the angry poet

I am doomed to yearn for thr warmth of being loved

Or being chosen

I am sisyphis and the boulder my craving for your attention

Oh so close to the top of the hill of self acceptance

But my boulder always rolls

Laugh at me

Love me

look at me

Look at me

The older woman says

Her eyes beautifully lined with age

But her lips pulled down in a childish frown

"You're right."

Says the boy after a moment of silence

Before a small shrug tilted his shoulders

"Except for the man who called out to tell me I was beautiful when I wad 14 and he was working in my estate"

He hummed, a creak in his chair echoing the heaviness in his eyes

"I felt too unsafe to walk in my own estate alone after that"

"Or I suppose there was the time when any ailment I had was ignored as just trying to get out of P.E or just a small quirk of anxiety from when I was little even to now"

The old woman's eyes supposedly kind and welcoming turned cold and unfriendly

The boy still continued though

"Or when I was judged for crying too much even though I had people ruining my life just because"

"Or my autism diagnosis coming almost too late in life, nearly killing me to get"

"Maybe the fact I am still seen as a woman, no matter how hard I try to escape that box could be seen as a struggle."

Once youthful eyes now burded with dark marks almost like bruises

Met old ones still coloured with the same sort of tired

I just want people to want to be with me

I hate it

My blood makes me feel unclean

I am the frog and I am the chef

Slowly I increase the heat

Slowly

Slowly

Until my skin turns red and I become sleepy

Slowly simmering my very own body

To be clean I must boil

I must scathe my body in hot water

Cleanse my flesh for the very sin of bleeding

I don't care if it becomes scalding

It needs to be

I need to boil

I must be the frog and the chef

Slowly cooking my very own flesh

I need to be clean

Clean

Clean

I cannot stand the blood anymore

It's sick

It makes me feel dirty

Clean

I must boil

I need to cleanse myself of it

It is the ritual I must partake in

Every single month

I am a little robot

Touch my skin

Look into my dead eyes

Inspect my wires

Deep inside there's a heart

I don't know why it won't work

Maybe if I was human it would

I am a little robot

I can't read those hidden words

I crave to know what you do

To feel the comradary that you do

I am a little robot

Dig into my wires

Dig deep into the chest plate

Into the cavity underneath

Wrap your human hand around my heart

Make it warm

Make me just like you

Make me human

I am a little robot

I want to be a little human

Please

The urge to feed

On your bloody bones

To bite through your sickening flesh

To consume every bit of you I hate

To consume every disgusting part of you

Until there's nothing left

The urge to turn you into a mound of flesh

Bloody and disgusting

Tainting the air with a coppery scent

All so you'll never hurt me again

All so you'll hurt nobody else

I'll become the wolf

And you the sheep

I'll tear you limb from limb

And eat it all

In an angry frenzy

Till there's nothing left to hurt me

I'm not a mutt

You keep on a leash by your side

I'm not a beast you can lock in a cage

To worship you like a God

You make me sick

I'm not your bitch

I'll never like the collar you give me

I'm sick and tired of your shit

Stop choking me to keep me

I'm not sticking by your side

When you give me bruises along my aching body

Vent all you want

I don't give a fuck