Zero_Fucks

i wanna die tonight so imma make it look pretty

seeing bones scare me. seeing how skinny people can be and knowing how uncomfortable it is. but i also hate my body. i’m stuck in this flesh suit i don’t even like with boobs and being female presenting plus not being how i wanna look. that shit hurts. my hands are massive, i look like a thick lego block and i look like a shack of potato’s. i hate myself. i wish it had succeeded that night. i wish it had every night.

if you are gonna go out of your way to lie to me about shit that hadn’t even happened, don’t expect me to be coming back to you. you lied about multiple things. i get my toxicity from you. YOUR A LAIR. EVERY DAY I LEARN MORE AND MORE THAT YOU LIE JUST TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOU. NO ONE ELSE. WHAT DO YOU THINK THATS GONNA DO TO YOUR 15 ALREADY MENTALLY UNSTABLE NON BINARY CHILD AND 12 YEAR OLD AUTISTIC SON? YOU RIPPED OUR FAMILY APART WHEN TRULY ONLY YOU DID EVERYTHING WRONG. i hate you. why did you have to do this. i hate you so much. i don’t ever wanna talk to you again. sadly i have too. but if it means not having to see your toxic manipulative ass then sure, i’ll put up with it. you lost me more. i hope your happy.

everything has came crashing down. she lied, manipulated us, abused us.. she did so much and acts like she is the good guy. she ripped the whole family apart and put me under so much pressure to the point where i got depressed and couldn’t clean my room. then she kicked me out then lied to the fucking police leaving me pretty much once again homeless. and i fucking hate her for it. i don’t wanna talk to her. my life is falling apart so quickly and i just wanna be happy but it’s so hard to be happy when nothing is working out. your friends don’t seem to care nor have they checked in on you or even gave two fucks in general. it feels like it’s everyone else’s world i’m just living in it. i also feel so numb. suicide thoughts running through my head a lot but not being able to say anything about it because then people will over react. i don’t wanna wake up. i don’t wanna continue anymore. sure, now i have a chance to start over but there is so much mess that comes with it and there is already too much mess for me to deal with in the first place. i wish everything could be okay for once. why is everything always falling apart? because it’s my life i guess. just when i think i’ve got my shit together everything comes tumbling down like the twin towers. i wanna get out of my head and actually enjoy life for once. life is never gonna be that way nor is it always gonna go to plan but maybe one day.. maybe for one day.. i get to finally relax and take a breath of fresh healthy air. and i hope it comes soon. i’m desperate for it.