Lost Somewhere In A Daydream

“Hasn’t talked to me in 3 days”, you softly nibbled on your bottom lip. “He’ll get over it”, Chrollo nonchalantly flipped through one of his books. “What if he doesn’t? What if he hates me?”. “Darling”, dangerous eyes lurking over his book, “Would you like it if he had slept with someone else? Let alone in your presence”. 

“B-but he doesn’t mind with you-“. “Are you sure about that?”, he asked as he sat down on the couch. 

No. Fei hated it when he had to share you with Chrollo. He always did. 

“By the way, I don’t agree with what happened either”. “A-are you angry too?”. “I’m not angry”, a smile on his face, “But I didn’t like it either”. 

“Liar”, you got on your knees, softly massaging his legs. “Fine, I liked it a little bit”. “A little?”. A sigh as he leaned forward, his hand resting underneath your chin, “I can’t help it, darling. You’re just so cute when another man takes you”.  

“Pervert”, you smirked before placing a swift kiss on his lips. 

---

You shouldn’t go to his basement. Sure, he took you to a basement, many times before  A basement where he hurt you if you broke the rules, but… This was his basement. His ‘work’ basement and it was off-limits… “Never knock. Never ask to open the door. Never even go down the stairs”. That’s what he told you, but… 

“3 AM”, the words softly flowed from your lips as you looked at the time. Chrollo was “working” in his study, and you couldn’t sleep, so… 

Without giving it too much thought, you tiptoed through the hallway. You didn’t know what would happen, or if he would punish you, but you had to see him. 

“Darling?”, Chrollo’s voice echoed through the hallway. “Y-yes?”, you closed your eyes, heart racing. You weren’t supposed to be up this late. “I won’t protect you from Fei. Not if you break one of his rules”. 

How did he know you were going to his basement? 

“He won’t hurt me”. “I’m not so sure, darling. You know I don’t want to see you get hurt, but… Rules are rules”. 

“Rules are rules”, you childishly repeated the words in your head. Them and their little, stupid rules… 

“I’ll see you in the morning”. “Goodnight, darling. And please, think this through. Fei’s a different man down there. It’s his… Workplace”. 

God, what was the worst that could happen? Sure, you weren’t supposed to see Fei when he was ‘working’, but who cares? You missed him. More than you could take. 

“It can’t be that bad, right?”, you wrapped your arms around your shoulders as you walked to the door that led to his basement. 

What was this eerie feeling?

A certain cold met your skin as you opened the door. Down the stairs was another door, a dim light shining through the door gap. “H-huh?”, you froze as you heard a scream. 

Was someone trapped? Did they kidnap someone? Yes, sometimes you forgot that they were criminals. 

“N-no please-“, the voice more clear as you got closer. 

You couldn’t help but feel nauseous at how desperate it sounded. 

“Shut up”, Fei sounded even colder than usual. At this point, you regret your decision. However, you weren’t going to back down now. 

Why were you shaking? Should you ask first? No, if you did, you were never going to find out what was happening down here. You needed to open the door, to enter unannounced. 

“3, 2…”, you tried counting down, but just when you got to 1 you could hear someone throwing up. This was wrong, there was a reason Fei told you not to go down here. You should turn back, go back to sleep, and forget about all this. That, however, seemed impossible. 

Again. 3, 2…

“1”, you took a deep breath before swinging the door open. 

Right. This is a mistake. 

This wasn’t Fei. Not the Feitan you knew. This Feitan was covered in blood, a hammer in his hand, ready to crush whatever was left of a stranger’s hand. Sure, Fei was cruel. He hurt you, but not like this. 

Your eyes studied the man who was tied down on a table. It was only now that you noticed he was missing 3 of his toes, an eye, and… Teeth on the floor? 

“S-shit”, you quickly covered your mouth as a nauseous feeling took over. “What the hell are you doing here?”, Feitan never seemed so angry. “I-I”, you stuttered as you took a step back, tripping over your own feet. “What did I tell you?”, within a second he was standing before you. “I gave you one rule, one rule you couldn’t break and…”, fire in his eyes as he looked down. “Get out, Y/N”. “I-I’m sorry”. 

This was the first time you truly feared for your life. You feared Feitan, to say the least. 

“You always cross the line”, he got closer, “You always act out of place”. 

“Pl-please, please help me!”, the man on the table turned his head toward you. “Don’t let him kill me”. 

“Shut up!”, Feitan threw his hammer toward the man, causing it to crush his skull. “F-fei”, tears streaming down your cheek, “Y-you killed-“.

“Got the information I needed”, Feitan grabbed your arm, forcing you back on your feet. 

“L-let go”, your legs trembling in fear. “What? What’s wrong?”, he pulled you closer, “Are you scared? Are you scared of who I am?”. 

“T-this isn’t you-“, you pulled your face away from his. “This is me”, he tightened his grip, “This is work”. “N-no”, you wanted to run, to yell for help but… Chrollo said he wasn’t going to protect you, that rules were rules. 

“Why? Why did you come here?”, cold eyes met yours. “I-I wanted to- I missed you”. “Call Phinks”. 

You hurt him. Over and over again. 

“I- I want you”, you tried to ignore the fact that there was a dead man on the table next to you. 

“I don’t want to see you”, he pushed you away, “I despise you”. 

He burnt you, scarred you… But those things never hurt as much as those words. 

“You despise me?”, your heart aching.  “Tsk”, he turned around, “Get out”. 

Wasn’t he going to punish you? To make sure you never disobeyed him again? 

“F-fei-“, “Get out”. 

No. He wasn’t going to hurt you, to ‘punish’ you. It seemed that he didn’t care about you anymore, that you weren’t worth his time. 

“I-I’m sorry”, tears streaming down your cheek as you ran upstairs, longing for the safety of your sheets. 

You ran to your room as quickly as possible, immediately covering yourself underneath your sheets. 

“Darling?”, Chrollo knocked on your door. “Don’t”, you sobbed. “What happened?”, he entered anyway. “He said he despised me”, you cried out, pulling the sheets closer to your body. “He doesn’t”, Chrollo sat down on the edge, his hand pulling the sheets from your face. “He does and, and-“. “What?”, he gently wiped the tears from your cheek. “He killed someone with a hammer and before that he was-“. “I told you not to go, darling”. “Why? Why does he do those things?”. “It’s his job. He gets me the information I need”. “He’s torturing people”, you looked up at him, “That’s not right“. “Cute”, Chrollo chuckled, “You know the Phantom Troupe’s full of wanted criminals, right?”. 

Right. You once again forgot that they were criminals. 

“I’ll sleep with you tonight. I’m sure you didn’t like seeing a dead person”, Chrollo placed a kiss on your temple. “Try to get some rest, okay? I’m going to shower, and then I’ll join you”. 

--- 

“He’ll never forgive me”, you nestled your head closer to Chrollo’s chest. “You know he will”, he wrapped his arms around you. 

Chrollo’s voice sounded so beautiful in the morning. So soothing. 

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me”. “Did you see the way you looked at him?”, Chrollo’s tightened his grip around your waist. “I can imagine you were scared when you saw what he was doing. He probably put his guard up”. “W-why?”, you tilted your head. “The only reason you weren’t allowed there was because he feared you were going to be scared of him. Feitan never had much. He never cared about people, but he cares about you. To him, you’re everything”. 

“I’m an idiot”, you shook your head. “Sometimes”, Chrollo smiled. “Fuck you”, you playfully pushed him away. “Come here”, he eagerly pulled you close again, “Let’s enjoy this moment, darling. It’s a beautiful morning. I’m sure Fei will turn around”. “Can you do something for me?”. “Anything”, he hummed as he took in your scent, “Anything for my darling”.

---

A couple of days passed, and Feitan still didn’t care to talk to you. When you entered the same room, he disappeared. 

“Fei?”, you softly knocked on the door to his room. 

He normally didn’t use it. Feitan used to spend all his free time with you. Lately, however, he locked himself up in his bedroom. 

“Go away”. 

Not this time. 

“Fei?”, you opened his door. “I said get out”. 

Sad. It was sad the way he was sitting in front of his window. His room was empty. There was a bed, a chair, and a desk. There weren’t expensive paintings, no books, no cozy chairs… He was the complete opposite of Chrollo. 

“I know you’re mad. You have every right to be, but… I don’t care about Phinks. Not like I care about you. You were the first person I fell in love with. The first person who made me feel happy, and safe… The first person who-“. 

You didn’t know why the words seemed to get stuck in your throat. 

“You were the first person who made me love myself. I always hated myself. I used to hate the way I look, the way I sound… I hated the way I walk, talk… But you made me accept myself, and I’m sorry that I gave you the feeling that you couldn’t do the same. That you couldn’t accept yourself. I know this isn’t going to make things right. I hurt you, and I’m so sorry. I’m not perfect. I shouldn’t have slept with Phinks. I shouldn’t have asked him to comfort me when you were gone, but I was scared. I was scared Hisoka was here and that he was going to hurt me again. I don’t feel safe when you’re not with me, Fei. I need you, so… I got you this”. 

You gently placed the gift on the edge of his bed. 

“I know it can’t make things right, and if you don’t like it you can give it back. Just don’t throw it away, please”. 

Without answering, he turned around. Careful eyes were now looking at the gift. 

“A gift?”, his brows pulled together. “Yes”, you nervously responded. “No one’s ever got me a gift”, he slowly stood up. 

Your heart broke at the thought. You can’t imagine what it must feel like growing up without a caring home. 

“What is it?”, he examined the wrapping paper. “Open it”, a sparkle in your eyes. 

He seemed excited, even though he tried to hide it.

“I hope you like it. I thought you could use it for… your work”, you cleared your throat. 

You didn’t want him to think you were scared of him. To think that you hated him for what he did. If that meant you had to get him something like this… 

“A knife?”, he frowned. “Look closely”, you pointed towards the handle. “It has my initials on this side and yours on the other. O-oh, and did you see the handle? It has your skull on it”.  

Silence. 

“Thanks”, his voice sounded raspy. “I like it”. “I-I know it’s strange but, now there’s a part of me with you when you’re … Working”, you nervously smiled. 

“I love you”, the words barely reached your ears. 

“H-huh?”, your eyes went round in surprise. “I love you, Y/N”, his eyes glued onto the knife. 

“I-I love you too”, you replied. 

He didn’t respond. Instead, he held one arm open, his eyes still studying the knife. 

‘Thanks’, you avoided his eyes when he handed you your latte. ‘Want to go over the plan again?’. ‘No, I understand’, you closed your eyes when you took a sip. 

You might not have been able to look at the blonde, but Phinks couldn’t keep his eyes away from you. The way your tiny hands were holding the cup, as if you were trying to warm them around a fire… Or the way you smiled contently when you took your first sip, your eyes closed in pleasure… How did he never notice how beautiful you are? 

‘Fine, but don't blame me when things go to hell’. ‘You don’t trust me?’, you opened one eye, the lid of the cup still stroking your bottom lip. ‘Did you ever finish a mission successfully?’. ‘Hey!’, you immediately stood up from the edge of the bed you were sitting on. ‘What? You never listen to what boss says’. 

Were things just going to go back to normal? Back to hating each other? 

‘I just need to get those fucking diamonds, right? What’s the big deal?’. ‘The big deal?’, Phinks gritted his teeth together, ‘I will need to clean up the mess you’ve made if you fail, because it’s not like you ever take responsibility for your actions’. ‘What do you know about me, huh?’, you pushed him, earning a throbbing vein on his temple in response.

What did he know about you? You practically told him your entire life story in your drunken haze yesterday.

‘Push me again and-‘, ‘And what?’, you chuckled, ‘What are you going to do, Phinks? Fight me?’. 

Fight you? No, he didn’t want to fight you. He wanted to throw you on the bed again and show you who’s in charge, but he couldn’t do that, could he? 

‘Tsk’, he smirked when he noticed the look in your eyes. There wasn’t any hate in them, nor anger. You were provoking him. The way the corners of your mouth were slightly lifted said plenty. 

For a moment, the two of you just stood there, staring at each other with racing hearts.

‘H-huh?’. 

You froze when you could feel Phinks’ hand cup your cheek. His eyes were soft, but the expression on his face was as cold as ever. 

‘What are you doing?’, you lowered your eyes, jaw clenching. ‘What?’, Phinks frowned, unsure if he crossed a line. ‘Y-your hand-‘, ‘What about it?’. 

‘Don’t’, you pulled away from his touch, ‘D-don’t touch me like that’. 

His heart dropped to his stomach when he noticed the cold look in your eyes. He couldn’t be the only one who felt it, right? The fireworks the first time he kissed you, or the warm, tingling feeling that flowed through his veins when he saw your love-drunk eyes staring into his only hours ago. 

‘You weren’t complaining-‘, ‘Stop’, you looked at him, eyes burning with anger, ‘We had an agreement’. ‘Y/N-‘, Phinks tried to grab your wrist, but you quickly pulled away. ‘What? What do you want?’. ‘I just want to talk about what happened’. 

You were like math to him, impossible to understand. 

‘Why?’, you chuckled, ‘I hate what happened. I hate the fact I let you touch me’. 

Why? Why were you doing this when you were so desperate for his affection? 

‘H-hey!’, you tried to protest, to pull away when his strong hand grabbed your jaw, but once his lips met yours you instantly melted into his touch. 

‘Hate liars’, a cold sigh, ‘But don’t worry, it’s not like you’re that special, princess’. ‘D-don’t ever touch me like that again’, your aura filled with anger, hands shaking. ‘Like I said, you’re not that special’, he chuckled before walking out the door again. 

Once you heard the door closing, you immediately let down your guard. With a loud sigh, you jumped on the bed, head pushed into a pillow. Why were your cheeks burning? Why did you feel all warm and fuzzy around him? You wanted nothing more than to throw your hands around his neck, jump into his arms, and smell the familiar scent of his perfume again.

‘Wake up, princess’. ‘S-shut up’, you turned around, pulling the sheets over your head. ‘Get ready, it’s almost time’.

 ‘Where did you go?’. 

‘None of your business’. ‘Asshole’, you gritted through your teeth. ‘Get up’, he roughly pulled the blankets away from you. 

‘S-shit’, you hastily searched for the sheets, cheeks already burning. 

‘Huh?’, he widened his eyes when he saw you were wearing one of his shirts, ‘W-why are you-‘. ‘Shut up Phinks!’. 

The blonde watched you as you ran into the bathroom, your cheeks burning red. You looked so pretty in his shirt, too pretty to forget. 

‘Tsk’, he smiled when he realized you went through his bag just to put on one of his shirts, ‘What’s wrong, princess? Can’t go a couple of hours without me?’. 

He frowned when he heard the door of the bathroom unlock. Were you going to admit your defeat? 

‘I said shut up, Phinks!’. 

The blonde barely managed to dodge the bottle of soap you’d thrown at him before you quickly locked the door again. 

‘Missed me, princess’, the vein of his temple started to throb again.

He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop the thoughts of pinning you against the wall, your fragile wrists in his hands, his nose brushing against yours while he promised you to make you behave. 

‘Ugh!’, you grunted in frustration, hands once again in your hair as you were sitting on the toilet lid.  

‘What’s wrong? Embarrassed?’, Phinks knocked on the door, his forehead resting against it. ‘Go away!’. ‘Don’t worry, won’t tell anyone you couldn’t miss me for a couple of hours-‘. 

You quickly opened the door, your heart racing with anger and powerlessness. 

‘Move’.

You wanted to tell him that you missed his scent. That you were wearing his shirt so that it felt as if he was lying next to you, but you couldn’t. It was obvious your mind started to romanticize what happened between the two of you. You hated him, you hated him since the first moment you saw him, and that couldn’t change overnight. 

‘Make me’, a smirk while he was leaning against the door frame. ‘We don’t have time for this’. ‘You mean you don’t have time. I just need to put on a suit’. 

Every attempt to sneak under his arm or to push him away was futile. Maybe if you used your nen-abilities… But that would be a little too much, wouldn’t it? 

‘What’s wrong? Confused not everyone does whatever the little princess wants?’, the blonde chuckled, enjoying every moment of this. 

There was only one way out, which you preferred to avoid, but it seemed like you had no other choice. 

‘H-huh?’, Phinks widened his eyes when he saw you pull his shirt over your head, exposing your perfect breasts once again. 

‘What’s wrong? Confused you’re not the only one who can play this game?’, you nonchalantly pushed the blonde aside, a smile on your face. 

A bra. Where was your bra? Why weren’t you wearing one? Did you plan this? Phinks felt lost, memories of the previous night flashing before his eyes. 

‘Brat’, Phinks gritted through his teeth before entering the bathroom. ‘Don’t be too long, need to put on some make-up’. 

‘Here’, now it was his turn to throw something towards your head, ‘Or is that mirror over there not big enough for your highness?’. 

You managed to catch your bag of make-up just in time. 

‘Thanks peasant’, you replied smugly, ‘Do dress up, I don't want my bodyguard to look bad’.

--- 

‘Finally’, you sighed while standing up from the bed, ‘Took you long en-‘. 

Wait? What? Was this the man who entered the bathroom 20 minutes ago? 

‘Can you help me with this?’, Phinks held up his arm, ‘The buttons are too small, can’t close them’. 

‘Okay’, you quietly responded, adjusting your dress before walking toward the blonde. 

‘H-here, that should do it’, you gently let go of his arm when you closed the buttons on his sleeve. ‘Thanks’, his eyes were fixed on the painting next to him. 

He couldn’t look at you, not too long anyway. With your make-up beautifully matching your red dress, your hair neatly in a bun, the jewels Chrollo got you… You looked even more stunning than the first time he saw you. 

‘Let’s go’, you cleared your throat, ‘Driver’s probably waiting’. 

Phinks, now happily, took on his role as your bodyguard. He guided you outside and opened every door for you, while making sure no one let their eyes linger a little too long on your perfect body. 

‘Be careful’, he almost whispered while looking out of the car. ‘Hm’, you sighed while looking at the matching ring Chrollo got you. It was obvious he wanted to make sure you fitted in the high-end crowd. 

‘If anyone tries to-‘, ‘Hey, you’re my bodyguard. It’s your job to protect me’, a thin line appeared between your brows. ‘You know you need to steal the diamonds on your own, right?’, Phinks slowly turned his head, ‘Or weren’t you – once again – not listening?’. ‘

W-what?’, you nervously giggled, ‘O-of course I knew that, psh’. 

You wanted to slap yourself. You really needed to pay more attention when someone explained the details of a mission. 

‘Idiot’, the blonde sighed, ‘Asked you this morning to go over the plan again’. ‘I know, I know’, you closed your eyes, ‘I’m sorry’. 

Huh? Did you just apologize? 

‘H-hey! What are you doing?’, you instantly moved closer to the door when Phinks started pinching your arm. ‘You just apologized, and you expect me to believe you’re… well, you?’. 

You crossed your arms in discontent before cursing the blonde. 

--- 

‘Of course I knew you were the governor. How could anyone forget such a handsome face?, you tried to put on your prettiest, most innocent smile. 

Phinks hated the way you were pushing your body against his. Fine, you needed to get some information, but why like this?

You snapped with your fingers, signaling Phinks to move closer. ‘What do you need, boss?’. 

It took all the blonde’s strength to call you his boss, to pretend he was a little puppy you could order around. 

‘Get me some more wine, will you?’, a smug look on your face when you saw the familiar vein on his temple. 

‘Sorry boss, need to stay with you at all times’ . ‘Oh it’s fine, I’ll keep her safe’, the older man grabbed your waist, his nose brushing against your cheek, ‘Maybe show her the diamonds…’. 

You wanted nothing more than to pull away, but you couldn’t. You were so close… Once he showed you where the diamonds were, you could knock him out and run. 

‘Tsk’, Phinks couldn’t hide his discontent, but he just had to suck it up for the sake of this mission. 

‘Huh?’, his eyes widened when you weren’t in the same spot anymore. He quickly scanned the room. After a minute, he concluded you weren’t here anymore. After all, Phinks would’ve immediately seen you in your beautiful, red dress. You were the prettiest girl here, no one could even come close to your beauty. 

‘So, where are the diamonds?’, you faked a drunk giggle, your hand resting on the man’s arm, ‘Been wondering how they look up close’. ‘Ssh’, the man smirked, ‘I’ll be fired if they find out I brought a pretty girl like you here’. ‘Oh stop it’, you let your forehead rest against his shoulder, ‘I just really want to see them’. 

‘Follow me’. 

You let the man grab your hand as he carefully unlocked the door with a password. 

‘O-oh’, your eyes flew open when you saw the diamonds, heart racing in excitement. They were truly breathtaking; unlike anything you’ve ever seen. 

‘Think it’s time to thank me, don’t you?’, the man let the door fall shut, his arms wrapped around your waist while his chin was resting on your shoulder. ‘Get off me’, a cold reply now you knew where the diamonds are. ‘Huh?’, he smirked while tightening his grip, ‘Don’t tell me you tricked me, because that wouldn’t be nice’, his hand now traveling to your breasts, ‘A pretty girl like you sure knows her place, right? She knows how fast a governor could spread a little lie to ruin her life’. 

Was he seriously threatening you? This was getting funnier by the minute. 

‘Do we really need to do th-‘, ‘I know who you are’, his nose digging into your hair as he took in your scent, ‘Y/N L/N, running from the law since you were a kid. I mean, can’t blame you when you grow up in a dump’. ‘H-how do you-‘. ‘There’s this really nice kid who can predict the future with her nen-abilities. Dad’s an asshole, but for a good price, he sells her predictions’. 

‘What stops me from killing you?’, your aura growing bigger by the second. ‘What was his name again? Oh right, Phinks’, the man chuckled, ‘Wouldn’t want him to get in trouble now, would we? I don’t ask much’, his fingers softly pushed the strip of your dress from your shoulder, ‘Just a quick fuck, and I’ll let you go’. 

 Phinks? How did he know Phinks’ name? 

‘See? Even a criminal like you knows when to listen’, his hot breath sent shivers down your spine as he slowly opened the back of your dress. 

A nauseous, suffocating feeling took over your senses. If there was even the tiniest chance that he could hurt Phinks… 

‘Those clothes didn’t fit you anyway. Way too elegant for a low-life like y-‘. 

With a loud bang, the secured door flew open. Relief rushed over your body when you saw Phinks standing in the door frame. For once, you were happy to see the throbbing vein on his temple, along with his wicked grin.

 ‘Thought you could handle things yourself?’. ‘He knows who we are’, you quickly readjusted your dress, ‘Some girl can predict the future. They knew we were coming’. ‘Are those fake?’, the blonde nodded towards the diamonds, ‘And I suggest you’re honest if you want to keep some of your limbs’. 

‘N-no please, I-I won’t tell anything’, the man quickly raised his hands. ‘I don’t care’, Phinks took hold of his collar, ‘You touched her’. 

---

‘At least we got the diamonds’, Phinks took off his shirt. ‘Hm’, you replied while biting on the inside of your lip. 

Phinks’ brows drew together at your response. You’d been absent-minded ever since you entered the car back to the hotel. 

‘You okay?’, the blonde looked into the bathroom. ‘Yeah, it’s nice we got them’, you sighed while putting your hair in a messy bun. 

He decided he wasn’t going to reply or to correct you, not until you laid down next to him. Maybe you were just tired. 

‘Night’, you laid down on your side, back facing towards him. 

‘Did he hurt you?’, Phinks clenched his jaw at the thought, his hands resting underneath his head while staring at the ceiling. ‘What? You don’t think I can handle someone like him? You think I’m that weak?’, you snapped back. 

‘Yes or no’.

You lowered your eyes, your heart sinking into your stomach. He didn’t actually hurt you, and you were probably just overreacting … but the venomous words he whispered into your ear as he forced himself onto you kept replaying themselves in your head. 

‘No’, you closed your eyes. 

You froze when you felt his arm wrap around your waist as he pulled you closer to him. 

‘Hate liars’, his chin rested on top of your head. 

What was happening? Why did you start to shake? Why did your eyes start to sting? 

‘Huh?’, Phinks’ eyes flew open as he heard your sobs, ‘Y/N?’. 

‘I’m a bad person, right? I’ve killed people, I like to hurt them, I like to steal things… I’m just a waste of space’. 

What could he tell you? What did you want to hear? Of course, you're  a bad person, at least in the eyes of most. 

‘Maybe to some, but not to me. I don’t think you’re a bad person. I think you do everything for the people you care about, even if that means stealing or killing others’. ‘S-shut up’, you smiled with tears in your eyes, ‘You’re just as bad’. 

‘Maybe’.  

You slowly turned around, your hands resting against his toned chest. 

'You looked cute in my shirt today' Phinks gently brushed through your hair. 'Please', you almost whispered. 'What?', he frowned at the lack of context. 'One more night before pretending we never-'. 

The blonde cut off your sentence with a kiss. You didn't need to repeat yourself. Phinks was aching for the warmth of your body. 

'Not going to hold back tonight', he whispered in between kisses, 'Not going to be careful'. ‘Don’t want you to’. 

Within seconds, Phinks had your face pushed into the matress, pushing you further off the edge with every thrust.

‘F-fuck you drive me crazy’, he tightened his grip around your hair, ‘Wanted to fuck you like this yesterday too’, heavy breaths left his lungs, ‘Been thinking about it ever since’. 

It sure was different from the other night, better in some ways. 

‘Let me see those pretty eyes’, Phinks swiftly turned you around, ‘Don’t care if you come, or if you’re tired… So don’t bother to tell me, just want you to be a good girl and let me use you for once’. 

He placed a gentle kiss on your temple before wrapping his hand around your throat. 

‘And don’t worry, princess, the night isn’t over after this’. 

--- 

‘Good job’, Chrollo smiled when you threw the bag of diamonds at his feet, ‘Think it’s time for us to leave this town. I’ll see everyone back home in a couple of days, think it’s best if we move in separate groups’. 

You nodded in agreement before walking over to the girls.

‘Lovebirds’, Feitan mischievously looked at Phinks. ‘What did you say?’, Phinks immediately raised his voice. ‘Don’t try to deny it’, Shalnark smugly responded, ‘Or did you think we wouldn’t notice those?’. ‘What?’, Phinks gritted his teeth. ‘These’, Shalnark pointed towards the dark spots on his neck. 

Phinks’ mind started to replay the memories of last night. A smile on his face when he thought about the way you wrapped around him as he pushed you against the wall. God, his hand fitted perfectly around your neck- 

‘Lovebirds’, Feitan repeated himself when he saw the smile on the blonde’s face. ‘Shut up, Fei!’, Phinks raised his voice, quickly grabbing one of the loose stones in the abandoned building. ‘Run, Fei!’, Shalnark yelled after the dark-haired man as he watched Phinks run after him. ‘Lovebirds, lovebirds, lovebirds’, Feitan childishly repeated himself with the mischievous smile still on his face.

‘Absolutely not’, you protested, ‘I’m not going with Mister Tracksuit over there’. ‘You think I want to go with you?’, Phinks scoffed, ‘I would rather go with that clown over there’. 

‘Magician’, Hisoka corrected the blonde, a smirk on his face. 

‘It’s the same thing, Hisoka! You play with fucking cards and draw shit under your eyes... You sure look like a clown to me’, you were tired of his bullshit. 

His eyes met yours, leaving a shiver down your spine. For a second, you forgot how much he creeped you out. 

‘No fighting between members’, Chrollo’s cold voice filled the old and abandoned room, ‘I think you both misunderstood me… I didn’t ask’. 

Right. It was an order. 

‘Sorry boss’, you lowered your head. ‘Hm, sorry’, Phinks quickly followed your lead. ‘I want you to attend this’, Chrollo held up a poster of some sort of event. ‘A masked ball?’, you frowned, ‘You want me to take that to a masked ball? You’ve seen what he wears, right boss?’. ‘Don’t worry’, Chrollo smirked, ‘I know you’re quite new to the Troupe, but Phinks doesn’t mind wearing a suit’. 

Phinks ignored your childish insult. What did you know about him anyway? 

 ‘What do we need to do, boss?’.  ‘Want you to get these’, Chrollo answered the blonde. 

‘All of them?’, you widened your eyes. ‘All of them’, a sparkle in Chrollo’s eyes. 

You were in awe when you saw the pictures on his phone of all sorts of jewelry. Each one was set with the most beautiful diamonds you’ve ever seen.

‘Can I keep this one, boss?’, you sweetly smiled. ‘Idiot’, Phinks scoffed, ‘How many times does he have to explain that the goods we steal are meant to be sold, not kept'.  

Chrollo’s eyes darted back and forth every time the other scoffed back. He didn’t like pairing you up with Phinks, but both of your abilities were perfect for the job. Phinks’ strength would come in handy if a fight were to break out, and your appearance would fit right into the crowd of arrogant, rich bastards.  

‘So, everything clear?’. Chrollo waited for the two of you to stop bickering. ‘I already got you a dress, Y/N. I expect you to keep those rich scumbags occupied while gathering all the information you can’. 

‘Don’t worry, boss, I’ll flirt my way up the ladder’. 

‘Good’, a content smile on his face before looking at your partner. ‘I want you to keep an eye on her, don’t want any perverts touching her in inappropriate places, and yes’, Chrollo sighed before continuing, ‘I know you can defend yourself Y/N, but I need you to appear innocent and elegant’. 

Chrollo waited for Phinks to agree with his plan, but he noticed the way the vein on his temple had started to throb.

‘Fine’, Phinks replied coldly. 

‘That’s why I need you to pretend you’re her bodyguard’. ‘Excuse me?’, the blonde gritted his teeth together, a forced smile on his face. ‘There won’t be a discussion about this, Phinks. I’ll send you the address of the hotel you’re staying in. Everything you’ll need will be in your room’. 

What was he complaining about? It’s not like you enjoyed playing the helpless and defenseless, innocent girl. 

---

‘Move’, Phinks pushed you aside, ‘Are you really that dumb?’. ‘I’m telling you, the card is broken!’, you raised your voice, ‘The room won’t open, no matter how many times I hold it in front of the –‘. 

‘Idiot’, the vein on Phinks’ temple was already throbbing when he effortlessly opened the door. 

‘How was I supposed to know you need to shove it in there? You can barely see the slot!’. ‘It’s called common sense, ever heard of it?’. ‘Shut up’, you pushed against his shoulder while entering the room. 

You scanned the room, noticing the beautiful shopping bags that were on the bed. It was obvious Chrollo had bought the most expensive clothes for this mission, as it was necessary to fit in with the high-end crowd. 

‘Where’s the other bed?’, you hastily looked across the room. ‘It’s a suite idiot, there isn’t another one’. ‘You’re not sleeping in one bed with me, you can sleep on the ground’. ‘You sleep on the ground, since you’re the one making a problem out of it’. 

Sometimes it felt almost exhausting, the back and forth bickering with Phinks. 

‘Tsk’, you angrily walked to the bathroom, loudly smacking the door behind you. 

You locked the door before sitting down on the toilet lid with your hands in your hair. ‘Make the best out of it, even if you don’t like him. Just pretend’. You needed to convince yourself to be the bigger person, to go on this mission with Phinks and not kill each other. 

‘Phinks?’, you tried to sound friendly. ‘Hellooo?’, you chanted, already annoyed that he didn’t answer. 

Huh? He was nowhere to be seen. Did he leave? 

‘Whatever’, you murmured before looking into one of the bags, inspecting the dress Chrollo got you. ‘Of course, a red ballgown, perfect for a masked ball’, you rolled your eyes. ‘Better try it on’, you picked up the bag and went to the excessively large bathroom. 

‘Shit’, you looked for a place to hide when you heard someone open the door. You didn’t want Phinks to see you like this; turning like a princess in front of the mirror. He couldn’t see you with your guard down. 

‘Y/N?’, Phinks sighed, his eyes locked on the ground when he entered the room, ‘Listen, I want this mission to succeed so why don’t we-‘. 

Phinks eyes went round when he saw you, his feet glued to the floor. 

‘D-don’t look!’, you hastily turned around, ‘I-I just wanted to know if it fitted me, that’s all!’. 

It didn’t just ‘fit’ you. No, it looked as if the dress was made just for you. Your breasts were nicely pushed together, your waist accentuated in all the right spots… You looked as if you stepped right out of a fairy tale. 

‘I’m going to see it tomorrow anyway’, Phinks tried to reply as coldly as possible, ‘I brought you this’. 

You slowly looked over your shoulder, a red glow on your cheeks. 

‘Chai latte, you drink this every morning, don't you?’. 

‘Is it poisoned?’, you unnecessarily snapped back. ‘Look’, Phinks placed the cup on the table next to him, ‘Let’s just try to get along, okay? Or at least pretend’. 

He had to force himself to look away from you, to remember all the scolding and insults between you two. He didn’t like what he felt when he looked at you right now; the way his heart was beating out of his chest, or the way his hands had started to shake.

‘Thanks for the latte’, you softly replied, ‘I’m going to get changed’. 

---

‘Bored’, you sighed while laying down on the bed, ‘Want to go out?’. ‘To where?’, Phinks was lying next to you, staring at the ceiling. ‘Don’t know, a bar, maybe?’. ‘Fuck it, why not?’, he grunted while sitting up straight, ‘Mission’s not until tomorrow evening, a few drinks won’t hurt’. 

Yeah, a few drinks won’t hurt, but you didn’t have a few, did you?  

‘F-fei…’, you hiccuped. ‘Stop calling me Fei!’, Phinks tightened his grip around his glass, ‘I know you’re dumb, but I didn’t know you were blind too’. ‘Stop pouting, crybaby’, you playfully punched him, ‘You know… You’re actually not that bad to be around’. ‘You’re just drunk’, Phinks smirked while taking another shot. ‘N-no no no!’, you hastily replied, ‘I’m serious! I’m having a really good time’. 

‘You’re okay too, I guess’, Phinks looked at the empty glasses in front of him. 

You weren’t the only one who had a little too much to drink, even Phinks had started to feel the effects of the alcohol. 

‘Let’s go to a karaoke bar!’, you startled Phinks when you suddenly pushed your chair back. ‘Careful’, he placed his hand on your back when he noticed your wobbly stance.

Shit, you could feel your cheeks getting red again at the unexpected touch. His hand was big, bigger than the width of your back, or so it felt like anyway. 

‘M-maybe it’s best if we go back to the hotel’, you stumbled over your words, ‘I-I’m tired’.

You wanted to avoid these kinds of moments at all costs; the burning cheeks, the tingles in your stomach… No, it was best if you just went to sleep. 

‘I agree’, Phinks tried to remove his hand from your back, but it felt as if it was glued onto you. ‘I-I’ll guide you to the taxi, don’t want you to fall’. 

And he did. He kept his hand firmly on your back, making sure you didn’t hurt yourself.

‘You okay?’, Phinks frowned when he noticed the way you’d started to walk closer to him, causing his arm to fully wrap around your waist. ‘Hm’, you shyly nodded, ‘I’m okay’. 

All the laughs, the giggles… They completely disappeared once you were sitting next to him in the car. All that there was left was an awkward silence. 

‘Here’, Phinks opened your door after paying the driver, ‘I’ll help you’. ‘N-no I’m fine, thanks’. 

He couldn’t deny it any longer, you were beautiful. Even with your messy hair, your drunken giggles… You were unapologetically beautiful.

‘Watch out’, Phinks grabbed your arm when he saw you were going to fall, ‘You sure you’re okay?’. 

No. No, you weren’t okay. You were everything but ‘okay’.  You were drunk, and you couldn’t stop thinking about kissing him. 

‘Sorry’, you smiled, ‘J-just a little drunk, but I’m fine, really’. 

You immediately headed to the bathroom once you entered the room. You needed a moment to recollect yourself. 

‘Get yourself together’, you looked into the mirror while putting your hair up into a messy bun, ‘You’re not going to kiss him, okay? You’re not!’. 

You angrily undressed before putting on one of your comfy, oversized shirts you always slept in. 

‘Hm?’, you froze when you saw Phinks sitting on the bed. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, or pants, just his boxers. ‘Sorry’, Phinks laid down when he heard you, ‘'Can't sleep with a lot of clothes on’. ‘O-oh r-right, n-no that’s fine’, you nervously giggled before laying down next to him. 

God, this must have been the most awkward moment of your life. Did that mean Phinks felt it too? The tension in the air? Or was it just you? 

‘Goodnight’, you shyly whispered once you lay as far away from his as possible. 

No response. 

‘Are we going to do this or not?’. ‘Huh?’, you slowly turned your head. ‘Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about’, his hand slowly stroked over your leg. ‘D-don’t’, you shyly pulled your leg away. 

‘You don’t want this?’. 

You did, you wanted this so bad. It was all you could think about. 

‘Y-you’re drunk’. ‘So are you’.  

‘What happens when we wake up?’, you slowly shuffled closer to him. ‘We pretend it never happened. We pretend we came back and went to sleep’, Phinks happily welcomed your body against his, his hand slowly stroking over your back. 

You felt so small in his arms, so safe. 

‘Okay’, you looked into his eyes, unsure of what to do next. ‘Are you nervous?’, his hand gently pulled on the fabric of your shirt, ‘This isn’t your first time, is it?’. 

‘N-no, of course not!’, you frowned, ‘And I’m not nervous’. 

You were though, you were extremely nervous. 

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle’, he smirked while playing with the thin band of your slip.

‘S-shut up’, you wanted to hide your face, to hide your flush cheeks. ‘Don’t do that’, he softly tilted your head, his thumb stroking over your bottom lip. 

How could he be this gentle? This affectionate? For some reason, you thought he would be rough and impatient. 

‘Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?’. ‘Hm’, you softly replied, heart beating out of your chest. 

He took his time before finally kissing you. First placing a few kisses on your cheek, your neck… But once he did, you felt like you were going crazy. His kiss was so passionate, so tender. 

‘Ssh’, he smiled when he heard your cute, little whimpers, ‘I’m only kissing you’. Phinks slowly moved his hand to your legs, slowly spreading them, ‘Wonder how you’ll sound when I do this’. 

‘Hmpf’, you immediately grabbed onto the sheets next to you when you felt his digits gently rubbing over your panties. ‘God, you’re soaking wet’, he looked into your eyes with disbelief, ‘How do you want me to take my time with you when you’re practically begging to be fucked?’. 

‘Don’t’, you shakily responded, ‘Need you now, can’t wait’. 

You easily slipped off your panties, after which Phinks gladly pulled off your shirt. 

‘Too perfect’, he placed soft kisses on your breasts, his fingers slowly pumping in and out of you. 

‘Ready for me, princess?’. ‘D-don’t call me that’. ‘How can I not call you that after seeing you in your dress? You looked stunning’. ‘Shut up’, you pressed your lips against his, trying to stir away from the awkward topic. 

‘Shit’, Phinks eyes shot towards yours when he pressed his tip against your entrance, ‘You’re so tight, you sure you can take me?’. ‘Uhu’, your tongue grazed your bottom lip, ‘Please Phinks, don’t tease me’. 

‘Be careful what you wish for’, a devilish smirk before he bottomed out in one thrust. ‘Shit’, your legs instantly wrapped around him, trying to hold him in place for a second. 

You weren’t the only one who needed to get used to this feeling. Phinks needed to do the same. Your walls were already clenching around him so nicely… It felt as if you were made for him. 

‘Can I?’, concerned eyes scanned your face. You nodded in response, ‘Y-you can mo-‘. 

Phinks couldn’t wait for you to finish your sentence. Once he heard ‘you can’, he slowly started thrusting in and out of you. 

‘How can you be this tight?’, he grunted while trying to contain himself, because he wanted to fuck you dumb. He wanted to see you trembling underneath him, to hear you beg him to stop… but he couldn’t. 

He didn’t want the first and last time with you to be like that. Maybe it was the booze that made him feel like this, but he had too much respect for you to fuck you like a one-night stand. He wanted to take you as if you were his lover, as if you were the most precious thing in the entire world. So he made sure to take his time, to let his hands explore your body, to let his tongue taste you…

‘Phinks I’m going to-‘, ‘That’s okay princess, you can come’, his thumb gently pressed down on your little nub, ‘Want me to come with you?’. 

‘Y-yes, please Phinks’. 

‘Keep calling out my name, can you do that for me?’, he started to draw circles on your little nub, ‘I want to hear you say my name when you come, okay?’. 

And you obeyed. You kept calling out his name, over and over again. Honestly, it sounded like music to his ears. No one ever called out his name so sweetly as you. 

‘Going to come princess’, he looked into your eyes, ‘Want you to take all of it, okay? Don’t want you to waste anything’. 

You eagerly nodded; chin tilted towards the ceiling as you felt the heat rise to your stomach. 

‘S-shit’, Phinks let his head rest against your shoulder, ‘You okay?’. 

You nodded, still shaking from your orgasm. 

‘Felt really good’, you sighed once Phinks laid down next to you, your arm resting on your forehead. ‘It did’, the blonde agreed, still trying to catch his breath. 

‘I’ll get something to clean you up’, he walked to the bathroom, quickly grabbing a towel. 

‘Thanks’, you awkwardly whispered once he was done, ‘Goodnight’. ‘Night’, Phinks replied, already regretting what happened. How was he supposed to pretend nothing had happened when no one ever made him feel like this? 

It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep. The mixture of alcohol with the high after an orgasm ensured a deep sleep. 

‘Huh?’, you woke up to the sound of Phinks getting dressed. It took you a moment before you realized that you needed to pretend nothing had happened. 

‘Morning’, Phinks coldly greeted you while putting on his shoes, ‘Going to take a walk, see you later’. ‘Y-yeah, later’, you tried to hide the lump in your throat. 

Phinks didn’t want this. He didn’t want to pretend like nothing had happened, but you made it clear you wanted to. Otherwise, you would’ve said something after you slept with him, or at least cuddled him, right?