yhronez @yhronez - Tumblr Blog

(Dear anon-- I'd never heard of that story before now but it's fine; I am not bothered! Thanks for looking out!)

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Hi!!!! just wanted to come here and say how obsessed i'm with your fic. I read it for the first time a few days ago and i cannot stop thinking about it. You are very talented. Thank you for sharing your work, I can't wait to keep reading 🥰 - 🐻

Thanks so much!!! That's so nice to hear. 🥹 I'll definitely keep sharing! Glad you're excited for more!! 🥰

First, thank you so much for writing and sharing your incredible story! It truly blows my mind that there are people out there who are brave and generous and creative enough to make art and just share it with the world- from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Secondly, I was wondering if you would talk about how you picked the title? I know it's a lyric, but what does it mean to you and how did you choose it? Do you feel it refers to Shane or Ilya? Or both? Or neither?

Thank you again <3

Thank you so much for your kind words!! What a lovely ask!!

Sure, I can talk about the title! So yeah like you said, the title is a song lyric. It's from the song "I'm Not Your Hero" by Tegan and Sara.

If we're talking about just the title itself ("doesn't mean that I was never afraid"), I think it applies to both Ilya and Shane. It applies to Ilya more obviously what with everything he's survived, and how he is brave despite his fear. But I think Shane also grapples with a lot of fear/uncertainty around his secondary gender presentation, his sexuality, and his overall situation with Ilya, and just because he is successful/talented and also doing so well at providing a safe place for Ilya to live and being a safe person for Ilya to trust, that doesn't mean that Shane isn't dealing with his own fears.

Other lyrics in the song also fit either Ilya or Shane or both quite well I think, and I actually put off replying to this ask because I was going to go into those too in more detail, but I'll probably end up doing that after I publish the next chapter so I don't get distracted from writing it hahaha

(Also bonus fact, the other song I considered taking a lyric from for the title was "Some Type of Skin" by Aurora)

would you consider sharing your fic in a post so i can reblog it?? i want everybody to read it, its incredible!!

Oh, that's probably a good idea lol! I will work on that. Thanks for the suggestion!

Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your writing and your fic 🤍🤍🤍 such a complicated topic and you do it so beautifully, with so much nuance and care... I check my mail every day to see a notification about it)))

Thanks so much! This makes me so happy! I really appreciate this message 🤍

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okay I know we're *very* far out from getting your Ilya to the cottage, but I cannot stop thinking about him there just floating around in the lake, so soothed by the sun and the water and feeling so so safe 😭

Aww yes, a very good mental image! 😭 Very healing

Also speaking of this, I will clarify this later in the fic itself but I just wanted to mention that Shane hasn't built his own cottage yet because it's only 2013, so "the cottage" that his mom texted him about is the family cottage that Shane spent summers at growing up.

The good thing is that this means when Shane does build his cottage, it will be his and Ilya's cottage from the start, not just his!! ❤️

i loved the new chapter so much!! i’m so excited to see shane comfort ilya again☹️ i love the way you write their dynamic

Thank you!! Yes Ilya needs that comfort for sure! ☹️ I'm glad you like my treatment of their dynamic! It's a lot of fun to write!

PLEASE OH MY GOD PLEASE THAT NEW CHAPTER BROKE ME. I WAS SO EXCITED FOR MORE OF THIS FIC AND I GOT ALL COMFY IN BED AND ALL READY TO READ MY SWEET LONGING-FILLED HEALING JOURNEY WHERE ILYA IS COMING BACK TO HIMSELF AND SHANE IS FINDING HIMSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME AND THEY’RE FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE BEST VERSIONS OF EACH OTHER AND THEN!!!!!! YOU FUCKING!!!!!!!! DO THAT?!?!?!?!? FUCK.

(affectionate, i love you, please never stop writing, i can’t live without this fic)

HAHAHA omg I am sorry for the sadness at the end, and the cliffhanger! Hopefully the first 84% of the chapter was at least somewhat satisfying on the sweet longing-filled healing journey front lol.

Thank you so much for the message! <3

Hi, mine is not a question, just came from reading chapter 20 of your fic "doesn't mean i wasn't afraid" That fic broke my heart in a beautiful way. You're so talented and I look forward to more of your work. Thank you so much and have a great weekend! 💛

Thanks so much! You are so sweet. <3 I'm sorry for the heartbreak! Comfort is coming soon. I was off work this weekend so able to do a lot of writing hahaha. I hope you had a great weekend too.

Hiiii I just finished reading the last chapter updated and I’m HOOKED. I love love love your fanfic, I’m so glad I came across it. I’m obsessed with the way you write and tell the story

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it!! I'm so happy you love the story!

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I woke up today thinking of Ilya.... I hope he's having a beautiful day filled with lots of cuddles and Ice-cream with aaaall the toppings ❤️‍🩹

Awww! I think we all hope this for him every single day!! He deserves it so much 🥹

Omg I have gotten asks I haven't responded to because I haven't gone on Tumblr on my actual computer in like almost a month, only my phone, and I didn't realize asks just show up in the normal notifications on mobile??

I will reply now! :)

The newest chapter is so so great! But I can't get the sochi of all of it out of my head and here is my suggestion :

we give shane a gun.

Thank you!! Lol, Sochi is still 8 months away so there will be time for everyone to adjust to the idea. But I do have plans for it! No guns or violence though. Alas

Just wanted to say I am so floored by your writing. It is so empathetic, thoughtful, and descriptive. I feel incredible sadness, grief, compassion but also excitement, lightness, and giddiness reading these characters and it takes such an expert hand to do all that!

1000 kudos truly, I can’t wait to see where you go with this fic.

- @needyilyarights

Thank you so much 🥹 Those are such nice adjectives to describe my writing, and I'm honored that it succeeds in making you feel such a wide breadth of emotions!

Hello! Longtime commenter, first time blog visitor - I saw in one of your asks mentioning it and also was thinking about it rereading todays chapter about how well you write Ilya dealing with English, how he works his way towards finding words and how natural his grammar mistakes feel.

I'm really curious where you're drawing from for that - research? Personal experience with either language learning or L2 speakers of english? Or do you just somehow have a really good sense of it and are pulling it from the aether?

Aw thank you so much! I actually think the language stuff is sooo fun to write so I'm glad comes through well in the story!

As for what I'm drawing on, it's a combination of things I think. Probably the main one is that I majored in linguistics at university and am very fascinated with language in general.

I've also studied several languages as second languages, mainly Vietnamese and French, though I've never gotten anywhere near close to the level Ilya is at in English. And in my job, I do interact a fair amount with people who do not speak fluent English, and I'm always very amazed with how it's still possible for us to communicate pretty complicated concepts, and also little quirks like how they will say their whole email address in English but say the "@" and "." parts in their native language. Also my aunt is Russian!

But all that being said, I'll admit there's a fair amount of pulling it out of the ether and just imagining Connor Storrie's Ilya voice in my mind on repeat hahaha

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i love your fic so much!!

Thank you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

was recently recc'ed your fic and i thought it was really tremendous. incredibly warm and compassionate and immersive as well. i dont think ive ever seen anyone write about STD's in such a way as to render absolutely no value judgement on them and it was very touching that Shane supported ilya delaying treatment until he felt safe to do it. really just overflowing with kindness and compassion and i was really struck by it. thank you for writing

Oh wow omg, I'm so sorry I missed this ask! This is so wonderful to hear!!! I'm really glad the kindness and compassion comes through strongly despite the heavy topics; that's always my main goal!! And also about the STD thing, yes! I think that is so important!

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