synopsis: he looks at you like youâre something worth saving, you look at him like home, and stillâitâs not enough, not tonight, because love isnât always about who, sometimes itâs about when
pairing: itadori yuji x f!reader
cw: angst, hurt/comfort, toxic! relationship, mentions of emotional abuse and self doubt, bestfriend! yuji has my heart, slightly suggestive, reader is kinda oblivious (<3), just emotional damage and making out bye ily đٞ
You didnât mean for the night to end like this. Not with too much alcohol in your system, not with your thoughts spiraling back to him, and definitely not with Yuji being the one to pick up the pieces again.
But somehow, it always ends like this. You shouldâve known tonight would go wrong. Maybe it was the unanswered messages, or the way your exâs name still sat heavy in your chest, or the fact that no matter how far you run, you always end up in the same placeâright back with him. Your best friend.
âHow many times do I have to tell you not to push yourself like this?â Yuji snaps, frustration tightening his voice. His brows knit together, a deep frown settling in as he looks at you. âYouâre staying at my place tonight. Thereâs no way Iâm leaving you alone after this.â
He can still remember sending that same warning over and over when he found out you were out partyingâDonât drink too much. Donât overdo it. At least fifteen messages, each one laced with worry. And still, you ignored every single one.
Muttering under his breath, he steps closer, resolve hardening his expression. He bends down and, with practiced ease, slides one arm beneath your knees and the other behind your back, lifting you without hesitation. You feel heavy from the night, but his grip is steady, unyielding. Protective instincts take over as he carries you off, determined to get you somewhere safe.
âYujiâŚâ you grumbled against him, instinctively nuzzling to the steady warmth of his chest as you let him carry you.
Yujiâs heart clenches at the sound of you mumbling his name. He adjusts his grip to hold you abit tighter, his expression softened as he gazes down at you. Although heâs still upset about your overindulgence, he can't deny the comfort he finds in your presence.
âYeah, I'm here,â he responds quietly, the anger from earlier melting away as he focuses on your safety. âJust hold on to me. Letâs get you inside, okay?â
You groaned, your words slurred as your hold around his neck tightens for a fraction, âyou know youâre my best friend right..?â you mumbled.
Yujiâs steps falter for a second, his face flushing slightly as he processes your words. His grip on you tightens just a littleânot out of frustration this time, but something else entirely.
âYeah? Well, best friends donât let their best friends get blackout drunk and wander the streets alone,â he mutters back grufflyâthough thereâs no real bite to it now. More like..relief? A tiny smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. âBut thanks for remembering that part.â
âYouâre like, the only one who really ever cares for me..â You said, continuing on with your drunken rambling.
Yujiâs heart clenches at your words, his expression softening further. He lets out a small sigh, his grip on you shifting so he can hold you just a little bit closer.
âOf course I care about you, you doofus,â he mutters gently, his tone a mix of affection and concern. âAnd donât say that âIm the only oneâ crap. You have more people who care about you than you realize.â
âApparently he thinks differently..â You muttered lowly, a faint frown pulling at your lips. Yuji knows exactly who you meanâyour boyfriend⌠or maybe ex is the better word now. Two years of being on and off, breaking up and getting back together so many times even heâs lost count. Heâs seen all of itâthe fights, the tears, the way it keeps tearing you apart.
Yujiâs expression darkens as you mention him. He knows all too well about the tumultuous relationship you have with your ex, it was an endless cycle of pain and heartache. And he started to have a faint idea on why you allowed yourself to get this drunk tonight.
âDonât even start with that scumbag,â he mutters, the edge returning to his voice. âYou deserve better than him, you know that?â he adjusts his hold on you again, as if unwilling to let go.
âYou always say thatâ you muttered, making Yuji huff out a frustrated sigh.
âAnd I'll keep saying it until you finally get it through that thick head of yours,â he retorts, his tone tinged with both annoyance and frustration. âYouâre better off without himâ he continues, âwhy do you keep going back to that jerk?â he glances down at you, golden eyes narrowing slightly.
âIâve been with him for two years, Yuji, itâs not that simple.â You answered, voice quieter now.
His jaw clenches at your words, he knows that itâs not that simpleâheâs seen the toll that this toxic relationship has taken on you. The fights, the tears, the constant cycle of making up and breaking up.Â
âBut is it worth your happiness?â he questions sharply, voice rising in slight irritation. âYeah, youâve been with him for two years, but what has it really brought you? Except for heartache and disappointment.â
You let out a wince upon hearing him, heart clenching uncomfortably at the sheer weight of his words. âDidnât know I'd be getting another lecture tonight.â You mumbled under your breath.
He rolled his eyes at your grumble. Heâs frustrated, not because of you, but because he cares so damn much he canât stand watching you settle for less than what you deserve. âItâs not a lecture, itâs me worrying about you,â he snaps back. âYouâre always running back to him, even though he treats you like crap. I don't understand it, and it drives me insane!â
âIm planning to break up with him, for good this time.â You said firmly, though Yuji has heard those words more times than he can count.Â
He lets out a weary sigh, a mix of hope and skepticism warring within him. âYouâve said that before,â he mutters, his grip on you still tight. âAnd yet, you always end up back in his arms. Why should I believe you this time?â He doesnât mean to sound cynical, but heâs been through this song and dance with you before. Itâs hard to believe that things will be different this time around.
âBecause, I mean it this time.â You said as the both of you reached Yujiâs apartment, watching as he fumbled with the keys in his pocket and unlocked the door, he carefully adjusts you in his arms as he kicked the door shut behind him, walking towards his living room where a plush couch sits against one wall. He gently lowers you onto the couch, making sure youâre comfortable before slumping down next to you with a low grunt.
âYou mean it every time.â He mutters, his voice edged with equal parts frustration and concern. âBut then you go back to him.â He reaches out, gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear casually, his touch tender and unhesitant, not matching his harsh words.
You barely register his act, too buzzed to even put mind to it as you clumsily tryâand failâto kick off your shoes. âCan we just⌠not talk about it tonight?â you mumble.
He watches you struggle to kick your shoes off in your drunken state, a small frown tugging at the corner of his mouth. He knows he should press the issue, but he also doesnât want to upset you further.
âFine,â he concedes, voice gruff but relenting, âwe wonât talk about it tonight.â He gently helps you remove them, hands careful and gentle despite his earlier irritation. As he sets them aside, he glances at you again, eyes searching your face.
âThanksâŚâ you murmur, offering him a small, grateful smile that slowly curves into a faint grin. âAnd, uh⌠could I get a glass of water while youâre at it?â
Yuji rolls his eyes at your request, but he canât help but smirk slightly. âDemanding as ever, even when youâre half-drunk,â he teases, standing up from the couch. âIâll get you your water princess. Just sit tight.âÂ
You groaned at the nickname he gave, âI hate you too by the wayâ you exclaimed as he disappeared into the kitchen with a lazy grin, clearly amused despite himself.
âWow, hate me? Thatâs rich coming from someone who nuzzled into my chest like five seconds ago.â He shoots back teasingly, returning a quick moment later to crouch down in front of you, holding out a glass of cold water with a playful glint in his eyes. âDrink up before I start calling you âwhiny drunkâ for real.â
You rolled your eyes, receiving the glass from his hands, taking a deliberate sip, sighing as the coolness of the water soothed your throat. âI wasnât nuzzling into your chest, you idiot. It was freezingâand you happen to have the body heat of a childâ you retorted.Â
His jaw drops in mock offense, his eyes widening dramatically as he leans back on his heels. âExcuse me? A child?!â he repeats, indignant. âFirst of allârude. Second of all,â he pokes your forehead lightly, âyou were totally nuzzling! I felt it! And for the record, my body heat is perfect and you know it.â
âFirst of allâow. Second of all,â you paused, taking another long sip of waterâjust to further annoy him on purpose, as you continued, âIâm totally taking your bed tonight whether you like it or not.â
Yujiâs smirk turns into disbelief, âYou are not taking my bed,â he retorts immediately, narrowing his eyes at you. âI donât care how drunk you are, you can crash on the couch, and thatâs it.â He crosses his arms, a stubborn look on his face. Heâs not budging on this, not when youâre all clingy and inebriated.
âWhat?! I always take your bed! Yâknow I hate sleeping on the couch, itâs freezing.â You protested, letting out a frustrated huff.
An exasperated sigh left his mouth as you brought up your usual sleeping arrangement. You do have a point, heâs well aware of your dislike of the couch..especially how cold it gets at night. âDamn it, you and your need for comfort,â he grumbles, resolve crumbling just slightly. âFine, you can take my bed. But only because youâll whine at night otherwise.â He glares at you as he says this, as if daring you to take advantage of his giving nature.
You grinned in victory, handing the empty glass back to his hands as you immediately swung your legs over to stand up from the couch. He takes it away from you with defeat. He stands up too, his expression still slightly grumpy but resigned now. He canât argue with your stubborness, especially when you look so damn satisfied with yourself.
âYouâre lucky I'm too tired to argue with you,â he grumbles, gesturing towards the doorway leading down the hall. âGo on then, princess. Make yourself comfortable in my bed.â
âI told you to stop calling me that, you dork.â You glared at him, padding your feet away towards his bedroom to go shower and change to some fresh clothes.Â
Yuji snorts at your glare, watching as you walk away. He canât help but smirk, your playful insults just egg him on more. âYeah, well, you also said you hated me, and yet youâre about to sleep in my bed,â he teases back, âso I'll call you what I want.â
You rolled your eyes in response, choosing to just ignore his last wordsâfor now, disappearing to the bedroom and closing the door behind you. He shook his head in mock amusement, stepping away to wash up your empty glass.
He could hear the shower running shortly after, he settled back on the couch again, opting to scroll on his phone while he waited for you. He was in the middle of checking his messages when he noticed a soft light glowing from your phone on the table, noticing you had left it there. At first, he didnât think much of it, casually turning his head in its direction. But notifications started blowing up relentlessly, the barrage was hard to ignore. He didnât want to pry into your personal conversations, but his curiosity got the better of him. He tried looking away, yet he couldnât help stealing a glanceâand froze as he saw your exâs name flashing repeatedly, each message more harsh and unpleasant than the last. His hands curled into tight fists, his knuckles turning white, anger rising within him at the sight of those harsh words.Â
The shower is still runningâhe has time to think, but the words on screen burn into him. He jabs the silent button with way more force than necessary before tossing it back onto the table like it personally offended him. He drags a hand down his face, exhaling sharply through gritted teeth, âthat bastard..â he murmurs under his breath. âNo wonder youâre drunk out of your mind.âÂ
A part of him wants to barge in and demand answersâwhy are you even still entertaining this guy? But another partâthe one currently winning, knows better than to push when youâre vulnerable like this, so he just paces near the door instead.
After a hot while, you emerged from the bathroom, popping your head out as you called out to him, âHey Yuji?â
Yuji, who had been pacing anxiously near the bathroom door, snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of your voice. The sight of you peeking out from the doorway, with your hair damp and slightly disheveled, sent a jolt through his entire being. He cleared his throat, voice rougher than intended. âYou..done in there?â he managed, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.
âYeah, can you lend me some clothes for the night? I know youâd say yes but im asking anywaysâ you muttered. He blinks at you, momentarily thrown off by the polite request. Itâs so unlike your usual drunk selfâusually youâd just rummage through his drawers without asking.
âUh..yeah,â he mutters, pushing off the wall. âI mean. Obviously? Theyâll be huge on you but..â he trails off as he heads toward his closet to dig out a hoodie and sweatpants for you. âJust donât lose anything.â He adds grufflyâas if that were possible.
âYou say that as if I haven't stolen plenty of your shirts beforeâ you said, snorting at him in mock amusement. He rolled his eyes, turning to hand you the clothes. But he stops dead, completely taken abackâthere you are, wrapped in nothing but one of his towels. He swallows hard, the sight of you nearly making him choke on his own saliva. Heâs seen you like this once before, accidentally, when the bathroom door was left ajar⌠but this close? Never.
He cleared his throat and managed to maintain a somewhat indifferent expression. He pushed the clothes forward, his tone gruff, âhurry up and change,â he said.
You raise a brow at his sudden shift in demeanor, but choose not to dwell on it as you take the clothes from his hands. âThanks,â you mutter casually.
He let out a deep sigh as you disappeared back to the bathroom to change, running a hand through his pink hair in frustration. He needed to control himself, damnit. You were vulnerable, inebriated, and definitely not in the right headspace for his thoughts. He decided to distract himself by setting up the couch for the night, grabbing some extra pillows and blankets, anything to keep his mind occupied.
Not long after, you step back into view, now fully dressed. You catch him fluffing the pillows on the couch. âGoing to bed soon?â you ask.Â
He heard your voice behind him and turned his head, the sight of you in his clothes was almost too much to handle, but he schooled his expression, feigning nonchalance. âYeah, I was just about to turn in,â he replied, fluffing the pillow on the couch. âYouâre taking the bed, remember?â he shot you a pointed look.
âYeah, I remember,â you say, huffing at him before your tone softens. âThanks for letting me stay again, Jiâ you murmur quietly.
Yujiâs chest tightened at the way you said his nickname, so soft and sleepy, he let out a slow breath, turning to face you. âDonât mention it,â he muttered grufflyâthough there was no real heat behind it. His gaze flickered over your frame drowning in his clothes before he forced himself to look away, âJust..get some rest.â
A beat of silence passed between you twoâtoo loaded for comfort, before Yuji cleared his throat and added, â..And donât be a stranger when this hangover hits tomorrow.â
You snorted, chuckling softly as you replied, âI wouldnât be a stranger to my own best friend now would I?â
He rolled his eyes, but he couldnât hide the hint of a smile on his face. Typical you, he thought. Shaking his head, amused by your reaction. âYou say that now, but I know youâll be whining and complaining like hell in the morning.â He shifted slightly.
âYeah yeah whatever. iâll be off to bed then, Momâ you teased, waving him off as you turned on your heel.
 He watched as you headed for the bedroom, his eyes following your every move until you disappeared through the doorway. He let out a sigh once you were out of sight, running a hand down his face. The thought of you alone in his bed, surrounded by his scent, buried in his sheets, was driving him insane. He shook his head, trying to clear the intrusive thoughts from his mind. He was your best friend, damnit. He needed to get a grip. He shoved his thoughts to the back of his mind before dropping onto the couch, burying himself beneath the blankets as if they could smother everything he didnât want to feel.
It was well into the night, both of you long since asleep, when Yuji suddenly stirred awake. A dull thirst pulled him from his rest, and with a quiet sigh, he dragged himself up and made his way to the kitchen. He was halfway through a sip of water when he froze. His ears catching the sound of soft sniffles⌠uneven breaths⌠quiet, shaky gasps. The sound sent a chill through himâand it was coming from his bedroom. His attention snapped towards the door, a wave of alarm rushing through him. He carefully placed the glass down, his heart rate suddenly picking up, was something wrong? Was it..
He quietly made his way towards the bedroom door, silently peeking through the crack left open. There you were, on his bedroom floor, curled in on yourself, knees pulled tight to your chest as quiet sobs shook through you. He took in the sight of you, crumpled on the floor in tears, and his heart ached at the sight. His gaze flickers to your phone lying beside you, the screen dim but still lit from recent activity. The pieces fall into place almost instantlyâhis jaw tightening as it clicks. You mustâve woken up, reached for it⌠and seen the messages.
Of course you did. He didnât hesitate for a moment, pushing the door open and gently approaching you on the floor. You gasped as you heard him enter, looking up at him as you tried to hastily wipe at your tears. âSorry Ji..didnât mean to wake you, I'm fine, I justâit was just a nightmareâ you say, your voice unsteady.
Yuji could see right through your lie, the tears staining your cheeks betraying your words, he crouched down beside you, his expression tender yet filled with concern. He sighed, gently taking your phone from your trembling hand and setting it aside.
âCut the bullshit,â he said bluntly, âyouâre not fine, and we both know it wasnât a nightmare.â His gaze searched yours, his eyes filled with a mix of protectiveness and anger.
Your gaze lingers on him a moment too long before it clicksâhe knows. He had to have seen them earlier⌠thereâs no other way. You should be upset, maybe even angryâbut youâre too drained to feel anything that sharp. You exhale softly, shoulders sinking. âYou saw the texts, didnât youâŚ?â
He nodded, his expression hardening at the memory of the awful words on your screen. Anger towards your ex had flared within him, but he pushed it aside for now, his focus on you.Â
âYeah, I did,â he admitted, âSaw everything.â He reaches for you without a word, gently pulling your trembling form against his chest. You hesitate for a split second, afraid that if you let yourself lean into him, you wonât be able to hold it togetherâbut you let him anyway, you always do.Â
You let him draw you closer, your arms slowly wrapping around him as the tears spill freely. âI feel so stupidâŚâ you murmur, your voice shaking. You let him hold you tightly against his chest, one hand gently stroking your back in slow, soothing circles.Â
He could feel the tension in your body as you let out a shaky breathâlike admitting weakness to him physically pained you. âDonât,â he muttered firmly, âYouâre not stupid. That guyâs just trash.â He pressed his chin on top of your head, breathing deeply before adding quietly. â..And I'm here now.â
You sniffle, tears soaking into his shirt as you cling to him tighter, âI hate that despite it all, I canât stop replaying the good memories we had..the promises he said..i hate that a part of me still holds onto it..âÂ
Hearing you mourn over that scumbagâs false promises ignited a fire within himâpart jealousy, part protectiveness.
âYouâre better off without him,â he said through gritted teeth, âThose memories and promises..they mean nothing to him. He just used you.â He tilted your chin up, making you look up at him. âYou deserve so much better than that bullshit.â
Your brows knit together as you look away, and he gently lets go of your chin, a faintly defeated look crossing his face. âI probably do..but Iâve said some things too..I canât help but think i donât deserve better..â you admit, voice barely a whisper.
He didnât like where this was goingâyou were blaming yourself again, giving that guy too much credit. His expression darkened at your words, his eyes narrowing in disapproval. âBullshit,â he said gruffly, tone sharp. âYou said what you said because he pushed you to that point. You snapped, but that doesnât make you undeserving of better.â He gently turned your chin towards him again, making you look him in the eye. âStop being too damn hard on yourself.â
âI..I still love him Yuji..and it kills me that I canât just let him go..thatâs what makes it so hard to move on..â you murmured, clenching his shirt weakly with your fist.
He could see the pain and conflict in your eyes, the truth of how deeply you still cared for your ex despite everything. He wanted to argue, to say that you were better hating that bastardâs guts and forgetting him completely. But the pain in your voice held him back. He let out a frustrated sigh, raking a hand through his hair. It killed him seeing you like this.
 âI know..â he muttered reluctantly, âBut..you canât keep hurting yourself like this.â
You dropped your gaze, âIt hurts to realize this is the only kind of love Iâve felt..that itâs all I've ever known..I hate that loving feels so naturalâeven if it terrifies me.â
Your words were like a dagger twisting in his chest. He couldnât stand hearing you talk about yourself that way. He knew how much that scumbag had messed you up, and seeing you internalize his abuse like this..it was like watching the best parts of you slowly fade away.Â
âThatâs bullshit,â he hisses, eyes flashing angrily. âYou donât deserve any of that. You donât deserve to be treated like crap.âÂ
âYou think so..?â you asked, hesitant, unsure, your voice small and uncertain, barely above a whisper.
Yuji grasps your arms steadily, not to hurt, but to convince. He needed you to understand. Needed you to believe him, to see what he saw in you. He hated how your self-worth had been diminished, how you couldnât see your own worth.Â
âI know so, dumbass,â he muttered fiercely. âYouâre worth so much more than what that asshole can ever give you. You deserve real love and respect, not this bullshit.â
He watched your expression changeâthe confusion and doubt in your eyes slowly shifting as his words struck a chord within you. His heart clenched at how your ex had broken you to the point where you couldnât grasp the idea of being loved properly.Â
He reached a hand to your cheek. His touch tender yet firm, âYou deserve kindness, loyalty, and someone who adores you like youâre the goddamn sun.â
Someone like me, he thought, the words dying on the tip of his tongue.
âYou talk like Iâm actually deserving of thatâŚâ you reply, a sad chuckle slipping out before you even notice.
God, he wanted to scream, to shake you, make you see yourself through his eyesâthrough the eyes of someone who thought the world of you.Â
âBecause you fucking are,â he said roughly, his grip on your arms tightening slightly, âyou just canât see it because that jerk made you doubt yourself.â He paused for a moment, searching your eyesâtrying to get through to you, to make you understand. âYouâre kind, youâre smart, youâre loyal, and for some reason, youâre stubborn as hell,â he listed, voice a rough whisper. âYouâre beautiful, and you light up every goddamn room you step in. So yes, youâre damn well deserving of it, you idiot.â
You paused, blinking up at him as you took his words in, did you just hear that right? âYou..you think im beautiful..?âÂ
He froze. Crap, he thought, his words replaying in his head. His grip on your arm loosened slightly, a faint flush creeping up the back of his neck at your question.Â
âDid I stutter?â he muttered gruffly, avoiding eye contact now, âI meanâobjectively speaking. Obviously.â He cleared his throat awkwardly and pulled you into a tighter hug to hide how flustered he suddenly was.
Youâre momentarily at a loss for words, caught off guard, before letting out a small, shaky sigh. âThanks, Ji⌠but I know youâre just saying that to make me feel better.â
He groaned internally. Your inability to believe that he could genuinely find you attractive was both infuriating and heartbreaking. But he couldnât blame you. âYou think Iâd lie to you, idiot?â he muttered quietly into your ear.
âNo⌠thatâs exactly why youâre my best friend. You always tell me the truth, even when Iâm used to hearing lies.â you said.
His heart ached, yes, he was your best friend but hearing you label him as such just reminded him that he was stuck in the friendzone, while another guy got all your love and affection. Instead of voicing his frustration, he just clung to you tighter, desperately wishing he could take back the word âfriend.â
âYou shouldnât be so damn used to empty lies,â he muttered, voice tinged with a hint of bitterness.
You rested your head against his chest tiredly, your tears had mostly dried down by now, he could feel the warmth of your body seeping through his shirt, and it only made him want to hold you even closer, protect you from everything and everyone who dared to hurt you. âI shouldn't..but thatâs just how things areâ you muttered.
âBullshit,â he cursed, his chin resting on top of your head. He desperately wanted to tell you the truth, to confess how he really saw you..but he knew he couldnât. âYou deserve the world, idiot.â
You manage a small, sad smile, convinced heâs just saying things to comfort youâwhich, somehow, it is. âSorry for waking you Ji⌠Iâll try not to weep like a baby next time,â you joke lightly, the humor shaky but genuine. He hated that you didnât believe his words.Â
He frowned at your forced smile. He wanted you to understand how serious he was, but he knew you werenât ready for that.
âShut up.â he grumbled, his grip on you tightening as he spoke. âDonât apologize. You have every damn reason to cry. You donât have to bottle things up.âÂ
âYouâre too nice yâknow..i know you hate it when I say that but you are.â You said as you pulled away from his hold gently. He reluctantly let go, his arms dropping to his sides. He hated how you kept downplaying your own feelings, how you kept dismissing the things you deserved..like the love and respect he wanted to shower you with.Â
He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. âIm not nice,â he grumbled, âyou just need better standards.â
âI probably do,â you say, offering him a small, tired smile before turning to climb back onto the bed. You appreciate what he saidâyou really doâbut right now, all you want is to curl in on yourself and just disappear for a while.
He continued to stare at you for a moment, his expression torn between anger and affection. The urge to tell you the truth was growing stronger, his frustration at your lack of self-worth and the pain he felt knowing he couldnât have you eating him alive. âYou..you really donât see how much of a catch you are, do you?â he finally blurted out, frustration seeping into his voice.Â
âWhat are you talking about Yuji..â you muttered, wrapping yourself under the comfort of the blankets.
His frustration reached its peak as he let out a low groan, you were just so goddamn clueless, and it was killing him. âYouâre intelligent, youâre funny, youâre sweet, youâre loyal, and for some damn reason, you put up with my bullshit,â he replied, voice rising slightly, âAnd you have no idea how damn attractive you are, do you? How guys trip over their own feet just to talk to you?â
âAlright Yuji, youâre just making shit up at this point.â you gruffed, irritation slipping into your voice as your frustration starts to show.
His jaw dropped in disbelief, his hands clenching at his sides. He was this close to justâ
âMaking it up?!â he snapped, gesturing wildly towards you. âLook at yourself! Youâre literally drowning in my clothes and still somehow the most attractive thing I've seen all day!â
A pause. His face burned red the second those words left his mouth.
You finally blinked, turning to look at him, your brows knitting together. âYuji⌠thatâs enough,â you snap, fully convinced heâs still just trying to make you feel better.
He could feel his patience running thin, his irritation at you completely oblivious to your own worth increasing with each passing second. âItâs not enough,â he gritted out, taking a step towards you. âDamnit, you just donât get it, do you? I'm not saying these things just to make you feel better. I'm speaking the goddamn truth.â
âOkay, but youâre getting ahead of yourself.â You blurted out, sharper than you actually intended.
He couldnât take it anymoreâhe couldnât stand you downplaying his words and completely missing the point. He took another step closer, his eyes locking with yours.Â
âIm getting ahead of myself?,â he repeated incredulously, âYouâre sitting here, in my clothes, talking about how you donât deserve love and respect, and I'm getting ahead of myself?â His tone was gruff, frustration, and affection interwoven.
âWhat are you even trying to say..â You met his gaze, confusion etched on your face, your voice wavering with a mix of frustration and something more uncertain beneath it.
Did he really have to spell it out for you? He wanted to grab your shoulders and shake you, to make you understand how much he cared about you..how much he wanted you.
âDo I have to spell it out for you, you goddamn idiot?! I'm trying to tell you that you deserve way better than that bastard..and that i..iâdamn..â He paused, voice lowering,
You look at him, fingers tightening around the sheets. âYeah, no shitâyouâre right there. Iâm not blind, Yuji⌠what are you really trying to say!â you press.
âFor the love of God, I'm telling you that you deserve so much better! And that iâve been right here, loving you for so goddamn long..waiting for you to see me too.â There it was. He finally lets it out, the words breaking free all at once, his voice rough with everything heâs been holding back.Â
âYou..you what..?â You breathe, eyes widening as your grip on the sheets slackens, shock washing over you.
His heart pounded in his chest as he watched the realization slowly dawn in your eyes. He had finally said itâlaid his feelings bare for you to see, to accept or reject.Â
"You heard me," he said gruffly, his eyes never leaving yours. "I'm goddamn in love with you, you idiot. Have been for a while now. But you're too goddamn blind to see it."
âYujiâIâŚâ Your breath hitched as you stared at him, still trying to process, still in disbelief. âIâŚI donât know what to sayâŚyouâre in love with meâŚ?â
The pounding of his heart went louder in his chest as he watched you struggle to process his confession. His expression was a mixture of nervousness and hope. "Yeah, I'm in love with you, idiot," he repeated, his voice a low growl. "And I've been in love with your stubborn, clueless, beautiful self for so damn long. And now I've finally said it aloud. Happy?"
Your chest tightened, breaths coming faster as you looked down, gripping the blanket tightly again. âYujiâŚyouâre my best friendâŚthis..you canât be in love with me!â you exclaimed.
"Don't tell me what I can and can't feel," he snapped, taking another step closer. "I'm allowed to love who I damn well please. And right now? That's you."
A pause as he took a shaky breath, trying to rein in his emotions. He was tired of being stuck like thisâtired of watching someone else have your heart when he had been waiting patiently for so long.
âIâŚYujiâŚyouâyou canâtâŚâ You mutter softly, your voice heavy with sadness, turning your gaze away to avoid looking at him.
Yuji clenched his fists tightly, your refusal to look at him and your muttered denials sending a bolt of pain through his heart. He had laid it all out there, his feelings bare and vulnerableâŚonly to be shut down.
 "And why the hell not? Huh?" he said gruffly, his voice cracking slightly. "Why can't I be in love with you? Give me one goddamn valid reason."
âBecause! Weâre best friends, Yujiâthatâs how itâs always been!â You finally lift your gaze to meet his, frustration and disbelief lacing your voice.
His heart ached as you said thatâas if being best friends with him was somehow inferior to being partners. He let out a low scoff, frustration and hurt filling him.
"So? So what if we're best friends?" he retorted brokenly, "does that mean I'm not allowed to fall for you? To love you in ways that go beyond friendship? Is that really what you're saying right now?"
âim not saying you arenât allowed, im just saying that now probably wasnât the right fucking time to suddenly confess your feelings to me!â you pressed.
"Oh, really?! And when was the right time, huh? When some other guy sweeps you off your goddamn feet? When you're in another relationship with another idiot who doesn't value you the way I do? When?!" he fought, voice rising higher, already regretting the words he had spit out.
Hurt tightens across your faceâeven if he didnât mean it that way, it still hits a nerve. âBecause my own feelings are all over the place right now, Yuji! Heck, I just cried in your arms, for Christâs sake!â you snap, voice cracking slightly.
He felt a pang of guiltâhe hadn't meant to snap at you and unintentionally bring up your recent vulnerability. But his frustration at being constantly put in the friendzone was still present. "And what about my feelings, huh? I've been harboring these feelings for you for so long, watching you go after the wrong guysâŚand then coming back to me every damn time they hurt youâŚ" he gritted out.
âI never asked you to take care of me! I wouldâve never let youânever done any of thisâif I knew you had feelings for me!â You blurted back.
He knew you hadn't asked, but goddamnit, he had wanted to take care of you since the moment he realized his feelings for you. "You don't get it, do you? I wanted to take care of you. I wanted to be the one you turn to when you're sad...not some idiot who doesn't care about you." he shot back bitterly.
âBecause thatâs what best friends are for, Yuji! Weâve always taken care of each other! But now⌠knowing this, IâŚI donâtâŚI donât know what you want me to say!â
"What I want you to say is that you feel the same damn way about me!" he snapped, taking another step forward, frustration and hurt evident in his voice. "That you see me as more than just your friend and best goddamn companion." Yuji's frustration hit its peakâyou just didn't seem to understand the depth of his feelings for you. It was more than just being there for each other as friends, he wanted to be your partner, your protector, your everything.
âHow can you say that, knowing the state Iâm in right now! YouâŚyouâre being selfish, wanting me to juggle my feelings like this!â You shout, your voice trembling, tears threatening to spill again.
His expression darkened at your accusation. He knew he was being selfish, but damn it, he couldn't help it. "Don't call me selfish, damn it! I've stood by your side, watching you go through heartbreak after heartbreak, all the while silently loving you in the background! So don't you dare call me selfish for wanting a chance with you when I've been putting my own feelings aside for so long."
âSo what!? you want to hear me say i love you back? Is that it?!â you shouted, rage and confusion consuming you without thinking.
"Yes, goddamn it!" He closed the distance between you. "That's exactly what I want to hear. I want you to say that you feel the same way. I want you to see me in the same light that I see you in. Is that so goddamn selfish?!"
âYouâfuck you, Yuji!â You shout, turning your face away, chest heaving as you pant, emotions crashing over like waves.
"Fine, go ahead and curse at me! But you're not gonna shut me up that easily," he retorted, his own breathing ragged. "I've had enough of being in the friendzone with you, watching you give your heart to assholes who don't treat you right. I'm standing here right now, putting my feelings out there, asking for a chance."
âYouâre mistaking your feelingsâŚâ You mutter, refusing to flinch as he moves closer on the bed, eventually sitting down across from you, his gaze steady, not leaving yours.
"Don't you dare tell me I'm mistaking my own damn feelings," he said through gritted teeth, his voice gravelly. "I know exactly what I feel for you. I've felt this way for so long, it's consuming me."
âIt shouldnâtâŚHow couldâŚhow could you even love meâŚwhen Iâm still in love with himâŚâ You whisper, voice breaking as the weight of your words hangs between the two of you.
Yuji felt like he'd been punched in the gut, your confession of still loving your ex driving a dagger through his heart. "How can you still love him after everything he's put you through? After every time he's broken your goddamn heart and hurt you?" he shot back, his voice cracking slightly. "What does he have that I don't?"
âStop it! Donât you dare make me compare the two of you!â You shouted, turning your head to face him again, chest tight and trembling.
"Why not? Why should I stop? You're sitting here, still in love with a scumbag who doesn't deserve you, when I'm right here, confessing my fucking feelings for you." Yuji's voice rose again, his emotions getting the best of him. "You say you still love him after everything he's done, but what about the way I feel for you? What about what I can provide for you?! What about me?!"
âJust stop it, Yuji! I donât love you!â The words slip out before you can stop them, your heart aching with every syllable.
Yuji froze for a split second at your sharp wordsâyour blunt rejection like a punch to the gut. But then his expression hardened, frustration and pain twisting into something reckless. Â
"Fine." he growled low in his throat, "If you don't love meâif you never willâthen say it to my face."Â Â
Before you could react, he closed the distance between you in one swift motion, cupping your jaw roughly as he crushed his lips against yours. It wasn't gentle or sweetâit was desperate and furious, pouring every ounce of pent-up emotion into that kiss.
Your eyes widen in disbelief, but what catches him completely off guard is that you donât pull away. Instead, you lean in, meeting his lips with a fierce, desperate intensity. The kiss is urgent, almost feverish, and somehowâsome impossibly perfect wayâyour mouths move together as if theyâve always known exactly how to fit. Every doubt, every fear, every suppressed feeling seems to melt into that moment, leaving only the raw heat, pressing impossibly close.
Yuji felt a jolt of shock go through him at your responseâthe fact that you were kissing him back so fervently taking him by surprise. But he quickly regained his composure, his grip on your jaw tightening ever so slightly as he deepened the kiss. The emotions that had been boiling inside him ignited in that moment, passion and desire fueling his every move. His free hand found its way to your waist, pulling you closer to him, as his mouth claimed yours hungrily, almost as if he couldn't get enough of you.
You let him pull you closer, lost in the kiss as you practically had your legs around him now, straddling his lap as your hands tugged at him closer desperately. It was like you wantedâno, needed, more of him. Yuji lets out a low growl, his hands sliding from your waist to your hips, his grip possessive and tight. He could feel your body pressed against his, the proximity fueling the flames of his desire. His tongue traced the seam of your lips, seeking entrance, his need for you driving him to the edge of insanity. He deepened the kiss, one hand drifting up your back, fingers tangling in your hair as he held you impossibly close.
Itâs when a low hum escapes your lips against his mouth that reality hits. Shit. Your eyes fly wide open as you pull back abruptly, pushing him away and untangling yourself from his lap. Scrambling up from the bed, heart hammering. âYuji, whatâthat wasnât supposed to happen!â you stammer, panic and what seems like embarrassment flooding your senses.
His eyes widened as you pulled away, chest heaving from the intensity of the kiss. The sudden distance between you both made him feel coldâempty. "Wasn't supposed to happen?" he repeated roughly, his voice still laced with lingering heat and frustration. "You kissed me back just as hard as I did! Don't lie to yourselfâor me."Â Â
A pause. His gaze burned into yours before he muttered bitterly, "...Unless that was just pity."
Your chest heaves as you run a hand through your hair frantically, struggling to catch your breath. âDonâtâdonât do this, please⌠th-that was a mistake, Yuji,â you stammer, voice trembling with panic and shame.
Yuji let out a scoff, anger and hurt rising in him as you dismissed the kiss as a mistake. It hurt. It hurt so goddamn much. He clenched his fists at his sides, trying to keep his emotions in check. Â
"A mistake, huh? It didn't feel like a mistake the way you were kissing me back just now. The way you had your body pressed up against mineâŚthat didn't feel like a mistake to me. It felt real. It felt right to me."
âStop! just stopâiâŚthat shouldnât have happened.â You repeated.
His patience snapped. He shot up from the bed, towering frame looming over you as he pointed a finger in your face. "Then tell me why it shouldn't have happened! Give me one goddamn reason that isn't just 'because I still love my ex'!" he roared, his voice cracking with frustration and hurt. "You kissed me backâdon't lie to yourself or to me. So if this is really a mistakeâŚthen why did it feel so right?"
âPlease, Yuji, just stop! I⌠I wasnât thinking straightâwe both werenât thinking straight,â you plead, voice shaking as you step back, trying to put distance between us.
Yuji's breath hitched as you said thatâyour words like a knife twisting in his gut. He had hoped, for just a second, that maybe this kiss had changed something between youâŚbut now? Now it felt like he was being torn apart.Â
"Wasn't thinking straight?" he repeated bitterly, "So all of thisâthat meant nothing to you?" A harsh pause before he added quietly, "...Just tell me if there's any part of this that doesn't scare the hell out of both of us."
âYuji⌠please, I canât think properly right now. I donât want to hurt either of us any more than we already haveâŚI justâŚI need time to figure out my own heart before we destroy what we haveâ you gritted.
The pain in your voice cut through his anger. He wanted to reach out for you, to touch you, to pull you close in a desperate attempt to cling onto you. But he stayed rooted, his shoulders tense as he tried to keep the hurt in check. "You're hurting me more by pushing me away like this, you know that? You're tearing me apart by brushing this off as a damn mistake."
âIâm sorryâŚâ You whisper, voice breaking, thick with regret. âI never meant for any of this to happenâŚI donât know how to fix it, and it hurts me just as much as it hurts you.â
"I know you are. I know you aren't doing this to hurt me on purpose, but it does, damn it. I'm standing here, pouring my heart out to you, and all I keep getting back is you trying to push me away." His heart ached even moreâif that was even possible, the genuine hurt and apology in your voice breaking through his anger and making his heart squeeze painfully.
He stepped closer again, fingers lightly reaching out, hesitating for a moment before gently holding onto your wrist. "JustâŚjust look at me," he said softly, his eyes locking onto yours, "Look at me and tell me it felt wrong. Tell me that kiss was nothing but a mistake. Lie to my face and say you don't feel a fucking thing for me."
You look at him, hurt and conflicted, letting out a shaky breath. The truth isâŚit did feel right. It did feel like it was meant to happenâyou just couldnât bring yourself to fully admit it yet. âWould itâŚmake you feel better if I said it?â You murmur, voice barely above a whisper, torn between honesty and fear.
His heart raced as you looked up at him, his grip on your wrist tightening just the slightest bit. He could see the conflict in your eyes, the unspoken emotions in them. It gave him a glimmer of hope, but also made the pain in his chest feel ten times worse.Â
"IâI don't know," he replied in a hoarse voice, his gaze never leaving yours. "I don't know if it'd make me feel better to hear you say it was a mistake, or if it'd break my damn heart into even more pieces."
âThen I wonât say itâŚfor the sake of both of us. But pleaseâŚjust know that I never meant to hurt you, Yujiâ You whisper, your voice trembling with sincerity, the weight of unspoken feelings heavy between the two of you.
He lets his eyes close for a moment, taking another shaky breath as he fights to keep his composure. Your words were like a gentle yet painful touch on his raw, aching heart. He knew you didn't want to hurt him, and that somehow made it even harder for him. Â
"I know, I know you didn't mean toâŚ" He exhaled deeply, his hand tightening around your wrist as he looked at you again, desperation and pain warring in his eyes. "It still hurts like hell, though."
You watch him release your wrist, a deep part of you aching, longing for his touch again. He takes a slow step back, those sad eyes never leaving yours. âIâll let you restâŚwe can talk about it in the morning,â he says softly, his voice heavy with unspoken emotion.
As he suggested talking about it the next day, you wanted to protest, to feel his touch under your skin again and keep him there with youâŚbut you couldn't. You just couldn't.
 "YeahâŚyeah, we can talk in the morning," you replied, voice strained and thick with emotion.
You watched him turn away, chest aching as the space between you two grew wider. You wanted to call outâwanted to stop him from leaving you like this. But instead, you just clenched your fists and exhaled shakily. Â
"Goodnight," he muttered under his breath, âY/n..â
The name slipped out in a whisperâone that carried all the unspoken love and frustration he couldn't bring himself to say aloud right now.
You stayed rooted in place even after he left the room, your eyes glued to the closed door. Your mind was reeling, bombarded with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.Â
The feel of his body against yours still lingered on your skin, the taste of his lips on yours still on your tongue. You wanted to go after him, to plead for him to stayâŚbut you knew that would only make things worse right now.
With a frustrated huff, you fell back onto the bed, burying your face into his pillowâstrongly clad with his scent, cursing yourself and the entire situation. Heart still pounding from everything that just happened. His absence feels heavier than the space he left behind, and the memories of him cling to you like a stubborn shadow. Your mind races, a tangled mess of regret, longing, and confusion, yet somewhere deep down, a small, undeniable part of you knows that nothing will ever be the same again. You curl further into his pillow, as if holding onto him could somehow make him stay. Every heartbeat echoes with the weight of words left unsaid, of feelings tangled and unclaimed. The ache in your chest is sharp, a reminder that some thingsâno matter how much you want themâcannot be fixed in a single night. A shaky breath left you, tasting the memory of him on your lips, nothing dulls the storm in your chest. Part of you wants to chase him, another part knows you shouldnâtâand somewhere in the middle, a dangerous question takes root.Â
What happens when neither of you can stay away?
a/n: soâŚpart 2? hope that was as gut wrenching as i envisioned, my first jjk fic can u believe it?! put my heart into this one (i love my bby yuji sm<3) likes and commentary very much appreciated