right? You think about all the dirty things you wanna do to me while getting off to the smell of my perfume?”

Of course you’d know his weak spot. You’re so close to him and he thinks he’s going to lose his mind if he doesn’t get to touch you. Your perfume is invading his senses, and flaming hot desire coils in his abdomen. He squeezes his eyes shut to prevent them from rolling into his skull as his hips twitch into the air.

“Touch yourself, Hannie,” you say sweetly.

He takes a deep breath and grabs his cock again. He’s known to leak like a faucet, especially after meeting you, and his hand is covered in sticky white within the first few seconds of stroking himself.

He knows there’s raspy noises falling from his open mouth, but he can barely hear them over his heart pounding. The way you take over his brain is overwhelming and he can hardly think. Your lips graze his neck, and the skin litters with goosebumps despite the hot air between the two of you. 

If he opens his eyes, he’s got a face full of titties, and he doesn’t know if he can handle that despite every cell in his body telling him to look. He wants to be good for you and hold out until you give him permission to stop, but it feels so good that he’s speeding his hand up.

“Ha– Ah, fuck–” Slick, sloppy sounds fill the room as he works himself to the edge for you.

“Let go,” you whisper in his ear. His hand rips away from his cock and grips onto his thigh instead, getting it wet and gross with precum. It takes what feels like an eternity for him to back away from the precipice this time. Fear runs his blood cold when he realizes he almost didn’t last. 

He’s always good for you, can edge himself for as long as you'd like. He doesn’t know why he’s sensitive today, especially after spending a week beating it.

You pull your face out of his neck, and he slumps against the couch. You smile at the sight and caress his cheek. He melts into the touch, but you pull away to card through his tangled hair instead. You used the grip on his strands to tilt his head back so that he’s looking up at you. 

“I do think you were louder that time. Moaned just like you did in those recordings.” He opens his mouth to say something, but loses his train of thought when you plop down on his lap. 

“Fffuck–” he moans, voice all pathetic and high-pitched. 

“Stay still,” you warn when his hips buck into yours, and he tries so hard, but even the soft fabric of your skirt is too rough on his sensitive dick. He struggles to keep his eyes open, but he’d rather die than take them off of you, so he blinks through the tears pooling in his waterline. The action causes the tears to trickle down, and the air is cold against his wet cheeks.

You stay like that until his breaths are more even and he’s somewhat calmed down. He lets out a displeased noise when you lift off of him and sit back on the coffee table.

“C’mon, Hannie. I’m not done with you yet. Let me see.” You push his legs apart with your knee. He looks down with you, and the sight makes him burn with embarrassment. He’s leaking so much it’s soaking into the couch, and it’s another sight he has to squeeze his eyes shut to get away from.

“W-what, are you j-just gonna–” he swallows thickly, clears his throat, and tries again. “How long are you gonna make me do this?”

You tilt your head and smile at him like you aren’t melting his brain into goo. “However long it takes for you to learn your lesson.” Leehan whines a little in protest.

“Just wanted you to look at me, missed you so much.”

The look in your eyes softens and you lean forward to place a heartfelt kiss on his lips. “I missed you too, Hannie. So. Much,” you say, cupping his cheeks and pressing more gentle kissing around his face. “It was so hard to focus at work when you kept sending me those treats. But bad boys still have to take their punishments, yeah?” Leehan sighs longingly and nods, resting his head against the back cushions, and reaching for his cock when you instruct him to start over.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

By the fifth denial, he’s a shaking mess, falling apart at the seams and only holding himself together by your command. He’s done for the second you flip your skirt up, slide your panties off, circle your clit right in front of him. You’re so close but so far, and he’s definitely losing his mind. 

“Please– N/N, let me…could fuck you so good,” he begs helplessly, deep voice strained and words stringing together. It’s the first time tonight you actually look interested in what’s happening, and he can’t figure out where to look–at your pretty face as you make yourself feel good, at the wetness leaking out of your pulsing heat, at the way your tits shake when you tug at your nipples. You’re biting your lip to keep quiet, keeping your pretty noises to yourself. Leehan thinks that’s the cruelest part of this punishment. 

His hips are fucking up into his hand in a sloppily, a stark contrast to his usually controlled thrusts. He’s not easy to turn into a mess, but you know him better than he knows himself. You know his limits, know that he won’t cum unless you tell him to, know how badly he needs your forgiveness. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, just fuck me, please?” But you’re not looking at him. Your eyes are focused on his cock drooling all over his legs, at the way it twitches when he’s close. Your hips twitch, and your cunt drools on the table, and his mouth runs dry. He’s too delirious to figure out if your reactions are because of him, if he’s doing good for you. 

“Stop, pretty boy.”

His hand trembles as he pulls it away from his dick and flops it against the couch. He gasps harshly, heaves loudly, and more tears stream down his face as his hips chase friction that’s already gone.

His head is leaning against the back cushions and lolled to the side, but he’s still watching you touch yourself. His mouth hangs open from all of his pathetic begging, and there’s a thin trail of saliva pooling in his mouth and dribbling onto his t-shirt. 

His eyelids are so heavy, but he watches brainlessly as you tease your opening, dip a finger into the heat. It comes back out drenched in creamy white, and he has to dig his nails into the cushion to stop himself from grabbing his dick without permission.

You pull your hands away from your body and straddle him again. He nearly goes cross-eyed when your bare cores touch. It’s so wet, and his entire body shivers with need.

“Aw, Hannie. Look at me. Tell me what you want.”

“Mm, want– wanna taste you, wanna fuck you so bad.” You giggle, and he loses himself somewhere between your sparkly eyes and shiny lips.

“Wanna taste me?” You reaffirm, and he nods dumbly. You straighten his head up and cup his cheeks between your fingers and thumb. You make him watch as you use your free hand to repeat the motions, gathering your wetness on your finger, pushing it through your opening and pulling it out. 

You whimper out freely this time, and the sound is so pretty and sinful Leehan wishes he could tattoo it on his brain, wishes he had recorded it so he can hear it again later. Your hand forces his lips to pucker and his mouth to open, and you press your wet fingers onto his tongue. 

Leehan’s eyes roll again, and his eyebrows crease as the taste of you, the smell of you invades his senses. You always taste so good, so sweet to him.

His eyes focus on you again, but his vision clouds and his hips buck up against you. You slide against him so deliciously, but it’s over too soon when you slide your fingers out of his mouth and pry your hips away from his.

You wipe your wet fingers on his shirt and remind him to look at you, but he is already looking at you, has barely torn his eyes away from you in the last thirty minutes.

He’s completely awestruck, and maybe a little delirious when he swears he can see the faint halo hovering above your head. He tries to tell you how perfect, how much of an angel you are, but his words come out jumbled and unintelligible. 

“Do you have a color for me, baby?”

“Mhm, fuck– green, n-need you so bad. ’m so sorry, p-please, you look so beautiful, t–”

You interrupt him by pressing your lips against his, and Leehan’s convinced he would’ve been talking for the rest of his life if you hadn’t. He’s pretty sure he melts into a puddle of goo when your lips collide, yours so perfect and plush against his. Any function his brain is still performing shuts down immediately, and you have to handle the kiss by yourself, because his lips are slack and useless against yours. There’s a string of saliva connecting the two of you when you pull away from him.

“I think my pretty boy’s at his limit, hm?” You ask, and he doesn’t really know what you’re saying, but anything sounds good coming from you, so he nods and watches with his jaw on the floor as you stand up and pull your skirt off. You pull his shirt off as well, and you’re both bare and vulnerable but safe in your own world, just as Leehan longed for.

You cup his cheeks again and hold his face so he can look up at you as you sink down on his cock, and the noise he makes when you bottom out is broken and pitiful even to his own ears. He knows he must look so fucked out and stupid, but you’re looking at him with so much love in your eyes that he’s sure he looks beautiful anyway. 

You wrap around him so well, your cunt is so tight. It feels like he’d forgotten how it feels to be buried inside you, and to be experiencing it for the first time again has to be parallel to some sort of spiritual ascension. Leehan doesn’t know what he did to deserve it, but he does know he’d spend an eternity here if you allowed it.

Your hands move to grip his shoulders, and you make the most heavenly face of ecstasy Leehan has ever seen. You lift your hips to slide him out, and bottom out again. Your cunt’s sucking him in so greedily, and he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep this up. 

“I’ll let you cum if you fuck me, pretty boy,” you say like you read his mind. You grab his lifeless hands and place them on your waist, then grip the back of the couch again. He gets the message clearly, holding you in place as he jerks into you. His thrusts aren’t coordinated at all, and it’s out of pure habit when he angles his hips to fuck right into your sweet spot. 

“Fuck yeah, Hannie. That’s so good, you’re so good,” you moan out, and he uses strength he barely has to aim for that spot, to hear those words from you again. On a particularly hard thrust, your eyes flutter closed.

“Look at me, N/N. Please– look at me,” he begs, voice cracking, and when you do, your eyes are glossy, tears pulling in your waterline. It’s so hot, and finally, your attention is his, and he’s making you feel good, but he’s not gonna last like this.

“You fill me up so good, Hannie. Make me feel so good,” you say breathlessly, eyes locked on his. “Gonna cum for me? Gonna fill me up nicely?” And he’s nodding, pitiful whimpers falling from his lips, whatever you say. 

You trail a hand up his abdomen, to his chest, and tug at his nipple. The rush of pleasure he feels is so intense that the knot in his stomach is fraying and snapping so quickly he can’t even warn you, but he tries through strangled gasps: “Cumming, ‘m, fu–”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

It takes Leehan a while to come back to Earth. He’s so tired he can barely move, but you kiss him until his mind returns home. After asking if he’s okay five times and getting five verbal “yes’s,” you clean the two of you up and lead him to bed.

It’s still when he speaks again, eyes searching for yours in the dark room, “I really am sorry, Y/N. I should’ve been more considerate. I respect your work so much, I just got so lonely…” You smile at him softly and reach a hand up to rub circles into his back.

“I’m sorry you were so lonely, Hannie. I should’ve managed my time better, should’ve taken your feelings more seriously. From now on, I’ll keep work at work, and after my project, we can both take time off and go on a vacation. How’s that?”

“That’s perfect,” he says, and means it wholeheartedly, falling asleep with a smile of his own.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

leans in closer whenever you’re talking. and it’s not even on purpose, he just does it subconsciously to let you know that you have his entire attention. 

pouts if you refuse to cuddle him during movie nights. casually drapes his arm around your shoulder halfway through the movie, and then before you know it, you’re under the blanket with his arms wrapped around you and head snuggled in his chest. he doesn’t say anything about it, but it feels much more intimate than just friends hanging out.

his playful side might come out during your domestic hang outs as he would start tickling you or wrestling you playfully, while you burst in a fit of giggles. when you try to push him away, he does NOT move. his hands are always there, on your waist or arms, sometimes even sneaking under your shirt to your stomach as he tickles you, like he’s testing the waters.

SUNGHO

he is such an acts of service guy when it comes to you!!

whenever you’re out with your girl friends, he offers to pick you up before you can even ask him. and he’s always on time, greeting you with a sweet smile when he sees you.

you don’t have a care in the world when you’re with him. follows the sidewalk rule, holds doors open for you, offers to carry your bags, this man is a dream!

you don’t realize it at first, but then you notice that he’s constantly ditching other plans to be with you. like skipping and event he was excited for just because you were bored and wanted to hang out.

his crush on you is really obvious, you’re stupid if you don’t notice. whenever its just the two of you, his voice is softer, sweeter — like you’d fade away somehow if he’s too loud. 

gets really shy and giggly when you complement him.

“hey, this shirt looks good on you,” and then watch as he proceeds to wear that shirt everyday for the rest of his life.

“your hair looks nice today,” he doesn’t look you in the eye after that and starts to stutter if you ask him something.

your problems are his problems. you mention something small, like wanting to get a broken zipper back on track, and then you forget about it. but the next time you pick up that piece of clothing, the zipper has already been fixed. and sungho probably went out of his way to do it (which he gets scolded for, but he doesn’t mind cause you’re quite cute when you’re mad)

he acts like you’re his responsibility. will probably think its his fault when he senses that you’re uncomfortable (it is NOT, you could never feel that way when he’s around). if you’re out together, he’s always making sure you’re comfortable, that you have everything you need, and that nobody’s bothering you. he treats you with a level of care and attention that a girl would expect from her boyfriend, and not a guy who’s just a friend.

RIWOO

he’s just so sweet

goes silent when you talk about other guys. you just mention a conversation you had with a guy last month, and his responses become curt like “oh that’s cool!” and his voice lacks the usual enthusiasm.

when he’s around you, especially when it’s just the two of you, he’s in his element. maybe you’re watching a movie together, and he’s a little quieter than usual, but every now and then, he’ll nudge you and say something that could easily be mistaken as a playful flirt. you call him out on it, and he just chuckles, brushing it off like, "oh, you wish," but you know better because that slight blush doesn’t lie.

prefers hanging out alone than in groups. and you kind of like it that way too, because he’s extra cute when you two are alone.

he seems a little less enthusiastic when the group is involved, constantly making excuses to have you all to himself, like offering to help with something that’s clearly not a two-person job or asking if you want to grab something to eat, alone, after group plans.

he notices the small things—like when you're cold and offers you his jacket, or when you're tired, suggesting you rest your head on his shoulder without saying much, just quietly letting you know he’s there.

there’s a thumping in your ear—maybe it’s from the bass that sounds through the walls or the jumping crowd that shakes the floor. the flashing lights have turned into hazy streaks of red and the smell of sweat seems to stick. despite how uncomfortable the club has gone at this hour, you stay in place, swishing the contents in your cup before downing it.

you let out a quiet exhale, senses numbing and faltering the more you drink. but the thumping remains, and you don’t know where it’s coming from.

“y/n!” your eyes snap towards julie whose eyebrows are scrunched in worry. “are you okay?”

you straighten your back against the wall. “me? yeah.” you lift the cup to her view, giving it a small shake to show it’s empty. “i just finished my drink, so i was letting the alcohol sit.”

julie chuckles before grabbing it from you. “okay, that’s enough drinking. you,” her finger jabs at your chest, “need some water.” despite the groan that leaves you, she latches onto your arm before dragging you away. 

as you make your way back to the booth, the music seems to drown from the volume of your friends. taerae’s laugh overlaps the melody and gunwook’s complaints take over the vocal chops. “oh, there you are!” jaehyun calls out the moment he spots you. “i thought you went to the washroom.” you plop down beside him. “maybe even went for a smoke break.”

“hey, i don’t smoke anymore,” you defend yourself. 

“anymore, you just said.”

you roll your eyes before mumbling. “i don’t even think i’m a smoker.”

before jaehyun can argue, julie leans over towards you two. “i’m going to get you water.” as she’s met jaehyun’s intoxicated grin, she sighs before standing up straight. “maybe i should be getting you some, too.” once julie takes her leave, you both erupt into drunken giggles.

the rest of your friends continue to enjoy the night; some continue to down more shots while others share the latest gossip. you and jaehyun don’t exchange a word, shoulders pressed to each other as you stare off into nowhere. and while you attempt to enjoy the shared silence, the thumping in your ear remains.

“what’s on your mind?”

“nothing.” you look over at jaehyun. “just alcohol.”

he frowns. “you just… i feel like your mind has been going off somewhere this whole night.”

“literally, i’m just spacing out.” you rip your gaze from him before you sink into the seat. “nothing to get too worried about.”

a beat passes.

“are you sure?”

with jaehyun’s persistence, you get off your seat. “i’m going to find julie.” despite his protests, you make your way through the crowd until you find yourself by the bar. you call on the bartender and ask him for another glass of whatever he gave you then. at his nod, you lean on the table as you wait for him to mix up another concoction that would keep your mind busy.

beside you are seats filled with flirting couples, whispering sweet-nothings and getting handsy in public. it seems that more people behind you are having the time of their lives chatting and grooving on the dance floor. yet, here you stand, hoping that the next glass would allow you to give you the enjoyment you’ve been craving this whole night.

you thank the bartender the moment your order is served. before you can drink, someone shoves against you, causing it to spill. “hey, watch where you’re going!” as soon as you catch sight of the person, your stern expression suddenly shifts into shock—because he looks like him.

“sorry about that!” the stranger is quick to apologize, a regretful smile resting on his lips—and it reminds you of his smile, the same one he would shoot at you at every party, every late night out, every time he managed to upset you. the person throws a quick glare at his friend before saying, “i hope i didn’t spill your drink.”

at your silence, the stranger takes it as his sign to continue partying, but you remain frozen, staring at him. the similarities are uncanny; the same cat-like features with the exact fashion style that he has. and suddenly, it’s a supercut in your mind—of every stolen glance, of every hand held, of every lean in as he tries to listen to your whispers, of every short distance and shared silence spent staring into each other’s eyes.

yet, those moments seemed like nothing to taesan.

once you down your drink, you move past the crowd until you finally exit the club. even outside, the thumping in your ear remains. the moment your hand rests on your chest, you feel the pounding in your chest. you realize that it’s been your heartbeat all along.

you dig through your bag until you manage to fish out an opened pack of cigarettes, and you don’t even think twice about asking a group of strangers smoking to light up your last cigarette.

first drag. you shut your eyes close as you lean against the brick wall.

second drag. your brain has turned cloudy and your heart rate has slowed down.

third drag. you still think of him.

you pull out your phone, greeted by multiple missed calls from jaehyun and julie, but you ignore them as you scroll through your contacts for taesan’s name. as soon as you spot him, your thumb hovers over his phone number.

and the next thing you know it, your phone is pressed against your ear as it rings.

your friends would’ve shouted at you if they knew what you were doing. at first, they seemed to enjoy hearing the first few escapades you would share with him, until they asked you what you two were. they found out you were entangled in a life of mixed-signals, and your distress had only made them beg you to cut him off. you should’ve listened to their advice. after all, they pointed out all his red flags in every problem, every story, you shared.

but you did none of the sorts.

the ringing goes silent. you almost think the call was dropped until you hear him clear his throat from the other line. “hey, how’s my sweetheart?”

you thought it was a common thing taesan did with friends but it came to your surprise that it’s the first time jaehyun has heard him refer to someone with that nickname. you don’t know why he calls you that, and you never complained—until now.

“why do you call me that?”

“sweetheart? because the first time i met you, you were sweet to me. you’ve always been sweet to everyone.”

you shake your head. “no, not that.”

“what?” taesan’s confusion only has your heart rate racing once more. if he couldn’t even understand what you’re referring to, what more did he think about where you two stand?

“why do you call me yours?”

it’s silent for a moment.

wind grazes against your skin as you take another drag. “why do you do that? why do you always reach out for my hand whenever we walk? or always wrap your arm around me?” when he doesn’t say anything, you take that as your sign to continue. “why is it that you always bring me back to your place? why do you tell me to stay for the night? and why do you hold me so close every night?” you exhale. “why do you do all that?”

taesan continues to remain silent. “i just,” you slide down the wall, crouching as you look down, “you say all these things… do all these things, and i get confused. whenever i’m with you, you always seem to get touchy with me, and you don’t care whenever i say that your friends might get the wrong idea.”

it never helped that he boiled your statements into shame—because you could never be embarrassed of him. yet, he could never define what you two were. what didn’t help is that he would always answer jaehyun with, “just friends,” whenever his friend asks about you two.

“and taesan, i was willing to keep up with it until you wanted something more official. but the months kept going, and suddenly i was suffering from every moment you grew distant from me or i saw you getting touchy with someone else.”

you take another drag, and taesan still refuses to say anything.

“everything you do makes me think that there is something going on between us, and maybe i am getting the wrong idea, but i’m begging that you tell me that i’m not just someone you’re just looking to have fun with. i can’t continue with this if we don’t settle on what we are.”

as seconds go by, you almost think that he dropped the call on you. but you know he’s still there. “taesan.”

“yeah?” he finally speaks up.

“i’m only asking you one thing. what are we?”

and when you’re met with silence once more, you realize the answer all by yourself. if you two were something, he would’ve interrupted you as you list down your questions. if you two were something, he would’ve had no problem telling jaehyun what he thought about you. if you two were something, he would’ve been able to answer you in a heartbeat.

“y/n, i enjoy your company. i like having you around and all, and you seem to understand me in a way that my friends don’t.”

despite the seconds of silence that pass, you know there’s another half to the sentence.

“but i’m not looking for anything serious right now. i’m sorry you saw it that way.”

your friends are right. you should’ve known better than to expect something out of this. it was doomed to fail from the start. maybe if you listened to your friends earlier on, you wouldn’t have found yourself in too deep with someone who could never understand the boundaries. 

“maybe it’s best that we don’t see each other anymore,” taesan says.

it pained you to hear him say that because at the start of each day, you would seek him out knowing you’d end it with him. it almost hurts imagining what tomorrow would be like knowing you wouldn’t see him anymore.

but for once, he was doing something right.

you nod before saying, “okay. i’m sorry for thinking that.”

the call drops. he didn’t bother to say goodbye. 

as you take another drag, you stare off into nowhere are you’re left to replay everything that went down between you two. maybe you should’ve done better to uphold those boundaries, ask him earlier on if he was interested in being in a relationship, and you could’ve avoided wasting your months on someone who couldn’t imagine something with you.

you should’ve been mad that this is the outcome.

“there you are!” you whip your head to see jaehyun with a worried expression. “i’ve been looking for you everywhere! you weren’t picking up your phone. what are you doing outside?”

then, jaehyun sees the cigarette in one hand and your phone in the other, and his frustration dissipates. you rip your eyes from him, avoiding eye contact as you recount what went down within those months with taesan. when your friend crouches beside you, you try to keep your feelings at bay. after all, it’s better to keep everything to yourself.

yet, it takes jaehyun’s hand against your back for the tears to finally come out.

you disappointed your friends as you continued to see taesan without their knowledge. you disappointed yourself by thinking something could come out of your months spent with him.

but most of all, you disappointed taesan by becoming another person who caught feelings.

(and what’s worse to say is that you hold out hope that he’d come running back to you. you’d forgive, and forgive, and forgive. you’d accept him back with open arms no matter what.)

(so for now, you’re left looking for anything that could fill the void that he’s left until he comes back.)

networks: @kflixnet @k-labels @blankjournal @onedoornet

Jaehyun’s been acting weird, and that’s saying something, because he’s always been a bit strange. 

But it’s obvious he hasn’t been his usual self for the past week. When you ask him about it, he brushes it off quickly and changes the subject. 

Then, whatever’s bothering him begins affecting your sex life. He's tense, visibly nervous before you guys do anything intimate. You can tell he's close when his high-pitched moans turn into quiet, choked off gasps. You know the signs, and you’re more than ready to feel his hot seed fill you up the way you like, but it never does. You see his face scrunch up in torment right before he hides in your neck. He continues to let out a string of pitiful whimpers, hips still thrusting sloppily until you're showing signs of orgasming yourself. This goes on for days before you notice a pattern. 

You guys get intimate, and for a little while afterward, he gets quieter, more reserved, almost…ashamed? He can’t even seem to look at you, and is quick to scoot away when you sit too close to him. It kind of hurts, but you give him time and space, figuring he’ll come to you if  he’s ever ready to talk. He never brings it up, but after a couple of hours, he’s back to the Jaehyun you know–a bit strange, proposing unusual schemes and so hyper he’s basically bouncing off the walls.

The two of you often fall into intimate moments after bantering, sometimes even play fighting, and tonight’s no different. Jaehyun’s his usual mischievous self, teasing you enough that it’s harmless, but gets under your skin. When tension arises and things get heated, you guys make eye contact, and he kind of just…deflates, moving from where he’s hovering over you to slump back against the couch.

You hesitate, because you don’t want to put him on the spot, but his behavior is beginning to make you concerned, and a little insecure. After a few moments, it’s obvious Jaehyun’s not going to say anything, so you speak up.

"Sweetie, we should talk." 

Immediately, he tenses. He sits up, and his shoulders are so stiff it looks uncomfortable. His only noticeable movement is the fiddling with his fingers, wringing them as if he wants to crack his knuckles, but they’re not popping. You keep a safe distance between the two of you, but sit close enough that you can rest a comforting hand on his thigh.

His eyes are glossy, and his lip is caught in between his teeth when he finally looks at you. He looks like a kicked puppy, and you immediately want to scoop him in your arms and make him feel better. But, time and space.

"Oh, baby. Will you tell me what's bothering you?" 

His lips move, but almost no sound comes out. His cheeks visibly redden when you ask him to repeat himself.

"Do you think I...finish too fast?" He asks, mumbling 'finish' shyly like it's dirty. You stare at him in confusion, rolling his words around in your head, trying to get them to make sense. Since when is him cumming quickly an issue?

"Sorry, was that too abrupt? Just forget I-"

"No, you're fine, Jae. I was just a little surprised." You look away from him for a moment to think about your next words carefully. "There's nothing wrong with being sensitive."

Again, Jaehyun deflates back into the couch, hands coming to hide his face.

“That’s probably the worst thing you could've said. Seriously, ‘yes’ would’ve been less embarrassing.” He says, his words muffled by his palms.

“I’m sorry, I just mean–” You pause. “Even if you finish quickly, what’s wrong with that?”

“Well, doesn’t it leave you…unsatisfied?” This time, he whispers ‘unsatisfied’ cautiously, and pre-winces like he’s waiting for the scariest answer possible.

Almost immediately, you laugh, which sounds more like an amused scoff. Just the thought of Jaehyun leaving you high and dry is a bit silly–he’s a wonderful partner. Even if he finishes quickly, he’s damn near always hard, and rarely fails to make you cum.

But, unfortunately, you don’t say that, so your laughter is your only response. Jaehyun looks at you with his jaw hanging down and his eyes wide like he’s mortified.

“Fuck, I shouldn’t have said anything.” He half-whines, running his hands through his hair in distress. Instinctively, your hands come up to fix the mess, taming wild strands back into place so he looks less like a wet cat. 

“No– Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you, it’s just.” You stammer your words out, trying to clean up the way you’re royally fucking this up. “Jaehyun, you’ve never left me unsatisfied. You don’t even have to worry about that, okay?” You grab one of his hands and squeeze it lightly, trying to punctuate your statement. He doesn’t look entirely convinced, but he doesn’t push back, and instead reciprocates the hand-holding.

“But still, it kinda makes me feel bad. Humiliated, I guess? We barely get started and I feel like I’m already creaming my pants.”

The statement almost makes you giggle again, but you hold it back because that’s not at all helpful. Personally, you love Jaehyun's sensitivity, the way he gets tender and desperate from a hand tracing his thigh, the way he's on the precipice after a little petting. It's cute, he's cute, but you don't know how to tell him this in a way that will stick, so you change courses.

“Okay, this is a serious issue. What do you want to do about it?”

He looks at you bashfully, lips parted like he has something to say but isn’t sure how. Interesting, he’s thought about this before.

“Come on, Myungjae. It’s just me. There’s no need to feel shy.” You shimmy your shoulders a little, drawing his attention to where your boobs are sitting braless in your shirt, and they jiggle the tiniest amount. It’s not a shallow movement–Jaehyun’s easy to rile up, and you can tell he’s already tenting in his shorts. If he’s aroused, he’ll be much more comfortable talking about this, you hope.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

“Okay, what’s this called, again?” You ask just to be sure, getting comfortable laying near Jaehyun’s chest. You two decided to do this in the bedroom, where Jaehyun might be most comfortable, since this is new territory. He’s slumped against the pillows and headboard, looking down at you with a look of uncertainty and a bead of sweat already forming on his temple. 

“Endurance training.” He says shakily, voice trembling around the words. “I’m gonna do something similar to edging myself, and hopefully with time, I’ll be able to last longer– or maybe I’ll have better stamina, or something.” His uncertainty makes you a bit nervous. It’s not like you two haven’t explored edging before, but you typically do it to each other, not watch one another do it to themselves. 

“And you’re positive you wanna do this?” You cup his cheeks, forcing him to maintain eye contact with you. He hesitates for a second, then there's a sense of determination in his eyes. They’re dark and determined when they meet your own. 

“I want to do this.” He says resolutely, nodding his head as much as he can in your grip. You release his face to let him get comfortable, and he has you set a five minute timer on your phone. Your job is fairly simple–tell him to stop when five minutes are up until (hopefully) he’s done it for twenty minutes. 

“Okay, but why can’t I do it for you?” You ask, trying to push away the urge to pout. You love feeling him tremble under your own hands, watching him fall apart from your touch.

“It’s better if I do it myself today. I t-think I might nut immediately if you touch me.” You’re a little disappointed, but you’re also intrigued about watching him touch himself, and this is important to him, so you want to be supportive. Besides, he didn’t say you can’t spur him on.

Jaehyun shimmies his shorts off and throws them somewhere on the floor, and you’re immediately distracted by the sight of his dick. It’s so cute and plump, and you stave off the need to put your mouth on it. You exchange “readies,” and Jaehyun wraps a hand around his member. You watch as he jerks at the feeling. He takes a deep breath, and when he nods, you start the timer. 

He’s just building up a steady rhythm when the timer reads 10 seconds, after successfully overcoming his shyness and giving into the pleasure when he sees that you’re not judging him.

And boy, are you not judging him. 

Looking at Jaehyun from across a crowded room is usually enough to get you hot at your core, but this need was something new entirely. You watch the way his head mushrooms on upward strokes, and almost feel dizzy at the sight of him running his thumb across the tip expertly. Of course Jaehyun knows how to work his own body, but damn. It’s so effortless you almost feel like you're interrupting. 

He doesn’t notice the way you rub your thighs together to keep the feeling of insanity at bay. He’s too lost in his own pleasure, eyes squeezed shut as he spreads his precum down his penis, and you might actually be drooling.

He’s shaking like a leaf by the time ten minutes pass, huffing a frustrated breath and laying his head back against the pillows. He moans softly when you place a quick kiss on his neck. 

“What’s the matter, Hyunie?” You say with a mischievous smile. He’s taking a small break from touching himself, so you rub little circles into his hip bones.

“God, I–” He stops to swallow, mouth dry from gasping and moaning. “Dunno how m-much longer I c-can do this.”

“But you’re halfway there, baby boy. You can do it.” You encourage, running a hand through his ruffled hair. He doesn’t share that belief, it’s obvious in his eyes, but he wraps his hand around his member again. 

“There you go.” You commend. He doesn’t say anything about you touching him, so you keep doing it, bringing a hand up to lightly squeeze his pec. “Is this okay?” 

He nods a little, whimpers a little in what you assume is permission, because he whines petulantly when you pull your hand away. 

After a few minutes, he’s breathing hard, and bucking his hips to meet his hand halfway. The timer reads 1 minute and 03 seconds left.

“Fuck, I-I can–, can’t-” He babbles incoherently, thighs shaking where they lift in the air and fall back on the mattress rhythmically. He throws his head back again, neck on full display for you to make use of. You take the bait, latching onto his skin and sucking red, angry marks into it. You pull away to read the timer again, 21 seconds left. When you suck another mark into his neck, Jaehyun gasps out.

“Y/N, Y/N, please, -m s’close– ah-h–” While you’re admiring his fucked-out state, your phone beeps next to you. You turn it off and look back at Jaehyun. You’re surprised to see that he’s already looking at you, eyes big and glossy as he humps his hand. 

“Time’s up, Jae.” You say. He whines.

“Jaehyun, stop.” He makes a little sound that you’re not sure what to call, something high-pitched and desperate as his hips stutter.

“Hyunie, do I have permission to touch you?” He nods quickly, desperately, likely under the impression that you’re gonna help him cum. The distressed whine he lets out when you pull his hand away from his cock is visceral, like he doesn’t have control over making it. 

He gasps from air greedily as he teeters from the edge. One of his hands clenches the duvet underneath him, and the other clasps your thigh instead, grip unforgiving. You’re so turned on you don’t even notice the pain, occupied by taking in his flushed face and messy hair. You connect your lips with his in what was meant to be a quick kiss, but he deepens it, the hand on the comforter coming to cup your cheek instead.

“Almost lost yourself for a second there, huh?” You tease after pulling away, whispering in the small space between you guys’ parted lips.

“Thi s-is s-so hard.” He mumbles, words trailing off into a whine, sloppy and slurring together. 

“But it’s been fifteen minutes, sweetheart. Just five more and you can cum.” 

Jaehyun squeezes his eyes shut in displeasure as he comprehends your words, and part of you wants to give in and let him have it. You know how badly he wants to succeed, and he’s already worked so hard. This was his idea, anyway.

But the other, seemingly sadistic part of you wants to watch as he pushes himself to agonizing pleasure. Desperate Jaehyun is one of your favorite sights–the way cute little tears roll down his cheeks and his body basically vibrates with a need only you can fulfill. It’s beautiful, to say the least, and the power goes straight to your cunt, getting you all hot and needy yourself. You clench around nothing at the mere thought of it, so you press “Start” on the timer again and help wrap Jaehyun’s hand back around his dick.

For a minute, Jaehyun doesn’t say anything. His eyes roll back at the stimulation, and he fucks up into his hand dumbly. Then, you lick a fat stripe up his nipple. 

"S-shit, fuck, n-needa cum- hahh, please, it hurts-" He whines in your hold, unoccupied hand trembling where it’s still laying on your thigh.

"Aw, don't you wanna last, sweet thing? You’re so close." 

"I-I- hn- don't w-wanna d-do this anym-more.” He stutters out, struggling to string the sentence together through the fog in his head and the pleasure coursing through his lower body. You halt the stimulation on his nipple at his words.

"What's your color, Hyunie?"

"G-green, green, fuck, I just wanna cum." He says immediately, tears building up in his lash line and finally rolling down his cheeks. His hand wavers, then picks up speed again. 

You pretend to contemplate while trailing a finger along his shaft and pulling away when he chases the feeling. "You want me to give you permission? Tell you to reach that overwhelming pleasure, make a mess all over yourself?" 

Jaehyun nods, of course, but you’re not even sure he’s comprehending what you’re saying right now. His eyes are almost fully black with the way they’re dilated, and you’d be worried if you hadn’t just confirmed his color.

"But I don't think you deserve it, sweetheart.” You lie. Of course he deserves it, but he’s so fun to play with. “It hasn't even been twenty minutes and you're already falling apart. Maybe I should get a ring for your little cock, watch as you desperately work yourself through dry orgasms." His hips stutter at your degrading words, hand aggressive as it strokes his poor, throbbing dick. The need to have it in your cunt has never been as strong as it is now.

"N-noplea- f-fuck, I’ms'rry-" 

Over Jaehyun's slurred babbles, you almost don’t hear the timer go off. At the realization that it's been twenty minutes, you smile proudly and turn the alarm off. 

You shh Jaehyun's whimpers and hiccups and bite another mark on his pec. You replace his hand with yours and thumb at his tip, then watch as he falls apart for you.

"Hng- gonna cum- cumming, pleas-"

"You're so good, Hyunie. You did it. Cum for me." Jaehyun looks at you almost in disbelief before his head falls back against the pillows and he's cumming so hard some of it lands on your shirt.

"You did it, Myungjae. Did such a good job for me." You congratulate again while peppering kisses on his face.

"Did it." He mumbles breathlessly with a lopsided smile and droopy eyes.

"Mhm, you deserve a reward, don't you think?"

"Uh-h." He mutters, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He looks so tired, but you’ve been with him long enough to know he could give you two more orgasms at least. You lift up to straddle his legs and rub up and down his thighs gently. 

"I don't mind your sensitivity, Hyunie. Can I show you why?" He nods silently again, eyes glossy and dazed. He’s breathing harshly through his nose, but looks like he’s in overall good shape, so you take his dick in your hand again and begin slowly pumping it.

"U-unh- too m-much-" He whimpers out, brows furrowed in euphoric torture. His hips twitch like he doesn't know if he should buck into the feeling or pull away from it. Despite his moans in protest, he’s already filling up in your hand, ready to be played with again.

"See how you're already hard again, Jae? All for me?" His mouth hangs open, but no words come out. Instead, he grunts loudly when your pace increases. 

"I just wanna make you feel good." You squeeze his member lightly then tease at the slit. His head falls back again, and his back arches slightly, but he's still staring at you, eyes full of wonder and hanging onto every word you say.

"It doesn't matter if you cum quickly, ‘cause you can just do it again for me, isn't that right?" You twist your wrist just right, and he's shuddering through another orgasm, a pained, high-pitched whine coming from the back of his throat.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

"T-thank you." he mutters, eyes struggling to stay open, boneless on top of the mattress. His words are still dragging, but they’re much more comprehensible. "-m sorry for making a big deal out of this. It all seems so silly now."

"If it matters to you, it matters to me, sweetheart." You reply, rubbing knots out of his shoulder from where you’re still straddling his legs. You’re still unbearably horny, and you’re pretty sure you’ve soaked through your underwear and your shorts by now.

"Still..." He trails off, eyes following you as you stand up from the bed and strip off your clothing. You see the way he gulps, the way his eyes helplessly flit between your boobs and your cunt, but you don’t say anything–you figure he’s had enough teasing for one day.

You straddle him again with a mischievous smile on your face.

"Let me ride you and I'll let you off the hook?"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

note : i'm actually kind of in love w this story and maybe it’s because i pulled an allnighter to write it and my brain cells aren’t all the way here, if you read this and something doesn’t make sense PLEASE tell me 😭 guys do nawt have me out here looking like a fool </3 i tried to make it different from the taesan one, it was supposed to be a drabble but please don’t ask me how it became literally 3k i DO NOT KNOW….that sleep deprivation boost ig, lastly, i tried to research if there were any discernible differences between edging and endurance training but i couldn’t find anything super helpful so im so sorry if this isn’t a good representation of endurance training </33 berry just a blogger tryin their best

special thanks to @zynz0 and this fic which made me literally insane. while writing this, i couldn't find the phrase for what jaehyun is (maybe) doing here other than self-edging, but that post helped me a lot!!!

3 MONTHS BEFORE DEBUT

It was raining on the day Myung Jaehyun met you.

It was a particularly exhausting day, the bad kind. Normally he didn’t mind the ache in his muscles, proof of their hard work nor being so damn tired after getting back to the dorms past midnight that he could barely remember to wash up before falling to bed. But there were these kinds of days when dragging themselves home from the practice room felt like something they were undeserving of, when doubts were too loud as their dance teacher’s words about still not being synchronized enough rang in their ears. He could tell it was affecting all of them.

The car ride back to the dorms was often quiet so late at night as they tried to catch every bit of sleep they could but it was often filled with snacking, watching videos and small talk too. It was rarely this tense, so thick that it lingered in the air. Jaehyun could tell that nobody could sleep this time even if Dongmin pretended to with his eyes closed, hoodie up and headphones over his ears. Woonhak looked like he was one more scolding word away from tearing up and usually Jaehyun would have been the one who tried to lighten up the mode, who joked around, who poked and teased and babbled until the tension broke and they laughed. But that day, it was too much, he couldn’t think of anything to say, nothing that could have cheered them up so close to the final evaluation, so close to messing up their chance for debut.

When the car halted in front of their dorm building, everybody scurried out of the van with half-hearted goodbyes to the staff member who gave them the ride. Jaehyun was the last one to get out of the car, his sports bag felt heavy on his shoulder and his still damp fringe hung into his eyes. He felt uneasy going back to the dorm, knowing he wouldn’t sleep anyways, so his steps slowed down, unsure, even after the van left. It was Sungho after having patted the others’ back, wishing them good night, who had noticed him stalling.

“You good?” He asked quietly, dark spots under his eyes showing that he didn’t fare any better than any of them, yet he tried. Jaehyun wasn’t sure whether it had something to do with the responsibility he felt as the oldest or it was just his personality but he was really grateful to have him with them. He was even more grateful that the elder boy didn’t show any kind of grudge against him being voted as their future leader despite joining KOZ only at the end of last year. At times like this, Jaehyun doubted he could do a good job at leading a team. He wasn’t made to do so. He was loud and messy. They should have chosen Sungho with his easy smiles and orderliness, since they had already often relied on him.

“I will catch up with you soon,” Jaehyun promised before turning down the road. He wasn’t sure where he was headed but he knew he needed to clear his head.

Even though he only knew the other boys for a few months, he could easily imagine their different ways of coping. Donghyun and Sanghyeok talking in the darkness of their room, Sungho stress-cleaning their kitchen, Taesan already working on his next cool song about beating allegations of not being good enough while Woonhak forcing himself to go to sleep because poor kid had to go to school in less than 6 hours. And him? Out at night swinging at a playground because he wanted to scream but couldn’t. He felt worn out like he wasn’t made for this but at the same time he couldn’t imagine any other life. Especially when after sacrificing his youth on the altar of training, after wasting years at YG watching all of his friends debut, he was finally so close. They were so close to turning their dream into reality.

Eventually he ended up at a 24/7 convenience store a few corners from their dorms. They had other ones closer, ones they were regulars at but he had already come so far, so it only made sense. He mumbled a greeting under his breath, his hoodie engulfing his figure, as he headed towards the snacks section. He momentarily faltered as he passed by the alcoholic drinks, the idea of getting drunk and forgetting about his problems a tad bit too tempting for a moment. But after he’d had way too much makgeolli during Christmas, he hadn't really been keen on revisiting that hungover. It was a stupid idea anyways, he had vocal practice in the morning and what about his pre-debut image?

He grabbed a bag of gummies, some overly sweet candies, chocolate bars and the kimchi flavored chips he had seen in the kitchen before and headed to the checkout area.

“Would you like a bag?” The cashier asked in an all too cheerful voice despite the time nearing 1AM and that there was a textbook open on the counter.

“Yes, please,” Jaehyun muttered, fishing out his worn wallet he had gotten from his father when he had moved out to chase his dreams.

Items were scanned then put into a black plastic bag, card swiped, receipt ignored, it was all monotonous and robotic and Jaehyun was too tired to actually pay attention to anything. He didn’t even notice the heavy rain that started up until he approached the store’s automatically opening door and the wind hit him. Oh, just his luck. As if he needed something to make his day worse.

Jaehyun sighed, bracing himself against the cold and getting soaking wet until he reached the dorm. He could only hope he wouldn’t get a sore throat by tomorrow morning. But before he could have stepped outside, he heard movement behind him and felt gentle taps on his shoulder.

“Here, take it,” you held out a transparent colored umbrella towards him when he turned around and Jaehyun blinked dumbfounded. You had still worn the store’s uniform just like you had done behind the cash register and your voice was just as melodious as before but now that he looked at you properly he couldn’t unsee it: the beauty in your smile and the kindness in your eyes.

It sounded too good to be true to not get rained on and save the poor excuse of treats he bought for the boys to cheer them up from getting wet but he wasn't sure he could accept it from a stranger just like that. Wouldn’t you get in trouble for that? How would you get home in this weather?

“But…”

“We have plenty more left behind. You can bring it back anytime,” you smiled at him brightly like the Sun in the gloomy dark weather that embraced the two of you. Jaehyun was mesmerized then by your sparkling eyes and soft smile. He was sure he stared at you a tad bit long before catching himself.

“Thank you,” he grinned sheepishly as he took the umbrella from you. Your lips curled further up as you stepped back.

“Take care,” you wished like an angel sent from above to make his shitty day better before turning around and going back to the register while humming a mainstream kpop song.

Later when Jaehyun was back in the dorm freshly showered and tucked in his bed, all he could think about was you instead of the self-doubt that had been eating him away. You were like a miracle.

It took Jaehyun an embarrassingly long time to figure out how to take the umbrella back. Not to mention, he was quite protective of the cheap piece, he even shrieked a tiny bit dramatically and made Woonhak swear he would take care of it when he saw the younger mindlessly grab it from by the door on a cloudy day.

Sure, he could have simply taken the umbrella back, given it to you and said thank you again but come on, that was too… anticlimactic. He needed a better excuse to keep talking to you, to hear that cheery voice and see your soft smile.

The perfect opportunity came when he heard Sungho complain about running out of dishwashing liquid and even though they didn’t even share the same dorm and they could have just asked the cleaning lady who visited weekly, Jaehyun took it upon himself to get some. He had no idea about dishwashing things after all. All of them were the same yellow liquid to him and he didn’t really care about degreasing agents or traits for sensitive hands, so it was something he could have asked you about and maybe casually slipping into a conversation about your lives? He had already drafted three lyrics about the different scenarios playing in his head and because he wasn’t the most subtle person ever, Dongmin obviously noticed.

“Do I wanna know?” He quirked an eyebrow knowingly before turning back to the studio's computer at Jaehyun’s sigh.

“It’s nothing,” the elder brushed it off because he might have been shameless and loud about most things, but he wanted to keep you just for himself for a while. So he let out another exaggerated sigh and pointed at the screen. “Let’s go over the track you showed me two days ago, I might have lyrics for it.”

Dongmin hummed and let it slide, but Jaehyun was sure that he couldn’t avoid the confrontation much longer. He hoped that the temporary ignorance meant that the younger knew that he would have never done anything to jeopardize their debut.

He was merely embarrassing himself apparently.

Because the next time he visited the convenience store on a clear sky night with zero chances of rain, he stood at the door of the store, umbrella in one hand, staring dumbfoundedly at the guy playing on his phone behind the counter. No sight of you or your pretty smiles. So he stood there, dumbfounded, gaping like one of Donghyun’s fish, wondering whether he mistook the day you had met but there was absolutely no way he could have, not with the amount of times he thought about it. It was exactly two weeks before, at the same time, at the exact same place. He couldn’t have mistaken it.

“Are you coming in or what?” The cashier looked up, bored and a bit annoyed at this late hour, so Jaehyun tried his best to appear nonchalant despite his heart breaking. He knew he was dramatic but he couldn’t help it, like he even dressed up nicely! And there was no smiley cashier greeting him? No you?

“Yeah,” he coughed, hurrying down one random aisle and spending too much time to find the dishwasher section to grab one bottle without looking at it too much.

The ‘take the umbrella back and talk with you’ mission was a failure but at least Sungho was happy about his surprise purchase, even complimenting him on the nice scent he chose as if Jaehyun would have ever bought cherry blossom ones on purpose.

Jaehyun thought he was doing a fair job of not moping but out of all people it had to be Woonhak who called him out on it. The maknae was surprisingly insightful for his age, unfortunately so.

“Hyung, if it’s still about the last donut I ate last week, we can get some later,” Woonhak nudged his arm while Jaehyun was busy zoning out, trying to come up with a less pathetic idea than camping outside of the convenience store just to bump into you.

“What?” He blinked at the younger, confused.

“You are sighing so much,” Woonhak furrowed his eyebrows, visibly worried. Probably because it wasn’t Jaehyun’s default behavior.

“Oh,” he cleared his throat but then forced himself to process the younger’s previous words. “Wait! Was it you? We are so gonna get those donuts now. You’re paying.”

Woonhak whined, pretending to be annoyed when he was pulled out of his seat, towards the door but he laughed anyway when his pout managed to convince Jaehyun not only to let him choose the flavors but to pay as the older as well. Pretending to be fine mission: success.

Another week passed and Jaehyun was high on energy this time because after his newfound inspiration and determination, all of their hard work seemed to finally pay off: it was officially confirmed that they would debut. At the end of May, their dreams would finally come true. A new life would begin.

If being a trainee getting ready for monthly evaluations was hard, preparing for a debut was twice as tiring. They had photoshoots, video shoots, concept meetings, stage name discussions, album recordings, dance practices with their songs. It was everything Jaehyun had ever wanted and more, it was overwhelming but in a good way, so in the midst of it all, he kind of forgot about the whole umbrella ordeal. He treasured the memory of meeting you and kept it as something to keep him going on bad days.

But of course, it had to be a day when he went out for an evening run (which he hated but Sungho and their choreographer nagged him about to build up stamina), so he was sweaty and panting when he ended up at the store again afraid of dying out of dehydration if he kept going without water. He jogged to the fridges in the back and grabbed the first cold bottle he saw before heading to the checkout area only to freeze a few steps away when he saw you behind the register. Your hair was up this time too, only a few locks falling into your eyes that sparkled like stars in the sky.

“Is everything okay?” you asked in that kind voice that he thought he would only hear in his dreams again and Jaehyun had to remind himself to act normal.

“Uhm, yeah, fine. More than fine actually,” he fumbled with his words and wanted to slap himself for it. Who the hell was more than fine when he was sweating bucks and could barely gulp with how dry his mouth was? He crossed that two meters between you and put the water bottle on the counter, watching you scan the item, more hair falling into your face as they slipped from behind your ears. Jaehyun’s fingers itched to fix it but that would have been creepy and rude as hell so he closed his fingers into fists next to his side.

“Sorry, I forgot to bring back the umbrella,” he muttered sheepishly and you looked back at him with a little confused frown on your forehead, then you chuckled. It was music for the boy’s ears, the prettiest symphony.

“Ah, it’s okay, there’s no rush,” you waved it off and asked if it was everything else before activating the card reader terminal. “You didn’t catch a cold, right?”

“No.”

“Good, then I’m glad I could help,” you smiled like it was normal, like you would have done it for everyone which was sweet but also made Jaehyun’s chest ache.

“I just wasn’t sure it would come off wrong if I gave it to somebody else. So I wanted to make sure it was you but you weren’t here last week when I came, so…” Jaehyun knew that he rumbled but he couldn’t stop. He hoped that you found him more cute than weird though because he wanted to keep your eyes on him a little longer.

“Ah, I switched with Daehyeong because he had an exam earlier that day. I work three night shifts and two afternoon ones usually,” you said, listing the days for each which engraved themselves into Jaehyun’s mind as he took the receipt and the bottle from you.

“I will make sure to bring it back one of these days,” he promised enthusiastically to which you smiled and showed him an okay sign formed from your hand so cute Jaehyun swore he almost melted right then and there. You weren’t even trying and it was cuter than Woonhak’s aegyo!

“Careful!” You called after him when he almost walked into the automatically opening door because he was too busy looking back on you. But then you both laughed, him nervously and embarrassed, you a little bit amused and endeared and suddenly, Jaehyun’s lung having a hard time breathing had nothing to do with running.

Sungho was the first person Jaehyun told about you. He thought about going to Sanghyeok or Donghyun for advice but the eldest was the one he could trust to keep his secret even among them and who had a girlfriend before, so he seemed like the most promising option. Not that Jaehyun was going to ask you out on a date! He knew that would have been stupid of him to do so, especially so close to debut but his thoughts kept gravitating back to you. He just wanted to talk to you and he had no experience with other chromosomes other than his own due to the all boys school he attended and the bunch of dudes he spent his teens with in small practice rooms. Company training lessons on how to charm fans didn’t count as experience, so he needed some advice on how to not embarrass himself in front of you or come off too strong. Who knew Sungho’s advice would be so useless?

“Just be yourself.”

“That’s the most cliché thing you could have told me,” Jaehyun deadpanned with a black look.

“Well, it’s a common advice for a reason,” Sungho crossed his arms in front of his chest which made the other boy sigh. Always so logical, he should have known not to come here. Too much T energy for his F to handle.

“Which part of not embarrassing myself did you not get?”

The older boy rolled his eyes.

“Come on, Jaehyun, you have an excited puppy energy, girls love that.”

Oh no, now Sungho’s voice was soft like when he talked to Woonhak when he got a bad grade on a test he actually studied for. It was time to make a joke out of it.

“Well, I will blame you if I pee myself in excitement when our hands touch,” he snorted before mulling over his own words. “Do you think it would be weird as a lyrics?”

Sungho sighed, unimpressed, and didn’t even hesitate.

“Yes.”

Damn Park Sungho and his stupid advice, Jaehyun didn’t feel more prepared (if at all) when he decided to bring the umbrella back. However, it would have been awkward if he waited too long after your last encounter, so he decided to bite the bullet and just go. You recognized him right away and smiled at him widely. Jaehyun really didn’t understand how you could be so bright all the time when it was so late.

“Thanks,” you bobbed your head when he reached the umbrella over and your fingers brushed his when you took it, sending electricity down Jaehyun’s back.

“I should be the one thanking you,” he said, fidgeting with his fingers in front of himself.

“It really wasn’t anything special,” you tried to reassure him but it made the boy pout.

“Ah, so you would have done this for everybody,” he blurted out, sounding more disappointed than he would have admitted, his heart beating loud in his ears.

“Nah, just the cute ones,” you replied while you put the umbrella behind the counter and Jaehyun was sure he misheard you because what? There’s no way you called him cute.

“What?!” He echoed his thoughts and if he looked closer he would have seen your red ears.

“I said not everybody,” you lied after clearing your throat, avoiding his eyes. Gosh, when did it turn awkward? So the boy tried to salvage the situation.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he spoke up as casually as he could manage and he probably did a good job because you didn’t look weirded out. Not until you introduced yourself and he blurted out that he knew. “I mean, it’s on your name tag,” he explained hastily with a relieved giggle when you laughed it off too.

And it somehow became a habit: Jaehyun came by once or twice a week, buying small things like snacks or drinks and he chatted with you. Nothing special, just a bit about your days (your university classes and his newest story about his roommates that made you smile), snack flavor preference (you liked veggie chips while he preferred barbeque flavor), the weather (you liked clear nights the best because the moon was so pretty) and music (he might have fanboyed a bit too hard when you said you were waiting for Jungkook’s next single to drop because same!). Not to mention that you listening to kpop meant you wouldn’t find his career path offputting, so Jaehyun became a bit more sure that he would tell you about it one of these days.

For a while he thought that his most awkward visit was that one time when Dongmin dragged him to the convenience store for a late night snack and he tried very hard not to make it obvious in front of his group mate that he was crushing on you but failed miserably because when he went to get chopsticks for themselves, you smiled at him and he almost tripped. He thought he managed to recover quickly enough for the other boy to not notice but the younger’s shiteating grin was enough to dash his hopes.

“So she’s your sudden muse, huh?” Dongmin raised a brow teasingly and Jaehyun hissed at him to shut up, an unexpected change in their usual dynamics.

However, his next visit topped the most awkward encounter ever. This time when he went back, there was only silence greeting him instead of your usual cheerfulness and it took the boy no longer than two seconds to realize that it was because you were soundlessly sleeping over the counter next to the cash register.

It certainly didn’t look like the most comfortable position for your back and Jaehyun was sure there was some kind of rule against being asleep on the clock but he couldn’t make himself wake you up. You looked so peaceful and so pretty. Your cheeks rounded as they were squished against the desk, pink lips in a pout, eyelashes fluttering slightly like butterfly wings. Jaehyun was mesmerized, writing a song about your sleeping beauty in his head already. 

Then the idyll was broken when the automatic door opened revealing a tired university student and you blinked your eyes open. You probably noticed him creepily staring, so Jaehyun panicked and grabbed the first thing from the display next to him that he could reach and dropped in front of you without looking, trying to act cool while not making you feel bad for taking a nap.

You cleared your throat, straightened your back, looking at him sheepishly with big doe eyes and an apologetic smile which he reciprocated… only for it to drop when his gaze followed yours and settled on the item on the counter between the two of you.

A box of extra large condoms.

Jaehyun never wanted Earth to open up and shallow him more than in that moment, he might have as well just died of embarrassment, but before he could have snatched it back and fumble over his words to try to find a believable excuse how he could grab it instead of for example a pack of chewing gum, you had already scanned it with a forced smile as the professional you were.

The boy’s body acted on its own entity, detached from his currently cursed soul and he paid, leaving the shop with 10000 won shorter and condoms he wasn’t going to use. Like have you seen his chronically single ass? He couldn’t even hold a conversation with a girl he liked, not to mention getting laid. Jaehyun wanted to bang his head into a wall. He didn’t know how he was going to look you into the eyes after this.

To Donghyun’s credit, he at least tried not to laugh when Jaehyun caved and told the younger about his dilemma. If it was Sungho with his ijbolism he would have already been on the floor barely catching his breath. Especially because it was him being himself after his oh so great advice!

“You know you could be just honest. Maybe she will find it cute that you were too distracted by her beauty to check what you were getting,” Donghyun said with a little hum, his mouth curled up in a smile but his attention back on his fish.

“Nope. No way. It might make her uncomfortable,” Jaehyun shook his head, not risking it. He didn’t want to burden you with his feelings when he knew he wasn’t in the position to pursue them even if you gave him a chance.

“Then just tell her it was a prank gift if it comes up,” the younger shrugged and while it sounded like an actual reasonable idea, it still required Jaehyun to discuss the topic with you, so needless to say he concluded that the best thing he could do was to avoid you forever. It wasn’t ideal per se but nor was the timing and dramatic situations called for drastic measures (or something like that).

So he didn’t plan to go back to the convenience store ever but what was he supposed to do when during one of his night runs (he was now torturing himself without Sungho’s prompting too) he saw a quite drunk looking man enter the building? He had to make sure you were okay.

Still, he hoped that his gut feeling was wrong and that he was in for another embarrassing encounter instead of you being cornered by a stranger but when he stepped inside the store only to see you pulled away from the counter as much as you could while the drunkard swung a soju bottle in the air, he knew he made the right call.

“Hey, leave her alone!” Jaehyun raised his voice without thinking it through. He just wanted the dude to get away from you because he looked threatening enough but the moment the man’s attention turned to him, he internally panicked because heck, he had a music video shooting in two days, the makeup artist noonas would kill him if he got punched. Or worse, what if Dispatch finds out that he got into a fight before debut? He would ruin everything. Zico PD would be so disappointed. He was supposed to be the leader after all.

“Stay out of it, kid,” the man slurred and your big doe eyes were on him too, wary and partly  relieved. It gave Jaehyun the boost he needed.

“I saw you pocket drinks. I’m calling the police,” he found his voice again enough to bluff seeing the stuffed coat on the other but he was either right or the man was drunk enough not to care.

“Mind your own business,” he muttered but with big bravado he stumbled out of the store, bumping his shoulder into Jaehyun’s most likely on purpose.

“Gosh, thank you so much,” you let out a long breath and finally your tensed shoulders relaxed.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked, worried because even though you seemed physically okay, it must have been scary. Like even he almost shat himself while trying to assert dominance with eye contact. If Dongmin ever heard about it, he would have surely suggested to him to bark next time with how keen he was on teasing him for his usual puppy-like behavior. But look at him now winning an alpha staredown! He was definitely a wolf!

“Yes, it’s just… he wanted cigarettes too and got angry when I asked him to pay for the drinks first,” you said, still a bit shaken up but much calmer now.

Jaehyun wished he could see your lovely smile again and suddenly his last visit’s embarrassing outcome was the least of his worries. He decided to stick around, so he bought cup noodles and prepared it in the store’s self-catering corner while stealing glances at you. It was a quiet late night like usual, so you didn’t have much to do behind the register but still he was quite taken aback (and his heart started beating like a drum) when you decided to leave your post and sit beside him on one of those plastic chairs.

You talked about sweet little nothings like the passing cherry blossom season, favorite movies, your annoying professors and as cliche as it is, time flew by. You only realized how much when the guy for the next shift arrived.  You excused yourself to get changed and grab your things while Jaehyun cleaned up the table where he had his late night meal. When you emerged from the staff room, saying goodbye to the other employee, you seemed a bit surprised to see the boy still there which made him scratch the back of his neck bashfully.

“I will walk you to the bus stop. He might be still out there,” he explained himself and could only hope it didn’t sound as lame as he thought so. It was clearly an excuse but you let him get away with it with an easy smile.

Jaehyun’s heart couldn’t catch a breath as you were walking side by side, arms brushing from time to time, chattering about the constellations above, asking for his zodiac, pointing out stars he could only see reflected in your eyes. He had never been so enamored by anybody and he wished to keep this feeling forever fluttering in his chest.

“Are you okay?” Your voice pulled him out of his thoughts which made him stumble upon his words.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he smiled, not wanting to worry you, swinging his intertwined finger behind him because he didn’t know what to do with them. He had to keep himself occupied otherwise he would have done something stupid like reaching out to hold your hand with the excuse of dark, late night.

Your bus came just on time and for once, Jaehyun would have liked for it to be late because he could have listened to you talk about the sagittarius constellation until dusk but he didn’t want to keep you up either and the reasonable part of his brain also knew that he would regret staying up so late.

“Thank you again for earlier. And for keeping me company. I had fun,” you smiled at him, waving him goodbye which he could only reciprocate, starstruck.

The debut date was on the corner and with that, all of them got even busier, not to mention, the six boys crammed in a small place were supposed to move dorms too. Jaehyun should have been happy and don’t get him wrong, he was! This was what he had been waiting for, why he spent years in smelly training rooms until his muscles ached. This was what he wanted but a part of him couldn’t move past the fact that moving meant that your workplace wouldn’t be in the vicinity anymore, so he told himself that it was now or never. He would tell you about his well-kept secret and hope for the best. For what exactly he wasn’t sure but still.

He went back to the convenience store at the usual time since he had known your schedule by heart by then and there was no way he would have forgotten. But when he walked inside the store with his signature smile, you were nowhere to be found. There was another girl with bright dyed hair behind the counter flipping a magazine.

“Sorry, did Y/N change her schedule?” Jaehyun found himself asking, this time knowing better than to succumb to moping without questioning first.

“Oh, she resigned, wants to focus on studying more,” the girl replied after popping out the chewing gum in her mouth. Then after a pause, she asked: “Are you Jaehyun?”

The boy was taken aback. Knowing that you had told your coworker about him turned his ears red as he nodded slowly.

“She said to give you this if you come around,” the  cashier said and handed over a familiar transparent umbrella with a pink post-it note saying ‘monsoon season is coming. take care :)’ and while it was sweet and maybe it was for the better this way with his debut on the corner, Jaehyun had no idea a heart could be broken so gently.

4.5 YEARS AFTER DEBUT

The crisp of cold pinched Jaehyun’s cheeks as he exited the black van immediately blinded by the flash of cameras. He bowed and smiled towards the fans, waving and posing until a hand on his back reminded him to move forward.

Inside the broadcasting station there was a different kind of chaos: staff members running around, makeup artists touching up his face, professional cameras set up around, his manager reminding him to promote the upcoming concert as if he could forget. They sold out the Olympic Stadium after all, Jaehyun was still giddy (and nervous and awestruck) about the fact.

He greeted the veteran host of the radio show with a practiced, professional smile. He had gotten used to solo schedules early thanks to his MCountdown MC days, so he didn’t find it as nerve wracking as others did. He still remembered seeing the ever so (seemingly) all cool and aloof Dongmin shake with nerves before he left for his first meeting as a producer. These days, with their group’s reputation secured after hits that won Song of the Year awards dusting on their company’s shelf, they had more of these solo jobs, each of them doing their own thing: Sungho trying out acting, Sanghyuk choreographing for rookies and helping trainees, Dongmin writing songs for names even bigger than theirs, Donghyun narrating a wildlife documentary series, Woonhak having his own show while Jaehyun was busy with variety shows. Just to list a few of the things they were doing between comebacks and group schedules. Fans and the general public loved them, Jaehyun for example was dubbed as the nation's puppy boyfriend after he was deemed very boyfriend material on a Running Man episode simply for being more considerate than competitive.

It was exactly how the radio show host introduced him as too right after the greeting segment of the morning radio broadcast.

“Jaehyun-ssi, it’s so nice to have you here,” the woman turned to him and the idol grinned, boyish charm still clear on his face.

“The pleasure’s all mine.”

“Oh, I heard you would be a sweet talker,” the lady chuckled and Jaehyun joined in, used to the Butter Myung allegations since his own members liked to call him out on it too. It had become a thing early on.

“Only for noona… and Onedoors,” he winked into the camera because it came easy and because the reactions were good. The host seemed to enjoy his presence as well or was just as professional at her job as he was. They talked a bit in general about the day’s topic a bit and Jaehyun answered a few viewer’s questions in-between played songs. He talked about preparing for the Stadium concert and an upcoming album as well as what he had been up to lately.

“So tell us about the OST you wrote for MBC’s new hit drama. It’s been charting high ever since its release, right?” The lady grabbed this chance to inquire about In every lifetime, it’s you.

Jaehyun wasn't the first one who had a solo OST deal (it was Sungho for one of the first dramas he acted in as a support character) but he was the first one who was involved in the production, even allowed to write the lyrics in the concept of first love. The idol’s fingers twitched in his lap with the urge to scratch the back of his neck as he thought back on the dozen songs he had written about you and then kept in a hidden folder on his computer because they all sounded too real, too close to what he felt. Pouring his feelings into an OST for a drama was different because there was less promotion period if any and it was less unlikely that his members called him out on his sappiness every time they had to perform it. So he talked about the production, how quick it went and how taken aback he was by the immensely positive response.

“Is it inspired by real events? Based on your own first love perhaps?” The host inquired, curious, and Jaehyun could already tell that it will be the most rewatched part of the show. They weren’t rookies anymore, they could talk about things like it, past crushes or even exes. Sure, some might get upset but most fans moved on quickly and such things couldn’t ruin their career anymore.

“You can say so, but my first love was just a one sided crush. She gave me an umbrella on a rainy day, that inspired the song. I still have it, although the second time I got it as a goodbye,” Jaehyun admitted with a nostalgic smile, hoping that it would be enough to satisfy the host’s curiosity. If not, he had the perfect comeback. “My second love for Onedoor remains strong to this day though and I hope it’s mutual.”

“Ah, Jaehyun-ssi, I’m sure it is,” the lady chuckled and added a few words about the drama itself before playing the OST itself. It started with the sound of rain and it made the boy smile because as the lyrics unfolded, the instrumental became livelier and happier too like a rainbow after a sudden storm. Just how your smile and kindness had turned his awful day not so bad.

A few more fan questions were answered, Jaehyun thanked them for their continuous support and mentioned seeing them at the upcoming concert. All went well and Jaehyun felt giddy as he exited the venue like always when he could interact with fans.

He had no idea that on the other side of the city you were listening to the radio show, fingers freezing over the keyboard.

Their schedules were usually tight but Jaehyun enjoyed the buzz of it all. Sure, he liked to laze around in bed but there was nothing like being booked and busy because it really showed just how far they had come. There were times when they were exhausted but after being in the industry for a while they learned how to recognize the signs of burnout or being overwhelmed and they were lucky enough to have Zico PD-nim on their side. Their hyung might have been serious about music but he prioritized their health over profit enough to stand by them against shareholders who were in it for the money and not the music. He also reminded them to just have fun… within reasonable limits. Being an idol wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, there was dieting, being followed by Dispatch and sasaengs breaking into their hotel rooms or mobbing them at the airport. But at those times Jaehyun reminded himself that he had his best friends with him and they were doing what they loved. What more could he ask for?

So Jaehyun didn’t complain even if he spent long hours at the studio yesterday night but had to wake up at the crack of dawn to make it to the filming studio for their new MAC lipstick ad. Four hours of individual and group shots but at least they only had one set of clothes this time, an elegant black and white suit and tie combo for all of them. Jaehyun teased Woonhak about looking like a real adult now as if he hadn’t seen a boy in a similar attire three weeks ago at an award ceremony. But their maknae was way too cute when he pouted, so he couldn’t miss this chance.

“We’re starting off with the group shots. Are all of you ready?” An employee from the filming crew came up to them and the group members nodded, following him to the set with black background.

Once they took their place and turned around, they bowed to the staff: cameramen, photographer, stylists who would touch their makeup up, concept director, marketing and PR people from MAC next to their manager. For a moment – a moment too long – Jaehyun’s gaze got stuck on a figure on her phone, hair up with claw clips, voice like happy little chimes at Christmas, a vaguely familiar sound that knocked the air out of his chest.

“Jaehyun?” Sungho hissed, nudging him in the side when the silence stretched too far and everybody looked at them expectedly. Jaehyun cleared his throat.

“Who’s there? Boynextdoor! Hello, we’re Boynextdoor, please take care of us,” he bowed again and the others followed his lead like always. No matter how much they (especially Dongmin) teased him, they always followed him with unconditional trust. Jaehyun loved them like brothers.

The leader was out of it now though, so he had to blink to regain focus. It wasn’t the first time he imagined seeing you again. He had imagined (and written out) a bunch of different scenarios how it would play out but nothing ever happened. Korea wasn’t a small country after all, hell even Seoul was too big to just stumble upon you. He needed to get it together.

The photoshoot started with the group shots and Jaehyun managed to collect himself enough to follow instructions and channel through his inner model that he developed over the years. The photographer seemed satisfied with their work as well because everything went smoothly and they didn’t have to do many retakes. Once it was done, the individual shots followed. They played rock, paper, scissors (the ultimate solution for everything) earlier to decide the order and since Sanghyuk won, he was the first one to go. This way, once he was gone he could have done anything he wanted – sleep, play, hold a live, whatever – until the others were on.

Jaehyun was the third, which wasn’t bad but wasn’t really good either. He didn’t have enough time for a nap but he had more time to kill than just to wait around, so he decided to get drinks from the food support trucks their fan clubs had sent for their schedule. He asked the others if they wanted anything before taking off. First, he took pictures with the trucks to upload to social media later then got an iced americano for himself and another for Woonhak as if the youngest didn’t have enough energy without the caffeine.

Going back to the building, he literally tripped when he saw you.

Again. And this time there was no mistaking, no questions about it. It wasn’t a hallucination. It was you right then and right there, in front of him, talking with another staff member animatedly. After all these years you still looked like you were in his returning daydreams: all kind smiles and refreshing aura. Except that this wasn’t a dream. You might have lost the baby fat in your cheeks and your hair might have gotten longer, your smile was still dimpled. Instead of the convenience store uniform you had worn over your casual jeans-tee combo back then, now you dressed business casual and it was funny, really, because he went from sweatpants and hoodies to suit and tie as well. At least for now.

It was Woonhak who pulled him out of his reverie, waving a hand in front of his face before taking his coffee. (Luckily years of dance practices gave Jaehyun a good enough balance to upright himself before spilling coffee all over the ground and himself.)

“Hyung, come on… be at least a bit more subtle,” the boy sighed, rolling his eyes as if saying he couldn’t believe that Jaehyun was older than him and still acted like this. However, the leader couldn’t care less about the fact that he was acting embarrassing or not. He tugged on Woonhak’s jacket while still staring at you.

“It’s her,” he whispered as if he wasn’t already terribly obvious while the younger one was casually sipping on his drink.

“Huh?”

“The umbrella girl,” Jaehyun clarified, which made the youngest’s eyes turn into big saucers before turning towards you.

More or less, the group knew about you and about Jaehyun’s hopeless crush. It was hard not to with how treasured that umbrella was that he always carried with himself as a lucky charm or how many songs he had written with you in his thoughts.

No wonder Woonhak started slapping him on the shoulder out of excitement but he did his best at not saying anything out loud which in itself was already a relief. Him shuffling towards the others to relay the news or Jaehyun tapping his feet out of nervousness before his turn not so much. The thought of you watching him work made him super aware of every tiny detail and he wanted it to be perfect. He wanted you to see him and remember and see how far he had come. But he never caught you watching in-between takes when he could look away from the camera. You were either on the phone or talking with somebody.

Little did he know that you looked whenever he looked away.

He couldn’t find you after the shooting was done. Actually the entire MAC staff seemed to leave early but it still felt unfair. Having seen you and you slipping through his fingers again drove Jaehyun crazy. Especially because the photos came out well. He looked good enough to impress. It was such a wasted chance.

Should he send flowers to your workplace? Would that be too much? Too random?

There he was back with his overthinking and moping.

However, the next day, his phone buzzed with a message from their manager saying that he can’t pick them up to take them to the studio because he has to swing by at the MAC headquarters for some promotional products and the idol immediately perked up because wait! That was your workplace!

“Guys, guys, guys!” He shrieked, jumping up on his feet, startling Sanghyuk who was dozing off next to him on the couch. “I think I just got a sign from the universe telling me to go for it.”

With their individual activities and single rooms in their newest dorm, it was a rare occurrence that all of them were together but most of them still hung out in shared spaces like the living room when they had nothing to do. That was how Jaehyun got Sanghyuk and Dongmin there to witness his reaction and he pushed his phone into their faces. Luckily the guys looked interested enough in his sudden love life to listen to his ramble whether it had been weird if he went too and what he should have done if you weren’t there despite all his efforts. Oh gosh, maybe he shouldn’t go after all, because what if you were there? He could make a fool of himself.

“Jeez, hyung, and regret it for years again? You are not a trainee anymore with an uncertain future. You are one of the biggest names of our generation,” Dongmin huffed, then after a short pause and a bite of his snack, he added: “By the way I will deny it if anyone asks if I said that.”

It didn’t tamper Jaehyun’s hyped up mood though because that was true, things were really different from what they had been like five years ago.

“Thanks, Dongmin-ah, you are right,” he nodded to himself with his eyes lit up. He scrambled to get up from the couch quickly. He needed to decide on his outfit! He couldn’t go to MAC looking the same way (comfort over fashion) as he planned to lock himself into his studio.

“I’m always right,” Dongmin mumbled under his nose just as Jaehyun disappeared into his room after he shot a casual enough ‘can i tag along?’ message to their manager. Even if the man was surprised about his sudden interest in marketing procedures, he didn’t protest, just told him the time to be ready by if he wanted to come along.

Once they arrived at the office building and their manager was busy with paperwork and the gift bags, Jaehyun tried to hold himself back but even he was aware that he was perching over cubicle walls like an eager puppy waiting for its owner to take him out on a walk. He heard whispers following him, some employees asking another if it was The Myung Jaehyun or they were just seeing things. Jaehyun smiled at them with his most charming smile instead of confirming with words.

Was it considered stalking? He was just at your workplace and it wasn't without reason, so it wouldn’t have been a lie either if you asked about it. Jeez, why was he so nervous? He had performed in front of thousands and was used to live TV appearances. Worst case scenario you didn’t remember him and he only embarrassed himself in front of you which wouldn’t have been the first time nor the second. He could do it!

Jaehyun was in the middle of giving himself a pep talk when he saw a woman he had seen you talk to at the shooting and he did his best to subtly follow her to the print room.

“Excuse me…”

“Oh, Jaehyun-ssi, what are you doing here?” The woman blinked in surprise when she recognized him and the idol had no choice but to use his smoldering smile that often managed to get people to do exactly how he wanted. As casually as he could to not get follow-up questions, he asked if you were still in the office at which the lady furrowed her brows, asking back to confirm that she heard your name correctly.

“She just left actually. I saw her by the elevators a minute ago. You might catch up to her if it’s really urgent or I can try to help if–”

“Thank you, you’ve been a great help already!” Jaehyun cut her off as politely as he could with a bow before bolting towards the elevators in a totally idol-like sprint. Maybe he should have participated in the running category for the next ISAC.

It was déjà vu really, but only when the automatic doors of the office building opened did he notice that it had started snowing while he was inside. The scenery was breathtaking with petal-like snowflakes dressing the night cityscape whiter. Or was breathing difficult because of his heart beating too fast in his chest? He couldn't have missed you again, right?

Frantic, he looked around in the square in front of the building, looking for your figure while snow was slowly accessorizing his dark hair in big, fluffy flakes and the cold bit into his cheeks. He slid his reddened hands into his pockets because he forgot his gloves, not expecting snow that day.

“Do you still not bring an umbrella with you?” A familiar yet new, sweet voice asked him, amused and Jaehyun blinked the snow out of his eyes to focus on you.

Your cheeks were flushed from the cold, the bottom of your face hidden behind your fluffy scarf but he could tell from your eyes that you were smiling as you held an umbrella over both of you. 

So you remembered! Jaehyun could barely contain his relieved giggle.

“It’s been a while,” he noted instead, not wanting to miss the chance or seeming weird by just staring at you in awe. Gosh, you were so cute. How could you have gotten cuter with age?

“Yeah,” you nodded but didn’t elaborate and Jaehyun couldn’t leave it like that, he couldn’t let it turn awkward.

“Have you been well?” He asked and heck, it was so cliché, so much like small talk between strangers, but he was actually interested in what you had been up to all these years. You didn’t seem to mind, not with the corner of your mouth curling into one of the smiles he loved on you.

It turned out that you managed to graduate with flying colors and eventually get a job as a marketing assistant at MAC which you liked after some not too good experience in the beauty industry. He was happy for you because you deserved only the best. He was also selfish and he wanted more time with you, more privately, so he wouldn’t have those regrets Dongmin mentioned burdening him for not even trying.

“Do you want to, I don’t know, get a coffee? Tea? Dinner?” He found himself asking hastily and gosh, he was a stuttering mess. So much about his cool idol image. Not that you hadn’t seen him at worse but still, it was a new chance to impress you and he was failing terribly.

And maybe he messed up everything because you went awfully quiet at his question, your hand gripping tighter on the umbrella’s handle as you cast your eyes down. Jaehyun prepared himself for rejection even before the words left your mouth.

“I don’t think that’s a wise idea,” you mumbled and he gulped.

Of course it wasn’t.

“Right,” he nodded, a forced, polite smile tight on his lips even though he could practically feel his heart shattering into small pieces all over again.

He knew dating an idol wasn’t ideal, it could be daunting or heck, you might have a boyfriend already. Maybe meeting him made you uncomfortable because you didn’t keep the memories so fondly of him as he did about you.

“But it was nice seeing you again,” you added a bit belatedly and apologetically, turning to leave, to leave him stranded alone in the snowfall. At least it would make another beautiful, tragic love song, Jaehyun thought with his cold lips wobbling.

He let out a quiet sigh or so he thought but you must have heard him because then you stopped on your tracks, stilling, becoming a part of the picturesque view for a long moment before looking back, calling his name.

“Jaehyun… That song about the rain,” you started, quiet and unsure, and the singer could feel his heart’s loud thuds echo in his ears. He held his breath back, waiting for another stab in the heart. “It wasn’t a one sided crush.”

Jaehyun stopped breathing altogether. What?

He must have misheard you, there was no way you said that. It should have been the part where you told him not to write about you because it made you feel uncomfortable.

“You mean you did… That you… You too?” Jaehyun tripped all over his words. Really, for somebody who had songwriting credits on the majority of their award winning hits, it was a new low. He couldn’t even pierce together a sentence.

You closed your eyes for a bit as if to brace yourself before looking him in the eye again and Jaehyun felt the world resume spinning when you nodded. Yet, it only made him even more confused.

“Then… why?” He blurted out and you looked so confused at his question, he had to clarify. “Why isn’t it a good idea?”

A coffee, a tea, a dinner… A date or however you wanted to call it. At his straightforward question though, you looked more flustered than ever.

“I… I don’t know. Shouldn’t you know better? Don’t you have a dating ban or something?” You asked, blinking rapidly, cheeks redder than before and Jaehyun would have liked to think that it was because you blushed and not because of the cold. Especially because it was you who brought up dating!

“Oh, that. No, we don’t have a dating ban,” he cleared his throat, trying to play it off cool but a quiet chuckle still slipped past his lips.

One of the advantages of having an idol as your boss was that he knew exactly what it was like to be in their shoes. Zico himself told them that even with the ban they had found ways to make it work in secret, the risk of getting caught twice as big, so he didn’t want to impose such rules on them. He didn’t encourage it, telling them how unwise it was but still, the company couldn't have done much about it. But they all knew the risk and they were as busy as it got, not really having time for relationships anyway, so Jaehyun didn’t have to worry about it before. Not until you came back into his life.

“So? What do you say about that dinner?” He asked again, hopeful, practically feeling the awkwardness melt around you when you let out a chuckle as melodic as he remembered.

“I could eat,” you admitted and Jaehyun beamed at you, his eyes turning into crescents.

It would have been a perfect moment, a dream coming true, framed by snowflakes gliding in the air… except that his phone started buzzing with a call in his pocket at that moment and the singer swore under his breath when he saw his manager’s contact information on the screen. His disappearance surely got discovered.

“Hey, hyung, something came up, so I left early, but don’t worry, everything’s okay. More than okay actually,” he quickly took the call and ended it immediately, not giving the man a chance to ask questions but hopefully not giving him a heart attack either. Then he turned to you with a wide smile. “Let’s go.”

You chuckled as the two of you synced your steps, walking into a random direction without any concrete destination plans. You even let him take the umbrella from your hand and hold it above your duo himself, your smile shy but genuine when your fingers brushed.

The humidity of air sticks to you like second skin, sweat glistening on your nape where your hair gets tangled in the summer heat. With closed eyes and the tickling feeling of sand under your bare feet, you listen to the ocean waves washing up the beach and children giggling. You take a deep breath of air filled with salt and fish and oil, something so uniquely Busan that you feel like fourteen again.

It’s been years since you had come to visit. Excuses were easy to find: too busy, too far; reasons were much harder.

But now you’re here and you realize that you missed it. The quiet serenity of being hidden away in the part of town that’s far from the busy skyscraper downtown and the overwhelming tourist traps. You remember spending summers running down these sandy beaches and playing in the water, mouth sticky with fruit and palms scratched with falls and youth. Then you turned older and got bored of the quiet neighborhood, the ocean losing its significance after seeing it too many times, eventually you stopped coming altogether. Now you are even older but still young, barely out of school, the CSAT exams still haunting your dreams. You’re just twenty but sometimes that age feels like it bears the weight of the world. Your world at least.

You open your eyes and squint right away at the brightness of the Sun and feel its burning heat on your bare shoulders only cooled by some nice breeze. The air might smell like salt, fish and oil but it tastes like freedom.

You take one more deep breath, willing yourself not to think of your mother’s disappointed words about your behavior nor her disapproval of you coming here, and push yourself up. You grab your discarded sandals and head back. Your grandparents must be worried already. In their eyes you are still fourteen, forever a child.

And they might be right because not even halfway down the beach, you abruptly halt and hiss, pain shooting into your feet and your carmine blood drips onto the golden sand. Balancing yourself on one leg, you check on the wound, a cut on the softest flesh part of your feet and the culprit, a broken shell in the sand. Clumsily you take your water bottle from your bag to clean the blood off, your skin still sensitive around the fresh wound. You debate whether you should tiptoe the rest of the way or clean your footwear off sand and dirt as much as you can but before you could decide, a stranger approaches you with worriedly furrowed brows.

“Are you okay?” He asks in a deep voice but you don’t pay too much attention to him, too busy to figure out what to do with your injury.

“Yeah, it’s just a small cut,” you brush his worry off, expecting him to walk away or maybe to give you directions to the closest pharmacy but he does neither.

“Here. Hold onto me,” the stranger offers his arm which you reluctantly but take because your balancing skills honestly aren’t the best. Then you can do nothing but stare as the boy around your age suddenly pulls out a plaster from his shorts’ pocket and leans down to inspect your wound. It’s a bit awkward, having a stranger look at your feet, so your fingers curl inside themselves around his arm. The boy is gentle, barely touching your skin as he applies the plaster and once he’s done, he straightens, looking down at you with sparkling, shiny eyes.

The first thing you notice about him other than his height and the low register of voice is actually his eyes, how pretty and expressive they are. The second thing is the way the wind blows his longer, almond colored fringe into his eyes. Your fingers twitch to brush it away just to find out if they are as soft as they look.

Then you realize that you’re staring, so you quickly look away, down at your feet that now has a cute seahorse patterned plaster on it.

“Thanks,” you mutter, a bit dumbfounded but amused at the same time. “Do you just carry around plasters everywhere?” You blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind as you lower your leg, still feeling a bit sensitive but much better.

“I can be a bit clumsy at times. And too curious for my own good or so I have been told,” the boy shrugs with a sheepish smile on his face. “I’m Leehan by the way.”

“I’m…”

“Y/N-ah! There you are,” your grandmother’s voice cuts off your introduction and like a kid caught doing something you shouldn’t have, you take a step backwards, away from the boy, on instinct.

“I have to go,” you look at the stranger, Leehan, one last time apologetically. “Thanks again.”

“Take care,” the boy smiles warmly and waves, the movement cute just like the animal print plaster he had on him.

You limp all the way towards your grandma who stands there with her hands on her hips, ready to scold but you hush her and tell her it’s nothing serious, that you are okay. Still you listen to her tsk-ing and nagging as you walk back inside the house but once she seems to run out of everything she could have said about it, she changes the topic swiftly.

“You barely got here and you are already snatching boys?”

“If by snatching you mean embarrassing myself in front of them, then sure,” you try to softly tone down your grandma’s enthusiasm but she keeps chattering despite the sarcasm in your answer.

“Leehan is a sweet boy, always helping when he sees me with lots of groceries. He lives in the neighborhood with his family and I think he graduated high school last year, so you must be the same age.”

You hate how hopeful she sounds because you didn’t come here to befriend people. When you called asking if you could spend the summer here like you used to, except this time you would help them out, your grandma was happy to take you in but worried too that you would be lonely or bored alone with ‘only them old folks’ but honestly, you craved a little peace and alone time. That’s why you needed to get out of Seoul too, away from its people. From all its memories.

So you just make a noncommittal hum and escape to the kitchen to help your grandpa with the scallion pancakes for dinner.

“What’s your grandmother fussing about?” He asks, pushing the glasses further up his nose.

“Nothing, I just stepped on a broken shell,” you shrug and get three plates from the shelves and kimchi from the fridge.

“Typical. I heard about it for weeks when I accidentally cut my finger one time,” he recited and you smiled, feeling loved and cared for. At home.

The market is stuffy, different smells of sea animals, fried food, fresh fruit and detergent mixing with the sounds of vendors arguing and negotiating over the static sound of music coming from an old radio. It’s busy but different type of busy compared to the crowded metro coaches. It’s lively here and while you had studied your ass off for the promise of a future corporate job, here you are packaging tteokbokki for takeaway, always adding extra because that’s a given for regulars. Not that you think it’s below you, you love the food stall aunties and uncles very much, but you would have never imagined yourself sweating next to a spicy boiling broth in the heat of summer. Maybe it had something to do with the way your mother talked about her parents’ job so derogatorily, always telling you that you’re only somebody if you’re well educated and a career woman. Maybe that’s why she was so against you coming here. Because it was a place she had run  away from.

You’re in the middle of chopping scallions in the back when you hear a cheerful call of Ahjumma! and your grandma perks up more than usual.

“Leehan-ah, are you going down to the beach?” She asks and you feel the back of your neck heat up but you blame it on the Sun. It has been days since the shell incident but the embarrassment still creeps on you. You hope the boy won’t notice you or at least not say anything about it.

“Later. First I have some errands to run,” Leehan says and your granny coos, probably patting his cheek too, calling him a good boy. Then casually while she is stirring the tteok in the pot, she suddenly changes the topic.

“If you have some free time, could you show our Y/N around? She doesn't really go out on her own.”

“Grandma!” You turn around, sulky at the callout. A mistake because you can clearly see the boy failing to hide his amused smile.

“Sure. If she can keep up,” he raises a brow elegantly at you which immediately makes you defensive.

“Are you calling me short?” You straighten up without meaning to because come on, you aren’t that much shorter!

“I’m asking if your foot is alright.” Leehan corrects your assumption with a know-it-all smile plastered on his face but he still manages to pull it off in a genuine way with a hint of worry. It makes you feel flustered for a moment.

“Oh, yeah, it’s fine,” you clear your throat and clean your hands in a rag cloth nearby.

“I’m just going to the post office, I’m free after that,” the boy says, looking straight at you from under his longer fringe, over your grandma’s shoulder.

“Great. Go have fun!” The old lady exclaims, turning and walking up to you, untying your apron faster than you would expect from somebody her age.

“Grandma, I’m not leaving you alone,” you protest but it’s no use. She tsks and shakes her head as if she couldn’t believe what she’s hearing.

“Please, we were doing fine before too. I can just get your grandpa to stop playing mahjong with the neighbors if more people come,” she brushes off your worries easily and basically pushes you out of the food stall’s kitchen area. You’re just about to complain about your bag when she shoves it towards your chest and all you can do is stare at her, shocked but you can’t really say anything when she smiles so sweetly and wishes that you have a good time.

Eventually, you’re the one to give up. It’s not like you could make her let you work against her wishes and she seems very keen on making sure that you go out and get friends while you’re here. It was difficult to convince her to let you help out at the shop at all to pay back in a way for their hospitality no matter how much they told you that they would be happy just to have you over the summer.

It’s only when you’re a little further as you follow Leehan through the market, when you speak up.

“You know, you don’t have to do what my grandmother asks you. I can be on my own just fine,” you mutter, not wanting him to think you’re some child that needs a babysitter. Just because you like to stay in your room, it doesn’t mean you would get lost if you set a foot outside.

“I’m sure, don’t worry. But it’s no bother. I like to be an advocate for the city,” the boy grins at you and as if on cue, an auntie greets him and insists on giving him a bag of peaches. Leehan asks about her grandchildren and compliments her harvest. He charms everybody effortlessly, a real sweet talker but he doesn’t seem fake about it at all and it’s kind of lovely, just like his fish themed plasters.

With people constantly greeting him, it takes way longer to get to the post office than it should have but at least you can laugh when he loses paper, rock, scissors against a nine year old kid and is bullied into trying something really spicy. You try to hide your smile while the little kid is unabashed about his reaction when Leehan grimaces at the hot spices, finding his disgusted nose scrunch hilarious. In apology, you buy him iced green tea at the next stall you see and he smiles at you brightly like the Sun.

Once Leehan is done at the post office, you expect it to get awkward but it’s him who breaks the silence as you stand in the shade, sweat dripping down your back in the moonsoon season’s humidity.

“So… you’re here for the summer?”

“Hm. I missed the sea,” you hum quietly, keeping your eyes on the bright horizon and the shimmering line of water in the distance.

It isn’t entirely a lie but not the whole truth either. Being so burned out after high school that you got a panic attack at the thought of going to university, so you had to postpone a semester and the disappointment it caused to your parents certainly isn’t something you want to dump on a practically stranger. But even if Leehan has a feeling that you’re not 100% sincere, he doesn’t push, which is something you appreciate.

“Well, then you came to the right place. Not to be biased but Busan has the prettiest beaches.”

“Prettier than Jeju?” You tease just for the sake of it and it makes the boy chuckle.

“Of course! Come on, I will show you my favorite place,” he tilts his head, a clear invitation and you give in because you don’t have anything better to do anyway.

The Sun is still high up on the sky, white clouds clear against the blue of it. You’re fanning yourself but it doesn’t help much. Leehan however doesn’t seem bothered by the heat, so you find yourself asking:

“Did you grow up here?”

“Born and raised,” he nods with a proud smile which isn’t that surprising because he has that more laidback way of talking that locals around here have. At least he’s not talking as fast as the neighbor ahjussi whom you have trouble understanding. “You have a Seoul dialect though.”

“That’s the standard way of speaking, just saying,” you roll your eyes at him calling the way you speak a dialect which makes him laugh. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

It’s silly arguing over something like this but it’s actually fun, you find yourself smiling without meaning to. Something that has come harder lately. So you end up answering the boy’s unasked question about your upbringing. You tell him about growing up among metal skyscrapers, the Han River and Seoul Forest being your escape, only spending your summers in Busan, your mother’s hometown until you were fourteen. Leehan listens and asks random questions like whether you have ever been to the COEX Aquarium or if you ever wanted to be a mermaid as a little girl. It’s surprisingly easy to talk with him, to open up. Maybe it’s because you know he doesn’t know you well enough to judge or even if he did, it doesn’t matter much because you would leave at the end of the summer anyways.

In the meantime you reach the sea and walk along the shore farther from the crowded beach and bay areas. When you come across a bunch of larger rocks, Leehan climbs onto the top easily and holds out a hand for you to help you up too. Tentatively but you take up on his offer and let him pull you up on the slightly slippery rock. He doesn’t let go until you land on stable ground on the other side. There are smaller rocks and pebble stones splattered across the sand there stretching from the clean turquoise blue waters to a cave overshadowed by greenery. It’s beautiful and you can’t believe you’re the only ones here.

“How did you find this place?” You ask in awe, wandering farther ahead. Even the sand is cooler here from the trees’ shade.

“Honestly, I don’t go out a lot either. I just like to go down to the beach and be, you know. So I have been looking for a place where I can chill and well, I had years,” the boy says with a hidden smile in the corner of his mouth as your grandmother’s words about your hermit behavior echoes in your ears.

Of course, you know that she means well and that she’s a social butterfly, so it’s weird for her that you are not that outgoing at your age. Or maybe she has heard from your mother of those weeks where you refused to leave your room let alone the house. Things had been bad then, now you’re getting better. You have come all the way to Busan after all. Was it to run away from your problems? Maybe, but also you hoped that not being in an environment that reminded you of your failures would help.

“Do you always bring girls here?” You ask, more playful than anything as you balance between two rocks, looking back at Leehan over your shoulder. You can hear him snort and catch the way he scratches the back of his neck.

“Not really,” he admits sheepishly. “Just the special ones,” he adds with a mischievous smirk on his face. Tsk, what a flirt, you shake your head in disbelief but amused.

“Aren’t you afraid that I will ruin your chill time here?” You ask as you settle onto a place in the shades, closing your eyes as you enjoy the cool breeze against your sweaty shoulders.

“Not really,” comes the answer closer than you expected as Leehan settles on the ground not far from you. You squint your eyes open to see his expression but he’s only looking at the sea fondly.

You don’t talk much afterwards, just sharing bits and bobs of your lives, little anecdotes. Leehan eventually offers to walk you home when it gets close to dinner time. You could easily find your way with Naver Maps but you let him anyway and try to keep up with his recommendations of Busan places to check out; you probably forget half of them though. You don’t exchange contacts, it somehow doesn’t even occur to you because you’re pretty sure you will run into each other one way or another. It’s all nice and cozy. Something you could get used to.

Even though you expected to meet Leehan, you didn’t think it would be so soon. But trust your grandma to play the matchmaker despite your firm reminder that you didn’t come to stay with them over the summer to get a boyfriend.

Still, you should have known better when you agreed to get cat food at the local pet store in lieu of one of your grandmother’s friends. You feared she would have gone herself and carried it all if you weren’t going and at that point you were just happy if she let you do anything yourself because you felt like a spoiled guest at her house. But of course, she had ulterior motives, you realize when behind the store’s counter, there’s none other than Leehan with his pretty smile and soft-looking hair.

“Are you stalking me?” He grins when he spots you after the jingling sound of the door chime signals your arrival, one side of his mouth curling more upwards then the other, the asymmetry of it making him even more handsome.

“Blame my grandma. She sent me here on an errand.”

You are quick to give him your excuse but it only makes the boy pout slightly and you can’t tell whether he’s faking it or he’s actually disappointed.

“I thought you missed my wonderful company,” he puts a hand over his heart and ah, that’s definitely over exaggerated.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” you deadpan as you walk up to the counter and pull out your phone to get the list of things you should buy.

You show the pet food brands and quantities to the boy and while he’s off to get them from the back, you look around in the shop. There are all sorts of cat and dog supplies but further in the back you see tanks and you swear you see movement in some, so your curiosity brings the worst out of you and you wander closer, smiling upon seeing the blue and golden fish in various prettily decorated glass boxes. You’re so busy looking inside the tanks that you get startled when Leehan speaks up from behind you.

“Do you like fish?”

“Oh… actually, I have wanted a fish tank at home ever since I saw Romeo + Juliet,” you admit as you turn to face the boy. He furrows his brows in confusion and you somehow feel urged to explain it in more detail. “It’s an adaptation from the 90s. In this version, Romeo and Juliet saw each other first through a fish tank at the ball. I just thought it’s… romantic,” you cut yourself off when you realise your’re rambling about embarrassing girly things and clear your throat. “Anyways, my parents obviously didn’t let me have one.”

“That’s cute,” Leehan says, his smile half-teasing, half-sincere and you feel heat coloring your cheeks. How can he just say things like that? “I have one at home.”

He adds casually but you immediately perk up.

“Really? Do you have pictures of it?” You can’t help but inquire and luckily the boy doesn’t seem to mind. On the contrary, he seems pretty excited that he’s able to talk about his fish. He keeps showing you pictures of different states of the fish tank and what kind of fish he had before and what else he wants to get one day. He also tells you that this is his go-to place when it comes to buying fish supplies and it’s pretty cool that the owner lets him work here part-time over the summer. You are so distracted that the next customer has to come to the back looking for the cashier which is a bit awkward but you both laugh about it.

You shuffle around in the back while the customer gets the new leash for his dog and when he leaves, you go to the checkout counter too to pay for the cat food. You already stayed longer than you intended to do, so you do a little ‘hwaiting’ gesture at Leehan as a goodbye but his words stop you before you could leave.

“Would you like to go to the aquarium this weekend?” He asks and you swear you can hear the nervousness in his tone despite the smooth, casual delivery or his confident front.

“Sure, why not?” You try to play it cool too and eventually you agree to meet in front of the place on Saturday, so you leave the pet shop not only with cat food but weekend plans too and a smile on your face.

It’s an understatement to say that your grandma is over the moon when you tell them that you will be out Saturday because you made plans with Leehan. Your grandpa asks though if he needs to talk with ‘this young man about his intentions’ and you protest vehemently. It’s not even a date after all, because it isn’t, right? You’re just hanging out. Your granny waves her hand and chuckles at the interaction.

“Let them be. We were young once too,” she says in that voice she always has when she gets nostalgic. You listen to her stories about her youth even if you have heard them dozens of times before because your grandma had such an eventful life. No wonder she always encourages you to ‘live a little’ and follow your heart. That’s how you don’t regret life looking back, she says.

So that’s what you are doing when Saturday comes and you get ready to go out. The loose-fitting white dress feels light against your skin and with a sudden wave of enthusiasm, you reach for your barely used eyeshadow palette. Today you feel like doing something special, like putting on silver, glittery makeup. You feel good when you look into the mirror but then you start second guessing it. Isn’t it too much for a simple hangout?

Too late, you realize because you’re already short on time to make it to the aquarium by the agreed time, so you brush off your worries. By some miracle you manage to catch the bus, trying not to think about your outfit or makeup being too much, too… date-y.

When you arrive at the entrance, Leehan is already there, his tall figure striking even from a distance, especially in the jeans and tucked-in, light blue shirt combo he wears. He stands by one of the pillars, scrolling through his phone but pockets it right away when he sees you.

“Hey… You look pretty,” he blurts out, faint rosiness coloring his cheeks and it makes you feel shy too. Your previous thoughts about taking this dressing up too far cease to exist.

“Thanks. You look good too,” you say because it’s true, but he always looks nice. Even in the bermuda shorts he wears to the beach or the pet store uniform t-shirt. Maybe it’s because of his slender figure or his prince-like features or just overall the casual confidence he holds himself with.

“Thanks,” Leehan mutters and looks away. It’s quite a different reaction from what he shows when ahjummas on the market pinch his cheeks and call him handsome. “Let’s go in.”

Inside it’s like a hidden Atlantis. You are surrounded by lovey-dovey couples walking hand-in-hand and families with kids running around. The blue hue of water is casted over everything and Leehan’s eyes sparkle in the dim light as he tells you about things he learned from documentaries about the deep sea or at university. It turns out he’s studying oceanology at Korean Maritime and Ocean University there in Busan which is pretty cool, something that suits him. When he asks about your side, unknowing to the turmoil inside you when it comes to your studies, you don’t tell him about the stress you have been under just to get into a SKY university. You don’t tell him about your messed up sleeping and eating schedules, the IV drops at hospitals, the anxiety and panic attacks nor the result of it all. You just shrug and tell him that you got into a good uni with a business management major, but it’s not really what you want to do. He doesn’t ask why you did it then or why you don’t change it. Instead he looks at you with a smile under the penguins’ majestic aquarium and asks:

“If nothing else mattered, what would you want to do then?”

You give it a thought because you didn’t quite have the luxury to think about what you really wanted before. It was always about what your parents wanted you to do. Until you decided to pack your things and come down to this beach town.

“Staying here forever,” you eventually respond and it sounds like an exaggeration, so you chuckle to soften the confession’s rough edges. Even if Leehan doesn’t know you well enough (yet) to understand the longing in those words, your yearning for the taste of freedom and the warmth of a home where you are waited for,che seems to understand. He just smiles wider and proceeds to tell about the crazy lifespan of some turtle species. It’s good, your tensed shoulders relax again as you follow him to the next section.

After you have thoroughly seen everything at the aquarium, you find a place nearby to eat at, then walk down the closeby popular Haeundae beach. It’s not as pretty as the one next to the lagoon Leehan showed you the other day and there are more people here than you would have preferred but it’s okay. You never seem to run out of topics, lighthearted ones, yet even silence is comfortable with Leehan.

“See you tomorrow at the beach?” You ask in lieu of saying goodbye on your way back. Your fingers are intertwined behind your back just to do something with them because they are sweaty and soiled with sand from the impromptu sand castle building you came up with under the last unforgiving rays of the Sun.

“Don’t miss me too much until then,” Leehan says with a corny smile playing on his lips instead of saying yes but you just laugh and let him be.

You ignore your grandma’s knowing glare from the living room as you run up the stairs two at a time, your white dress floating behind you like flower petals in the wind.

On Sunday you meet on the beach and stay out until the Sun disappears behind the horizon. Next week you help Leehan choose a new decoration for his fish tank and spend two hours in the pet store listening to him talk about the difference between algae types and the importance of filters and sub-filters. On Friday your grandparents are at the hospital for their usual check up, so you’re on your own in the food stall. Leehan comes around to keep you entertained but he ends up helping out when a bigger group appears. Sweet of him but you find out the hard way that he has shitty sense when it comes to spice, especially salt, measurements.

The week after, you run into each other in your local Olive Young while you’re getting a new nail polish color and he has a bottle of shampoo in his basket. You end up leaving with a new glittery eyeshadow palette too because the boy drops a comment that it would look pretty on you. You put it on together with the baby pink nail polish you just bought when you go to the outdoor screening of a Korean classic on the beach. Under fairy lights and the fluorescent reflections of the movie in Leehan’s sparkling eyes, you feel a rush of something selfish, a longing so deep it cuts and you have to look away before it becomes obvious.

You don’t talk about it, whether these are dates or not. Because talking about it would make it real. It would make it scary, because then you would have something to lose when the summer ends. It’s fragile but it’s yours and it’s enough, you tell yourself.

One of these days it rains. The kind of sudden summer downpour that feels way too nice on your heated skin in the humid, hot weather. It catches you in the middle of eating ice cream with Leehan and you can’t help but yelp when the first cold raindrops touch your bare shoulder. You both get up quickly and run for cover ice cream long forgotten but the rain just pours and pours and both of you are drenched by the time you reach the nearby cave.

You look up at Leehan from under your wet eyelashes, shivering slightly and burst out laughing at the sight of his hair sticking to his face weirdly like a soaked puppy. You know you don’t look any better because you feel your hair weight over your shoulders like a rag. You try your best to tie it up, out of your eyes but Leehan is still staring.

“What?” You ask, self-conscious and shy under his intense stare. Then you are holding your breath because the boy lifts his right hand and touches your face. His touch burns and leaves goosebumps in its wake as he brushes another lock of hair behind your ear.

The rain is loud around you but it all sounds saturated right there, at the entrance of the small cave just by the beach. You tremble, not from the cold but something akin to anticipation.

Leehan’s gaze meets your eyes. There’s softness and wonder in the depth of his brown orbs. You take a shaky breath as he runs his fingers down the expanse of your bare arm until he finds your hand and then he chuckles and pulls you out into the pouring rain.

“Yah!” You scream at him but you laugh too, a childish feeling bubbling up in your chest.

You chase each other around on the beach. The sand is wet under your feet and the sea is cold when you end up knees deep, splashing water at each other as if you could be even more soaked. Your laughters echo in the cave and you feel the most alive in a while.

You still laugh about it when the next day you wake up with a cold and sore throat.

The push and pull between you is like the waves washing up the shore. There has to be a breaking point when it spills over. It happens in Leehan’s room when he finally shows you his fish family in person after chatting your ears off about them. The tank is bigger than you expected and it’s really nicely decorated, it’s clear that the boy put a lot of effort into it and you appreciate all the details. You’re too busy watching in awe as the tetras and shrimps swim around to notice the boy on the other side of the water wall until you catch his eyes on you. You blink in surprise and think that it’s unfair how handsome he looks even through two layers of glass and filtered water. Bashful, you straighten up at once and Leehan does the same on the other side.

“Was it like this? In the movie?” He asks, curiosity coloring his deep voice and your breath hitches because he remembers! It was something small you mentioned to him the second time you met and yet, he didn’t forget.

“Something like this,” you nod, still bewildered and breathing shallowly as the boy edges closer, leaning over the fish tank.

“What happens after?” Leehan’s voice is barely above a whisper as his gaze searches your face. Your fingers tremble, so you press them against the countertop for balance.

“Why do I have a feeling that you know?” You lower your voice too as if it was a secret and the thought of him looking up the movie just because you told him about it makes you feel mushy inside.

Leehan giggles and it's music to your ears, a beautiful sound. 

Your eyes flutter closed when his lips graze against yours. It’s chaste and clumsy but his kiss tastes sweet like cherry lip balm and summer. You never want to forget this feeling.

What starts with a kiss between four walls ends up spilling all over the pages of your summer. It’s in the way you share looks and secret smiles over your grandmother’s shoulder, the way he holds your hand as you walk down the beach or the way every accidental touch sets your skin on fire. The way you talk on the phone until late on days when you can’t meet or how he notices the faintest burn mark on your fingertip from cooking and presses a kiss on it to ‘help it heal’. It's shared packs of gummies, sea-washed hearts drawn into sand, blush on cheeks and a secret held close to your heart. You still don’t talk about the future, about what it means even though you know you should. You should tell Leehan that it’s bound to end in heartbreak because you will leave eventually but for once you let yourself be selfish and pretend that you have all the time in the world. Or at least pretend that you have him.

It’s been almost two months since you have been in Busan and you have felt better than ever. No pressure on your chest anymore when you wake up, no breaking out in sweat when you see the calendar counting down days, no lack of motivation to go outside. However, one thing is enough to crash it all down. One simple thing.

You stare at your ringing, buzzing phone as if you could will it to stop just by looking at it hard enough. Your mother’s name on the screen is enough to make your stomach twist uncomfortably and you bite into your inside cheek so hard you taste iron as you swipe the call towards the green direction.

“Y/N,” your mother calls your name like a greeting. You hold your breath back, wondering if she will tell you that they missed you since you haven’t talked with them since you have left but you should have known not to get your hopes up.

“Did you decide on the next semester?” She asks, straight to the point as if that’s the only thing they care about. Maybe it is.

“No,” you mumble and you want to make yourself smaller when you hear your mother’s disappointed sigh. It’s bringing back ugly memories. The realization that their love is conditional hits you hard again.

“When are you coming back then? It’s been enough of a vacation already,” she says dismissively and you know too well that she doesn’t ask because she wants you back out of caring but because then she would have more leverage over you.

“I’m staying for the rest of summer,” you force yourself to remind her because no matter how guilty and ungrateful she makes you feel, you remember how hard it was to leave, to go against her in the first place, so you don’t want to go back, not until you are sure she cannot emotionally manipulate you into doing something you don’t want.

“What a waste of time. You should at least sign up for a language course–”

“I have to go. Sorry,” you hang up the call and only when you drop the phone onto the bed’s mattress you realize that you’re trembling. It’s when the tears are starting to sting your eyes. Your phone rings again, your mother’s contact haunting you like a ghost, so you switch the phone off entirely. You refuse to cry but the ugly sobs bubble up nevertheless and it’s all coming back.

It’s day three of shutting yourself in your room and not talking with everybody. You feel useless and stuck, just like the disappointment your mother thinks you are. When there’s a knock on your door, you think it’s your grandmother coming for the breakfast tray, so unsuspecting, you open it. You immediately wish you didn’t because in front of you stands Leehan with worry clear on his face. Or is it pity? In this mindset, it’s hard to tell.

“Your grandmother let me in. I couldn’t reach you,” The boy rushes to speak up, his voice stained with something heavy. “Are you… What’s wrong?” He corrects himself probably realizing that asking if you are okay would be a stupid question when you clearly aren’t.

“You should leave,” you croak out, your voice hoarse from disuse.

“Y/N, don’t,” Leehan pleads with sad eyes that beg to don’t push me away, don’t shut me out but you’re too used to dealing with things alone. “You don’t have to tell me but let me be here for you.”

It’s the gentleness in his request that makes you stall. He doesn’t force you to do anything, he just asks like he wants to be there. Like he doesn’t care that you look shitty and ignored him for days. You don’t deserve his kindness.

“Let me shower first,” you look away before opening your door wider to your curtained and stuffy room.

You open the window and grab some homey clothes from the gardrobe because you don’t want to stay in your pajamas next to the boy. Then you close yourself inside the bathroom, taking a too cold shower but by the end of it you actually feel a bit more like yourself. You walk back to your room in the new, clean clothes and wet hair, not ready to look Leehan in the eye, so you’re relieved when he doesn’t make you do that either. He just gently takes the towel from your hands and sits down behind you on the bed, massaging the soft material into your head. You let out a little choked up sound at the feeling of being cared for. You close your eyes to will yourself not to cry and Leehan doesn’t say anything, he just keeps drying your hair gently.

“My mother called,” you speak up after what feels like forever and yet not long enough. The boy hums quietly, showing that he’s listening but he lets you go on at your own pace. So you tell him about the pressure to do well at the CSAT exams and to get into a SKY uni, about falling out with your best friend because of competitive studying, about starting to hate it and how it ruined your relationship with your parents.

You speak and Leehan listens, then when there are no words and your heart feels like an empty shell, he holds you close. It feels like he holds all your broken, ugly pieces together.

It doesn’t happen from one day to another but things get better. You get better again. It’s the kind of progress that you have to do yourself but having your supportive grandparents and Leehan by your side definitely helps.

The boy comes over often in the beginning because you don’t yet feel like going out and being seen by people. Your grandfather mentions something about keeping your door open at all times but after realizing that all you do is watching documentaries on your laptop, reading books with your head in Leehan’s lap while he is on his phone or braiding each others’ hair, he doesn’t say anything anymore.

It takes a while to gather courage to tell everything to your grandparents too because it’s one thing opening up to Leehan but it’s about their daughter and you’re afraid that despite letting you stay here and not caring much about your education, they would take your mother’s side. Luckily, they understand.

“You could stay, you know. Your grandfather and I would be happy to have you here,” your granny reassures you with a hand on yours, soothing.

“It’s not that simple,” you let out a quiet sob because which ungrateful child doesn’t do what their parents want after the fortune they had spent on her education? It’s just university, you can bear it for a few years, says the little voice in your head, even if you hate it, even if your perfectionist tendencies will ruin the experience for you.

“It can be that simple. I will talk with your mother,” your grandpa exclaims and you know he would do so if you don’t stop him.

“Please don’t. It’s something I have to do myself,” you say because you can’t let others fight your battles for you, because it’s a step you need to take for the freedom you crave.

It’s scary still, preparing to tell your parents something you know they won’t like nor will they hesitate to try and change your mind. 

Leehan squeezes your hand before leaving you alone to make the phone call. He doesn’t go far, you know that the farthest is the kitchen where your grandma will convince him to taste her cooking. You pace around in the room, giving yourself a pep talk, rehearsing your prepared speech a few times before hitting the call button.

It takes three rings for your mother to answer. Her voice is leveled and disinterested when she asks how you are. She doesn’t care, she only cares about what people will say about her if their A+ student daughter won’t go to university. But you won’t take her burdens on your shoulders anymore.

“I decided. I won’t start uni next semester. In fact, I will drop out,” you blurt out as quickly as possible, like ripping off a bandaid. You don’t let your voice waver no matter how nervous you feel. “Maybe one day I will attend a university but if I do, I will study something I would like to, something I'm actually interested in, not business,” you continue before your mother could interrupt you. “Thank you for supporting me through school but I’m old enough now to make my decisions, so I would rather pay you back for all that.”

Your parents are stunned to say the least. There comes a nicely wrapped threat about ‘their house, their rules’ but when that doesn’t work, they try to negotiate. They tell you that you will regret it, to think of all your wasted efforts and how lucky you are, then they want to talk in person. You say it wouldn’t change anything and telling them actually feels like a huge rock being lifted off your chest and you can finally breathe.

It becomes easier after that. The countdown stops and you can sleep properly. Summer ends and you start packing your bag. Going back to Seoul doesn’t seem so scary anymore.

You ask Leehan to meet you at the beach, your usual place, because he deserves to know. He brings fruits and jellies, an entire picnic. Your heart aches because he doesn’t know it’s goodbye. Or maybe he has a feeling since he has always had good intuitions and because this idyll was never meant to last longer than summer.

You eat and you talk while watching the waves and the clouds chase each other. Leehan tells you about the classes he has in the upcoming semester and his fish family updates. You tell him the latest anecdote about your grandparents because the atmosphere is too good to bring up you leaving so soon.

You watch the sunset together with his head on your thigh and your fingers raking through his soft hair, grazing across his reddened ears and the earring he wears. He’s illuminated by the oranges and goldens of the dying Sun and your heart shatters at the sight. He is so beautiful and you want to remember this moment forever.

When darkness settles, you take out sparklers, set them in the sand and cuddle until the last speck of light burns out, until you can see the constellations you cannot name clearly in the night sky.

“I go back to Seoul next week,” you whisper as you lie on the picnic blanket and watch the stars together. Leehan doesn’t say anything immediately and you don’t dare to turn to him. Not before you tell him why. “We will go to family therapy. It was mom’s idea but maybe it will do us good. I owe them at least this. They are trying.”

They might not be the best parents but you know that they mean well in their own way even if it’s not something you want. It’s already a big thing that they also realized that you need help to mend family ties. But that’s not the only reason why you’re leaving.

“I also need to figure out what I want to do for myself and not for others,” you admit in a small voice, barely audible.

You spent your teens working towards a goal your parents set for you and it made you miserable. You’re afraid of it happening again and that’s why you can’t stay in Busan no matter how at home you feel here. Because you know this is what your grandparents would want, because Leehan is here and it scares you that one day you will blame them for staying because you are too weak to make your own choices. So you need to decide on your own. You need to be sure you aren’t just running away from your problems.

Moments pass and the boy’s silence is unnerving. You wonder if he’s angry or if he’s sad. If anybody, you would think he understands but you cannot be sure and it’s killing you. When you turn to him, he moves too and suddenly you’re paper thin distance apart. When he pulls you against his chest, you can feel the rapid rhythm of his heart. When he speaks up, his melodic voice is shaky with unsaid emotions.

“I hope you can find what makes you happy,” he says as he strokes your back gently and it’s an i will miss you, i get it, i wish you the best all in one and tears pool up in your eyes, feeling touched and understood. You nuzzle closer, taking a deep breath full of Leehan’s signature scent of sea salt and sand and something sweet.

“I will miss you,” you whisper under the stars and they witness it as the closest thing you can manage to the confession you can’t say out loud. But it’s in your heartbeat and all your memories.

You and Leehan had all summer and it was golden. It was love even if you never said it out loud.

3 MONTHS LATER

Winter in Busan is kinder. It’s still cutting cold but not unforgiving like in Seoul. It's a roasted sweet potato smell and a stranger helping you with your big suitcase as you get off the train. One of the stores plays Christmas music while you are checking your phone to see if your driver has already arrived.

“Y/N!” A familiar voice calls for you and a smile blooms on your face, whipping your head towards the source of it. There he is in all his beauty, a fluffy scarf around his neck, a beanie on top of his head and his nose red.

You want to rush up to him but your suitcase is heavy and its wheel gets trapped in something, so you manage to trip and lose your balance. Luckily, Leehan is there to catch you and it’s déja vu, a reminder from the summer when you held onto him, another beginning.

“Careful,” the boy warns you with a chuckle as he lets go and looks down at you with a tender smile. You mimic his reaction, your heart getting wild in your chest that you finally see him again. “You are smiling. It’s pretty,” Leehan says in awe and you beam at him wider.

“I’m happy,” you tell him, honestly because he’s part of the reason why.

A lot has happened in the last three months since you left Busan. Family therapy wasn’t a piece of cake because admitting mistakes wasn’t your parents’ forte but it did help to salvage your relationship as a family. They stopped pushing you to choose a higher education and let you make your decisions yourself. First of those was to start tutoring high schoolers who wanted to get into a SKY university like you did. Even though you didn’t actually attend one, the admission letter was proof enough for many people and you realized you liked helping others. You also developed a teaching style that’s more compliment and reward-based than the strict hakwon style. Out of all subjects, you enjoyed teaching English the most, so when you not so accidentally came across an opening position in a language center in Busan, you applied right away.

The truth is you missed Busan. The freedom, the independence, the happiness you found here. And you missed your grandparents and Leehan the most. This time it’s not just a hideout where you come running away from your issues. This time, you come because you want to be here. It’s a home to return to.

Leehan takes your suitcase from you and walks you to the parking lot to his dad’s car. He got his license this fall for which you cheered him on all the way via texts the same way as he supported your teaching journey. You listen to the cheerful songs on the radio as he drives you to your grandparents’ house while talking about the train ride as if you haven’t been texting throughout it. It’s almost like nothing changed and yet, everything did.

“Leehan-ah,” your grandmother coos when you arrive, welcoming the boy with a warm hug.

“Hey,” you pout pseudo-sulky because shouldn’t she greet you first? Her one and only granddaughter? She should take notes from your grandpa.

“Don’t be jealous, sweetheart,” your grandma singsongs before wrapping you in her embrace too, all warm and loving. Immediately after she starts listing down your favorites that she has been cooking since morning but you shush her because you should at least pack your stuff in your room. Leehan offers to help with your luggage and the two of you go up the stairs while you hear your grandparents ‘whisper’ about when to bring out the cake. It makes you chuckle. It makes you happy.

“Actually, I bought you something, too,” Leehan speaks up, his ears as red as his nose but you aren’t sure it’s from the cold outside.

“Oh, what is it?” You ask, surprised but curious and when he nods towards your room’s door. You give him a quizzical look before pushing down the handle.

At first nothing stands out, it’s almost like how you left it months ago but then in a flash of gold you notice one striking difference. There it is, unmistakable, a fish bowl with a single goldfish and some rocks and coral decoration in it on your desk.

“It’s not exactly a fish tank you must have wanted but it’s better to start small,” Leehan explains with a smile in the corner of his mouth and you realize once again just how much he sees and understands you, he always has.

“Thank you! I love it so much!” You exclaim, throwing your arms around the boy, giggling into his chest.

You fussing over your new pet fish is interrupted by your grandma inviting you down for lunch and suddenly it’s like nothing has changed since summer. Leehan is welcomed at your table as if it’s the most natural thing and your grandpa is still teasing your grandma about making way too much food. They keep asking you about your job too as if you knew anything more than what you told them on the phone.

After lunch, you help clean the table while your grandpa keeps Leehan busy by asking him about something he saw on the internet. When your grandma sees you stealing glances, she nudges you in the side and tells you to walk him out with a knowing look which makes you roll your eyes as if you didn’t yearn for more alone time with the boy.

So here you are right at the gate, knowing full well that your grandparents are watching through the window, fidgeting with your scarf, not knowing how to say goodbye even though you will probably see him tomorrow after work. Eventually it’s Leehan who speaks up.

“Y/N,” he calls your name and it sounds so sweet from his mouth, you feel degrees warmer in the cold of winter.

“Hm?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to call your name. I still can’t believe you’re here,” the boy chuckles sheepishly and you realize it’s not only you who’s nervous. But maybe there’s no reason to. Now you know what you want.

“I’m here and I’m staying,” you promise and when Leehan smiles, the mole on his left cheek moves upwards and you tiptoe to peck him right on it. He has a hand on your arm as you descend down flat to your feet and his gaze is stuck on you. You’re mesmerized as you watch all his moles and acne spots and his boyish beauty that makes your heart flutter. You stand so close that you can see the snowflakes melting over his eyelashes and that’s when you notice it.

“Oh, look, it’s snowing!” You squeal with childlike wonder as you look up at the sky and try to catch the floating snowflakes on your palm.

Leehan hums quietly but his voice is playful when he asks:

“Do you know what they say about the first snow?”

You blink at his sudden question, cheeks growing pink and hot as the boy leans closer.

“You’re as smooth as ever,” you mumble, shy, because of course you know the saying about couples’ love being long-lasting if they witness the first snow together.

Taesan trembles in your hold when you suck another hickey into his neck. His nails dig into your thighs and he shudders an exhale.

You know all of his tells–how he squeezes his eyes shut to ground himself, how his fingers twitch when he’s trying so hard not to squirm. He’s not one to ask easily, still struggling to be vulnerable although you two have been dating for a little over a year. You always end up giving in first, asking him to kiss you, touch you, fuck you. Today, you wanna test his patience.

You’re cuddled on the couch with some random cartoon on. He’s situated between your legs with his back pressed against your chest. For the past half-hour, you’ve been touching him lightly, teasingly scratching your nails along his thighs, getting so close to where his dick is straining in his sweatpants, just to move your hand elsewhere. You do the same with his chest, tracing a finger around his areola but never touching his nipples, never giving him that satisfaction.

Whenever he starts tensing up, you halt your actions, bringing your hands to rest on top of his thighs. After a couple of minutes of not touching him, luring him into a sense of false security, you start again, pinching the skin on his thigh, squeezing his pecs while successfully avoiding his cute little pink nubs.

You know you almost have him where you want him when he throws his head back on your shoulder, huffing out a breath that tapers off into a whimper.

He fixes you with his best puppy eyes, white and glossy, and a pout so lethal you almost give in. You get yourself together and look at him with an expression of feigned innocence.

“What’s the matter, baby?” You trail your hand down his chest, over his stomach, and you’re so close to where he wants you. You pull your hand away when his hips jerk up, instead kneading the skin of his thigh.

He doesn’t say anything in response, but grabs your hand and places it over his bulge. His breath stutters at the feeling of you (somewhat) touching him. He bucks into the feeling, slightly grinding his crotch against your limp hand. You giggle at his lack of shame, and let him have his fun for a few seconds before pulling your hand away again.

And he finally lets out a full whine, the noise all breathy and pathetic. You can’t hold back your small smile in triumph, and an idea forms in your head. You already have him desperate, why not see how far you can go with this?

“I’m not going to touch you.” You decide. You lightly scratch your nails up his thighs and watch them stutter. His head falls back on your shoulders.

“Why not?” He fusses quietly. His cheeks are red-hot, and it’s obvious he feels out of his element. “C’mon.” Taesan calls out, weakly trying to convince you otherwise. “You’ve been teasing me all night.”

“Shh.” You quiet him, rubbing his thighs soothingly. “I'm not going to touch you, but you can touch yourself.”

“Right now?” He asks with wide eyes, and you respond with a hum. He hesitates for another second, seemingly in thought as he loosens his grip on your thighs. He looks at you again, and you nod reassuringly.

He looks forward, and his hands move slowly to pull his bottoms down. You bite your lip absentmindedly at the sight of his cock, pink and leaking a little. He’s on the thinner side with a nice length, and you almost want to throw this plan out the window just to feel him inside you quicker.

“Good job.” You say instead. He moves in a slow pace, up and down steadily, and you trail a hand up to his chest. His nipples are hard and pink when you finally touch them, and Taesan’s hips buck into his hand.

“U-uh.” He whimpers quietly as he strokes himself slowly. You watch quietly, taking in the pretty sight of Taesan laying against you, touching himself just for you. After a couple of minutes, his hand speeds up, and he’s letting out short, whiny noises. Eventually, his noises turn into sharp intakes of breath, a sign that he’s close.

“Stop.” You command. Taesan’s hand falters but doesn’t stop, and he questions you a confused little mewl.

“Let go of your cock, Sannie.” You say sternly and tap his wrist. You aren’t gonna make him stop; you want to see if he’ll obey you.

A beat later, he tears his hand away from his dick, breath loud and uneven. A trail of pre-cum drools out of the tip obscenely, and you have to force your eyes away from the sight before you lose your mind.

“Aw, look at you, Taesan. You’re such a good boy.” You say, planting a soft kiss on his cheek as a reward and rubbing his thighs gently.

“Y-you said I could touch myself.” He mutters accusingly after catching his breath. You can’t help but chuckle at his petulance.

“I know, baby. I'm sorry. I just wanna have some fun with you for a little while. Is that okay?” You halt the movements of your hands, not wanting to sway his answer. You’re aware that he’s out of his depth, and at any moment, you could unknowingly push him too far, and you want to avoid making him feel unheard or unsafe at all costs.

“Okay.” He says quietly after a few seconds. Relief washes over you at his answer, glad to know that he’s enjoying this. His body is still tense, so you massage his shoulders gently until he melts back against your chest.

“You can touch yourself.”

His hand is back on his member immediately, stroking at a slow rhythm until his desperation overcomes his shyness. His hips begin lifting off the couch and humping into his hand.

“Mmh- so good…wish y-you would t-t-touch me.” He mumbles around soft whimpers. You’re surprised at the confession. He’s not exactly begging, but to see him work himself into a horny mess, to hear him vocalize how much he wants you without restraints, is all very new to you. It makes you feel hot, and a little desperate yourself.

You watch as the signs return: his thighs shaking, breath quickening, quiet gasps. You wanna wait a couple of seconds longer before telling him to stop, but you don't have to. He pulls away on his own, hips chasing the friction and hand coming to clutch the soft skin on your thigh.

He's such a good boy, stopping without being told. Unfortunately, this won’t work out in his favor. You aren’t upset with him, per se, but you want him to relax and let you be in control.

“Whatcha doing?” You ask after giving him a moment to catch his breath again.

“Was c-close.” He explains, stuttering when you bring a hand up to squeeze his nipple.

“Did I tell you to stop?”

“No, but–”

“Then keep going.” You persist. His eyebrows furrow in question, so you lift his hand and wrap it around his member for him. He gasps at the sensation and his hips twitch helplessly as you guide his hand to stroke himself.

“I’ll tell you when to stop, sweetie. Just let me do all the thinking for you.” You play with his nipples again, wetting your fingers and bringing them down to rub on the nubs harshly.

His pitch increases. His head falls back on your shoulder, and he’s so beautiful. You take in his strained neck, furrowed eyebrows and face pink in embarrassment.

You kiss his soft lips gently, but the kiss quickly turns aggressive until he tries to draw back, mouthing something against your lips. You pull away to nibble in his earlobe, letting him speak.

“Close, I'm close- Y/N, can I stop? Please-” His free hand moves from where it’s clutching the couch cushion and grips your thighs. You pause for a second because holy shit, he’s begging you to not cum? You’re stuck on how hot that is, your own core warm and wet at the sight.

Taesan’s still begging quietly, words are slurred and you almost swear he’s drooling. His hips continue rocking into his hand so slowly he might as well not be moving.

“Aw, sweetheart. You can stop.” His hand pulls away from his length and joins the other in latching onto your thighs, and his hips buck into the air for a couple of seconds. You rub his biceps soothingly as he breathes through the denial.

“What's the matter? Doesn't feel good?” You tease, and he shakes his head.

“Too good…I almost came.” He mumbles, voice scratchy and eyelids droopy. You can tell he’s tired by the way he’s slumped in your hold, and you consider having pity on him.

“Don't you wanna cum?” You bring a hand up from his chest to scratch at his scalp. His eyelashes flutter as he melts into the sensation, and his hips move again in small circles against nothing.

“Not without permission, not unless you want me too.” His words are slow and shaky like he's struggling to think them up, and you can't believe how far gone he is so quickly. You smile at his sweetness and pinch his cheek lightly, and ignore the displeased whine he lets out.

“Touch yourself, baby.”

“I c-can’t, I'll cum.” He complains, eyes big and desperate when he looks at you.

“You’ve been so good.” You plant a quick kiss on his lips, fond at how he’s too tired to kiss you back before you’re pulling away. “Don't you think you deserve a treat, baby?” You grab his hand again, mirroring your actions from earlier and helping him build a rhythm. His hips involuntarily buck into the pleasure, mind going blank as he's finally getting release.

“You're such a good boy, trying so hard to obey me.” You circle your finger over the head of his dick in fast, wet motions, and his breath picks up. You feel him gasping where his face is buried in your neck, his hair tickling your skin.

“Please– nngh– so g-good…” He slurs out desperately, hips full on thrusting into your palm and his own hand stroking himself sloppily, and how could you say no to such a sweet boy?

“I've got you, sweetie. You can let go.” You stop the ministrations to thumb at his slit, while your other hand thumbs at his nipple, and he crumbles to pieces in your hand.

“Cumming, cumming, cu-” He babbles as his thighs shake and a steady stream of cum dribbles out of his tip.

You give him a few minutes to get himself together, basking in the fact that he finally let you have control during a sexual encounter.

“That wasn't so bad, was it?”

You find that if you close your eyes for a little too long, daydreaming during your shifts at work, you’d remember the feeling of Taesan’s pillowy lips pressing ever so softly on the corner of your mouth. You’d have to school your expression back into one of neutrality, reminding yourself that you’re in a public space and it might in fact not be very socially appropriate to daydream about your crush when you’re supposed to be working. 

But how could you not? It’s like everytime you close your eyes, you can see images of Taesan flash behind your eyelids – his soft little smile, the way he’d look at you so hopefully every night, wordlessly asking for headpats. Headpats. Oh, the headpats. You have to pinch yourself sometimes to snap yourself out of your daydreams about Taesan and his love for headpats. 

Ever since that night in the kitchen, Taesan lingered around a little more – to the outside eye, it might not seem like much, but you’ve known him for half a year now and to you, you could see the differences as clear as day. The headpats, they’d last a little longer each passing night, and as of lately, Taesan’s gotten into the habit of giving you pats on the head. The handholding, it appeared seemingly out of nowhere too. Every day, since that night in the kitchen, Taesan would softly grab onto your hand before you walk out the door for work, and he wouldn’t let go of your hand until your body was fully out the door. It was as if the now fully blossomed lotus flower was thriving, getting bolder and bolder in his shows of affection, for you. 

Sometimes, if Taesan was feeling particularly bold, he wouldn’t even tell you verbally about the songs he listens to that remind him of you – because the moment you’re back at home, Taesan wordlessly grabs your hands in his, and he starts gently swaying you to the flow of the music, letting the melodies and the lyrics (and the loving way he looks at you) speak for themselves. 

“I’ve seen people do this in old movies – the old films they played back at the shelter,” he’d smile softly, holding onto your hands so softly and gently, like he was afraid you’d just crumble in his hands if he held on too tight. 

To the outside eye, it might seem like Taesan was still the same, his facial expressions and his body language were still too subtle at times, but to you, everything just felt so much sweeter. It was like your life suddenly had so much more colour, a spring in your step that even Jia noticed. 

“You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth,” Jia would smile knowingly at you, her smile growing into a full blown grin when she catches you blushing to yourself. You’d try to brush it off, saying that it’s nothing, but Jia knew better. “Look at you all smitten, you little smitten kitten,” she’d tease, and you’d have to physically control your facial expression to prevent any more teasing. But Jia wasn’t wrong – far from it. You were smitten. 

That same evening, you came home on time, and as per usual, Taesan was sitting by the doorway, his tail lazily swishing against the floor as he hugged his knees loosely. His ears perked all the way up when he heard the distant sound of the elevator ding through the door, and the moment he hears your footsteps coming closer to the apartment door, he’s on his feet, a small smile already growing on his face. 

“I’m hom–oof!” Just as you were about to announce your return home as you always did, your words were cut short when you feel Taesan’s hands on your shoulders, pulling you into a warm hug. Always full of surprises, my little lotus bloom, you’d think to yourself. 

“Welcome home… missed you,” Taesan mumbles softly, nuzzling his cheek against your hair. From the corner of your eye, you can see the way his tail is flicking around lazily, and Taesan just seems to melt against you, his body completely relaxing now thast you’re near. 

“I missed you too, Taesannie,” you chuckle softly, gently rubbing his back. “Let me get washed up, and then we can have dinner and watch a movie or something, okay?” Taesan nods softly against the top of your head, giving you one final squeeze before finally letting you go. Not wanting to keep your precious kitty waiting too long, you make quick work of a shower, before joining Taesan in the kitchen again. 

You didn’t even have to guess what Taesan was craving for dinner today, a knowing smile growing on your lips when you watch him quietly pull out packets of frozen meat from your fridge, along with some gochujang and vegetables. Jeyukbokkeum, as per usual. “Cats are creatures of habit,” Taesan smiles softly, a tiny, tiny little cheeky scoff leaving his lips. 

The two of you work well together in the kitchen, moving in tandem with one another, cutting the cooking time clean in half, and soon enough you were sitting at the kitchen counter, sharing the delicious stir fried meat from the same plate. It doesn’t go unnoticed, the way Taesan sneakily pushes some of the meat closer to your side of the plate, as you continued to animatedly tell him about your day at work. It does, however, go unnoticed, the way Taesan listens to you, all while nodding thoughtfully and watching you with eyes that made it seem like you hung all the stars in the sky yourself, just for him. 

After dinner, cleaning up was just as quick as cooking, especially with Taesan now having mastered the art of cleaning the dishes, just the way you do it too. He’s always been a quick learner, and of course you didn’t know, but it was all in the name of making things easier for you. Taesan would pick up any skill he had to if it meant seeing you smile like that as you told him how much you appreciate his help. 

After cleaning up, you grabbed a glass of warm tea, as always, watching with a smile on your face as Taesan mirrored your actions perfectly, grabbing a glass for himself as well. The two of you settled comfortably on the couch, just an arm’s length apart from one another, Taesan’s tail lazily swaying about as you scrolled through the Netflix catalogue for your routine movie night. Something lighthearted, Taesan had suggested softly. I don’t really mind whatever we watch, he added, I just want to be close to you. 

You couldn’t hide your smile as you settled for yet another early 2000s rom-com, settling back into the couch, your body leaning towards Taesan’s ever so slightly. 

The movie plays quietly, apart from the occasional giggle or soft commentary from either you or Taesan. As the movie went on however, you noticed Taesan slowly inching closer and closer to you, and you couldn’t stifle an amused little smile growing on your lips. He truly was just a little cat, wiggling his way closer to you, little by little. Taesan would stop every now and then, as if he was watching your body language for any reaction to his growing proximity. So you relax, letting him come closer, as you always had from the very beginning. 

The very beginning, Taesan would sometimes daydream to himself. You’d always been so patient with him, waiting with open arms as he inched closer and closer to you, literally and figuratively. You’d always been so warm, like the sunlight coming through the car window. By the time Taesan can catch himself daydreaming about itt again, his thigh was already pressed gently against yours, your body right next to his. 

“You’re so warm,” Taesan says softly, making you smile as you felt his tail sweep the spot right behind you on the couch, before gently coming around your bottom gently, as if securely wrapping himself around you. “You’re really warm too, Taesan,” you respond just as softly, your smile widening as Taesan all but purrs even louder, his side now flush against yours. 

The movie, the glasses of tea, both of those things quickly become forgotten when Taesan gently reaches for your hand, lacing your fingers together. Physical affection had always taken a little longer for Taesan than most, but it was clear he’s taken a liking to be touching you in any way, big or small, he can, especially as of late. His thumb gently grazes the back of your hand, his warmth seeping into you like a warm blanket being gently draped over your body. 

“Can I…can I hold you?” Taesan’s soft, hesitant voice breaks the silence, and before you can find the words to verbally answer him, you find yourself nodding, eagerly even. Taesan lets go of a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, and he stays rather still for a moment, as if he was trying to figure out what he wanted to do first. Because oh, there’s just so many things he’s seen in old movies and on the street when loving couples would walk hand in hand together – it didn’t seem like it, but Taesan was quite the romantic, deep down inside. 

The longer he stayed still, the harder it became for you to hold back yet another amused chuckle at your precious feline’s hesitation. “You can put your arm around me, Taesan, it’s okay. I’m not made of glass,” you say softly, and Taesan’s shoulders drop slightly, relaxing a little more. You’re made of something even more precious and fragile than glass to me, he wants to say, the words are right at the tip of his tongue, but he decides to just gently wrap his arm around your shoulder wordlessly. 

“This feels nice,” he says softly, pulling you closer to him, such that your side was now comfortably nestled against his. It really was nice, you felt it too. Taesan, being part feline, naturally ran warm, so it felt like being wrapped in your very own fluffy, weighted blanket. Except this blanket seemed a little scared to touch you or hold you too hard or rough, and this blanket looked at you like you hung the stars in the sky all by yourself, just for him. 

You find yourself focusing more on what Taesan might do next, rather than on the movie currently being thoroughly ignored in the background. You keep your posture relaxed, feeling Taesan’s every move like you were hyperaware of his presence, of him. His hand around your shoulder has now made its way to rest on your forearm, gently rubbing your skin, up and down, in a comforting, idle gesture. You hum softly, content with the closeness, the newfound intimacy that had frankly been a long time coming. 

“Can I touch you more?” 

Now, that certainly caught you just the slightest bit offguard, but when you turn to Taesan and see his eyes serious and eager, you know he’s silently hoping you say yes. And you do. You nod, giving him a gentle smile, letting him lead the physical intimacy. Just as Taesan had always been from the very beginning, he was gradual and gentle in physical intimacy too. Like you had always thought of him, like a lotus flower blooming slowly, even in the murkiest of waters. 

“You’re so warm,” Taesan repeats, though this time his voice is a little more breathy, a little more desperate almost. He pulls you even closer into his side, cradling you with one arm  as his hands continue their gentle exploration of any expanse of skin he can reach. Taesan touches you like you’re treasure, like you’re a precious gem he was lucky enough to come across when he least expected it. That’s exactly what you are to him, he thinks. 

You find yourself halfway turned around to fully face him, staring into his eyes just as intently as he was staring into yours. His hands were on your sides, and your own hand had gently reached up to brush some hair out of his face, letting you see those beautiful eyes of his better. Your hand rested on the side of his face, and Taesan leans into your touch, like he was chasing after your warmth. He hum softly, a content sound coming straight from his chest, followed by yet another low purr, and you smile softly at how his ears twitch in interest at your every touch on his skin. 

You don’t know how long the two of you were in that position for, but the next thing you realise, you’re being pulled onto Taesan’s lap, one knee on either side of his thighs, the background sounds drowned out by the sounds of your breaths mingling together. 

“Taesan,” you breathe out softly, his name falling from your lips in a breathy whisper. Taesan lets out a soft hmm? at that, letting his hands rest on the small of your back. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N,” Taesan whispers, his dark cat-like eyes looking up into yours with an intensity that made you blush. 

You’d always been the one to gently take the lead throughout your relationship with Taesan, from the very beginning. You were always the one to lead conversations, to gently encourage Taesan to open up more, providing a safe space for him to unlearn past habits and defence mechanisms. But right now, sitting in his lap, seeing the hybrid boy who was once too shy to even look you in the eye, grown into this much more confident, expressive version of himself, you felt small. Taesan was looking at you with so much love and affection, now you find yourself being the one unable to meet his eyes. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Taesan says again, tightening his arms around you ever so slightly. “Gave me everything… a second chance at everything… I… I love you, so much,” he continues, and you see it in his eyes that he’s a little taken aback himself by his sudden confession, but there’s something else in his eyes, something warmer, something that seemed to say that he’d been wanting, waiting, to say it, for a while. 

“I love you too, Taesan,” after many moments of heavy silence, you respond softly, a sentimental smile growing on your lips softly. You continue  to cradle his face in your hands, the same way he’s cradling you in his arms. No more words are said, but the two of you just continue to look into each other’s eyes with such love, and longing, it makes the air feel thick and heavy with something – desperation, want. 

“Can I kiss you, Taesannie?” you find yourself asking softly, a small giggle escaping your lips when you audibly hear Taesan’s breath catch in his throat. “Please,” he whispers, and that’s all you need to hear, before you’re dipping your head lower to press your lips onto his. They’re warm and pillowy, the last time he planted that fleeting little kiss on the corner of your mouth had certaintly left much to your imagination. 

Taesan’s eyes flutter shut, small grunts and hums leaving his throat as you tilted your head, deepening the kiss, your lips slotting against his like that’s where they were meant to be this whole time. 

“Mmh–a-ah.. Ah– Y/N—” Taesan grunts softly, his hands coming to hold your hips a little more firmly, holding you in place. You freeze for a split second, a shaky apology for your eagerness ready to fall from your lips, but Taesan hushes you before you can speak. 

“N-No, I… I like where this is going, i-it’s just… I don’t… I don’t have much experience… my first time was kind of… bad,” he confesses softly, and you straighten up fully, looking at him a little quizzically, as if to prompt him to continue. 

“It’s just… before the shelter, at the lab… the male hybrids were… given these… supplements, to- to y’know… make us more…to make us feel things even outside of certain cycles, and to… to increase our stamina,” 

Oh. 

“Taesan, we don’t—”

“No, no, Y/N, I… I want to, I want to do this with you, it’s just… you know everything about me at this point and… if I- if I… don’t do good, then… t-there’s a reason,” Taesan sucks in a sharp breath, and so do you, without even realising it yourself. “I was taught to breed. They wanted to make more of… of us. It was scary, but … now, I… I want to do this with you, Y/N. I trust you,” 

I trust you. 

You felt your heart and your gut twist into something you couldn’t quite place. Frankly, you hadn’t had much experience either, having only one boyfriend back in college and some drunken flings back then. You let go of a breath, and then another, until you found the words to say. 

“...If at any point you don’t want to do something or if you don’t want to continue, you tell me, okay? Jusst say the word, and we’ll stop,” your voice is gentle, but there’s a firm edge to your words, and you could only hope Taesan would know and believe that you’d never do anything to hurt him. Ever. 

“Okay…. Okay,” Taesan lets out a short breath through his nose, the corners of his mouth curling up into a small, tiny little smile as he looked up at you, stars in his eyes and all. “I trust you, Y/N,” 

“Y-You’re so pretty, Y/N, o-oh, sh-sh..iit..” you look up at Taesan with a cat-like smile of your own, enjoying the effect  you have on him. You don’t remember how long the two of you had spent just exchanging lots of heavy petting and deep kisses, but after all that, you had Taesan melting right into the palm of your hand, as you sat prettily on your knees on the floor between his legs. 

Taesan was already hypersensitive to every touch, and neither of you were even naked yet. How cute, you thought to yourself. Taesan was practically melting into the couch already, his head thrown back against the back of the couch, his knuckles damn near turning white with how hard he was gripping the edge of the seat cushions. And all you had done was gently graze your fingertips along his inner thighs, working him up painfully slowly. 

“Actually… not yet,” you smile sweetly at him, giggling softly at how Taesan’s eyes shoot open, looking at you like you were about to leave him hanging. “Relax, baby…” you coo softly as you sat next to him, your hands gently travalling up his torso. 

“Can I take this off you, darling?” you tug  on the hem of his shirt, and Taesan all but whines – there’s so many things, so many feelings coursing through his veins, and he’s just so overwhelmed by it all. The way the petnames roll off your tongue so easily and casually, the way you’re looking at him so warmly and sweetly. Taesan nods, eagerly at that. 

Taesan raises his arms as you pull his shirt over his head, exposing his lean upper body to you. “And you say I’m the pretty one, Taesannie… you’re so pretty yourself, hm?” you say softly, leaning closer into his side, trailing your fingertips along his bare skin, up and down, watching from the corner of your eye as Taesan stared right at you, his breaths short and shaky. 

You were taking your time with him, that much was clear, and Taesan didn’t know if he was appreciating the tenderness, or if he was getting painfully impatient. After what feels like ages of you just gently touching his bare upper body, Taesan’s breath hitches in his throat once more when you graze the pad of your index finger over his nipple. Sensitive to the touch, his nipples stiffen and perk up instantly, his body reacting to you naturally. 

“Mhmm… so sensitive,” you whisper, mostly out of amusement, to yourself. Taesan all but whines softly, his tail flicking impatiently behind him. “D-Don’t tease me, Y/N… ‘s embarrassing,” you chuckle softly at his little whine, a promise of okay, no more teasing, leaving your lips. 

Taesan doesn’t know if he likes or regrets telling you not to tease him, because immediately after that, you lean closer and flick your tongue over the skin around his pert nipple, making his upper body twitch instantly. Taesan’s tail flicks around in interest, and the more you explored his bare skin with your lips and tongue, the more Taesan squirmed and twitched, his voice more strained and breathy. 

“That feel good, Taesannie?” you coo softly, looking up at him through your lashes. 

“Mhmm- mhm– v-very good,” Taesan manages to croak out, his eyes half-lidded and his cheeks a rosy shade of pink. 

“O-Oh–f-f…fuck, fuck…Y/N…” Taesan pants softly, his chest rising and falling in shaky breaths. He was fully naked now, while you were still fully clothed. The prospect of it all made Taesan all the more shy, all the more aroused and needy. 

You wrapped your lips around the head of his throbbing cock, his length practically aching, a painful shade of pink as you continued to take your sweet time with him. Hollowing your cheeks, you slowly took more of his length into your warm mouth, and Taesan’s knuckles turn white again from how hard he was gripping the couch.

“You can touch me, ‘sannie,” you say softly, your voice and words slightly muffled from having your mouth partially full of Taesan’s hard cock. 

You watch through your lashes as Taesan hesitantly rests the palm of his hand on the top of your head, like he was unsure of how to touch you while you made him feel so good. You hum softly around the head of his cock, dragging your tongue along the underside of his shaft, before closing your lips around his cock once more, slowly bobbing your head up and down his length. 

“F-Fuck, so good… s-so good, Y/N… y’feel so good,” Taesan moans softly, his breathy voice like music to your ears. You hum softly once more, content at the pleasure you were giving your lover. 

You don’t let up, continuing to bob your head up and down Taesan’s heavy length, feeling his cock pulse and throb inside your mouth, every lick and suck making him croon so prettily and wantonly. 

“Y-Y/N…wait- wait wait wait… i-if you kee- keep doing that- I’ll… I’ll cum-” Taesan pants, his eyes squeezing shut as he threw his head back against the back of the couch. 

“Cum for me, sweet boy,” the sultry purr of your voice was all Taesan needed to come undone, thick white ropes of cum spurting onto your tongue. Taesan’s eyes go wide and his cheeks turn a deeper ahde of pink as he watches you swallow every last drop of his cum. 

Placing one hand on either side of him on the couch, you bring yourself up to meet his eyes again, leaning closer to press your lips onto his, your warm tongue swiping against his bottom lip, and when Taesan opens his mouth ever so slightly, you let him taste himself on your tongue. Taesan all but squirms even more, moaning softly at the salty taste. 

“Let me return the favour, please,” Taesan whispers as he pulls away from the heated kiss first, his pupils blown wide and his pillowy lips slightly swollen. 

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N,” Taesan says for the nth time tonight, pulling yet another flustered little giggle out of you. He had stripped you down to just your bra and panties, and now he was the one kneeling on the floor between your parted legs, looking up at you with those eager kitty-like eyes of his. 

You suck in a sharp breath when Taesan experimentally flicks the tip of his tongue over your sensitive clit once, and then again, before his eyes flick up to look at you through his lashes. When all he sees is the blissed out, flushed expression on your face, Taesan dives right into your core, his tongue expertly lapping at your wet folds like a man starved. 

“T-Taesan– oh.. oh my god–” you gasp softly, your warm and wet hole clenching around nothing as Taesan continued to lick and suck at your folds, his spit mixing with your wet arousal. 

Taesan hooks his hands under your thighs and onto your hips, holding you in place as he ate you out like you were his last, most delicious meal. You watch with half-lidded eyes as he continued to lap at your sopping wet cunt, his tail flicking around with every moan and sound you let out. 

“You can touch me, Y/N,” Taesan repeats your words from earlier, looking up at you with eager eyes. It almost makes you laugh, how even in this situation, he’s still mirroring and following your words and actions. 

But your sense of amusement is shortlived when Taesan sucks particularly hard at your clit, making you arch your back and whine softly, the knot in your tummy tightening, sending a familiar sense of heat through your body. 

“‘M close…’m close, Taesa–ngh–” you barely manage to get your words out, because right as you mention that you’re close, Taesan only pushes his mouth deeper into your cunt, eager to push you over  the edge. 

Your orgasm hits you hard, flashes of white flickering behind your eyelids as you squeezed your eyes shut, your thighs trembling and threatening to clamp around Taesan’s head. 

“Good?” he looks up at you with a stupidly innocent expression after you come down from your high, and now you really let out a soft chuckle, nodding as you threaded your fingers through his silky black hair. 

“Really good, Taesannie,” you hum softly, your breathless pants being all swallowed by Taesan as he brings himself up to your eye level, pressing his lips onto yours, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. 

Stripped down, skin on skin, Taesan scoops you into his arms, easily carrying you bridal style as he took you to your bedroom, his tail and ears flicking around as he entered your room, his body reacting instantly to being surrounded by your scent, by you. 

“Are you sure, Taesannie? We don’t have to if you do–” 

“I want to, Y/N. I… I want to make love to you,” your breath catches in your throat, your cheeks getting impossibly warmer at Taesan’s words, your eyes darting away from his as he laid you down gently on your bed. 

Taesan pulls your pillow lower, his other hand reaching behind you to gently lift your head, gently maneuvering you to rest comfortably on your pillow. He positions himself between your legs once more, and suddenly the skin to skin contact makes you feel even smaller, Taesan’s towering form hovering over you as he dipped his head lower to kiss your shoulder, then your collarbone, any expanse of skin he could reach. 

“Do you…?”

“I-I’m on the pill,” 

Taesan’s ears flick rapidly, clearly enthused by the idea of being able to do it raw. It’s not like he hasn’t done it before, frankly, the first couple of times he’s had intimate relations back at the lab, he was only ever made to do it unprotected, but now, with you… Taesan felt his heart pounding in his chest. He gulps, once, and then again, before leaning his head lower once more, kissing you deeply. 

Once he pulls away, he sits up on his haunches, positioning the tip of his cock at your waiting entrance. He teases your folds with the puffy tip of his cock, making you squirm softly, to which he lets out a soft breathy chuckle at your eagerness. 

Taesan takes his time, pushing into you, inch by inch, until he was fully seated in your warm, tight pussy. He groans softly, feeling the gummy walls of your cunt clench around him. 

“F-Fuck…. So tight, so warm…” he hisses softly, his thighs tense as he tries to stay as still as possible, letting you get used to his size and girth. 

“You… you can move, Taesannie– p-please, please,” you breathe out, quickly dismissing how desperate you sound. 

Taesan obliges, slowly pulling his cock out of you, before pushing right back in, rocking his hips against yours tantalisingly slow. Your eyes flutter shut, your lips parted in a soft gasp as Taesan continued to thrust into you, his hips meeting yours. Soft whispers of his name tumble from your lips like falling leaves, the feeling of his thick cock dragging in and out of your thigh cunt making you whine and moan softly. 

You can tell Taesan’s getting close as his thrusts get a little more erratic, his hips stuttering as he chased that sweet, sweet high. The knot in your lower stomach tightens as well, your second orgasm building slowly. 

“‘M gonna cum, angel– fuck– ‘m gonna cum,” Taesan breathes out, his head hanging low as his body did all the thinking for him, his hips rocking into yours fervently. 

“Cum for me, Taesannie… ‘m gonna cum too, f-fuck, you feel s’good,” with that, Taesan hastily pulls out, jerking himself off a couple times, before more thick, white ropes of his cum paint your lower abdomen, and once he was fully spent, Taesan held his cock in his hand, nudging the puffy mushroom tip onto your clit, sending you over the edge a second time. The waves of pleasure wash over you, your back arching  off the bed, twitching and stuttering as you rode out your high. 

Taesan collapses onto the bed next to you, fully spent and tired. His eyes are half-lidded and his lips are parted in a soft pant, but he still has the lucidity to wrap his arms around you, pulling you closer, onto his chest. He cradles you in his arms, rubbing his palm along the column of your back as you both recovered from the immense pleasure. 

“We’ll clean up in a bit,” you whisper softly, earning yourself a light chuckle and a nod from your hybrid lover. 

Taesan purrs softly, the vibrating sensation sending a warmth through your body as you nuzzled closer into his chest, his warmth seeping into you like a warm blanket. You feel Taesan press his lips onto the crown of your head, a soft whisper of I love you leaving his lips, just barely reaching your ears as your eyelids get heavier, fully spent and sleepy. 

Your eyes shoot open when Taesan suddenly speaks again. “We can move my bed into your room, make a makeshift queen sized bed,” he starts, his voice low and soft. “We can turn my room into a room for your hobbies and mine,” 

Hearing Taesan speak so softly, yet so confidently, so resolutely, about starting a whole new chapter with you, together, sends another wave of warmth over your body. You find yourself nodding, a small smile growing on your lips as you snuggled closer into his bare chest. 

“I’d like that,” you say softly. “I’d like that a lot, Taesannie,” 

a/n: this was... a lot. thank you to everyone who waited patiently for another time and space update, i sincerely hope you all like this one. I'm frankly a little anxious to post it because i.... kind of hate it but. that's just me being a little. yeah. you know! anyway. thank you for reading, everyone <3

sungho

𓏵 idk why, but I think sungho is the type to fall for someone after the other person shows interest in him. don't ask me ok.. I just get this vibe. he strikes me as someone who doesn't get crushes a lot and usually wouldn't bother with things like this. but if you show him you really care for him and that you're serious abt your feelings for him, it won't take long for him to warm up to u. his heart would flutter at your tiniest actions, at the minimal touches and subtlest of sentences.. if you full on flirt with him, be prepared to have him in a puddle at ur feet. he's just so shy when it comes to stuff like this (,,> <,,)♡ so, in conclusion: make him blush and his heart is yours <3 hehe

𓏵 I think this tendency of his would most likely stem from the fact that he doesn't want to date casually, especially if there's no long-term commitment involved. he doesn't wanna waste his time on someone, if he knows they don't take this relationship as seriously as he does! if they don't love him to their heart's content, just like he would. he wants his partner to be sure about him and he wants a relationship with equal love, effort and loyalty from both sides. basically, he wants forever, or nothing. what a dream he is.. gosh ꒰ ᐢ ◞‸◟ᐢ꒱

𓏵 if you do manage to somehow strike his interest and make his heart flutter, he won't have much of a choice but to catch feelings for you hehe. he's so adorable actually, bcuz just imagine how cute sungho would be in love.. I'm actually melting at the thought pls. he'll go home that day all dazed and floaty and he'll stay up all night thinking abt you. (with a silly lovesick smile on his pretty face ʕ´-ﻌก̀ʔ) I'm devastated at the mere thought u guys :’(

𓏵 if you're close friends, he'll take care of you so so diligently, but silently. like if you fall asleep during movie night he'll cover you with a blanket and turn down the volume, so you can rest in peace. he'll never let you walk on the outside of the sidewalk, and will always always remind you to eat well! <3

𓏵 imagine having sleepovers w sungho :( you guys would make a little late night snack together, laughing among yourselves the whole time. then you'll cozy up on the couch to watch a film (that only you wanna watch, but he'll agree bcuz he wants to make you happy <3) you would probably pause the movie at times to discuss the scenes. but instead of becoming frustrated, he'll listen to all your yapping </3 eventually you'd both drift off, and you'll somehow end up waking up wrapped in his arms the next morning.. ૮ / / / ⍝ა ♡ (I need to experience a friends 2 lovers with sungho rn!!! (╥﹏╥)..)

riwoo

𓏵 I feel like riwoo is the type of person who requires deep emotional connection, before there is any possibility of developing a romantic attraction toward someone. this would mean that he doesn't get crushes as often, but when he does have one, it's super intense, and so important to him! like he is probably already in love with you before you can even clock his crush on u lol. I think he's just someone who loves in secret, in the safe premises of his own mind, where anything is possible and nothing could go wrong. he constantly daydreams about the idea of being with you and thinks up uncountable scenarios.. in them he can hold your hand or kiss your cheek, while in reality he settles for gazing at you from afar with utter longing.. ( ˊᵕˋ ♡) he's a real hopeless romantic </3

𓏵 he will probably be the type to become friends with someone before catching feelings for them! on the one hand, for him this would mean knowing you so so well, that he's very comfortable with you, trusts you with all his secrets and fears, and thinks of you as one of, if not the most precious person in his life. <3

𓏵 but on the other hand.. this type of connection also creates ground for casual intimacy that only the best of friends share among each other. meaning you're just so so close to him sometimes that he could count each eyelash and freckle/beauty mark of yours ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ his breathing would come to a halt each time, as if he's afraid you'd notice the drumming beat of his nervous heart, or that if he let even a puff of air escape his mouth, this moment would break and shatter into tiny pieces..

𓏵 in all honesty, he himself is confused by these conflicting feelings, wanting to have you close (maybe even closer than this ><) but being unable to calm his heartbeat. you could imagine he'd be a blushing mess regardless of what happens hehe, his heart flutters even when you call his name or simply acknowledge his presence. he just adores you, okay? <3

𓏵 sweet boy would stay up with you when you have to revise for an exam, and bring you hot cocoa to drink as you study <3 he'll be so extra quiet. when your eyelids start drooping and he notices your head getting heavy, he'll slip his hand under it so it doesn't hit the table. at first he thinks of waking you, but he'll just lay his head next to yours as he admires your peaceful, sleeping face. staring at u with stars in his eyes (っ ॑꒳ ॑c) ₊⊹

𓏵 bonus: he'll love to communicate w you in lil written notes! <3 he'd leave you a snack, or a book you wanted to borrow or sth, with a tiny sticky note attached to it, that says “enjoy” or “I hope you like it!!” he'll always add smiley faces too :( cutie. x

jaehyun

𓏵 I think jaehyun would become an inseparable part of your life so so quickly and smoothly, you wouldn't even notice that you guys are best friends. hehe (⑉> ᴗ <⑉)ゞ it's so fascinating how seamlessly he slots himself to fit every aspect of your life.. almost entirely naturally integrating within your friend group, your classes and even your free time!

𓏵 he's someone who'd, I feel like, take each and every slight chance to chime into the conversation just to say something useless, as long as it means he can talk to you. ( ´. .̫ .`) </3 if he sees you on the street, he'll always try to catch your attention somehow, and if you let him, he's more than happy to treat you to a snack! and in classes that you both share, he'll be rushing over to secure the seat beside yours, smiling at you with sparkly eyes when he reaches the desk (﹡ˆ﹀ˆ﹡)♡ so basically he's like a puppy that won't leave you alone, because of how much he loves you :(

𓏵 he is so overly energetic and enthusiastic when he's with you! (well just in general too, but especially w u ><) he's going to pester the heck out of you, to hang out w him, bcuz he wants to spend all his time w you :( lovely boy <3

𓏵 prepare to laugh to your heart's content when you're with him! cuz he'd always end up making an absolute fool of himself when trying to cheer u up, but it's just the cutest thing :(

𓏵 it's his favorite thing whenever he gets to be with you, no matter what you're doing.. as long as you're spending some time together, he's fine with whatever. he'd settle for simply admiring you as you do your work, finding you so lovely and cute in any and every situation :(

𓏵 he's soo the type to impulsively blurt out how cute he thinks you are, but he doesn't really care if you know that he thinks ur cute. he'll only get shy if it's you complimenting him.. and if he gets shy, he'll be so shy, like. he'll start furiously blushing and hiding his reddened cheeks ໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১ gosh he's so so adorable :( </3

𓏵 he'll tell you to find him whenever you struggle with your work, that he'll be more than happy to help out!! and he will always always keep his word and show up for you. he'll be available any time you need him, and he'll make time for you even if he's swamped with work himself.. ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა ♡ he's more than willing to do this much, (and more) not bcuz he wants you to like him (well maybe just a little bit) but because it just comes naturally to him, to care for you and to be there for you, no matter what it is you're dealing with.. he's always so so happy to help! <3 (I'm gonna go cry now if you'll excuse me) T_T

taesan

𓏵 this baby.. I'd actually name him as the shyest one among everyone. he strikes me as someone who'd love just so gently, putting meaning into the most subtle actions/words and only hoping you'd catch on.. what a darling boy.. <3 I can picture just how his beautiful eyes would shift to you the second you appear in his view.. never once leaving your face ૮ / / / / ა shyly looking over at you from a distance, admiring you with the tiniest of smiles on his lips. or even when he hears your name being called, he immediately perks up, searching for you in the crowd <3

𓏵 he'd be so head over heels for you, gosh.. to him you're simply perfect. in his eyes no one compares to you, and he likes and admires everything about you.. if taesan loves you, he'll love you with all your strengths and flaws. and once you enter his heart, he won't let u go ｡ ˚. ૮Ꮚ ´͈ ⁄⁄`͈꒱ა you'll be in his thoughts 24/7, he'd hand over his heart to you if you only asked.. he's simply so so deeply in love that everything and everyone becomes a blur when he sees you. you're his biggest weakness and his most treasured person <3

𓏵 he's that quiet, mysterious but interesting boy that never talks to anyone unless it's necessary. it'd seem impossible for him to even strike up a conversation with u as there's no adequate situation. he'll be sad, maybe even a bit envious of people who can just go up to you like it's nothing, and to call out your name like it's just a word, and not his most favorite one.

𓏵 you two would probably only get to talk in the most unlikely situation, like maybe you'll bump into each other by chance somewhere. hmm.. a record store?.. ooh! or maybe an art supplies store! (cuz you know how he's super into customizing his clothes with paint!) in any case, it'll be a bit awkward, sure, but I feel like this encounter would break the ice for your friendship and give him courage to actually start speaking to you. (which he will, as much as he can, if he gets a chance and if he's brave enough <3) I can imagine him replaying the whole encounter over and over in his mind after, smiling at the memory of you complimenting his music taste/clothes.. so giddy at the thought that you, his favorite person, find him cool. how cute, shy little kitty </3

𓏵 he'll be so enthusiastic to talk you abt different shared interests of yours! you'll get to see different sides of him as you guys get closer. the initially shy, quiet boy will turn into the most adorable, excitable kitty when he's with you <3

𓏵 I can definitely see him being a little clingy too hehe (◠ﾵ ◠υ) he'll want to tag along with you wherever you go, and will send you random videos/memes he comes across that he knows you'll like :( when you spend time w other friends of yours, he always finds himself subconsciously wishing that he's your favorite one.. he just wants all your love :( guys he's so precious I'll cry.

leehan

𓏵 I wholeheartedly believe leehan will be the most adorable while crushing akdhskslksdjd I have solid reasoning behind this btw! just looking at how closely he holds all and everything he likes/loves, I can tell he's someone who loves so effortlessly! idk how to describe it, but his love just comes so naturally.. he fully indulges in the thing/person. ig you could say he's very thorough with how he loves. like idk (this might be a bad example lol but) if we consider his love for his fishies, or the way he cares abt his members.. I just firmly believe he'll carry you in his heart always and gaze at you with a permanent sparkle in his eyes, if he likes you even just a bit.. he's so lovely :(

𓏵 for him being in love would be kinda overwhelming, because his thoughts would always revolve around you, making it hard for him to focus and concentrate. but at the same time he finds it so fascinating how everything reminds him of you, when he's doing his work or shopping or taking a walk or even as he begins his day, you're always there w him! it makes him so happy! ⁄(⁄ ⁄>⁄-⁄<⁄ ⁄)⁄ also kinda shy and nervous, but super super excited as well! <3

𓏵 you know, it's great, bcuz now when he wakes up you're right there in his mind along w his fish friends first thing in the morning! (៸៸᳐>⩊<៸៸᳐)~♡ and he can't help but just bask in the feeling. his heart warms and speeds whenever he thinks of you and he likes the fact that you're the one who has this effect on him. he's so in love u guys, omg…

𓏵 imagine ihan all wrapped up in these mushy lovey dovey thoughts abt you as he feeds his fishies, and he accidentally spills too much fish food.. but he's like all giggly abt it when usually he'd be annoyed at himself.（๑ ᷇ 𖥦 ᷆๑)♡ I'm losing my mind. he'd be so adorable gosh

𓏵 idk why, but I think he's the type of friend that would just randomly get you lil snacks sometimes. like he doesn't know how to express his feelings so he'll try and take care of you in his own way <3 if he knows you're studying, especially. you go to find sth in your bag for a second, and when you look back at the table there's a chocolate bar resting next to ur books. (with leehan across the table is just smiling to himself, as if he doesn't know what's going on.. silly baby <3)

𓏵 very big on acts of service w this guy.. especially when it comes to making sure you eat well <3 he loves loves a 1000x adores watching you enjoy your food, and always makes sure he brings along some kind of snack when he's meeting you, just in case u get hungry .°ʚ(〃ω〃)ɞ°. gosh I could d*e from how much he hurts my heart.. precious baby <3

woonhak

𓏵 I've got a feeling that he'd be trying so hard to impress you if he has a crush on you.. ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა baby will do anything to get your attention and to make you smile/laugh! ⊹₊˚✩ he'll go as far as doing the silliest things and spurting the most random jokes to get you to look at him. he'll never let the conversation fall silent, or the mood to go sour. he's the energetic, lively friend in the group, who's (unofficially) been assigned the role of the moodmaker! <3

𓏵 when he makes a joke in a group setting, he's usually doing it to make you smile, so the first thing he does after, is looking toward you to see your reaction.. ૮ ˶´ ᵕˋ ˶აˎˊ˗ if you're smiling he'll be so happy :( butterflies in his tummy and all <3 what a cutie.

𓏵 on the flip side though, he'll try to leave a good impression on you, he wants to look the best in your eyes! he'll tell you all abt his interests and ask about your interests as well, so he can have something to talk abt with you! he'll probably exaggerate on his part a bit, but it's all because he wants you to think he's cool :( <3 if there's something that you share in common, he'll use it as an excuse to talk to you more often. hehe.

𓏵 he might just ask for your number and when you ask why does he need it, he'll explain it's so that you guys can talk about this interest of yours over text.. he's trying so so hard not to let his excitement show when you agree. (but oh my gosh you actually agreed!!!! ໒꒰ฅ́ ˘ ฅ̀꒱১ᦂ) he's probably totally the happiest he's ever been, with your number in his phone now, having the ability to text you whenever he wants.. (ृ´͈ ᵕ `͈ ृ ) he can't believe you actually gave it to him :( what a baby. (dw tho, he won't abuse this fact too much, he'll only text you when he really wants to talk to you, but he'll also make sure to give you plenty of space! <3)