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@youngbanditwolfalmond
Stuck in the middle seat on an international flight between an elderly married couple that are yelling at each other because the husband is hard of hearing. I think they were hoping the flight wouldnāt be full and theyād have an empty seat between them for more room, but instead they got me, who did not pick my seat, just in the way of their bickering.
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Apparently with this medication people with Asian ancestry are more likely to have a life threatening allergic reaction. Itās an odd way to phrase it though. I wouldnāt call being Asian a condition exactly. Canāt call in sick with having an Asian grandmother.
I was at the pool with my nephew and a little girl his age started playing with us. As I was chasing her along one edge of the pool, an older woman stops me and asks what county I live in so she can recommend a good summer reading program for my daughter. For some reason I thought it would sound too weird to explain that Iām not related to the child Iām chasing and just answered honestly but ambiguously.
I actually live in the next county over. No, I havenāt signed her up for a summer reading program. Yes, it sounds like a good idea. Libraries do have so many great resources people donāt take advantage of. I hope you have a nice day too.
A lot of nodding did the heavy lifting in that interaction. She never asked if the girl was my daughter and I felt too awkward explaining when I could technically answer her questions without lying.
I do understand people assuming Iām the mom of whatever small child Iām interacting with, but I might need to get a t-shirt that says āfun auntā so I can stop fumbling through interactions that make me look like a mom who knows nothing about her kid.
Nurse: Was that your boyā¦ partnā¦ ride? Will he be waiting in the waiting room for you to be done?
Me: Yeah, heās my ride and heāll be waiting downstairs at the coffee shop.
Heās also my boyfriend but for some reason I found it funnier to leave the connection a mystery. When my brother in law dropped me off for my last procedure no one thought the scary looking skin head in leather was my boyfriend, but apparently my sweet nerdy boyfriend looks like my sweet nerdy boyfriendā¦ probably.
I had a medical procedure that involved a fair bit of injected novocaine. The doctor would say āpinch on 3ā then count to three IN HIS HEAD, and then stick me with the needle.
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Another clue to the āam I autistic?ā puzzle.
Autistic bf: Sorry if Iām not making enough eye contact, I just find it really exhausting
Me: Oh, I wasnāt looking at your eyes anyway to notice how much eye candy you were or werenāt making.
1 year later
Neurotypical (presumably) bf: *stares at me adoringly across the table at dinner *
Me: I have no idea what Iām supposed to do when you do that
Him: You donāt have to do anything
Me: So I just keep eating my hamburger in silence and stare at the table?
Him: If you want
Me: Am I supposed to stare back?ļæ¼
Him: No, you donāt have to. I just like looking at you, beautiful.
Me: I really feel like Iām supposed to be doing something that Iām not doing
Neither of them was the right fit, but Iāll take bird facts and no eye contact over gentle compliments and adoring gazes every time.
Can I help you in the kitchen? No. No you may not. You may sit nearby and keep me company. Iām happy to chat. But I have everything planned out and Iām just going to get mad at you for doing it wrong and getting in the way. This kitchen isnāt big enough for the two of us and I will duel to keep you out of my domain.
Iāve been seeing the āI saw a birdā test on social media and thinking about how my ex was a bird watcher and how that would give different results.
āI saw a birdā āyeah, you sent me your ebird checklist. You saw a lot of birdsā
āI saw a birdā *interrogation to find out what kind of bird*
I think this thought experiment points towards a healthy relationship, but we talked about birds a lot already so it wouldnāt exactly be a good example of a random small detail of your day. If I saw a bird, heād want to know. If he saw a bird, he was very happy.
At my grandfatherās 90th birthday party:
Tiny nephew: I want to tell everybody something. *stands up on chair* Everybody!
Everyone turns to look at him
Tiny nephew: Did you drive a long way to get here?
He then proceeds to try to have 10 conversations at once. Later he did something similar but asked everyone if they had tried a cheeseburger before and was amazed that everyone had. I never know what the tiny dude is going to do next.
One of the quirks of hinge is that a personās profile can wind up saying they have kids and they donāt want kids. I know it probably means they donāt want any more kids, but it sounds like they donāt want to have kids anymore.
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I recently learned my friendās workplace had to switch to retina scanners after they found out someone had been troubleshooting issues with the fingerprint scanner by licking their hand before placing it down on the scanner. Just licking up whatever his hand had already touched, then spreading his saliva all over something everyone else has to touch. During Covid. They trust these people with very sensitive information but they canāt trust them not to become a biohazard
My friendās mom has a thick Australian accent and she tried to check in to a hotel in West Virginia where the clerk had a thick Appalachian accent and they were speaking the same language but no communication was happening. My friend, who has developed an intermediate American/Australian accent had to act as interpreter. Iād always wondered why google translate had the option to go from English to English, but now I can see the utility
Mom: I bought you something. Please donāt throw it out or donate it even if you never use it.
Me: *places it in the closet unopened* Cool, Iāll just hold onto it then
If youāre wondering why I have trouble getting rid of useless stuff, Iām starting to form a theory
I have a friend who has had testicular problems his entire life and is fully over any stigma or taboo about talking about it and in some ways thatās great. Iām glad he can talk about his problems without shame. It is still a shock to the system though to reach out after a few months of not talking and it goes a bit like:
āHey, how are you?ā
āMy balls HURT!ā
Wasnāt expecting it to get that personal that fast, but go on, give me the details of what bullshit theyāve gotten up to this time.
Recently one person mentioned how my dog looks like a coyote and another how she looks like a wolf. I had to explain that sheās not actually part bad ass wild dog, and that appearance is from being part corgi. That vulpine look to her face is caused by the same genetics that mean she has trouble with stairs because of her short little legs and long body.
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Date: letās go to a museum
Me: sounds fun
Me: *proceeds to read every plaque in the museum like thereās a punishment for missing one*
Date: *in a walking cast and hasnāt eaten anything all day slowly dying*
Every time I said we could go, he insisted he was fine. I donāt think he was prepared for the way I go through museums. But he should have eaten breakfast and lunch. That part is not my fault.
I love my weighted blankets and when I saw an ad for a weighted hoodie I was very excitedā¦ until I looked at the price. But you know what clothing is very heavy without being blisteringly hot by design? Motorcycle clothing. And guess who used to have a motorcycle and never got rid of the gear? This girl.
Itās not always the most comfortable or easiest to move around in and Iām considering getting a leather vest to be able to wear something and still move my arms, but a big heavy leather jacket during a panic attack is sometimes exactly what I need.
A motorcycle jacket is still expensive, but I figure you have a better chance at finding a thrifted or second hand leather jacket than you do a specialized weighted sweatshirt