im running on two hours of sleep and im about to take some sort of nap so this feeling will probably be gone soon but . man im a few years away from being thirty and ive never gone on a date ive wanted to actually go on . ive only gone on two dates in my life, both of which /i/ didnt consider to be dates but i guess they could be classified as such / the other person probably viewed them as dates. ive never had a partner ... never been in a relationship ... never properly dated anyone ... it's hard not to feel unlovable / undesirable .... to add on to that, a lot of people around me are in relationships + are on the path of getting married + having kids, and it sometimes feels difficult to shake the feeling that things are moving fast and that it's not completely unlikely that ill probably end up alone, while everyone else will have families and move on 😐 and it's strange because im genuinely not interested in marriage or having children, but seeing 90 percent of the people in my life go in that direction makes it all feel crazy lonely like . i cannot help but feel like im going to be left behind and forgottennnnn

the guy who interviewed me said he'd get back to me tonight, but it was so bad i want to message him first to tell him im not interested ...