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@yuzukult
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yuzu. twenty-seven. she/her. united states. southeast asian american.
masterlist / ko-fi
gyukult â yuzukult

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what does past midnight jjk work with? i get that its something art related but idk, maybe its said in the fic and im just dumb and didnt see it đ your writing is so cool btw, i really liked past midnight đ«
iâll be honest, i wrote that over 5 years ago, so i donât quite remember đ
hii!! omg im in love with the way you write pls never go baldâŠ. thats all thank you bye
also god bless you for no more⊠never delete that pleekk
HAHAHAHHA youâre all so funny đ i promise i wont delete my fics!! at most, ive hidden some of them (i just donât have it on my masterlist) bc i feel like i grew out of the theme / style / genre of it đ i think some of it embarrasses me bc im 28 now and i wrote them when i was like in my early 20s
but i will say,,, my writing these days is not great đ
Pls never delete your fics đđđđ
BHAHAHAHAH not the praying hands
i wont delete published fics but the drafts,,,,,, no promises
omg iâm at 14.2k what possessed me
iâm at 18k and iâm scared my fic is boring
iâm 19k and feeling not confident LOL

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omg iâm at 14.2k what possessed me
iâm at 18k and iâm scared my fic is boring
seriously no one writes reverse grumpy x sunshine like u do, u convey the emotions of a more ânonchalantâ and lacking âvulnerabilityâ mc so well and i gen feel so represented reading ur fics LOLL itâs so hard to find fics like these nowadays, but you write them so well. teared up at the part in bittersweet when mc talks ab the diff ways that she shows her love instead of physically and with words and mingyu softening and melting stoppp :c
âčïž i just saw this im so sorry
genuinely thank you!! honestly writing these days is so hard⊠i try to revisit my wips but i donât think my flow is as good as it used to be đ iâd love to come back but i feel like i suck now đ«Ș
i hope you guys all enjoy my old works â i think at the very least, even if i stop entirely, i wonât delete the fics!!
omg iâm at 14.2k what possessed me
it's like seeing an ex on my feed...
<33333 hope you're well!
BAHAHAHAHAHHAHA đđđđ
iâm doing well!! i hope you are too :)
i lurk around often i just donât post anything HAHAHAH but i wrote so much these past couple days so maybe smth hit me !!
idk if anyone here still lurks and waits for my next drop but i wrote 10k of hyunjinâs fic so far !! and itâs a rewrite⊠which is crazy bc i didnât even post the first draft i just deleted it and rewrote it

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From home is literally my holy grail fic I prob reread it 15 times since you published it đł Your writing has always been amazing đ Matter of fact let me reread it rn
WHAAAAATTTTT đ really !! im honestly scared to even look at that one đ«Ș
since when? (teaser) || hhj & reader
title: since when? (teaser) pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader genre: angst, fluff, eventual smut, brothers best friend!au, age gap!au except the age gap is like 2 years you'll see why lol, opposites!au word count: 1045 (i'm planning for this to be a thick one.. well, a girl can try) warnings: profanity, and mentions of adult content -- not a real warning but i did not proofread very well a/n: so yes i know this is another teaser (yuzu stfu!!) but i wanted to get the writing spark back so i'm writing for skz before i go back to my unfinished works bc why the fuck not... anyways let me know if you're interested in this coming to life!! summary: hyunjin finds himself crushing on his friend's older sister except she doesn't view him as anything more than her younger brother's friend. his goal: to change that. but first, he's gotta get it together.
Thatâs crazy. Were you always like this? Were you always so breathtakingly gorgeous with a laugh so melodic it could cure the most wicked people? Since when did his feelings start to be like this?
Even though that laugh is mocking him, and the grin you have on your face is so devilish that even Satan has competition.
He thinks this is his own personal hell; watching you, giggling at the jabs his friends make at him, chiming into the roasting with your own comments. Jeongin is your connection to him, the little brother with all the friends that spent an unwelcome amount of hours in the living room of the apartment you shared.Â
And Hyunjin? Heâs one of your little brotherâs friends.
To be fair, Hyunjin is a year older than Jeongin. He likes to think that he has a sliver of a chanceâjust because heâs your brotherâs friend, heâs not actually the same age as Jeongin.Â
⊠Right? âŠ. Is that justifying enough?
âAlright, well⊠donât forget to vacuum when youâre done. I donât want crumbs on the floor when you leave,â you narrow your eyes at the seven other guys and the room and he swears his heart skipped a beat.
God. Has he always been this down bad?Â
Hyunjin thinks heâs in turmoil. Youâve never looked in his direction in any romantic way (or sexual, and heâs dying to be either), and he desperately wishes youâd wake up one day and think: âWow. Maybe Hyunjin is hot. I should go out with him!â
And truthfully, this all stemmed from the one night the two of you got so drunk that you found yourselves tangled in his sheets. It was Jeonginâs 21st birthday party, (Hyunjin, 22 and yourself, 24), too many types of alcohol entered into your systems and triggered your courage enough to go back to his place. So maybe you did look at him sexually. Once though. But oh, how he dreamed of it going down sober this time. The memory is foggy.
That next morning, he woke up to you rushing to get dressed, apologizing for the night, before heading out quickly.
Then about a week later, you pulled him aside when he came to grab Jeongin to play ball.Â
âLetâs just⊠forget that happened. So we can save ourselves from the awkwardness, yeah?â
But he canât. Heâs gotten attached. A fat crush. Youâve become the girl of his dreams and he didnât even know that you were. He thought he wouldâve been into people who were in his arts or literature classes back in college. Maybe someone who loved going to galleries, discussing things like poetry or what the workings of Claude Monet meant, deciphering each stroke and the stories behind the paintings.
Instead, he found himself crushing on not only his friendâs older sister, but you didnât even know what the fuck impasto means and you fell asleep last time he saw you with a book.
You arenât necessarily the ânot like other girlsâ typeâyouâre simply just⊠a straightforward type of girl. You lay things out the way they are, you find solutions to complicated problems, but to you, there is no layered meaning in the depths of writings or workings of an artist or author. Not that there isnât any, you just⊠didnât prioritize it the way that he did.
âWhy would I pick up another book when I spent all of college looking at textbooks with theories and formulas?â
Jesus Christ.Â
âWhy⊠Why donât you stay and hang out with us?â Hyunjin asks, just before your hand touches the knob of your bedroom door. âThe guys like having you around. Youâre funnyâmakes the atmosphere lighthearted.â
You laugh; god, what the fuck. Why arenât you his? âIâm good. I donât really want to end up being that person that hangs out with her little brotherâs friends. Kinda makes me seem like I donât have any of my own.â
Why! Why do you insist on putting a barrier between the two of you like this? Donât you get it? Heâs obsessed with you. Not in a stalker kind of way, but heâs hooked. The age gap (that isnât that big, by the way) and the fact that heâs your little brotherâs friend is constantly brought up every time Hyunjin tries to bring up an excuse to spend some time with you.
âIt definitely doesnât mean that.â
âYouâre cute, Hyunjin. But thanks for asking. Iâm gonna watch a movie in my room and call it a night.â
Fuck!! You have a bathroom in your bedroom too. Youâre never coming out again tonight, are you? He just wants to steal a glance. Maybe do something so obviously charming that youâd fall in love with him unexpectedly.Â
âIâŠâ
You pause. You gaze into his irises, letting him speak but no words come out. âHm? You good?â
Absolutely not.
Heâs clearly not going to confess to you right this instant, but something about how the hallway light hits your face makes you look dreamy, despite you being the opposite of what the girl of his dreams would look like. Youâre not nice, but youâre kind. Youâve mocked him several times now, calling him a nerd for obsessing over poetry. Last week, he gave one of his friends, Han, advice on how to swoon a girl, only for you to drop by the kitchen to grab a snack and snort in both of his and Hanâs faces because âwriting a love song for her is so sappy and if it was for me, Iâd cringe.â Your words. Exactly.
But heâs gotten so smitten, none of that even matters.
âYou⊠you look pretty tonight,â Hyunjin spills. Itâs raw, full of genuinity, straight up honesty. âI like what you did with your hair.â
And you laugh. Again! In his goddamn fucking face. Your hair is messily thrown into a low bun, two strands that frame your face slip from the hold, and all he could think about was tucking one behind your ear, cupping the side of your jaw and planting a kiss on your lips.
âI didnât wash my hair, but thanks.â
God, heâs so close to slamming his head against the wall. Did you not see heâs trying to hit on you?
i actually started rewriting this so đ
cheer if u want another preview of my rewritten version
since when? (teaser) || hhj & reader
title: since when? (teaser) pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader genre: angst, fluff, eventual smut, brothers best friend!au, age gap!au except the age gap is like 2 years you'll see why lol, opposites!au word count: 1045 (i'm planning for this to be a thick one.. well, a girl can try) warnings: profanity, and mentions of adult content -- not a real warning but i did not proofread very well a/n: so yes i know this is another teaser (yuzu stfu!!) but i wanted to get the writing spark back so i'm writing for skz before i go back to my unfinished works bc why the fuck not... anyways let me know if you're interested in this coming to life!! summary: hyunjin finds himself crushing on his friend's older sister except she doesn't view him as anything more than her younger brother's friend. his goal: to change that. but first, he's gotta get it together.
Thatâs crazy. Were you always like this? Were you always so breathtakingly gorgeous with a laugh so melodic it could cure the most wicked people? Since when did his feelings start to be like this?
Even though that laugh is mocking him, and the grin you have on your face is so devilish that even Satan has competition.
He thinks this is his own personal hell; watching you, giggling at the jabs his friends make at him, chiming into the roasting with your own comments. Jeongin is your connection to him, the little brother with all the friends that spent an unwelcome amount of hours in the living room of the apartment you shared.Â
And Hyunjin? Heâs one of your little brotherâs friends.
To be fair, Hyunjin is a year older than Jeongin. He likes to think that he has a sliver of a chanceâjust because heâs your brotherâs friend, heâs not actually the same age as Jeongin.Â
⊠Right? âŠ. Is that justifying enough?
âAlright, well⊠donât forget to vacuum when youâre done. I donât want crumbs on the floor when you leave,â you narrow your eyes at the seven other guys and the room and he swears his heart skipped a beat.
God. Has he always been this down bad?Â
Hyunjin thinks heâs in turmoil. Youâve never looked in his direction in any romantic way (or sexual, and heâs dying to be either), and he desperately wishes youâd wake up one day and think: âWow. Maybe Hyunjin is hot. I should go out with him!â
And truthfully, this all stemmed from the one night the two of you got so drunk that you found yourselves tangled in his sheets. It was Jeonginâs 21st birthday party, (Hyunjin, 22 and yourself, 24), too many types of alcohol entered into your systems and triggered your courage enough to go back to his place. So maybe you did look at him sexually. Once though. But oh, how he dreamed of it going down sober this time. The memory is foggy.
That next morning, he woke up to you rushing to get dressed, apologizing for the night, before heading out quickly.
Then about a week later, you pulled him aside when he came to grab Jeongin to play ball.Â
âLetâs just⊠forget that happened. So we can save ourselves from the awkwardness, yeah?â
But he canât. Heâs gotten attached. A fat crush. Youâve become the girl of his dreams and he didnât even know that you were. He thought he wouldâve been into people who were in his arts or literature classes back in college. Maybe someone who loved going to galleries, discussing things like poetry or what the workings of Claude Monet meant, deciphering each stroke and the stories behind the paintings.
Instead, he found himself crushing on not only his friendâs older sister, but you didnât even know what the fuck impasto means and you fell asleep last time he saw you with a book.
You arenât necessarily the ânot like other girlsâ typeâyouâre simply just⊠a straightforward type of girl. You lay things out the way they are, you find solutions to complicated problems, but to you, there is no layered meaning in the depths of writings or workings of an artist or author. Not that there isnât any, you just⊠didnât prioritize it the way that he did.
âWhy would I pick up another book when I spent all of college looking at textbooks with theories and formulas?â
Jesus Christ.Â
âWhy⊠Why donât you stay and hang out with us?â Hyunjin asks, just before your hand touches the knob of your bedroom door. âThe guys like having you around. Youâre funnyâmakes the atmosphere lighthearted.â
You laugh; god, what the fuck. Why arenât you his? âIâm good. I donât really want to end up being that person that hangs out with her little brotherâs friends. Kinda makes me seem like I donât have any of my own.â
Why! Why do you insist on putting a barrier between the two of you like this? Donât you get it? Heâs obsessed with you. Not in a stalker kind of way, but heâs hooked. The age gap (that isnât that big, by the way) and the fact that heâs your little brotherâs friend is constantly brought up every time Hyunjin tries to bring up an excuse to spend some time with you.
âIt definitely doesnât mean that.â
âYouâre cute, Hyunjin. But thanks for asking. Iâm gonna watch a movie in my room and call it a night.â
Fuck!! You have a bathroom in your bedroom too. Youâre never coming out again tonight, are you? He just wants to steal a glance. Maybe do something so obviously charming that youâd fall in love with him unexpectedly.Â
âIâŠâ
You pause. You gaze into his irises, letting him speak but no words come out. âHm? You good?â
Absolutely not.
Heâs clearly not going to confess to you right this instant, but something about how the hallway light hits your face makes you look dreamy, despite you being the opposite of what the girl of his dreams would look like. Youâre not nice, but youâre kind. Youâve mocked him several times now, calling him a nerd for obsessing over poetry. Last week, he gave one of his friends, Han, advice on how to swoon a girl, only for you to drop by the kitchen to grab a snack and snort in both of his and Hanâs faces because âwriting a love song for her is so sappy and if it was for me, Iâd cringe.â Your words. Exactly.
But heâs gotten so smitten, none of that even matters.
âYou⊠you look pretty tonight,â Hyunjin spills. Itâs raw, full of genuinity, straight up honesty. âI like what you did with your hair.â
And you laugh. Again! In his goddamn fucking face. Your hair is messily thrown into a low bun, two strands that frame your face slip from the hold, and all he could think about was tucking one behind your ear, cupping the side of your jaw and planting a kiss on your lips.
âI didnât wash my hair, but thanks.â
God, heâs so close to slamming his head against the wall. Did you not see heâs trying to hit on you?
i actually started rewriting this so đ
u will always be famous đ«¶
đ unfortunately i thought i was an ok writer before and now i am worse
why am i suddenly getting traction again đ«Ș

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
NO NUT NOVEMBER
*Â°àż cw: explicit sexual content (MDNI), fingering, dry humping, grinding, penetration
a stupid bet, a sugar-sweet kitchen, and a boyfriend who wants you way more than heâs supposed to.
*Â°àż notes: as part of emmie and attie's secret stay writing event for the talented, beautiful, amazing @emmiesoverthemoon. i was sooo hyped to see that i had been assigned to you i couldn't wait to post this lol. hope you like it, you deserve the world!!
Hyunjin kisses you like heâs got nowhere else to be.     Â
Thereâs a slow, unhurried weight to it. The TV is still on in the background, some drama muttering away to itself in soft, unsubtitled chaos, but the sound is blurred under the rush of your own pulse and the little wet catch of his breath every time your mouth moves against his.   Â
Youâre folded into the corner of your couch with him, half on, half around him. At some point youâd started the night sitting side by side; now his back is pressed against the armrest and youâre straddling his lap, knees bracketing his hips, hoodie riding up in the back. One of his hands is anchored at your waist, fingers spread, thumb tracing absent circles into the thin cotton of your t-shirt. The other is splayed between your shoulder blades, holding you steady each time you lean in and kiss him a little deeper.     Â
This is familiar. This is easy. You know the way his mouth moves, the way he always starts soft and then forgets himself. The way he chases you when you pull back to breathe, lips parting, eyes half-open and almost offended that youâd dare put distance between you.    Â
You tilt your head, kiss him again, slower this time. He makes a sound in his throatâquiet, pleasedâand his fingers tighten almost imperceptibly on your waist. You can feel the tension coil in him, the way his chest expands under your palms, the little hitch when you let your teeth graze his bottom lip before soothing the sting with your tongue.     Â
He tastes faintly like hot chocolate and something minty. Youâd shared a mug an hour ago, knees knocked together on the coffee table, laughing at some ridiculous scene on screen. Now the mug is forgotten, abandoned on the coaster.    Â
âHyun,â you murmur against his mouth, not really meaning anything by it. His name comes out as more exhale than word.   Â
âMm,â he answers, equally articulate, and drags you a fraction closer.     Â
His hoodie is soft under your hands, but the strip of skin it doesnât quite cover at his waist is warm, a different texture entirely. Your fingers slip lower, tracing the hem, feeling the way his muscles jump beneath your touch. Youâve been here a hundred timesâon this couch, on his bed, in the backseat of his car on nights when youâre both too impatient to make it inside. Thereâs a well-worn path from âthisâ to âmoreâ, a map your bodies know by heart. Â
You start to follow it without thinking.   Â
Your hips shift, just a little. Just enough to settle more firmly over him, to close the last bit of space between your stomachs. The movement drags the seam of your leggings against him and you feel, very distinctly, the way his breath stutters. The hand at your back flexes. His fingers press into you like heâs grounding himself on your spine.   Â
You do it again, slow, barely there.  Â
This time the reaction is sharp. His jaw tightens. A sound escapes him, low and almost pained, and for a second you think, triumphantlyâgot you.  Â
Then he breaks the kiss.    Â
One moment his mouth is moving with yours, hot and open and eager; the next, his lips are gone and his forehead is pressed to your shoulder instead, breath gusting hot through the fabric of your shirt. His hands havenât movedâheâs still holding you like heâs afraid youâll slide off his lap if he lets goâbut the rest of him has gone very, very still.     Â
You blink, dazed, heart thudding. It takes your brain a second to catch up with the fact that heâs not kissing you anymore.    Â
ââŠHyunjin?â you say, after a beat.
He groans. Not sexy this timeâjust a long, miserable sound from somewhere deep in his chest.  Â
âOkay,â he says into your shoulder. âOkay. Wait.â  Â
You freeze. A tiny, cold flicker of something unpleasant touches the back of your neck. You sit back just enough to see his face, hands sliding up to frame his jaw.   Â
âDid I do something?â you ask, searching his expression. âIf I hurt you orââ   Â
His eyes fly open. âWhat? No.â He looks horrified at the very idea. âNo, no, you didnât do anything. Youâreââ He cuts himself off, jaw clenching, muscles working like heâs biting down on the rest. ââŠtoo much, actually. Thatâs the problem.â   Â
You stare at him. He looks wrecked in a way that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with whatever is going on inside his head. His hair is mussed from your fingers, his lips are pink and kiss-bruised, and thereâs a faint flush high on his cheekbones. He also looks like heâs in physical pain.  Â
Youâre not sure whether to be flattered or offended.   Â
âYou kissed me first,â you point out, because youâre not above stating the obvious. âOn my couch. With zero warning. While I was minding my business.â     Â
His mouth twitches like he wants to smile and canât quite manage it. âYeah,â he says, voice rough. âThat part was extremely stupid of me.â    Â
âOkay, now Iâm confused.â     Â
You tilt his face up a little more so he has to meet your eyes. He does, reluctantly, like a school kid being called on in class when he definitely did not do the homework.     Â
âSomething happened today,â he says. âAt the practice room. With the guys.â     Â
âIs this the setup to a horror story?â    Â
âHonestly?â He scrubs one hand over his face, fingers dragging through his hair. âYes.â   Â
You wait. He watches your mouth for a second too long, then drags his gaze back up with visible effort.  Â
âPromise you wonât laugh?â he tries.  Â
âAbsolutely not,â you say immediately.     Â
He winces. âOkay, but hold your laughter internally, at least.â Â
âNo promises.â   Â
He presses his lips together like heâs bracing for impact. âWe made a bet.â  Â
Of course they did. You can already feel your eyebrows climbing.   Â
âGo on,â you say slowly. âWhat kind of bet?â     Â
He hesitates. Looks at the wall over your shoulder. The ceiling. Anywhere but your face. When he finally gets the words out, theyâre muttered like heâs ashamed of them.    Â
âNo Nut November.â    Â
Silence.     Â
You blink once. Twice. Somewhere in the apartment, the fridge hums. The drama on TV hits a particularly dramatic background music swell that feels almost intentional.     Â
âIâm sorry,â you say at last. âYouâre going to have to say that again, because my brain auto-censored it.â Â
He drags his gaze back to you, eyes wide, lips pushed out in a sulky little pout youâd find adorable if you werenât so busy processing.   Â
âNo Nut November,â he repeats, enunciating each word clearly like heâs in class. âYou know. That stupid internet thing? We⊠monetized it.â    Â
âYouââ You clamp your mouth shut, because the laugh is right there, bubbling in your chest. âYou and the boys made a No Nut November bet.â   Â
He nods, miserable. Â
âFor money.â    Â
He nods again.           Â
âYou voluntarily signed up,â you say slowly, âfor thirty days of self-inflicted suffering. While you have a girlfriend. Who lives ten minutes away. Who you routinely climb like a tree the second you walk through the door.â     Â
His shoulders lift in the closest thing to a defensive shrug he can manage with you still on his lap. âWhen you say it like that it sounds dumb.â Â
âThatâs because it is dumb, Hyunjin.â     Â
âI know,â he says, defeated. âBut thereâs a cash prize.â     Â
You have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling. âHow much?â     Â
He tells you the number. Itâs not nothing; they clearly took this seriously. You do the math quickly in your head and still canât restrain your snort.     Â
âHyun,â you say, softening despite yourself, âyouâre already rich. That is, like, two pairs of shoes to you.â   Â
âItâs not about the amount,â he protests. âItâs the principle. And the bragging rights. Andââ He pauses, eyes flicking down to your mouth before dragging back up again. âI was going to spend it on you.â     Â
That short-circuits your sarcasm for a second. ââŠWhat?â    Â
âIf I win,â he says, pushing past his own embarrassment in a rush, âIâm taking you somewhere stupid romantic. Mountains, or a beach, or that resort you sent me with the heated pool and the really fluffy robes. The money we all put in would cover the whole thing. Itâd be, like, a victory trip.â   Â
You blink. Your chest does an inconvenient little squeeze.   Â
âYou could just⊠book that now,â you point out, a little more gently. âYou donât need a bet to take me on vacation.â    Â
He smiles, small and stubborn. âYeah, but it feels different if I earn it. You know? Like, âlook what I suffered through for us.ââ   Â
You stare at him. At his earnest face, his messed-up hair, the way his hands are still sitting so carefully on your hips like youâre made of glass and temptation at the same time.     Â
âYou are insane,â you decide, affection curling through the exasperation. âRomantic, but insane.â     Â
âIs that a yes to supporting my insane romantic quest?â he asks, hope creeping into his voice.     Â
You sigh, dramatically, just to watch his mouth twitch.      Â
âLet's recap,â you say. âYou and your idiot bandmates shook hands on a no-sex, no-anything deal for the month, and you want me to be, what, your moral support? Your⊠chastity coach?â Â
He laughs, finally, the tension in his shoulders easing by a fraction. âPlease never call yourself that again.â Â
âIâm serious.â     Â
âI know.â His fingers flex, thumb brushing the hem of your shirt, quickly pulling back like he forgot he wasnât supposed to.
âItâs just us,â he adds, more carefully. âThe boys. Iâm not asking you to⊠sign a contract or anything.â
âHow generous,â you deadpan.
âIâm serious,â he says, and he is. You can hear itâthreaded under the teasing, under the mortification. âYou donât have to change anything. Iâm the one who signed up for torture.â
âThen why,â you ask, narrowing your eyes, âdo I feel like Iâm about to get drafted anyway?â
He hesitates. Itâs tiny, but you feel it, the way his hands tighten on your hips for half a second before he makes himself relax.
âBecause,â he says slowly, âif you keep doing⊠thatââ
âDoing what?â You blink at him, the picture of innocence. You are still in his lap. Your shirt is still slightly crooked. Your mouth still tingles from his.
His gaze drops from your eyes to your mouth, then lower, like his own body is answering the question for him. His tongue darts out, quick, almost nervous, before he catches himself.
âExisting like this,â he mutters, giving your waist the faintest, helpless squeeze. âSitting on me. Making those little noises.â His voice dips, embarrassingly earnest. âLooking at me like that.â
You feel your cheeks warm. âI was literally just kissing my boyfriend.â
âYeah,â he says. âExactly.â
The corner of your mouth twitches. You want to be annoyed on principleâbecause you were very much enjoying yourself five minutes agoâbut the way heâs looking at you makes it hard.Â
You drop your hands from his jaw, smoothing them instead over his shoulders, down the line of his hoodie. He lets out a slow breath, like your touch isnât making anything better, but heâs too gone on you to pull away.
âYouâre really going to try,â you say.
âI am,â he says. And he means it. For all his dramatics, thereâs steel underneath. âI have self-control. I can do this.â
You hum. âWith me around?â
He turns his head, meets your gaze. That stubborn spark flares again. âEspecially with you around.â
You raise an eyebrow. âBold of you to say when you just almost combusted because I moved my hips an inch.â
His ears go pink. âThat was⊠an adjustment period.â
âMm.â
âWarm-up,â he insists. âIâll get used to it.â
âYouâll get used to⊠not having sex with me,â you say flatly. âFor a month.â
A shadow of uncertainty flickers across his face, there and gone. He swallows.
âWell, when you put it like that,â he says faintly.
You feel the tiniest, petty part of you preen at that. Because there it is, laid bare between you: itâs not sex in general heâs missing. Itâs sex with you. Itâs your laugh in his ear, your fingers in his hair, your teeth on his shoulder.
You drag your thumbs over his cheekbones, smoothing the faint flush you put there. âYou know this is going to be harder on you than me, right?â
âHow do you figure?â he asks, wary.
âYouâre the clingy one,â you say. âYouâre the one who turns every movie night into a makeout session. Youâre the one who canât sit next to me without holding somethingâmy hand, my leg, my entire body.â
His mouth curves, despite everything. âYou love it.â
âI do,â you admit. âWhich is why I donât understand why youâre doing this to yourself.â
âBecause Iâm competitive,â he says. âAnd stupid. And I like the idea of saying, âI survived No Nut November while dating you.â It makes me sound strong.â
âOr deranged.â
You sigh, long and theatrical, and for a heartbeat his eyes soften like he thinks youâre actually upset. Youâre not. Annoyed, a little. Wound up, definitely. But underneath it thereâs a thread of fondness that wonât loosen no matter how hard you tug.
âFine,â you say at last. âI will⊠attempt to support your deeply questionable life choices.â
His whole face lights up, relief washing over his features so visibly it almost knocks you back. âReally?â
âReally,â you say. âI will try not to sabotage you. I will not seduce you on purpose. I will, to the best of my ability, refrain from climbing into your lap at every opportunity.â
His gaze flicks down to where you are currently planted. âStarting when?â
You pause. Consider the logistics. Consider the way his hands tighten when you shift even a little, the way his pupils are blown wide already.
ââŠTomorrow,â you say.
He laughs, bright and helpless. âYouâre impossible.â
âYou love me.â
âUnfortunately,â he agrees. âYes.â
You lean in and press a quick, closed-mouth kiss to his lipsâjust a peck, nothing that could be construed as dangerous, even if he still chases it faintly when you pull back.
He exhales, like heâs been holding his breath since the moment he said the words No Nut November out loud. His hands slide up your back, palms flattening between your shoulder blades, and he pulls you in, just enough to tuck you against his chest.
A few days pass, and for the most part, itâs⊠fine.
You see him in little pockets of time carved between schedulesâquick coffee before practice when heâs already in sweats and a beanie, a rushed goodbye in the lobby when his manager honks from the curb, a FaceTime call with his hair still damp from the shower and his voice soft with sleep. The bet lives in the background of everything, like a bad inside joke. Thereâs a running tally in the boysâ group chat he shows you once, all ugly emojis and worse nicknames.
You make fun of him every time he mentions it. He rolls his eyes and kisses your forehead. Itâs almost easy to forget that thereâs a line between you now, even if itâs one he drew himself.
By the time Friday crawls around, youâre exhausted in a way that feels low and heavy. The kind of tired that turns your bones to sand. You spend the evening cleaning in lazy burstsâloading the dishwasher, half-folding laundry, wiping crumbs off the coffee tableâand then give up around eleven, flopping onto the couch with a blanket and your phone.
He texts you sometime after that.
HYUNJIN: done late today đ„Č HYUNJIN: leaving now, might be closer to 2 HYUNJIN: donât wait up if youâre tired okay
You send back a half-assed heart emoji and stubbornly decide youâre going to stay awake anyway.
You donât.
Sleep sneaks up on you the way it always doesâslow eyelids, heavier blinks, the show you were pretending to watch turning into background noise. You curl onto your side, phone slipping from your hand to the cushion, the apartment washed in the soft blue light of the TV. The last thing you remember is thinking you should get up and brush your teeth.
The next thing youâre aware of is the soft metallic click of your front door.
You surface slowly, in layers. The dimness of the room. The quiet shuffle of shoes being toed off. The low, familiar murmur of his voice as he whispers something to himself and drops his bag by the wall.
You donât move right away. Youâre warm and heavy under the blanket, lungs rising and falling in a slow rhythm. Footsteps pad across your floor. A shadow passes between you and the TV.
âBaby?â he says quietly.
You crack an eye open.
Hyunjin stands at the end of the couch, hoodie half-zipped, hair damp and curling around his forehead. Thereâs a mask hanging from one ear and a plastic bag looped around his wrist. The digital clock on your cable box informs you, unhelpfully, that itâs 2:14 a.m.
âYouâre late,â you mumble, voice thick with sleep.
He smiles, the kind of soft, crooked thing that makes the trip worth it. âHi to you too.â
He sets the bag down on the coffee table carefully, like itâs precious cargo. Something inside clinks faintlyâtakeout containers and chopsticks knocking together. The smell hits a second later, warm and savory, oily in the best way.
Your stomach flutters in vague interest, but the rest of you is too tired to respond.
âI brought food,â he says, needlessly. âIn case you were hungry.â
â âM not,â you mumble, letting your eyes fall closed again.Â
He glances at the phone wedged between you and the back cushion, screen dark.Â
âI made it toâŠâ You blink, brain scrambling for a landmark. âSome guy got slapped. Mightâve been episode one. Mightâve been a commercial.â
He huffs a quiet laugh. âYouâre adorable.â
You feel the couch dip as he sits down near your feet, the springs sighing under his weight. The rustle of the plastic bag, the little rip as he tears open the knot. The sharp, plasticky snap of chopsticks split apart.
You peel your eyes open again, just enough to see him through your lashes.
Heâs turned sideways, one knee up on the couch, container balanced on the coffee table in front of him. The screen light catches on his jaw, on the damp strands of hair clinging to his neck. He looks tired in that way youâve learned to readâcreases at the corners of his eyes, shoulders slumping for the first time all dayâbut thereâs still a fizz of energy under his skin. The schedule high hasnât completely worn off yet.
âYouâre not going to sleep?â you ask.
âIâm starving,â he says around a mouthful of rice. âAlso, I have news.â
You shift a little, tugging the blanket up under your chin. âGood news or stupid news?â
âBoth,â he says cheerfully. âHan lost.â
That wakes you up more effectively than the smell of food.
âAlready?â You blink at him. âItâs been, like⊠what, five days?â
âFour,â he says. âAnd it was technically last night, so three and some change.â
You snort. âWhat happened?â
He grins, eyes lighting up with the kind of glee reserved for watching your friends suffer consequences.
âApparently he had a dream that started off all innocent and thenââ Hyunjin makes an unhelpful, vague hand motion. ââturned into a lot of things very fast. Woke up already⊠you know.â
You raise an eyebrow. âAlready?â
âThatâs what he said.â Hyunjin shrugs, then takes another bite.
âSo Hanâs out,â you say, prodding. âWhat about you?â
His gaze flicks to you, amused. âIâm great.â
âYouâre really going to sit there,â you say, âand claim this is easy?â
He lifts a shoulder. âHasnât been that bad so far.â
You study him, skeptical. He looks⊠okay, actually. Still a little keyed up from work, but not feral. His leg is bouncing a bit where his foot rests on the rug, but that might just be habit. His eyes skitter over you onceâmessy hair, oversized sleep shirt, blanket burritoâand then obediently return to his food.
âHuh,â you say. âSo you werenât lying about self-control.â
He pretends to preen, shoulders squaring. âTold you. Mind of steel. Also, practice has been insane. I barely have the energy to think about sex.â
You hum. âMust be nice.â
His mouth curves, just enough. âAre you suffering?â
You give him a flat look.Â
He reaches over with his free hand, fingers searching blindly under the blanket until they find your ankle. His palm is warm where it closes over your skin, thumb rubbing absent circles over the bone. Itâs casual, familiar, easy in a way that doesnât immediately set your nerves on fire.
âHave youâŠâ He trails off, lashes dipping as he looks down at the food again. âYou know. Been okay?â
You tilt your head. âYou mean, am I climbing the walls without your dick?â
He chokes on a grain of rice.
âDonât say that while Iâm chewing,â he wheezes, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth. His grip on your ankle tightens in affronted self-defense. âI couldâve died.â
You smile, lazy and mean. âYou walked into that.â
He recovers with a theatrical sigh, shoving another piece of chicken into his mouth like he needs to occupy it with something other than words.
You think about giving him a real answer. About the way your brain keeps replaying little moments from before the bet, about the heat that hums under your skin when he hugs you from behind, about the way youâve caught yourself staring at his hands more than once this week. But he looks tired and proud of himself in the same breath, so you just shrug.
âItâs been⊠fine,â you say. âYouâre busy. Iâm tired. Iâve been mostly falling asleep before my brain has time to be annoying.â
He seems relieved by that, tension in his shoulders loosening a fraction.
âGood,â he says softly. âI didnât want this to feel likeââ He makes a face, searching for the word. âLike Iâm withholding something from you.â
âYou kind of are,â you say lightly. âBut itâs consensual withholding, I guess.â
âSexy,â he mutters. âLove when my girlfriend talks about things like a lawyer.â
You nudge his calf with your toe. âYouâre the one who turned your sex life into a contract.â
âDonât remind me.â
For a while, the apartment settles into a sleepy kind of quiet. The TV murmurs to itself in the background, all dim colors and looped soundtrack. Hyunjin eats, methodical and unhurried, and you watch him with half-lidded eyes, floating in that strange in-between space where youâre too tired to get up but not tired enough to sink all the way under again.
He looks at home here, in a way that makes your chest ache a little if you think about it too hard. His socks are mismatchedâone black, one grayâand his hoodie rides up when he leans forward to grab another piece, exposing a sliver of pale skin at his waist. Thereâs a small stain on the cuff. His bag is half unzipped by the door, phone charger peeking out.
He catches you staring eventually.
âWhat?â he asks, chopsticks pausing halfway to his mouth.
âNothing,â you say. âJust looking.â
âAt my chewing?â he says doubtfully.
âAt my boyfriend,â you correct.
The expression that crosses his face is almost comically soft. His shoulders drop, eyes going warm at the edges, mouth curving in that way that says you could ask for the moon and heâd at least google how to get it.
âCome here,â he says quietly.
âYouâre already here,â you point out, but you scoot anyway, pushing yourself up and crawling the short distance until youâre within reach.
He abandons the food for the moment, wipes his fingers on a napkin, and lifts the blanket in invitation. You tuck yourself against his side, head finding the familiar spot on his shoulder, one leg thrown over his thigh. He settles an arm around you automatically, palm spreading over your upper arm, thumb tracing slow, soothing lines.
This isnât new. Youâve done this a hundred times. In other months, on other nights, this is the position that leads to wandering hands, to his mouth finding yours, to something more tangled and breathless and messy.
Tonight, it doesnât.
You feel the awareness of that hovering between you like a held breath. The way his fingers pause for half a second on your arm before resuming their pattern. The way his chest rises and falls under your cheek, maybe a bit deeper than usual.
âYouâre being very well-behaved,â you murmur, eyes slipping closed again.
He huffs a soft laugh, the sound rumbling against your ribs. âI told you. I can do it.â
âThis is only the beginning,â you remind him. âDonât get cocky.â
You fall quiet after that, lulled by the steady motion of his hand and the low, steady noise of the TV. Sleep creeps up again, heavier this time. Your muscles go slack one by one, your thoughts dissolving into half-dreams. Somewhere above you, Hyunjinâs voice blurs into a comforting hum as he narrates his day.
Eventually, his words start to slow. He finishes the last bites of his food one-handed, sets the empty container back in the bag, and leans forward to tie it closed, careful not to jostle you too much.
When he settles back, you make a small, unconscious sound and burrow closer. His arm tightens around you automatically, his other hand coming up to smooth over the back of your head.
âGo to sleep,â he murmurs into your hair. âIâve got you.â
You could say the sameâabout him, about this stupid bet, about the next three weeks that are going to test both of you more than either of you realize. But right now, itâs still easy. Right now, itâs just his voice, his warmth, the soft press of his lips against your forehead as the room blurs out.
You let your mind go quiet, let your body sink into his.
For week one, at least, cuddling really is safe.
Itâs a Tuesday when you head to the dorm after work, the hallways too bright and too quiet at the same time. Changbin opens the door with a fork in his mouth and a hoodie half on, half off his shoulder.
âOh,â he says around the fork, then catches himself and pulls it out. âHey. Heâs hereâjust showering.â
âHi,â you smile. âWhatchu eating?â
He lifts the plastic container heâs demolishing. âProtein.â Then, because heâs not actually a monster, âThereâs more in the fridge if you want. I picked up extra.â
âIâm okay.â You toe your shoes off. âIâll get out of your hair.â
He waves you down the hall, already turning back toward the kitchen. âMake good choices.â
You snort and leave him to his protein and plausible deniability.
Hyunjinâs room is the same itâs always beenâtwo plants clinging valiantly to a windowsill, a paint-smeared tote hooked over a chair, a candle he probably isnât supposed to have tucked half-behind a stack of books. You sit on the edge of his bed and listen to the water shut off, the muffled thump of the bathroom door, the soft slap of bare feet down the hall.
He comes in toweling his hair, damp shirt clinging in places youâre trying not to think about. Thereâs a drop of water clinging to the hollow beneath his ear; you feel it like a physical tug somewhere deep and unhelpful.
âHey,â he says, and itâs stupid how much better the room feels just because heâs in it. âYou got here quick.â
He tosses the towel onto the chair and crosses the room in two long steps, leaning in to press his mouth to your forehead. The kiss is quick, chaste, the kind that shouldnât do anything to you at all.
It does.
You try to hide it by reaching for the ends of his hair, tugging at damp strands to fluff them. He ducks his head obligingly, that lazy, pleased sound rumbling in his chest.
âLong day?â he asks, and heâs close enough that you can see the damp darkening his lashes, the tired creases at the corners of his eyes.
You shrug, noncommittal. âFine.â
His mouth tilts. âLiar.â
âI am attempting nonchalance,â you say primly.
âTerrible attempt,â he says, even softer. His hands slide to your hips like they belong thereâbecause they doâand then stop, a tiny check you feel more than see. He studies your face for a beat, all the easy teasing peeling back. âTalk to me.â
You look away. The words feel ridiculous even inside your head. Youâre fine. You are. Itâs just that every time he looks like thisâclean and warm and a little undone by the showerâyour body sings a single, unhelpful note and refuses to shut up about it.
âIâm⊠tired,â you say, which is true. âAnd you look like that.â
âLike what?â He follows your gaze down the curve of his own throat, as if he might discover the problem alone. When he looks back up, heâs smiling, but itâs gentler now. âCome here.â
You go easily, because you always do. He pulls you up the bed and sits back against the wall, legs long and relaxed, and you settle sideways into his lap, your shoulder to his chest, your knees tucked beside his ribs. His hand finds its way under the hem of your shirt without fanfare, palm spreading warm over your stomach, the other arm bracketed around you, a cage you have never wanted to run from.
For a minute, you let the room be small and quiet. You listen to the city mutter through the window and the dormâs ancient heating rattle like a ghost down the vent. His thumb moves in slow circles at your waist. Your breath takes its cues from his.
It would be easy to leave it here. It would be smart.
You shift.
Itâs small. An inch, maybe less. A recalibration that has you closer to the heat of him, to the clean smell of his skin, to the damp line of his jaw when you tip your head back to look. He doesnât move when you do it. He doesnât even breathe, for one held second. You feel the restraint in the stiffness of his shoulders, the way his hand flattens against your stomach like he can anchor both of you to something that isnât this.
âBaby,â he says, and itâs not a warning so much as an acknowledgment. A youâre not wrong, I feel it too.
You swallow. âI know.â
His eyes skate over your face. Whatever he sees there makes a decision for him. He exhales through his nose and dips his head, pressing his mouth to your temple, your cheekbone, the corner of your mouth. Kisses that are careful, not cold. Kisses that say I want to and I promised myself I wouldnât in the same breath.
You catch his jaw with your fingers when he tries to duck away from your mouth again. He goes still under your hand, eyes flicking to your lips.
âHyun,â you say, and you hate how rough it sounds. âIâm really⊠Iâm not trying to make this harder, butââ
âI know,â he says immediately, like heâd been waiting to hear that. He cups your face, thumb skating under your eye. Up close like this he looks a little wrecked himself, damp hair curling, mouth soft and pink, pupils a little too big. âI can tell.â
Your cheeks heat, humiliation and relief tangling together. âItâs stupid.â
His mouth flickers like he wants to argue with that on principle. He doesnât. He leans in, nose brushing your cheek, voice dropped low.
âDo you want me to help?â
You go silent. The question hangs between you, honest and easy. Heâs not teasing. He isnât trying to talk you out of anything. Heâs offering.
âHelp⊠how,â you ask, and your voice breaks exactly where his eyes do.
âHowever you want,â he says, like itâs simple. His hand leaves your stomach and slides to your hip, not pulling, just there. âI can take care of you. Just you.â His mouth quirks, apology-soft. âLet me.â
The worst part is how fast your body answers for you. Heat rushes bright and immediate under your skin; your breath catches and you feel yourself lean toward him on a string you didnât know youâd given him.
âThatâs notââ You stop. Try again. âItâs not fair.â
âItâs not about fair,â he says, and he means it. âItâs about you.â
You search his face for the crack in the offer, the place where it costs him too much. All you find is want and patience layered over it like gauze. Heâs careful even in thisâlike his own restraint is something he can set down for a second if it means you get to breathe again.
Your hands have found the back of his neck without permission. Your thumb strokes a damp curl flat, the kind of thoughtless, tender touch that should make this easier and doesnât at all.
âWhat if youââ You stop, because saying it out loud feels like tempting fate. Your eyes flick to his mouth and back. âWhat if this makes it worse for you?â
His smile is crooked and honest. âIt already is worse for me.â He tips his forehead to yours. âBut I can live with worse if it means you sleep.â
You press your lips together, a small, involuntary pout he sees and promptly chases with a soft kiss, like he can kiss the indecision off your mouth.
He murmurs against your lower lip, âSay the word.â
The room narrows to his breath and your pulse. To the way his fingers curl at your hip, not urging, just steady. To the warm, damp smell of his t-shirt and the faint thread of citrus in his hair. You could nod. You could fall into the shape of the offer and let him handle it, and you know with a weird, fierce certainty that heâd be devastatingly good and even more devastatingly gentle.
You want it.
You want him.
And yet thereâs a stab of stubbornness you didnât know you had, something that says later, not like this, not when heâs already walking a tightrope for you both.
âIâŠâ You exhale and press your face to his throat, buying a second against his skin. Your voice comes small. âIf you start, I wonât let you stop.â
He swallows, the motion brushing your cheek. âYou donât have to.â
âHyun.â
Heâs quiet for a moment, and when he speaks again itâs a soft capitulation, not to the bet but to you.
âOkay,â he says, and kisses your hair. âOkay. Then let me do something else.â
Before you can ask, he shifts, easing you down the bed. He lies on his side and tucks you in against him, your back to his chest, his arm heavy over your waist. His knee slides between yours, not indecent, just there, a solid line to lean into. His mouth finds the angle of your jaw, the place below your ear that makes your whole nervous system light up, and he kisses you slowly, like he has time to spare, like he can bleed the ache out by degrees.
You melt, traitorously. His hand spans your lower belly, the heel of his palm applying the gentlest pressure in time with your breath, a rhythm that asks and asks until your body answers by unclenching.
âBetter?â he whispers after a while, voice gone husky with concentration.
You nod, the movement dragging his mouth along your skin. âA little.â
âMore?â he asks, and even now itâs a question.
You find his hand where it rests at your waist and bring it lower. No coynessâyour fingers slot between his and you guide, decisive, until his knuckles meet the inside of your thigh. His breath catches against your jaw.
âHere,â you say, already breathless. âLike this.â
He doesnât make you show him twice. His palm curves over the heat of you through your leggings, a careful pressure that has your hips tilting before you can stop them. He follows the shift without comment, mouth moving at your neck in slow, coaxing kisses while his fingers learn the shape of what you needâbroad strokes, then tighter, then right where youâre aching.
âTell me,â he murmurs. âI want to get it right.â
âYou are,â you manage, and then youâre not managing at all because he is, the heel of his hand catching exactly where the ache peaks. You exhale a small, helpless sound into his shoulder. He swears under his breath, almost reverent.
Thereâs the faint, traitorous scrape of the bedframe when you roll your hips into his hand. He stills for a heartbeat, listening; from the living room comes the distant murmur of Changbinâs TV and a laugh that might be at a meme or a dog video or nothing at all.
Hyunjinâs mouth ghosts your ear. âQuiet for me, yeah?â
You nod too fast, the motion tugging a gasp from your chest when his fingers press a fraction harder. Itâs not enough; itâs too much; itâs perfect. You grab his wrist and pushâjust a little more, just thereâand he groans like the simple trust of it does him in.
âOkay,â he says, voice wrecked-soft. âOkay, baby.â
He works you through the fabric until itâs damp, heat pulling heat, your thighs clenching around his hand like you could keep it there forever. You canât think in full sentences; your world narrows to the steady drag of his palm and the way his lips keep finding youâtemple, jaw, the corner of your mouth when you turn blindly toward him. Every time he feels you shiver he makes one of those low, encouraging sounds that never fails to set you off.
It still isnât enough.
You catch his wrist again, firmer, and tug his hand under the waistband. He goes without protest, breath stuttering as his fingers slip against you, nothing in the way now but your own restraint. The first touch is shockingly gentle; the second has intent behind it. He finds slick heat and then slides lower, tasting the whine you canât swallow.
âLike that?â he asks, barely there.
âMmââ Your head tips back against his shoulder. âYeah. More.â
He gives you more. Two fingers, careful at first, easing you open, his palm angling so his thumb can circle right where you want it. The sound you make is embarrassingly soft and he swallows it with a kiss to your cheek, then your mouth, then back to the place below your ear that makes your knees go loose even though youâre lying down.
You donât realize youâre grinding until he breathes a shaky laugh at your shoulder. âThatâs it,â he whispers. âUse me.â
You do. You rock into his hand, chasing what heâs giving you, and something in him slips its leash.
âGodââ His fingers tighten on your hip like heâs steadying himself, then heâs moving you with him, guiding the grind, setting the rhythm he wants from youâlong, deliberate strokes that land you right over his thumb every single time. His breath saws against your neck, hot and uneven. âLook at you. Fuck.â
You try to be quiet. You try. But the way he angles his wrist, the way his fingers curl just right and stay right, drags a sound out of you thatâs too loud for the thin dorm walls.
He clamps a palm over your mouth before itâs even fully out, reflex-quick. âShhh,â he breathes, voice frayed. âBabyâquiet. Please.â
It should be mortifying; it only makes your pulse ricochet. You nod against his hand, eyes fluttering shut, and he rewards you by pressing in deeper, circling faster, like heâs losing the map and loving it.
âThatâs it,â he mutters, almost to himself. âThatâs it, thatâs it.â Heâs gone pink high on his cheeks; his pupils are huge, swallowing the brown. He canât keep stillâhips twitching once behind you before he forces them flat to the mattress with a strangled noise. His jaw flexes like it hurts. âYou feel soââ He cuts himself off on a quiet groan when you clench around his fingers. âPlease. Do that again.â
You do, because youâre helpless for him, because his hand is relentless and every soft, wrecked little sound he makes sinks straight to where youâre aching. He slips a third finger in only when you drag his wrist down and ask for it with a needy roll of your hips; he swears into your shoulder and gives it to you, patient for exactly two strokes before his control frays again and heâs driving you through it, thumb never leaving the spot thatâs turning you inside out.
Another moan swells; his palm seals your mouth a second time, more desperate now, his fingers splayed across your cheek. âI know,â he whispers, nearly panting. âI know, I knowâbe good for me. Iâve got you.â
You are far past good. Your nails bite at his forearm; the bed gives a perilous creak. He presses closer to muffle it, chest flush to your back, forearm banded across your waist to hold you right where he wants you. You can feel the tremor in him, the fine shake running through his shoulders. You can feel him hard and ignored, pressed hot against the curve of you, and the quiet, broken sound he lets out when you grind back by mistake is the hottest thing youâve ever heard.
âDonâtââ His warning shatters into a laugh thatâs barely a breath. âDonât do that to me, Iâm hanging on by a thread.â
Youâre not sure if you apologize or whine; it dies under his hand either way. He kisses the hinge of your jaw like thanks, like apology, like please. Then he sets himself to finishing youâno mercy, no pause, just intent, the pads of his fingers dragging the way he knows drives you crazy, his thumb ruthless and steady.
The wave hits fast. You try to tell himâhis name, the word close, anythingâbut all that comes out against his palm is a panicked sound, so you grab his wrist and squeeze, nails digging in.
âI know,â he says, strangled. He buries his mouth against your shoulder, breath scorching. âLet go. Let me have it.â
Two more circles and you breakâsilent first, too much for soundâand then a gasp rips free anyway, high and wild. His hand holds firm over your mouth, muffling it; his other arm pins you tight while you shake through it, fingers never letting up until the aftershocks start to make you twitch away.
âOkay, okay,â he murmurs, easing you down, slowing, softening. His palm leaves your mouth to cradle your cheek, thumb stroking back and forth while you find air again. âGood girl. So good.â
You float for a moment, boneless, every muscle unspooling at once. He slips his fingers free with ridiculous care, tugs your waistband gently back into place, then brings his hand up and licks his fingers clean.
You turn in his arms and see it: how ruined he is. Hair a damp mess, lips swollen, pupils blown, a flush licking down his throat. Heâs breathing like he just ran stairs. Heâs buzzingâthe kind of taut, vibrating restraint that makes your post-release brain go soft with something feral and fond.
âHyunjin,â you whisper, reaching for him.
He catches your hand and threads your fingers together to stop you from going anywhere dangerous, laugh cracking on the edges. âDonât. Donât touch me or I'm going to nut in my fucking pants."Â
Heâs laughing when he says it, but itâs wreckedâtoo high at the edges, too close to something he doesnât trust.
He scrubs a hand over his face, drags in air, then blows it out slow like heâs extinguishing candles. âI need a⊠God. I need a colder shower.â
âYou literally justââ
âA colder one,â he bites, already peeling himself away from you like youâre a live wire. He kisses your forehead in apology and swings his legs off the bed. âTwo minutes.â
You watch the way he standsâcareful, like any wrong move might undo whatever thread heâs got leftâand youâre a little in love with him for choosing distance when everything in him is screaming closer.
You let him go, because you love him, because youâre sated and soft and this is the part where you be kind. He crosses the room in long strides, hooks his thumbs in his sweats, andâbecause modesty has never been a thing with you twoâshucks them and his briefs in one smooth, catastrophic motion. Stark naked, heâs all flushed skin and long lines and want heâs trying to pretend isnât chewing through him. You watch his back flex as he grabs a towel and a spare tee from the chair, then heâs out the door with a muttered âtwo minutesâ like a promise to both of you.
Week three arrives with sugar in the air and Hyunjin starfished on your kitchen rug like a defeated prince.     Â
Youâre at the counter with a mixing bowl, scraping browned butter down the sides while the oven hums to temp. Heâs in sweats and a wrecked ponytail, one sock on and one sock nowhere to be found, forearm over his eyes. Every so often his ankle bumps your cabinet. Thunk. A soft hum. Thunk.     Â
âYouâre going to dent my cupboards,â you say, dropping vanilla into the mixing bowl a slow, amber ribbon.     Â
âMm,â he answers, noncommittal.    Â
âYouâre staying for the christmas party, right? Next month? Iâm not doing sugar-cookie assembly line by myself.â     Â
âMm.â     Â
âIâm thinking two kinds. Classic trees and those little star sandwiches with the jam. Youâll be on sprinkle duty.â    Â
A quiet smile in his voice. âMmhm.â   Â
You flick a glance down. âThis is a conversation, you know.â     Â
He slides the forearm off his eyes. Blinks hazily at you from the floor. âIâm participating,â he says, deadpan, then ruins it by softening, gaze raking you slow like he forgot heâs supposed to be alive and not a ghost. âYouâre pretty.â Â
Your first instinct is to preen. Your second is to throw flour at him. You settle for a smug tilt of your head. âYou say that now. Wait till Iâm covered in powdered sugar.â  Â
He huffs a laugh that buzzes the rug. âCanât wait.â     Â
You hold up the whisk. âDo we like gooey or crisp?â     Â
âMm. Gooey.â   Â
âOkay, king of strong opinions.â Â
He smiles up at the ceiling. Another thunk. Another hum.     Â
You pour the butter-sugar mix into the flour. Fold. Breathe. The apartment feels small and warm and very, very youâhis hoodie drying on a chair back, a reusable tote on the knob, your playlist low on your phone. For a minute, heâs content to be a warm obstacle on your floor, soaking you up.
He speaks without moving his arm. Almost conversational. âHypothetical.â
You glance down, fighting a smile. âHit me.â
âWhat if,â he says, voice too even, âI put the tip in.â
Your wrist doesnât even pause. âTip of what?â
Silence.
You scrape around the edge of the bowl, utterly absorbed. âLikeâpiping tips? For the cookies? I told you, we donât need the fancy snowflake nozzles, theyâre so annoying to cleanââ
âBaby,â he says, and his forearm finally slides off his face.
You still donât look. âOr did you mean baking tips? Because, sure, hereâs one: donât eat all the dough before it hits the trayââ
âBabe.â
You sigh like heâs interrupting something deeply important and set the whisk down. âYouâre going to have to be more specific, Hyunjin. Iâm not a mind reader.â
Heâs already looking at you like you are, eyes dark in a way that doesnât match the lazy sprawl of his body. He pushes himself up on his elbows, ponytail sliding over his shoulder, gaze dragging from your bare legs to the hem of your shorts and back up.
âThe tip,â he says slowly, like heâs testing every word before he lets it out. âOf my dick. In you.â A beat. âHypothetically.â
You blink once. Twice. âOhhh.â You click your tongue. âThat tip.â
His mouth falls open. âYou are insufferable.
Heâs up before you can reply, a shadow at your back, hands sliding under your elbows to the counter so youâre bracketed, caged, warmed. His mouth finds the angle of your jaw like muscle memory.      Â
His mouth opens against your pulse on a sound that isnât quite a laugh. He sets his hands on your hips and moves youâone step forward, one to the sideâuntil your thighs kiss the counter and the mixing bowl wobbles. He steadies it with one hand without taking his eyes off you, then slides it out of reach, batter-slick whisk clinking in the sink.
âHands on the counter,â he says.
You look over your shoulder, innocent. âWhy?â
âSo I donât break your stupid mixing bowl.â
âResponsible,â you say, even while your fingers are already spreading on the laminate, flour dust ghosting your skin.
He crowds in, chest to your back, palms skimming down your hips like heâs fitting you to a blueprint only he can see. The oven clicks; the air smells like butter and sugar and the cold outside dying in the radiator. He bends to your neck. Kisses. Bites once, soft. Breathes out like heâs been underwater for days.
His voice drops an octave you feel in your knees. âI want to get off on you,â he says, every word deliberate. âI want to grind against you raw on this counter until I forget my own name, and then I want to fuck you.â
Heat hits you so fast you have to grab the edge of the counter to steady yourself. Your laugh comes out thin. âAre we still speaking in hypotheticals?â
âHypothetically,â he agrees, and then heâs doing itâtilting your hips, slotting his thigh between yours, the rough press of his sweats catching the thin cotton of your sleep shorts as he drags you back along him. The first grind is exploratory; the second has purpose. He uses your waist like a handle, sets the tempo he wants, long, mean drags that line his length over the place youâre already burning.
You try to be smug, to keep the pretense, but your breath betrays you, breaks jagged on the exhale. Flour dust jumps off the counter with each push, lighting the air like static. His ponytail has half-escaped; a damp strand falls into the hollow of your shoulder as he noses there, breathing you like oxygen.
âHyun,â you manage, warning, plea, everything.
âYeah,â he answers, a torn sound. His hands are big and careless and perfect where they grip, thumbs digging into soft skin so he can pull you back harder. âYeah, baby. Take it.â
Heâs not gentle. Heâs not cruel. Heâs something feral in between, a man whoâs been good for weeks and finally lets himself be selfish. He steers you so your belly meets the counter edge; the leverage is obscene. You arch, helpless, and he goes a little unhinged at the sightâhips stuttering, breath breaking hot against your neck.
âGodâlook at you.â He groans into your skin, the sound strangled. âThis is what you do to me. You hear me? This. Every night.â
You push back, meeting the roll of him with greedy, short little rocks that make the cabinet rattle. He laughsâwrecked, disbelievingâand tightens his grip until all you can do is let him use your body to chase what he needs. Your thighs tremble; slick heat soaks through cotton; the room narrows to the rhythm, to the knock of the cupboard, to his voice unraveling in your ear.
A moan swells before you can catch it. He grins into you neck. âThats it. Let me hear you,â he whispers, ragged, like prayer. âBe good for me.â
You are good. You are ruined. Your lashes stick from the heat. He ruts through the damp mess heâs made of you, the drag so precise you see stars at the edges. He says your name like he can anchor himself in it.
The oven beeps ready; neither of you moves. He presses you deeper to the counter, one hand flat beside yours, the other spread over your belly to feel every desperate twitch while he works you. His pace goes tight and deliberateâgrind, drag, pause; grind, drag, pauseâuntil youâre slipping, chasing, whining.
He breaks first.
âFuck the bet,â he says, sudden, hoarse. âIâm done. Iâm done.â His mouth finds your ear and his voice is all teeth. âSay yes.â
âYes,â you gasp into his palm, wrecked.Â
Heâs already thereâsweats shoved low enough to free him, the quick-rough sound of cotton surrendering. Your shorts follow with a jerk, no ceremony, just the urgent rustle of fabric and the brief, cool kiss of air on your skin before heâs there, hot and heavy and real against you.
âSpread,â he says, and his knee knocks yours wider, his hand guiding, uncaring of flour handprints and sugar smudges. He drags the head of himself over you once, twice, slicking himself in what youâve already given, and then does it againâslower, meanerâlike heâs trying to memorize the way you go soft against the counter when he catches your clit on the upstroke.
âHyunââ Itâs barely a word.
âI know.â His voice is dark honey, ruined at the edges. He slots himself between your thighs and ruts there, bare skin to bare skin now, the length of him sliding through the mess heâs made of you. No thrust yetâjust long, grinding passes that smear heat everywhere and light up each nerve he touches. His grip on your hips is possessive, fingers denting flour into your skin. âLet me use you,â he breathes, almost reverent. âLet meââ
He guides your pelvis so you ride him back, makes you take his rhythm: drag, press, catch, shiver. Your belly bumps the counter each time; a dusting of sugar lifts into the air like static. Youâre wet enough that itâs obscene, the glide slick and noisy in the warm quiet of your kitchen. His ponytail snags in the nape of your neck; he noses under it, inhales like heâs starving.
âLook at this,â he mutters, half-crazed. âLook at what you do to meâfeel what you do to me.â He rocks up so the head grinds just under your clit and you jolt, a strangled sound tearing loose. âThatâs it. Be sweet.â
You are, because you canât be anything else like this. Your thighs clamp; you chase every pass without pride, cheeks hot. Heâs shaking behind youâactually shakingâhips stuttering once when the underside of him slips just right against you.
âFuckââ He laughs, hoarse and unbelieving. âI could cum like this. I couldââ He cuts himself off with a hiss, throttling the thought. âNo. Not before Iââ His teeth find the hinge of your jaw, a quick bite that lands more like a kiss. âI need in.â
You nod so hard your forehead taps the cabinet. He shifts his hand from your mouth to your jaw, turning you just enough to catch your profile with his lips, a messy brush that says sorry and thank you and mine all at once.
âTell me,â he says, words breaking, the tip riding your clit on purpose now, cruel. âSay it.â
âInside,â you gasp, shameless. âHyun, insideâplease.â
âYeah?â He lines up, the head nudging your entrance, pushing and retreating in tiny, maddening presses that make you see white. âJust the tip,â he promises, like a liar and a saint. âIâll be good.â
You feel the tremor in his thighs when he finally breaches you: slow, steady pressure and then the hot, perfect give of your body taking him. He stops with just the crown nestled inside, jaw locked, breath a ragged shudder against your shoulder. Your fingers claw at the laminate.
âJesus,â he says into your skin, awed and wrecked. âYouâreâI forgot how good you feel.â
You try to move; his arm bands across your waist, pinning you. âDonât,â he grits, almost laughing at himself. âIf you move Iââ His hips twitch, helpless. You whine, crushed under the wanting.
He holds there for two, three breaths, like a man at the edge of a cliff telling himself not to jumpâthen the cliff gives. He eases a fraction deeper, a slow, shallow roll that feeds you a few more millimeters and steals the air from your lungs. You gasp; he groans raggedly like your reaction hits him straight in the spine.
âJustââ Another tiny push, another desperate bite of his lip. Heâs barely inside, and somehow it feels like everything. âJust the tip. I swear.â He nuzzles your cheek, voice a trembling whisper. âLet me have this.â
You do. You let him have you: let him set the smallest, filthiest rhythmâout a breath, in a breathâeach shallow press a tease that builds pressure until youâre shaking against the counter. He never leaves you; he never takes more than an inch. Itâs torture cut into lace, and heâs falling apart in it with you, muttering praise and nonsense into your skin.
âPerfect. Perfect. Taking me so goodâthere you goââ His thumb sneaks lower to feel where youâre stretched around him and the sound he makes at that is shattered, reverent, almost boyish in its wonder. âYouâre making a mess of me.â
You are. He is. You feel him pulsing, the restraint a live wire under your hands. Your body clamps down, greedy, and his control howls.
âOkay,â he says, like a surrender and a warning braided together. He presses a kiss behind your ear, soft as sugar. âOne more. Justââ His hips roll, deep as he dares, shallow as he can stand. The head nudges that spot again, deliberate, and your vision goes sparkly at the edges. âJust like that.â
Then suddenly, something in him snapsâaudible, almostâand the careful, pretty rhythm youâve been holding together goes feral. His grip bites, his hips lurch, and he slides in a rough, shallow stroke that punches a sound out of both of you. Another, tighter. A third thatâs barely anything at all, just the thick, blunt head grinding where youâre slickest, and heâs gone.
ââohhhh, fuckââ The word breaks on a groan. He bites into your shoulder as the noise tears out of you, forehead dropping to your shoulder, body strung bow-tight as it hits him. Heat floods; his hips stutter and lock, jerky little pulses betraying him while he tries to stay buried only that impossible inch.
You feel him shake through it, every tremor telegraphing to your spine: weeks of restraint burning up in seconds. He slams home and finishes inside of you, messy and hot, fingers clenched tight around your hips.
For a heartbeat itâs only breathingâhis, wrecked and ragged; yours, caught under his palm in quick, shocked pulls. The oven timer chirps again, unbearably cheerful.
He blinks back into himself by degrees. The hand at your mouth slides to your cheek, thumb stroking once like apology. He leans his forehead to the nape of your neck and laughs once, breathless, incredulous, doomed.
âI lost,â he says into your skin, like a eulogy. Then, with immediate, dramatic conviction: âThis is your fault.â
He doesnât move. If anything, he melts closer, chest sealed to your back, nose buried under your ear like he could crawl inside your skin and be done with it.
âMy fault?â you echo.
âAbsolutely,â he says, kissing the line of your jaw like penance. âA conspiracy. You, butter, sugar, tiny kitchen. I never stood a chance.â Another kiss. Another. Heâs clingy in that way that makes you gooeyâhands roaming with nowhere to land, mouth greedy for reassuring youâre-here-youâre-mine pecks that trail from your temple to your cheek to the corner of your lips. âI was strong until you did theââ he gestures vaguely at your hips, voice cracking into a helpless laugh, ââthat exact thing.â
You tilt your head back, catching his mouth. âPoor baby.â
âSavage temptress,â he counters, already nuzzling, already smiling against your skin like heâs high on you. He finally peels away an inch to grab a paper towel, wipes you and the counter with gentleness that makes your throat sting, then tosses it and wraps himself around you again like the clingy, overheated octopus he is.
âHyun, the timer,â you remind, soft.
He groans theatrically and still doesnât let go. âIâm emotionally compromised.â
You bump his hip with yours; he gasps like you shot him and tightens his arms. âOkay! Iâm going. Iâm going.â
He peels himself off you in slow inches, fingers dragging along your waist until the very last second, like Velcro that refuses to unstick. The oven timer chirps again, smug. He mutters something rude at it under his breath and grabs an oven mitt.
You watch him cross the kitchen: sweats low on his hips, ponytail half dead, cheeks still a little pink. He looks wrecked and soft and yours, and something hot and fond curls under your ribs.
He opens the oven, a blast of heat puffing his hair back, and wrestles the tray out. âLook at that,â he announces, setting it on the stovetop with a hiss of metal on metal. âPerfect. Unlike my failure.â
You snort. âYou act like you didnât sprint to failure the second you had an opening.â
âDefamation,â he says, affronted, but his eyes are laughing. He leans on the counter next to the cookies, shoulders heaving once in a leftover shiver, then glances at you with the expression of a man who just remembered something terrible. âOh, fuck.â
âWhat?â
âThe group chat,â he groans. âWe have to tell them.â
You blink. âWe?â
âWe are in this together,â he insists immediately. âIf I go down, youâre my accomplice.â
You wipe a thumb through a stray streak of flour on the counter. âOr,â you say, âyou could⊠not tell them.â
He blinks. âNot⊠tell them?â
âNot tonight,â you amend. âYou can confess your tragic downfall in the morning. When youâre lessââ you wave a hand at his whole flushed, wrecked self ââlike this.â
He considers that, chewing his lip. Then he sighs, dramatic. âPostponed execution. Iâll allow it.â He chucks his phone onto the table without unlocking it and steps back into your space like a magnet snapping home.
You squeak when he scoops you up by the waist, spinning you lazily once before setting you on the counter beside the cooling tray. His hands find your hips again and stay there, thumbs rubbing little circles over the fabric.
âHyun,â you laugh. âCookies are hot.â
âSo am I,â he says, completely straight-faced. âEqual threat level.â
You roll your eyes, but your fingers are already in his hair, loosening the half-dead ponytail, combing through the strands at his nape. He melts, actually melts, tipping his forehead into your shoulder with a tiny, content sound.
For a minute, thatâs all it is: his arms around your waist, your nose tucked into his damp hair, the kitchen warm with butter and sugar and the soft tick of the cooling oven. His heartbeat is a steady thump against your ribs. The sharp edge of earlier has dulled to something slow and syrupy.
He speaks without lifting his head. âJust so you know,â he mumbles into your shirt, âIâm taking you anyway.â
You stroke the back of his neck. âHm?â
âThe trip.â He turns his face so his cheek is pressed over your heart, words softer, clearer. âI still want to go. With you. Even if I lost like, spectacularly.â His mouth quirks. âMaybe because I lost spectacularly.â
You huff a tiny laugh. âYou donât need an excuse to take me on vacation, you know.â
âI know,â he says, and thereâs no bravado in it now. Just that earnest, stupid-sweet honesty youâre a little bit addicted to. âI just⊠liked the story in my head. Suffer all month, win the pot, whisk you away with my noble restraint.â He tips his chin up to look at you, eyes soft. âBut I think âcouldnât keep my hands off my girlfriend while she was making cookiesâ is a pretty good story, too.â
âA little embarrassing,â you correct.
âStill vacation-worthy.â
You search his face. âYouâre sure?â
He leans in, kisses the corner of your mouth, slow and certain. âIâm sure,â he says against your lips. âI wanted the trip with you. The rest was just⊠decoration.â
Your chest does that inconvenient squeeze again. You thread your fingers with his where they rest on your thighs, squeezing.
âOkay,â you say quietly. âThen weâll go.â
His whole body relaxes, like heâd been waiting for you to say it. âYeah?â
âYeah.â
He grins, bright and boyish and a little relieved, then tucks back into your shoulder, arms cinching you closer until youâre basically welded together.
He smiles against your collar, and the kitchen, your stupid cookies, the ruined betâall of it settles into something small and sweet and yours. No charts, no prize money, no rules.
Just Hyunjin, sticky with sugar and soft with relief, promising you a vacation he was always going to take you on anyway, and you, letting him hold you there on your own counter until the only thing left humming in the air is the certainty that heâd lose a hundred bets, and choose you, every single time.
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hiii. I can't find any hyunjin fic of yours except the brothers best friend one. do you have more v ? âșïž
sorry! nope, i just got into skz not too long ago!! iâve also stopped writing for a bit so im getting back into the groove of things!
