The Yuans

7/22/20

Sharing this for #bumpday, to stand in solidarity with all the mamas and women waiting to be mamas, to bring awareness around the challenges of infertility and pregnancy, and to celebrate beautiful bumps and healthy babies.

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How beautiful is God’s redemption, His promises for us, that He can make beauty from our pain?

This week a year ago, I found out that I needed a D&C (dilation & curettage). A few days prior, which I had thought was going to be confirmation of our rainbow baby, turned out to be the complete opposite. I still remember my OB’s face as she checked the ultrasound. She didn’t say anything right away, but I could sense something was off from her expression as she kept maneuvering the probe to get a better view of my uterus. I was sent to get more in-depth scans done in radiology. She would be in touch once she received the results. It was an agonizing 24 hours. I still remember vividly getting her email the next day as if it were yesterday.

There was no heartbeat. There were blood clots inside my uterus that needed to be removed. Although my hcg count was increasing, this was not a viable pregnancy. This would not be my miracle baby.

As physically painful as the procedure was, it did not compare to the heavy emotional pain that weighed on my heart. I had known not to expect that getting pregnant would happen as soon as we were ready to start trying, but I never imagined that I would experience it this way with two miscarriages. No one ever does.

But our God is a healer and redeemer. It took time, but slowly He led me through this difficult time of longing and waiting in my life. Somehow, I was still able to cling to Him.

Fast forward a year later and here I am reflecting and writing this out as I sit in my son’s nursery, as he sleeps in my arms. In a few days he will already be a month old. How amazing and good is our God?

7/21/20

7/19/20

Dear Abel,

You turned 3 weeks old yesterday! This past week felt a little easier. We’re getting into the swing of things ☺️.

This week you had your first bath. You did not like it and we had some complications 😆, but we’re learning! You had your second bath yesterday and you enjoyed it much better. The water was warmer and mommy was better prepared. You were very relaxed and calm and left is a token of your appreciation 💩.

We started cloth diapering you this week! You are so small and only for the newborn covers. But so far so good! Daddy is not complaining about washing your diapers 😋. He is a good sport. You have no qualms over the switch to cloth diapers. Good job baby! You are reducing your carbon footprint already at only three weeks old! Mommy wants to buy so many more cute patterns... she has a whole stash ready for you when you reach 8lbs.

Speaking of weight, you had your second wellness visit with Kaiser this week. Everything went smoothly. Daddy couldn’t come because of all the Covid precautions but you were easier to manage this time for mommy. Minimal crying and nicer Kaiser staff than last time. Good news, you surpassed your birth weight! You are now 6lbs 10oz. Dr says you don’t need to be woken up during sleep time every 2-3 hours for feeding! More sleep time for mommy! You also grew about an inch in height and head circumference. Grow baby grow!

We started tummy time with the play mat from Na Aileen and Mike! You don’t last more than ~10-15 mins on it but that’s ok. You seem to like the jingle bell and crinkly sounds. You also surprisingly turned yourself over onto your back! I wonder if you are able to do it again. That’s usually something 4-6 month old babies do!

Lastly, we started using the nanobebe pacifier on you because Kun Yai said it would be good for you to self soothe. Mommy was worried it would interfere with latching but it doesn’t really! It also lets us sleep more so we’re all happy with it.

Ok that’s all the updates from this week for now. Mommy loves you so much Abel.

Love,

Week 2... and some change.

Dear Abel,

You are now two weeks old! You are feeding very well, you’ve mastered latching. We think you had a “growth spurt” this week, not because you look bigger but because of your extra fussiness and cries for back-to-back feedings. Literally back-to-back. Nothing else seemed to console you, unless you were feeding. I read that babies do that when they are having a growth spurt, which of the first can take place as early as two weeks old, so that matches how you’ve been acting. I hope you are growing strong! Evidence says you are eating enoigh. You make 6-7 dirty diapers a day (target is 6+). It’s unbelievable how many diapers we’re blowing through. It makes me sad to think all the disposable diapers in the world are still in existence. I want to make the switch to cloth diapers soon. The ones we have from your baby registry are all too big for you right now, so we bought some newborn size covers and are waiting for newborn size inserts. Wish us luck! Everyone seems to think we’re crazy for doing it but I’m confident that we’ll get the hang of it. Daddy has been very supportive of mommy’s grandiose ideas and installed a hose bidet to the toilet and got us a brand new washer and dryer! So we must make the investment worth it 💪🏼🌎.

Life these days consists of little sleep, feeding you, watching the Americans, eating delicious delivered meals by our Radiance friends — it’s really been a huge blessing and humbling to see the kindness and thoughtfulness from our community! We’ve had Thai food, korean, Hawaiian bbq, Chinese, fresh plums and peaches from the farmers market, and a box of Jina Bakes baked goodies from the Fillmore square team. Also can’t forget to mention home cooking by your nai nai and kun yai. It’s been so nice not to have to worry about making food!

7/9/20 - Milk Drunk 🍼

Abel has been drinking A LOT these past few days. Nursing sessions are taking over an hour long and he doesn’t knock out after they are over like he usually does. So that means back to back rounds of feedings. I feel like the second week of having a newborn is even more exhausting than the first, because you’re even more sleep deprived and the excitement of newness wears off a little. I mean I’m still excited to have a newborn but the first week is like “wow I can’t believe I’m a mom,” “I can’t believe I have a baby!” to now I feel more adapted to this new role as mom with newborn.

On the positive side, Abel is latching very well now and I’m producing enoigh(?) milk. We are only exclusively breastfeeding. The new variable introduced this week is gas / burping. He seemed fine last week when there wasn’t as much milk and opportunities to swallow air(?) compared to this week. Last night Steven said he coughed up milk through his nose 😂... oops. Abel hates getting burped, especially when it’s over the shoulder. We also never know how long to burp him for. Is he being fussy because there’s gas or is it because he’s trying to tell us that he’s done burping (or farting) and just wants some more dang milk! So now I will go by how fussy he is when he tries to relatch. If he won’t take the breast and really resists, it usually means he needs to be burped. Or if I try to burp him and he attempts to suck on my hand or finger, then I’ll just let him go back to nursing. It’s not a perfect science but I hope to hone this motherly instinct over the next few weeks.

All of this has made it feel extra hard this week (compared to last) for Steven and I to get sleep. The right side of my back hurts when I wear the brestfriend pillow so I tried going back to regular pillows a few times. I think the trick for me will be to switch it up. (Oh also sometimes the angle of Boba nursing blocks his nose holes so he’ll pull back his head or gasp for air. So sad!) Anyways, so since he’s been fussy and not KO after feedings, this means we can’t just place him in the snoo. Someone has to hold him. And if I hold him, he wants to drink. He’ll be good when Steven puts him in the boba wrap. I think he just enjoys sleeping skin to skin than in the snoo. They say it takes a month or so for baby to really get used to the snoo. I just want to be able to get some good sleep. I have to force myself to take naps during the day, otherwise I’m completely exhausted and cranky by night time. Then I’ll just feel like crying from being so tired. I’m looking forward to when we can all sleep for stretches of 4 hours at a time. That sounds really amazing.

1 week! 🤍

3/29/19 - how many roots do you see??

March 2018