Untitled

Thinking about that time they accidentally made a new fish (true story)

Death and decay is honestly so based. So slay. So infinitely epic-and-cool-pilled

Who is Mariana Cross and why won’t everyone shut up about her

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep because goblins aren’t real yet

Yeah I’m psychic (a liar)

It’s stupid that most teenagers have to read To Kill a Mockingbird in High School when most adults haven’t even played Plants vs. Zombies

Ummmmmm, cereal??? What else would I pack my bowl with???

It’s not a crime if you do it so pitifully the victim doesn’t press charges

It’s not a phase Mom, I’m literally dead. This is my funeral. You’re 62, how do you not know that death is permanent?

Someone get my Timbers a blanket, can’t you see they’re shivering?

Daily reminder that there is no such thing as a “fair wage” or “non-exploitative labor” in a capitalistic society :)

If I could swap genders for a day I would try to get pregnant and start the world’s first TRUE mpreg OnlyFans

If anyone kills me they are allowed to take my loot

Cowboys are just racist samurai

What kind of fucked up loser names their grape juice “Welch”. Yeah I sure am. Thirsty!