"Whisper softly how you love the stars.."

Dude I have lobsters on my shorts. I'm too freaking happy about this😂

"My one condition is.."🎶🎶

Latergram of ootd.

So, over the last couple of months I have delayed on making this post cause I was fearful of judgment, of failing and others being a witness to it, of accusations of not really trying and other things. But I've been striving and working on recovery. All the other times I tried to I focused mainly with anorexia on just the weight part and would pretty much not focus at all on my mental health, which obviously isn't how it should be, it doesn't work at all and you end up feeling even worse for it which I'm sure some of you can relate. But this time I'm doing it all differently. Do I struggle with wanting to lose lose lose more and more weight yes, but I'm trying to just maintain at this point and time and not worry about gaining weight. This time I'm focusing on my mental health, ED wise, depression, and also PTSD. I'm making progress, I'm having good days, I'm having less panic attacks, less flashbacks, I'm getting back to myself, I'm even getting to know myself again cause after being in an abusive relationship you lose yourself, you forget about all the things that made you YOU and after its over you feel so foreign with yourself. I'm getting back to music, dancing, drawing, reading, even enjoying being outside and going places!! I'm working on building relationships back up with friends and family. I'm making progress, these things might sound simple or small, but they've been huge steps for me, some may be small but they still make a major difference. I have a long way to go, but I'm making moves forward, i was so exhausted, tired of being stuck, we are all allowed to struggle, but don't let yourself stay there, claw, tear away, climb out. I have no idea were I'm heading but I'm going anyways cause it beats a 1,000x staying where I was.

"..And I don't look like them, but I ain't worried about it. I don't talk like them, I don't move like them, but I ain't worried about it. I know I'm a gem, I ain't worried about it, 'cause I'm a lady."🎶🎶

I felt good today.

Tired is an understatement, coffee coffee coffeeee.

"Realize."🎶🎶

It is what it is.

God's got the weather perfect today! Sun=warmth🌞😄

❤

You are my love, my rock, my reason to keep going, and my reason that i go a little crazy some days. I wouldn't trade one bit of it. Being your mommy is the best thing in the entire world.❤

Ootd. Happy mothers day pretty mama's😊❤

It depends on when exactly you're referring to, like how far back??

ED/personal update post: Feeling quite bloated tnite but trying to ignore it. I've been maintaining the last 3days which is frustrating and mentally draining. I want to lose this weight but trying to remind myself losing slow is better than quickly. When I lose quickly I end up getting into a cycle from extreme restricting so much that goes to b/p and fasting. Trying to be as healthy as possible which don't bother saying shit, I already know what I'm doing now(the normal restricting) is bad, but I am trying. I'm still stuck in only having one meal a day but I try my best to make sure its full of nutrients. I'm trying so hard not to get down over the slow weight loss cause at least I'm in my semi safety zone rather than being more which makes me feel a thousand times worse than I am. On another note, I've been in a good mood the last few days, my depression has lifted for first time since I don't even know when and I've been just feeling positive which is a HUGE deal for me. Baby steps. I have no idea what my destination is but I am getting somewhere, slowly but surely. With things of this past year, I am healing, its freaking painful at times but like recently I have good days where I can tell I truly am making progress. I'm slowly becoming, ME, again. If you ask anyone who knows me in real life they'll tell you, for about the last 3yrs I haven't talked much, I've locked myself away, ive been a shell of myself. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship of any kind will know exactly what I'm talking about. It messes you up, strips you away to nothing. But the point is I'm healing, I'm still making my way through the aftermath, but I am healing.

Babygirl is finishing off my salad, she was also "helping" the whole time I was eating too, I think I got about half-give or take😁

😊