Your Ultimate Dump

This is the first post I’ve written in a very long time, and there is a reason for that: conflict. My university Ultimate team has been completely uprooted and turned upside-down thanks to a select few bringing conflict, tension, and downright bullying to the team. I have found that I am not the only person to have seen these things happening, and though it’s taken quite a toll on me, I’ve learned that you should never have to leave your team due to one person or a small group.  I was unable to work with my team and move through it, but I’d at least like to offer insight and advice to those who could. 

THE SIGNS

Conflict on a team can come in many forms. You may be familiar with all of these, just a few, or some lucky players may have never come across any of these issues. But just so you’re aware, this is was conflict may look like:

- Needless bickering over small things

- Cliques within the team, where some people are left out

- People avoiding tournaments or socials due to one or two people bringing anxiety

- Ignoring/ arguing with figures of authority

- Structure on pitch and at training breaking down

- Gossiping and nasty comments being made

THE AFFECTS

These things aren’t acceptable under any circumstances. Your team is meant to be your family, and if you can’t feel at home and at ease with them, then it is a toxic situation. You should be aware of how it can take a toll on an individual and a team.

- Lack of confidence and conviction on pitch

- Poor or no trust in your team mates when playing

- Suffering social aspects due to isolation or anxiety

- Dwindling passion for the sport itself

- Decreased skill level from poor attendance/ inclusion

THE SOLUTIONS

It’s easy not to consider how comments or behaviour could be hurting your team mates if you haven’t experienced these things yourself. Obviously, the simple solution is to be kind, considerate, and civil to everyone on your team, including those you don’t like much. But if the conflict is already too deep into the group, try these.

- Have a private conversation with the person or people you’re having issues with. As adults, and it’s your responsibility to come to an agreement.

- If this doesn’t work, then you have a real bully on your hands. Ask your captain to have a word, and to keep an eye on the situation. You need an ally, and it’s best to choose someone who has authority to help you.

- Find other people who get uncomfortable; or those who don’t! Just find some kind team mates who will stand up for you, or at least stick by you when it’s getting tough.

- Make small talk with the people you don’t get along with. It may be hard, but having that awkward laugh or unexpected agreement on something before a game can clear the air enough to get through it without getting upset.

- Suggest a non-drinking social, like a movie marathon or a games night. Actually talk to one another. If you all chose Ultimate, you can’t be that different!

- Find more teams to play with so that your confidence and skills don’t get to a critical point.

- Remember why you’re there: because you love Ultimate, and because you want to play. Nothing is more important than building yourself up to improve at something you’re really passionate about. Keep picking yourself up and brushing yourself off, because this sport really is a blessing.

I had a feeling this tournament would bring me out of my frisbee-blogging flop... And here I am! But this is going to be a little different from my usual post-tournament stories, because it’s more about the way it had an affect on me and my team mates than the games themselves. See, Knights were struggling for numbers in the Women’s division of Sicko, so I offered to pick up for them. We had a mix of experience, from Euros-standard of play, to only done three training sessions, so we needed to do a lot of work on gelling and communication. But we knew one thing: We weren’t gonna need no Knights to save us.

So we got to the venue in Hassocks and saw our first game was against top seed, Gossip Club, so we were naturally cacking ourselves; especially with only one sub. We kept our chins up though, and spent a lot of time explaining things and talking to each other between points. We were bagelled, but it was a game of high spirit and intensity, so it didn’t feel like it counted. After the call (where we picked up a 30-year-old man in a blue wig) we decided to talk about the importance of a decisive first cut. We did a drill to encourage that before going into the next game.

Kings College were another high-seeded team, and rightfully so. It was clear these girls trained together a lot, and they had a handful of movements and throws that they could do to the T. A little physical at times, but an enjoyable game where we scored our first point, and definitely had some stronger movement. Next up, we decided to talk about continuation. Using the line to which we’d cut in order to move the disc more quickly: front of stack cuts under, turns to throw to third in stack on the line, and second cut gets to the end zone for a point. So logical and clean, we were excited give it a go.

Our last game of the day was against Discie Chicks, a team we knew we could match for skill in places, but who had more than a full line of subs... I think if they’d played with 6, we might have beaten them. Even still, there was tangible improvement from the first game of the day to this one, and we got three points on the board. Considerably better use of space, and much more decisive and concise cuts made for prettier frisbee and a very enjoyable game. We left having bonded a lot, and feeling rather proud of ourselves, given the scores.

After showering and getting a train to Brighton, we walked to the host house and decided to recharge for a bit. Caffeinated drinks and naps galore allowed us to perk up in time to meet up with the beginners’ team, and to go get a bunch of food for dinner. Cards against humanity and plenty of gin later, we ventured into the night to get down to the tournament party, where I utterly disgraced myself by dancing, telling stupid jokes, calling unassuming victims in different cities, wiping face paint on someone’s clothes, telling a man he looked like a condom, and crying for no reason... Anyways, I was hanging like an apple from a tree the next morning.

We had a pretty early train, so we took the long walk to the station and got to Burgess Hill with some time to spare. After a lot of water and brioche and holding down puke, we stepped out for our first game. Every step felt like carrying lead shin pads, but it had to be done. Now we were Iron Manning, there were literally Knights to save us!

A wonderful thing occurred at this tournament though: a beautiful group of ladies from Norway came to play at Sicko! We’d watched them the previous day and they were on point, so I was not prepared to take them on. It took a few minutes to get a grip and switch on, but when we did, it was an incredibly intense game. Both teams were fighting very hard, and although they were superior, we kept running and made them work for their points. They were very impressed with how we played and commended us for how persistent we were: apparently no one had been as dedicated to the disc thus far. Wonderful women, and a game I’ll cherish for a while.

Post-call, we patted ourselves on the back for being more brave in our long game, and began understanding we could trust each other to run for discs. Bringing that into our next game against Surrey was bang on time: they have a bit of a contest with Knights because they keep beating each other. Our women’s captain was determined to send them running. Unfortunately, they have the safest hands I’ve ever seen, and a couple of leggy players sent them flying at times. We pressured them very well, and our endzone clamp stopped their points just as much as the previous teams. We got a fair few points on the board using both long shots and ye old safe flow, but they had the edge and won the game: kudos to them.

Playing Discie Chicks again was what really proved our development as a team. What was throwing us the previous day was no longer phasing us in the slightest. They had to agree that our flow was more consistent and effective, and our grabs were far beyond what they’d seen the day before. They weren’t expecting the pressure we put on, and were forced into a couple of fumbles and silly mistakes. Fantastic forcing and tight man-marking kept the disc in place for near-stall outs, and many points needed to be overheads for them. Despite losing, feeling our tangible improvement was the boost we needed for the rest of the day.

Normally at this point on a Sunday, I get a little lethargic and reluctant. I’m hungover and tired and hungry, and all I want is to curl up in a ball and sleep... So it was a good job we had a long break! Everyone had a nap and carb-loaded, and stepped out onto the pitch far more energised than expected. Seriously, we were so not prepared to give up yet. Kent were gonna get it! 

They had a pretty flimsy zone on the chase and the mid, so we used a lot of our flow practice to cut throw them and make it down pitch pretty quickly. Silly mistakes or lucky Ds stopped our points, but so did our D. We were as tight as I’d seen us, and we were bringing down the long game with ease, alongside clamping to slow down the flat stuff. In 20 minutes, there were four points, 3 of which were theirs. It was exhausting and full of turnovers, but a lot of fun to play against a zone for the first time over the weekend. Plenty of pressure and a lot of solid discs, it was time for the final game: Panthers.

Now, I’ve found Panthers a little argy-bargy in the past, but playing them at this tournament just proved that the men can bring any vibe to a game without people realising. These girls were incredibly confident and skilled - lots of trusting hands with throws, and some fab pressure. A couple of points I couldn’t even be mad at, because I was pleased they were so gelled. However, they weren’t expecting us to step onto the pitch the way we did. Our long game was getting on fleek, and our pressure in the Kent game only doubled in this one. We forced them into silly throws that turned, and then took advantage of slow turns and stronger legs to sneak points in. Although we were swapping points reasonably evenly at the beginning, they got a big lethargic when we were peaking, and we pulled out three more points before the game ended.

Guys. WE WON!? 

We screamed and hugged and cheered and went to the call on cloud nine. Once left alone, we jumped about like madmen and celebrated; there were almost some tears. I distinctly remember saying it was ‘like a fairytale’. Which it was! Considering the confused and messy Ultimate we were pulling out on Saturday morning, it was unthinkable that we’d meet a well-drilled team like Panthers and beat them. But we did it. The amount of bonding that took place allowed an incredible amount of trust for one another. Everyone was willing to listen and learn from every individual on the team, and we understood we’d only improve if we were all on the same page. We rarely had anyone confused about instruction, and we took the time to explain all aspects of play. I have never seen a group of women so intent on pushing themselves. Every time they came back to the line with a smile on their red faces, breathing heavily and almost falling over, the disc went up, and we were sprinting. No one gave up on a disc, and no one decided there was no point; it was beautiful Ultimate and an incredible experience.

I cannot thank Knights enough for including me in this tournament. I have never been a huge fan of women’s because it’s either two things: catty and violent, or lethargic and lazy. Why would I want to play that? But this weekend... This is what I want to play. I want to be involved in a group of girls who just give a crap! And who are willing to improve, and who respect their team mates. I’ve never been so proud to lose 7/ 8 games, girls. Thank you for the spoon, second place in spirit, a lot of laughs, sore legs, and a new perspective on women’s ultimate. Also... Thanks for inspiring me to write again. I appreciate the balls out of all of you. And you know what?

I don’t know whether or not anyone will have noticed, but I’ve been rather quiet on this blog for a few months now. I’ve been blaming writer’s block, but today I was honest with myself and said aloud what my problem is: I’m not enjoying Ultimate anymore.

My main issue lately is that I’m not a very good player when you consider the amount of time I’ve been playing, and the amount of tournaments at which I’ve competed. But I’ve had some pretty poor coaching in my time playing Frisbee, in that I haven’t had any. And my main tie has been to an inherently selfish team. And personally, I’ve had issues with health and fitness, which have hindered my progression. All of these things rolled up together have made for a poor Ultimate player, and my patience with myself has dwindled throughout the tour season.

I used to be able to hold my head up high after trainings, games, and tournaments. I could leave and know that I’d been an asset and it was worth going. But lately my confidence has been so low that I can’t even bring myself to participate in drills, and the idea of subbing on starts feelings of anxiety. Why? Because I make the mistakes of a beginner. I can’t seem to do anything right, and no matter how many excuses I make, I know I’m not fooling anyone. My team mates are as frustrated and impatient as I am, and I know that I hinder my team more often than I help.

When all of this negativity is spiralling around me on pitch, it gets very difficult to socialise properly over tournament weekends and during training sessions. I feel so ashamed of my poor performance that I can barely convince myself that I deserve to speak or take part or even be present. Some people have been openly rude towards me in the past, and others just don’t speak to me at all. The few that do are probably only doing so because of my boyfriend.

And there’s the other thing. The Ultimate boyfriend. A huge part of our relationship takes place at Ultimate events because we’re long distance, and it’s because it’s something we’ve always bonded over. We’re even on our way to starting our own team. Why would I do that when I bring him so much negativity at tournament weekends, though? I’m so stressed about playing badly and annoying squad members that I’m snapping at him and getting moody when I’m not getting the reassurance and affection he doesn’t even know I need after I’ve done such a terrible job.

There are so many wonderful things that have come out of Ultimate in the past that it’s hard to believe how miserable it makes me these days. So hard to believe that I know how difficult it would be to quit. But I know I should. I know it’s not making me happy and that it’s draining what little money I have and that it’s taking up time. It’s just such a huge part of my life already that I wouldn’t even know how to begin letting go.

So, in essence, my ‘decision, decision’ is this: do I keep forcing myself to play, in the hopes that I miraculously get better? Or do I hang up my discs and baggy shorts and thank Ultimate for the short time I had with it?

I need the Ultimate community’s help one last time here. Please, please message me with any advice or insight you can offer. And please share this so I can get a wider scope of ideas. All I know - at this point - is that I can’t keep playing in the state that I am. It’s taking a toll on my health and this situation needs to be figured out ASAP.