Occasional RP Memes & Musings

Episode 12

“We’re going to die!”

“Oh, come on! They’re not even that dangerous!”

“Everything is turning blue!”

“I’m so DONE with musicals!”

“Oh my God, what is that smell?”

“He/she/they sounded like a dying coyote.”

“It’s gonna be a miracle if he/she/they don’t grow up to be a psychopath.”

“I’m coming with you from now on.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“I hate this goddamn job.”

“Give me your money!”

“Ride the lightning, motherfuckers!”

“Well, I’m about done with today.”

Episode 13

“This is awful!”

“I’m a regular Dick Tracy.”

“WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS THING?”

“British people don’t exist!”

“I LOVE YOU!”

“That’s a whale, stupid.”

“I’m gonna put my shoes on one leg at a time!”

“This Salisbury steak is awful!”

“Koo-koo-ka-choo, Mrs. Robinson!”

“COMIN’ AT YA, CLEOPATRA!”

“Brain, you’ve failed me yet again.”

Episode 14

“Ass-sandals!”

“We need to get you to safety.”

“Get the fuck off the computer!”

“Call my therapist...he’s about to be a rich man.”

“I don’t understand your outfit.”

“I need more meat in my diet!”

“OOMPA-LOOMPAS ARE MURDERING THEMSELVES!”

“Fuckin’ Tamagotchi!”

“Will you be my best friend?”

“Nobody move until I figure out what I’m doing!”

“And suddenly, from my perspective, things look awful.”

“Ah, yes. I’ve seen this before...crazy overload.”

“Everything is fixed now!”

Episode 15

“You could learn to ride a unicycle!”

“You could learn to break your hip riding a unicycle.”

“How long have you been there!?”

“Apparently, trying to inadvertently wipe your memory to forget ‘The Hangover 3′ is frowned upon.”

“I LIKE SALAD FORKS!”

“I just spent $400 upgrading my phone!”

“Alright, alright. Don’t get all soap opera on me.”

“I don’t understand why this Smart TV is so dumb.”

“Is it true that dogs have retractable claws, or is that just cats?”

“You’re childish and impulsive.”

“If they handed out medals on Planet Stupid, you could be an Olympian!”

Episode 16

“I told a TSA agent my underwear was the bomb.”

“That bitch tornado is headed your way.”

“Try not to asphyxiate yourself in a closet this weekend.”

“How was your weekend?”

“It was a constant reminder of my failure and shame!”

“I need your help. Can you come here?”

“What do you mean you can’t find them?”

“There’s only soup.”

“GET OUT OF THE SOUP AISLE!”

“WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW!?”

“I’M AT SOUP!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE AT SOUP!?”

“I’M AT THE SOUP STORE!!”

“WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE!?”

“FUCK YOU!!”

“It was the mole people!”

“What would mole people even look like anyway?”

“YEAH! SUCK IT, PRIVATE SCHOOLING!”

“No; it’d be against my moral compass.”

“I need to be under constant supervision.”

“You’re a terrible judge of character.”

“This one time he/she/they ate a whole end table.”

“Look, I’m sure this will never come back to bite me.”

“Musn’t. Break. Teacup!”

“What you did in there was pure chaos!”

“Get yo’ damn bitching ass out of this bitching hellin’ room, dammit!”

“I’ve learned it’s better not to ask.”

“You better not be touching my stuff!”

“Oh hey, the pizza’s here!”

“Something very stupid is about to happen.”

“WINDOW!” *jumps through the window*

“Ugh, running is hard!”

“I’ve come to kick ass.”

“Victory smells a lot like cat shit.”

“Get down from there RIGHT NOW!”

“You’re just gonna punch my shins again!”

“Did you try threatening his/her/their shins?”

Episode 7

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“He/She/They lit our Slip ‘N Slide on fire.”

“I don’t know why, but I got a strong feeling I’m gonna HATE you.”

“This (insert food item) tastes like wet G.I. Joe!”

“Which one of you fuckers has been messing with my GameBoy again?”

“Oh my God...MY SHOES ARE ON FIRE!”

“So, you’re going to shoot me, huh?”

“The only person who shoots me is ME!”

“...You are a whole new level of stupid.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“That’s not good.”

“YOU’RE STILL TALKING!?”

“I’m about to get seriously effed right now...”

“You really are a moron, aren’t you?”

Episode 8

“Don’t worry, I guarantee nothing bad will happen.”

“I hate irony.”

“Let’s fire a missile in there and be done with this!”

“...And that’s why I’m legally not allowed to use scissors anymore.”

“I’ll fuck anyone up! I don’t give a fuck!”

“You think McDonald’s is open this late? I gotta get my Big Mac on.”

“Banana shoes.”

Episode 9

“If I have to watch one more episode of ‘Bridezillas’, I’m gonna saw my own arm off...”

“I can live entirely on a diet of crayons and lighter fluid!”

“If anyone wants a pizza bagel, email me and I’ll give you some.”

“That stepladder attacked me, but I fucked it up good!”

“The day I snap, you’re the first to go.”

“Don’t leave me here with her/him/them!”

“Let your anger be as though a monkey on a treadmill, confused and tripping around.”

“Not this time, asshole!”

Episode 10

“It’s official: this shit makes no sense at all.”

“I was just wondering if you could STOP KILLING PEOPLE.”

“And how does this involve me?”

“I’ll rip out your endocrine system and BEAT YOU WITH IT!”

“That’s right, I’m a doctor. Ph.D. in ass-kicking, Bachelor’s in Pain, and a minor in women’s studies!”

“FUCKING WINDOWS 7!”

“You might want to consider getting out of here.”

“Everyone knows if you have the high ground, you automatically win.”

“I can’t believe Costco doesn’t sell lawn chairs...”

“It’s time for a good old fashioned ass-kicking!”

“OH, YOU CHEATING BITCH!”

“Death is only the beginning!”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll see you in Hell!”

“I AM SO STUPID!”

Episode 3

“Sorry, I’m a little on edge.”

“(y/n), that’s disgusting!”

“Oh God, I’m gonna be sick!”

“Audible gasp!”

“There’s nothing quite like a post-kill sandwich.”

“You’re just fucking with me, aren’t you?”

“Oh yeah, we’re doing this thing.”

“I can’t hear you over the sound of how MAD I am right now!”

“Look, we need to talk. I’m coming in & there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Don’t play games with me. I WILL CUT YOU!”

“That still doesn’t explain what happened to my pizza!”

“Just calm down, psycho bitch.”

“I have killed before, and I WILL kill again!”

“Please send help!”

“Don’t be a dick, (y/n).”

“I didn’t do anything, I swear!”

“Oh, you just made my SHIT LIST!”

Episode 4

“Shut up, this is what we’re doing.”

“By the way, if I’m back here, and you’re back here...who the hell is driving this car?”

“Eat shit n’ die!”

“Bite me, banana man!”

“[monotone robotic screaming]”

“Oh my God, how is he even DOING that?!”

“I just realized something. I can’t read!”

“I’m surrounded by idiots.”

“...burn everything to the ground, that’s what I’ll do.”

“Aw, dammit. I’m on the wrong train.”

“Well, maybe if your BABY wasn’t in my WAY-”

“You’re totally boned!”

“I don’t even know why I invited you in here.”

“Insert awesome metaphor here!”

“Batman, eat your heart out.”

“Wow, did NOT see that coming.”

Episode 5

“Shut up down there, I’m trying to be EPIC!”

“I NEVER know what’s going on.”

“I’m tripping balls right now!”

“I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be doing.”

“Ugh...one too many Jack & Cokes...”

“I told you to lock up before I left. This is exactly the reason why our shit gets stolen all the time.”

“UHH, ANGER!”

“I just broke a $2,000 teacup!”

“Hey, you owe me! We’re doing something & you’re paying!”

“God, you’re an idiot!”

“Oh yeah! Breakfast of champions!”

“Thanks a lot, asshole!”

“I’ll stop this violence the only way I know how. WITH MORE VIOLENCE!”