@youprobablywonteverknowanotherel - Tumblr Blog

How odd to see

The curtains fall

Unseen

Not asked

A dagger uncovered

Straight to my heart

You surround yourself with lovers

Perhaps that is all you need

Too soon you forget

That I too bleed

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He broke my heart constantly

He thought he owns all of me

The disrespect I had to endure

I was never a tool

Not in service of a fool

I close the door

While it aches

There's something about August

It takes my love away

No hard feelings

For the wrong places

Wrong faces

Without sweetness

Nor adoration

Walking out

Shouldn't be a question

Awkwardly casual

Lens have spoken enough

I always had this thought

I can only write when I am sad

Maybe it still is true

Because words escape me

They do not fill the void

Whenever life fels numb

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I forget this part of me sometimes

Lately a lot of things have faded from me

Am I just getting older

Or have I let things go

I am not the same

I am at peace

But I exist without much meaning

The cycle has captured me whole

Who am I?

What constitutes my soul?

The smell of your skin

Lingers on my pillow

My head is aching

And my heart

Maybe a little bit too

I realize that I think too much

A shower didn't wash away

Maybe sleep could

I guess I should

This year I just want to discover and be with the love of my life.

If there is heaven, it is being in your arms.

If there is hell, it is us living apart.

If there is hope, it is touching your face again.

If there is life, it is pushing through so I can one day be with you.

#longing

There is a kindness in him that I just never knew anywhere. He makes me feel safe and never puts me down. I am not sure I can live a life without him in it. Nobody may ever make me feel the same way that he does. With him, I feel there is hope despite the world being how it is.

#missing you

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There is no space in my heart for other than your face.

I can't find your face in the crowd and it hurts

11,260 something kilometers is not funny at all

I left my person behind and I am in pain

How did I think moving away makes sense

I must have been insane

Yet

I know you wish me well every day

I have to endure and try to build a life out here

Hopefully

One day I will find a reason

And not feel as lonely

I'm okay

I will be

And not wake at random 2 ams just to cry pointlessly

#longing #spilled ink

You have given me hope

That good things can happen

That there are still good people

You have shown me that love is possible

Even though the time is limited

And life can be challenging

We have the opportunity to make most of time

And enjoy our connections

Without hurting each other

Without the bitterness I used to know so well

That I can love without needing to fear

Nor needing to be selfishly clutching with my guards up

Thank you for holding me closer when all I have ever known is running away from being used

I know we make no promises but I promise I will think of you fondly

Thank you for being kind and gentle

I hope our futures will be kinder and brighter and that whoever you meet takes care of you the way I would have loved to or better than I have been able to.

Think of me sometimes. Let's whisper prayers for each other too.

#spilled ink #writing #missing you #hope

The future has no certainty

Will you meet somebody wonderful

Will a soulmate finally sweep me away

Do we have a future or do we not

Whatever will be we have shared fond memories

I cannot say packing my bags are easy

I would not pretend leaving is a breeze

I will think of you

More so as the days get close

More so when I can no longer touch you

I can only hope the pain will be bearable as days go by

It would be nice to see you again

I will keep your smile in my head til then

#writing #distance

I want to reclaim the space in my brain that thinks of you.

I want to repurpose it to be a space that focuses on me.

It is painfully triggering to be disregarded and neglected, as if I am a child again with warring parents who did not care enough to see me.

Sigh.

I hope the inevitable separation will provide a new perspective.

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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It is during moments

That matter

You will know

If you can count on someone

Maybe

One day

Love

Will

Come

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