CSA warning / racism I spent a good portion of my childhood and teen years being molested by older men, made sexual advances towards me, tried to control my body, bring forth or pull back my sexuality in real life. On the internet, I tried making boyfriends with older men, white americans, who more often than not were interested in dominating the self hating child I was. The only time I was ever safe from the cruelty of the real world was with fiction, worlds I could find myself exploring without the burden of my body, without being taken advantage of because I didn't know any better. It was a refuge from the bullying, molestation, racism, the stress of living in a corrupt environment, untrustworthy authority, distant grownups, the judgement, and the harshness of life. It's difficult to admit that dark, disgusting, alarming fiction saved my life. It feels ridiculous to write down a ship like "sebaciel" made life worth living for a 10 year old, because I didn't have anything else other than an internet connection and a love for art and stories. Forgetting about my body, my life, and losing myself in these intense scenarios as a silent observer has become second nature to me. I need it to make life bearable. I need it to make life worth living. I am not going to give that up for the same types of people who made life on earth miserable for people like me. There's a reason I mentioned white americans - this whole fictional purity movement is on them. I try not to generalize, and maybe I'm being too harsh - but from years of observation, %90 percent of antis, champagne socialists, tumblr taught pop culture leftists i've discovered are white and/or american. Overwhelmingly so. A people I've come to know as culturally discouraged from leaving others alone, savior complexes, massive egos, a desire to dominate and control others who they deem unfit that I just cannot understand. I don't want the only place that felt safe from the influence of the watchful eyes and controlling hands of those who abuse their power to become tainted with such things. It unfortunately already has. How insidious do people have to be to ruin every fiber of society they insert themselves into? They honestly make me wish I never learned English, lol. I don't think people talk enough about who this is coming from. I talk privately with other friends who share the same disdain for them, but publicly - it's difficult. Maybe if we do, we'll get them to look at themselves, see that their conduct is exactly them playing into the stereotypes the world has for them, the ever controlling, loud americans, who cannot leave people who want to be left alone. Destroyers of peace for personal gain. All for a little satisfaction over feeling morally righteous over others online who are just trying to find their peace, share art, get a little pleasure and escape. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this. There will be many who agree with me. Undoubtedly, they will find this post and do their best to pick apart everything I've written, in their anger, because they don't want to accept they are part of the problem. That their cultural tendencies, learned from an inexpicable entitlement that they are above others, and that the world must bend to their will, is visible even in something as seemingly unrelated as fandom. Stop infecting the world with your entitlement. Leave people alone. Your quest to feel like an activist in your empty, privileged life, by destroying everyone who has less than you, just because you can, because you believe you have the right to, is selfish. Hypocritical. It's seethrough. I hate you. Leave us alone.
