YJICHAN

—I thought I felt better but every night, with every exam I feel like everything is coming back. Thoughts of death have become commonplace and I'm sorry that I ignore my friends and my mother. I love everyone but everything is difficult right now.

—I feel depressed, my friend confessed to me that he was trying to commit suicide. I'm so scared for him, I want to help him, I'm doing everything possible to make him feel better mentally. But when his hints of a second attempt appear, I am horrified. I think I've developed an addiction to the blade, although I'm not sure. I want to cry, because I can't convince the priest not to do it.

— I don't want anything for the last month, I stopped eating at some points, I just want sweets. My room is full of trash, I don't have the energy to go anywhere. That's also how my stepfather kicks my mom out. Accordingly, my brother and I are also leaving. Everything just got quiet, I was planning to leave to study well, but now that's not going to happen. Mom got mad at me, I don't know why. I'm just sad. I do not know what to do. My left arm is covered in cuts, I'm ashamed that I'm doing this. It's not that I want to die, no, it's just that it somehow calms me down, even if not for long.

—September 3rd, it's my birthday today.(◕‿◕✿)

—Oh, I feel like a rotting man, all I'm doing right now is sitting at home. I don't like people in my city so much, that's what they do, they comment on my appearance, making vulgar compliments and mocking me. They are often older than me. I don't want to live here, I don't want to go outside. Especially in such hot weather. Why can't people on the street be busy with their own business? For a while, I had a fear of dark open windows. Paranoia sometimes comes out of nowhere. I probably use this account just to express my thoughts, under the guise of social media, as if I'm joining society. I was recently added to the game chat, there are quite a few participants. I don't fit into their team like that. One person disliked me just because I write with dots. I didn't do anything like that to him, I treat everyone quite positively and speak kindly to everyone. But when he's online, he comments on my messages with sarcasm and dislike. What have I done?Social space has always been a nerve-wracking experience for me. A couple of years ago, my first panic attack happened, I didn't even understand what it was.I really felt bad that day because I went outside. Now everything is not happening so much, I can normally talk to sales people or some other workers. But going out somewhere bothers me and makes me uncomfortable.

—I woke up because my stepfather and my mom were arguing, and I heard him call her a fat cow, stupid, and stupid. It ruined my mood so much at 7:25.

—I'm so tired of hearing all these weight comments from my stepfather. Why is it possible for him, but not for my family. I'm skinny and tall by myself, but he keeps saying that I'm going to become a cow, that I'm going to be covered in fat. No matter how much you eat, I don't even eat that much cow. Why is he harassing my younger brother, who is only 4 years old, he is a little boy, quite big in height. We were all like that, and then we stretched out, but he has a different opinion. Today it was the same, he can eat everything because he is always so thin, toned and muscular. But we can't, we're all fat and we can't eat the rest. I'm just offended, now I've spoken out and I feel better, thank you.

— today I had a dream with my stepfather, where he starts rummaging through my phone and checking my tumblr.There he finds my statements about him, about what I want to say to at least someone. He finally rapes me right in the yard of our house. I don't like this dream, why am I dreaming this, I don't want to.

—Oh, how lovely, I read some great fanfiction on the forum. The fanfiction was from 2006, there were only 11 chapters, according to the Planet 51 fandom. But it was exciting, I wonder how the author could fit so much connected and lively plot into 11 chapters. This fanfiction has left a good impression for this year.

—Every time I do something right, I help my stepfather, he blows me kisses or just kisses me, sometimes he plays and growls in my ear. I do not know what to say, it seems that I am getting sympathy, and it seems that I am disgusted. I don't understand my condition.