Ah, Talaga?

lei, how many years have passed since you broke up with her. how many months passed since your last communication. you told her you can never be friends. when she told you nagkabalikan na sila, what did you feel? hurt. betrayed. left out. again. yes, you were unable to pursue her that time around because she came back AGAIN, when you're already starting to feel something else for someone, and yet you asked her to wait for you, you told her you will sort your life first, before pursuing her again, since you were in debt, and you owe jec your 2nd chance at happiness. pero ano? what happened? hindi ka rin nya hinintay. wala syang ginawang paraan to get you back. it was you all along. isang sabi lang nya, isang paramdam, para ka ng asong sunod ng sunod sa knya except for the last time she came back and you hesitated, because of jec. hindi ba? isa isa hin natin mga dahilan kung bakit dapat mo na syang kalimutan.

1. she did not choose you, kahit ano gawin mo, hindi ka nya makuhang piliin 2. pinaasa ka lang nya, made you feel special, but she cannot commit to you 3. she called you names, humiliated you 4. she demanded things from you. remember? paskong pasko, hindi mo lan nasunod ung gusto nya, kinelangan mo bumalik sa globe to have her number changed. 5. for months she cheated on you. kahit ano pang sugar coat ang sabihin nya, it's still cheating. 6. she used you, and you were ok with it. she cheated with you and you justified it as "taking her back" when she's not yours. 7. she made you think it's your fault. when you were breaking up, sinong sinisi nya? ikaw pa rin. you made her a monster, sabi nya. it's your fault, you didn’t try hard enough.

so why is it that you still think about her? dream about her? let her go. forget her.

I’m just a year shy of 30, and this got me thinking of an older me, after 30 more years of living. What would happen to me? I don’t want to depend on my family like what they’re doing now. I want to still be able to have enough money on my own for me to live comfortably.

This is one of the things that really makes me wish I’m a guy. Falling inlove with a girl, made me think of marriage and of starting a family with her. It’s as if Beyonce is singing “If I were a Boy” all over again, because if I could change gender, if I could become the man I would want to be, then I’d be able to marry the girl I love.

Mahal, sa tinagal tagal ko sa mundong ito, sa dami ng mga taong nakilala at naging parte ng buhay ko, ngayon ko lang nalaman kung bakit naranasan ko ang sakit at pait sa piling ng iba. Dahil sa tinagal tagal ng buhay ko, kailangan ko palang maramdaman at pagdaanan yun, para hindi kita masaktan, at lagi lang kita pasayahin.