summer

My husband was beside me, and I ended up crying. There was a tinge of regret, because I wasn't able to visit him after I graduated.

He was one of the main reasons why I ended up choosing my major in university. He taught with so much empathy and wisdom, to the point that his lessons were therapeutic.

Perhaps, one of the fondest memories I had of him was when he lent me a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. He got it from a storeroom at school, and I got curious about that book because Charlie, from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, mentioned it.

I was new to the school, and being sixteen at that time, I was severely out of place. Nevertheless, we were given the opportunities to write essays about the pieces we would read, and that served as an outlet.

More than the stories we dissected, I picked up certain values from our teacher—ones which I carry to this very day, and I'm sure I will pass on to our child.

Tree. Rose. Qiqi. Mina. The works.

It's strange, knowing I kept this account for so long, despite having the tendency to delete memories out of impulse.

I've reached three decades now. I'm also engaged. Three of my friends are married. I actually like my work, because it gives me time to explore my hobbies.

I don't write as much, but I would love to do it again. I would love to have my voice return, if such a thing even existed in the first place.

It's October now, and it could be me not taking the usual route I would have to take back in university, or during my part-time job, but I don't see a lot of foliage. Those days seemed so vivid, and weaving words came as easily as breathing for me.

The traffic's still the same in Manila. What surprised me was the number of toll gates we had to go through. I don't remember them being there back then.

There are more people in general. It's hotter, too. I remember the summers from before. Those days weren't as hot or humid as now. Or maybe, I had a better tolerance for heat at that time considering that was the only climate I knew.

Funnily enough, my stuffy nose went away. That was my constant pet peeve back in the UK. I would always wake up with a stuffy nose. I wake up really early, too. Even without an alarm clock. It feels like I was back to my old habits.

I woke up at 4am today.

I think the sunlight helps. I think being surrounded by people who speak my native tongue helps. I think knowing there is somewhere to go even when it's late at night helps.

I don't feel lethargic anymore.

March is such a strange month for me.