still somewhat official

He put in 300 cloves of garlic for day 300 and day 301 was an 11/10 so the optimal amount of garlic must be 300 < n < 400

explained to an 8 year old that once a fruit is ripe you only have so much time until it rots so you have to eat it soon and she said so i'll never be able to keep it perfect like this forever? no and there are about a million pieces of art for you unrelatedly

so awesome how there's an animal called a gooey duck & it's spelled geoduck for some reason & it's a humongous clam for some reason

it's so hardcover –> we're so paperback

this post is making me pronounce hardcover in a way i never considered

a second bumblebee has hit the flowers

Mistook the couch as your palm and thought this was the tiniest sweater in the world

we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

You'd unfollow me for my pitcher plant pussy post? After the beautiful night we shared???

WASNT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. PESIS IS GONE.

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

#ow

#stuck

slow and slutty wins the race

ACCIDENTALLY LEFT MY MACERATED APPLE SYRUP ON THE STOVE AND IT CARAMELIZED I GUESS?

it was super thick and dark and golden and bubbly so i took it off the heat. happy accident.