soul★fighters

People are not just “good” or “bad”.

People are not a list of labels. 

People are complex, situations are complex.

I know, that makes it a lot harder when you want to just write off everything someone’s ever done as bad – but that’s not how people actually are, and it would do everyone good to stop pretending they are.

I am tired of hearing about the fear people have in putting themselves out there. And it is a scary thing! Putting yourself out there means subjecting yourself to people who want a really good reason to tear you down, who will jump at the first chance to feel “good” by labeling someone else as “bad”.

I reject this. I reject the idea that there should be fear in speaking up and talking about experiences and trying to reach an understanding of a situation.

I’m unhappy to see people spitefully urging others to cut off ties with their friends under the guise of “well, that person’s just inherently bad, so if you talk to them you’re bad too.” That is fucked up. You definitely have the right to let the friend know you don’t want to hear about whoever troubles you, but you do not at all have the right to decide who their friends should be. This includes guilt trips.

Anyway, just try to be more aware of others. Everyone else is a person like you. They might not have the same experiences as you. They might not understand how their words are harmful, or how what they’re doing is wrong. They certainly won’t if you never tell them.

Most people are trying to be good, but they’re going to mess it up sometimes. Try to keep that in mind. Even when people do really fucked up shit, sometimes they are trying to do good. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” and all that.

Nothing gets solved, no growth happens when you put people into a box from which you’ll never let them escape.

Yes, you absolutely must be careful about people who have tendencies and patterns that are harmful to you. Sometimes people try to overcome those patterns and they fail, and you have to distance yourself from them: that is the sad reality of life. Sometimes though, they can overcome it. But they certainly won’t if the first thing you do is write them off after a fuck up. 

- Finished Pieces TM are NOT the only works that matter. That half-lined sketch is good. That page of nothing but shapes and doodles is progress. If you’re doing whatever it is that you CAN do that day, you’re doing well

- take. BREAKS. as often as you need to. stop when you gotta. if you try to dig into tomorrow’s spoons to finish something, trust me, you’re going to hate yourself and whatever you’re working on later

- if you really want to, you CAN draw (or paint, or sculpt, or craft etc.) every day

- everything counts. everything. can’t draw for more than 20 minutes today? you drew. less than 5? you drew. take a pencil and draw three different circles on a sticky note. you drew. lay out your arm and trace whatever comes to mind with you finger. everything counts.

- if you drew SOMETHING today, you gained more experience than someone who did not

- draw whatever you want

- reward yourself for it

- don’t get so wrapped up in something that you forget to eat, drink water or sleep please. if you can’t make yourself care about what it does to your body, remember it WILL affect your productivity, which will lead to Bad Times, again, trust me

- you are SOMEONE’S art goals

- your art is good

They will grow up completely untrusting with a general sense of sadness and guilt.

Manipulation includes:

- “I just wish [something passive aggressive involving your child]”

- “You do whatever you want to do.” and then getting mad when they make the “wrong” choice

- Not believing them when they tell you something someone did or said to them, including their friends, your friends, family members, or even you

- Doing something shitty and then pretending you didn’t in hopes they’ll forget?

- Getting upset when they open up to you. About anything. Even if it’s something angering or disappointing. Don’t show them it’s dangerous or counterproductive to talk to you.

- Making them feel bad for the friends/significant others they choose, career path (or lack thereof), school choice (or lack thereof), gender/sexuality (or lack thereof) literally anything that either they didn’t choose or that they would be miserable without

- Do NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES pressure them to talk to you about personal things.

-Don’t make jokes about the thing you did that upset them

-Don’t use your own fucking problems as an excuse/ammo for fights/competition with your child. Your shit may be fucked up but so is theirs, probably thanks to you asshole

-Don’t use your kid as a sparring partner when you have a bad day at work

-Don’t try to endlessly explain why your right and someone else is wrong when it’s not your life, choices, or problem because then your kid doesn’t to talk to you about those friends or people.