Tangled:Heart

Sunhwa’s eyebrows rose at Zach’s words; she had known he would go deeper into acting before, even if he wasn’t good at it. He had the popularity and looks for it, the rest would be handled by fangirls. It didn’t actually bother Sunhwa at all, because she knew about Zach’s life and how it would be, after all those years of friendship. “I don’t really care about media or whatever, actually,” she started, letting her hair fall behind her so she can look at the model clearly. “I’ll support you by laughing at your dramas.” She smiled lightly, still feeling like this might be a fleeting moment.

Zacharie hated being forced to act, sometimes even purposefully being an impossible asshole on set jsut for the off-chance that they would send him home. Part of the reason was that he knew how terrible he was at it, and the other was his absolute refusal to have anything to do with his father. People kept in on anyway, putting up with his problematic behaviour as long as they kept a pretty boy cast. “I’d actually much rather you didn’t watch at all,” he sighed, “The next thing you know, they’ll be shoving me into one of my father’s films. I’d sooner kill myself.”

Sunhwa looked at the man in front of her eyes with a small sense of despair. He doesn’t know, the voice in her head supplied helpfully, yet she knew she couldn’t let go even if it meant the end of her. She didn’t deserve him, she didn’t deserve the happiness he brought in her life. It was for obvious he didn’t deserve the sadness she had brought about, but how could she step away from this person that meant world to her? 

It was like a brief moment of calmness and Zacharie did his best to forget the pain of the past few months, the argument that had erupted just before and the itching of his hands for aggression. His nose brushed against her skin, slowly inhaling her sweet scent. He missed that and, honestly, hoped that she would forever be his but happiness was fleeting and he knew not to count on it. “I missed you too,” Zacharie responded, kissing her cheek, “More than you can imagine.”

She couldn’t help the way her eyes widened at his words, her lips reaching for his as he leaned in. The way their lips moved together made her heart jump in her chest, her hands reaching to pull him closer to her. She sincerely hoped that it wasn’t a dream and she wasn’t going to wake up in her bed, alone. It scared her, losing Zach again and making him upset. 

There had been countless nights that he’d dreamed of kissing her, holding her in his arms and refusing to ever part. For months, Zacharie had thought that it wouldn’t be possible, that he might never feel that sense of bliss again, but here she was. He ran his fingers lightly through her hair, brushed stray strands away from her eyes to get a better look at her – thin, sad but beautiful. Always beautiful.

Sunhwa blinked dumbly when Zach pushed her down on the couch, her throat tightening as she tried to comprehend what was happening. Was Zach..? She looked at the model’s face, her expression clearly showing her shock. “I would still want to be with you, because there’s not one thing about you that I hate.” She replied seriously, though the words bothered her deeply. She couldn’t help it when she continued. “Though, I’d try to stop you from doing those unhealthy things, for sure.” She nodded lightly.

Having Sunhwa around in the past did change him for the better – although ever arrogant and defensive, Zacharie had learnt that he was capable of being a decent person. For now though, he doubted that she could fix him. He didn’t even want to be fixed. Not when he was still unsure if she would leave again. “You’re really fucking good at that, you know? Keeping secrets from me,” he responded, voice hushed and their faces were inches away, “Though I’m not one to talk either. Isn’t that just we we do? We keep secrets, we fuck up trying to make things work.”

zachkwon

It didn't feel like her heart was with him. In fact, all of months of loneliness had scarred him. Even if he took her back now, Zacharie knew that things wouldn't be the same. In fact, Sunhwa might not even want him anymore once she'd realized what he'd become - promiscuous, selfish, cruel and violent. He was everything he used to be before he met her and everything she had changed about him. He couldn't let her go though and, as soon as she took a step towards him, his resolve shattered. Great.

“Are you seriously keep insulting me even though you told me not to leave?” She asked him incredulously, her hands falling to her sides idly. Her eyes followed the smoke that left his lips, her head aching from all the confusion she felt in that moment. She didn’t know if it would be better if she left. She had done the worst thing she could have done, already. She wanted to make sure Zach continued without a hitch, but that seemed like a far reach, seeing the situation. She took a step forward, “You can’t act for shit, Zach. I know you.”

“If I wanted to insult you, you’d have broken down already,” he grumbled, taking another deep inhalation of the cigarette, “So quit complaining when I’m actually being nice.” Even in only the past two weeks, there had been a countless number of girls he’d reduced to tears. Not necessarily out of heartbreak, though that was common too, but out of the sheer brutality of his sharp words. Zacharie could be cruel. It was just that Sunhwa had never been made aware of it.

“I know we were perfect, Zach, but I am not good enough for you, even if I want to hold onto you.” She replied silently, her eyes meeting his for a moment and she felt her heart beat painfully in her chest. He still had this power over her. He meant the world, and if he wanted it, she would get the moon for him. That was the reason why she had ran away. She was scared of how strongly she felt for him, even if their relationship was not defined. She was so scared of losing him or hurting him that she had managed exactly that. 

He watched her, unsure whether to believe in the honesty behind her words. His heart did, lurching at the realization that she wanted him back, but his brain could only be reminded of how he'd been failed and neglected his entire life. Zacharie had given Sunhwa more of his heart than anyone else in the world, and there was it - bruised, broken and bleeding. "Things can't be okay like this, you know that," Zacharie said, sighing, "You can't just come back and except me to forgive you, to trust you, to... to love you like nothing's changed - because everything has. Things happened while you were gone, Sunhwa, and I'm not the same Zacharie."

“Are you seriously keep insulting me even though you told me not to leave?” She asked him incredulously, her hands falling to her sides idly. Her eyes followed the smoke that left his lips, her head aching from all the confusion she felt in that moment. She didn’t know if it would be better if she left. She had done the worst thing she could have done, already. She wanted to make sure Zach continued without a hitch, but that seemed like a far reach, seeing the situation. She took a step forward, “You can’t act for shit, Zach. I know you.”

“If I wanted to insult you, you’d have broken down already,” he grumbled, taking another deep inhalation of the cigarette, “So quit complaining when I’m actually being nice.” Even in only the past two weeks, there had been a countless number of girls he’d reduced to tears. Not necessarily out of heartbreak, though that was common too, but out of the sheer brutality of his sharp words. Zacharie could be cruel. It was just that Sunhwa had never been made aware of it.

Sunhwa was quick to wipe away her tears, but sobs didn’t stop even as her tears did. She took in a shaky breath, frowning at Zach. “I am not crying so you’ll forgive me when I know I don’t deserve it.” She replied with fever, even if her anger was at herself. She let out a sigh, but the bang from the side made her flinch once again. Her eyes snapped to where Zach’s fist had connected with the wall, her lips falling open. Her surprise having taken over, she stood there without a word. 

His hand ached, but he’d be damned if he’s let his ex-girlfriend mother him – an ex-girlfriend, was that even the right term for the situation? He cursed himself and his ambiguous relations. “Don’t flatter yourself,” he lied, “I’m the same jackass I’ve always been. All you had to do was stop being around to see through that knightly image you had of me.” Rummaging through one of his drawers, he finally found a new packet of cigarettes and a lighter – it would hold him off for now. With the stick between his lips, he lit up casually before inhaling.

Sunhwa couldn’t help the flinch as Zach shoved the coffee table and the bottles fell on the ground. A shaky breath left her lips as she watched Zach stalk towards her, slowly but surely. Sunhwa tried to back away but her back hit the wall and all she could do was to look at the man she loved. She had caused this, his anger and disappointment. She closed her eyes briefly, his anger making her feel weak. “I wish I had died rather than have hurt you,” she admitted quietly. Those words made her feel like she was admitting to have killed all those people, all the murders she had committed. It was so hard to tell him that he mattered more, more than her own life.

His resolve wavered as soon as he saw her tears, never having seen Sunhwa cry like that before. Zacharie remembered how she had difficulty fitting into his world, even his own hesitance in truly calling her his for the same reason, and everything boiled down to his own cowardice. If anything, that only infuriated him more. “Why the fuck are you crying? Am I supposed to forgive you now, to pretend like everything’s okay because of a few tears?” he continued, anger thinly hidden beneath the surface, “Fuck, Sunhwa. Stop it!” Zacharie banged a fist at the wall just a short distance away from her face, the only way for him to release his emotions without actually harming her – because he could never do that.

Sunhwa’s frown deepened when he shrugged her hand off, her hand falling idly to her side. She wrapped her arms around herself to stop the feeling of despair away, looking around briefly. Her frown did not disappear when she noticed how thin he had become indeed. She wanted to make him eat, make him healthy, make him happy again. She cursed herself as the guilt intensified in her gut. She let out a shaky breath.

He listened silently, jaw cleaned and an unreadably cold expression on his features. Zacharie knew that he was being harsh with her, every sharp retort only making him want to hold her more, but he couldn’t help it. She was the one who left, who destroyed his rare hope for happiness, and he blamed her to the bottom of his heart. He hadn’t let anyone in for years, never showed vulnerability, and yet she messed up as soon as he came close. In his mind, she was hardly better than his own family.

“Are you serious right now because-” She snapped at him before their eyes met, her anger leaving her in a blink because she just wanted to hug him tight, and never let go. She frowned lightly at herself, since it was all her fault and she couldn’t even explain to him why she had ran away. She had tried to stay away and thought that maybe it would be better for them but she had missed Zach with every fibre of her being. 

He was on edge, snappy and irritable. It had been a few hours maybe since his last hit and, while Zacharie insisted that he wasn't addicted, he hit his depressions hard every day perhaps the cocaine only augmented the pain in his heart. When he felt her touch on his shoulder, he instinctively flinched. People bothered him and all those nights of hard partying, even if drunk, was doing damage to his recovering social anxiety. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked, brushing away her hand to yank his jacket off. Beneath the leather garment, he wore a long sleeved black shirt, further accenting how thin he'd become. His agent worried about him, designers complained about his inaccurate measurements and make up artists were constantly fretting about how to hide his dark circles.

Sunhwa’s eyes snapped to the source of the voice, her movements halting into a stop when she saw Zach. This wasn’t the way she wanted to see him, since she had more difficulty controlling herself when she saw him without notice. Her lungs squeezed in her chest uncomfortably, her eyes tracing his face with a small frown. He looked thinner, less healthy. The guilt burned her throat as she took his figure in, his glare enough to make her feel like running away.

He started at her with cold eyes, even more guarded and distant than they were before, but deep down Zacharie knew that he wanted her to stay. “Didn’t you want to talk two months ago or have you been purposefully waiting just to see how well I thrive without you?” he snapped, raising his arms in a gesture, “Well look all you want, Sunhwa, and enjoy it. You’ve fucked me over enough.” He saw how thin she’d become, the sadness in her eyes, and every fibre of his being longed to hold her in his arms again. She used to call him her knight, he thought of her as his princess, but those memories seemed too far out of reach.

The thing about Sunhwa was that she was really bad at controlling her emotions. If she had been any good, she wouldn’t have ruined her relationship with one of her best friends. One and only person she trusted would keep her safe, and she had gone and developed feelings for him. She had not only ruined herself, but him also. He had trusted her and she had abandoned her, out of fear.

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