Drunklack+Are+Are

And also the indestructibility of that woman's ankles

I hate when reddit obsessives are correct about anything. right now I'm adding sodium citrate AND citric acid to my laundry and I'm mad as fuck about it

I am now intrigued to know what this accomplishes

allegedly sodium citrate in the wash cycle helps make detergent more effective in hard water (our beautiful sustainable reclaimed wastewater is unbelievably hard. it's like 50% gravel lol) and citric acid in the rinse cycle helps breaks down any lingering detergent and makes your clothes feel softer or whatever. we'll see...

the sunk cost fallacy has been my favorite fallacy for as long as I can remember. so at this point it's probably too late to pick a different one

caramel frappe give me the strength to clean my room

okay this is my favorite comment on this entire post

they're on a video conference

whenever i google something and the "Your Search Returned 0 (Zero) Results You Idiot" yeti appears, I go into the inspect element HTML tree and delete their limbs one by one

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

This is probably the most culturally important thing I’ll ever seen in my lifetime if I’m being honest. I want this affixed over my mantle, embroidered into my denim, and emblazoned into my flesh so that generations to come may never forget this 1938 gem of an illustration. Put this on my gravestone and name my children after Alfo Di Gennaro. This is what it’s all about.