i love beyond the bones

felix could sense the wariness of the male on his left, one of the reasons he’d avoided mentioning exactly what they were doing to begin with but clearly failing on that front. he smiled reassuringly though and nudged the elders side. “it’ll only take ten minutes. hey, i’ll even buy you candy, popcorn and a slushy for the wait. that’s a good deal, right?” he winked, fingers tapping away at his phone before guiding them to the target location. felix sighed silently under his breath, glancing briefly at yeosi as they approached a small driveway. “don’t act suspicious, ok? just be yourself, don’t ask questions and follow my lead– well.. just stay by my side and you’ll be fine.” knocking three times in a bold metronome felix relaxed his shoulders and greeted the shaggy looking man on the other end when the door swung open; answering the questionable look he’d receive with a ‘he’s my friend, we were on our way to the theater’. felix was quick to take his usual spot on the couch, patting the spot to his left, farthest from where the dealer would sit. licking his lips fel waited patiently as the seller disappeared into the back, presumably to bag the freshly dried leaves he’d texted him about, doing his best to avoid having to look at yeo; knowing he would probably be glaring judgingly at him by now. after all felix had never really talked about his drug use with the male, despite them being best friends.

- &&. Xinya released a slow breath she didn’t realist that she had been holding in. Goosebumps crept up along the skin of her neck, and she shivered, averting her eyes - God only knew what she would if she looked at him, especially in her current state. Her mind was dancing, dancing with thoughts and feelings she knew were bad. 

Gulping, Xinya gathered the courage to turn her gaze towards him, teeth still softly biting into the blush flesh of her lower lip. “I…” She started, but her words escaped her. The way he was staring had her hypnotised. 

“Yeosi…” Shie breathed.

he was indeed a problem to all the girls who happened to have a crush on him. he had those eyes that only opened halfway — bedroom eyes that leaked honey. hot, liquid, sweet. known to seduce without so much as uttering a word. all he had to do was look at them with those slow, lazy eyes and they began to feel warm. so warm that they often felt the need to remove pieces of clothing.

the boy in front of him is everything jaewon’s spent the better half of his life avoiding, dangerously soft looking, like he could ask influential people for anything and he’d get them in a heartbeat. he dips forwards on the bed, feet hanging off the floor and in this way jaewon catches sight of the expanse of pale skin and collarbones underneath the frail shirt. he feels his heart skip a beat and digs his nails into the palm of his hand painfully until he’s sure there’s marks the shape of crescent moons to remind himself to be in control, to not slip, to not fall apart at the sight of the red mouth the stranger beholds so naturally. (but oh, wouldn’t it be so easy? to just duck down and eat him up, swallow him down and leave no blood or body trace that he was ever there? you could do it, moon jaewon, you could.) but he doesn’t. “ you fainted. ” he says, simple and to the point, because he doesn’t think it would be reasonable to explain that jaewon had tightened a grip around his throat with the intention to hurt, to kill. he scoffs, playing it off, gaze burning into the wall behind the boy. “ a bit too late for empty apologies now, isn’t it? you’re lucky i didn’t let you rot out there. people like you, humans like you always end up causing problems for people like me. ”

black panther was all the rage lately and felix, unfortunately, hadn’t found the time to go see it yet. in a streak of two instances of good luck he managed to not only win two tickets to see the film off of a soda can but he was also blessed with the cafe being closed for a health inspection on a sunday. yeosi was of course one of the first on felix’s list of go to’s to ask to accompany him. as they walked along a clean, white sidewalk to mega box jeju felix received a text that he couldn’t pass up. “hey, my friend has something for me at his house. it’s just over on jungang 19, think we can make a quick d e t o u r ?” perking a brow he held his messages open, ready to send a quick ’omw’ if he was given the green light, eyes on the male with his head still arched down, slightly angled towards the sidewalk. good cheap weed? who could pass that up?

“why horrible, love? who did you wrong? let me know so I can evaluate the level of worry to direct towards you. let me add some sugar to your salty life, hmm?“ he would stretch out his hand to ruffle the other’s hair if the person in front of him wasn’t one capable of ripping his arm out – and honestly, yeorim doesn’t want to risk it.

“I’ll let you think you’re the only one who’s smart because you read important plays for the presentations you have, okay? let’s pretend I know nothing of literature and culture and that I am not  a journalist major, I mean, what does a journalist needs to know? how to bake a bagel, right? must be.” he offers, mimicking the other’s sarcastic tone, if only accentuated in order to irritate him a little bit. yeosi was easy to annoy anyway, yeorim doesn’t even have to try too much. 

“It should be obvious that I only wanted you to say it because you sound sexy when you pronounce russian words in a grumpy tone.” he tilts his head, fixes the other and smirks. yeorim is so used to yeosi and his constant irritation that it doesn’t even bother him anymore. he’d like to know if he’s like that towards everyone or just him, because he’s positive that he works extra hard to be mean at him. and he would love to now why. yeorim is the cutest human he’ll ever meet, yeosi should coddle and pamper him, not shoot daggers out of his eyes. “plus, I like talking to you, mr. grumpy pants. that being said, are you already preparing for the bitter and dramatic writer that you’ll have to incarnate? you know the plays are going to be reviewed in an analytical and critical way, by the journalism majors, don’t you? treat me well and I may give you a good review. ”

he didn’t expect to need the sharp inhale he drew so desperately through gritted teeth, despite knowing all too well that yeorim had this much power over him. knowing he should have seen that coming from miles away. thus his gaze softened ever so slightly, without his concent, and he threw a fist forward for the other to free his fingers from the script as they’d been strained with also holding his phone. “by that, am i to assume you’re treating me to frozen yogurt?”

there was defeat in his voice now, despite maintaining his diva stance. he took a quick glance at his screen before sliding it back in his pocket, and wrapping both hands around the pink bottle, bringing it to his lips. unintentionally, the sight bore resemblance to that of a thirsty kitten to some degree. the cherry on top being the thin line of pastel liquid along his top lip, which he just had to lick off. “you’re putting words in my mouth.” he argued, now looking at the taller boy rather than the beverage in hand. “journalism can be produced by anyone, frankly. so you majoring in the subject is of zero significance to me.”

it made him feel so childish. which he was; fully aware of it, too. but the way yeorim could so easily turn his snarky, bitter replies into even snarkier, sweet ones always did this to him. made him feel weak and at a loss for words. left him feeling exposed and helpless, and perhaps it was the sole reason for his ugly behaviour towards the other. he didn’t want people seeing through him or pulling at his heartstrings. he wanted to be in control and yeorim would snatch it from him as soon as he so much as tasted the feeling. and it always bit him, being so deeply wounded by a boy with sugar lips and a crow on his teeth; affectionate and harsh. he couldn’t explain the former and he wouldn’t dwell on it long enough to find out. denying the possibility and brushing off the thought, instead, and retorting—  “once you’ve become a known writer with an established body of work, whose opinion is trusted and cared about, i might give a shit about your review on my delivery.” —with no flare in his eyes.

deadlines lurking around the corner like a growing curse, the stress of the inevitable weighing down shoulders as if hands were intent on pushing him further down to the ground. had him itching to do something about it, to get up and go before the clock would strike and mark failure yet again. sat in his spot, leg bouncing uncomfortably, fingers picking at cuticles as if that would distract his mind from the looming fear. an arranged meeting; one of many, though this project was one of his most ambitious. would count for a larger part of his overall. for that, he was nervous. the coffee he’d ordered now cold, bitterness lingering in its after taste, though entirely too sickening to take seriously. in his contemplation to get up and order again, the other walked in. lukas had immediately stood at that, imploring eyes resting on the other. “i almost feel like we’re doing a drug deal, which doesn’t work out for my wallet.”

modeling; a term he was vaguely familiar with. in the grand scheme of things, it was part of his profession. but the execution was on an entirely different scale. posing by himself to meet his own standards was child’s play, but working under someone else was a brand new experience. fortunately, he’d been -what the industry labels as- an ‘alternative model’ and that should fuse perfectly into the photographer’s concept of expertise. he didn’t know much of it; but he’d seen his work and been  —he wouldn’t openly admit— definitely a fan. the kind of portfolio he wanted to be a part of. he’d taken a single moment to glance around the shop and note how robust the scent of coffee lingered, before being summoned, a lot closer than his eyes had searched. “in which i’d be the dealer catering to your needs for a, metaphorically cheap, thrill?” he’d then lowered himself to sit, opposite the addict, and watched him expectantly. “won’t cost you an arm and a leg. worry not.” he slurred his words while propping his chin in his palm, eyes wide and impatient.

UPON having lost control so easily, fingers heavily dipped into the darkness of it all ( blood HAS always been thicker than water, he remembers idly, a fact he had learned long ago to accept ) that he forgets who he is and what he’s doing, there’s only a thin veil of regret that he grasps, hanging over his head by the end of it. which is why when he sees the boy— poor little boy, a pretty, wide eyed and sharp tongued stranger who had only been at the wrong place at the wrong time and had been regretfully exposed to jaewon’s ugly wrath — on his bed, there’s something awful that twists in his chest. had he been stronger, more careful, more in control this wouldn’t have happened. and the worst thing is the fact that jaewon can’t help but crave for it again, the touch of cold hand against warm neck, the fading heartbeat that had left him excited even when the victim is in front of him. ( it’s then, truly then, he understands why people mouth and point at him, whispering MONSTER. monster. ) suddenly the boy is alive again, corpse like state destroyed and jaewon jolts from the surprise of hearing the other speak. his mouth is dry, but he still replies. “ you— i told you not to fuckin’ piss me off. ” he says, voice quiet and he’s trying to look at anything else but the boy’s mouth which is red, scarlet, blood like. “ and you didn’t listen. you humans never do. ”

- &&. Xinya watched him closely, brows furrowed. It seemed that they both were trapped deep in thought, both surprised to find each other here. The wine hand slowed her thought process considerably, she found herself forgetting sentences she wanted to say, questions she wanted to ask.

She breathed out a long, slow breath, drawing in another sip of her wine. The glass was almost empty and the supply from her bottle was running dangerously low. What a shame. “I’m having a quiet drink in my office,” Xinya took a large swig, seeing the rest of the drink off. A satisfied hum left her lips. It was a very nice wine.

“But, to answer your question - yes, I am drunk. But I’m a grown woman, so it’s all fine.”

the office felt so welcoming at night, and with her current state of mind, the student had no second thoughts about getting closer. not all decisions came as easily, but the urge to break taboos had become instinctive — call it ‘youthful exuberance’.

he stepped close to her, a bit too close perhaps. smooth as a predator, like the snake that seduced eve in the garden of eden; albeit in the form of a tousle-haired schoolboy. intentions still impure, however. piquant on his tongue like the tangy smell surrounding the professor. so unlike the sweet scent she carried around the rest of the time.

- &&. Xinya averted her eyes dramatically as he began to fiddle with the top buttons of his shirt - he best not take off his clothes, she had seen more than enough nude teenagers for one day.

“I’ll punsh you alright,” She began ushering him out the door, thempted to kick his calves as he finally gave in and began to show himself out. “If I catch you in here again, it’s detention every day for 2 weeks!”

going around annoying people is yeorim’s favorite thing to do. besides being there for the obvious purpose that the college serves, he is convinced that he has to have fun. people who take themselves to serious bore him and fortunately, the one he’s looking for is not included in the boring lot. yeosi is a special case that fascinates yeorim mostly because he is almost tempted to think the boy is bipolar. he likes his switches though, oddly enough, because they lead to good places and because he is easy to rill up without even realizing it. 

he walks down the hall, stops a couple of times to chat with one or two students and finally spots his victim yeosi. the boy is alone (great) and yeorim’s curiosity gets the best of him because he wants to know what he’s up to in there, what he’s doing or planning to do, just because. “hello, handsome. how is the wannabe star of this academy doing today?” yeorim makes himself comfortable, of course, sitting down across the taller. “I brought you something. it’s a present, depending on the perspective, but not mine because we’re not that deep yet so don’t be disappointed.” he offers in a playful tone. a wink follows and then he’s back to speaking “professor Lee seems to think I am a trustworthy guy, so he gave me the script for the play you guys will be doing next month. I don’t know where he got that idea from, that I am trustworthy that is, but!” he stops for a second, smiling after. “he told me you got a part in it. which is it?” he asks, placing the script in front of yeosi’s nose.

much like usual, the ambitious actor was once again glued to his smartphone. evidently valuing social media over real life interactions. being an introvert meant socialising sucked the life out of him, which then resulted in the boy avoiding others like the plague.

there were always cases, however, from which he couldn’t necessarily shield himself. an example of that being the chirpy guy he’d heard approaching. a few times over he’d picked up on the familiar voice being directed at others, and falsely hoped yeorim would get snatched away before it was too late. unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

he didn’t raise his gaze, especially once certain the taller boy was talking to him. kept the chubby, pink bottle of milk pressed to his lips and continued swiping left on his tinder matches as a form of self validation, until yeorim had finished. he then took a breath, to keep his blunt annoyance from showing too much; lowered his phone and let their eyes meet. “horrible,” his voice was calm, tone soft and even; but eyes darkened almost imperceptibly. “thanks for reminding me.” surprisingly, his gaze lit up at the mention of a present. he wanted to be excited but yeorim just wasn’t to be trusted. so yeosi continued to stare, deadpan and blank-eyed, with no answering flicker of a smile. and even when the paper was shoved into his face, he remained stoic. only pushing the tip of his tongue out to wet his lips before speaking. “assuming you haven’t read chekhov’s seagull, like the uncultured swine you are, i’d suggest at the very least skimming over the first act before coming to me. it would have been bloody obvious i play konstantin and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” tender fingers ripped the papers from the other’s grip, so they could lock glances once more.

power’s a funny thing — especially when you possess it by the ABUNDANCE, until it overflows and you can still feel it prickling at your fingertips like there’s no other place it belongs. power jaewon thinks he has is everything of a gift and nothing of a setback, or at least it is according to him. maybe that’s why he doesn’t stop, addicted to it even when he feels a frail hand curl around his wrist uselessly, desperate and it does more to rile him on. it’s only when there’s a sudden cut off the blood that jaewon’s controlling, he realises that he’s gone too far and the red dies down behind his eyes. his knees buckle from the sudden loss of contact and the action almost sends him down as well as the unconscious stranger who’s inconveniently collapsed on him. “ oh — fuck. ” he hisses in horror, regret that blooms in his chest as he curls an arm around the other’s neck. he can’t take him to the nurse — not when they’ll call him a monster. so he fumbles with the keys again in the lock, hands shaking as he shoves the door open and closes it behind them. he half drags half carries him to his bedroom ( because daeki didn’t need to have a passed out stranger on his bed ), dropping him on the bed. “ oh fuck, fuck. ”

- &&. Wine was the worst of them all. Xinya should’ve learnt her lesson from her own days at University. There had been too many nights that she had spent crouched over the toilet after a bottle too many of the stuff. She was halfway through her current one, sipping on her third hearty glass when the door creaked open. Xinya looked up at Yeosi, squnting whilst her eyes focused onto his frame, “Yeosi, what are-” A small hiccup, “What are you doing here so late?” There was a tone of genuine concer in her voice, something that she was much better at masking when she wasn’t 3 glasses of wine deep on a Friday night. She sipped her wine again, still starting at him, like he was at her “Why are you staring at me like that?”

the initial plan had been to try the door knob, be rejected, look for another way to break in the office. lay his blanket down and rest his head till morning. to which seemed like a one-way street. he couldn’t have predicted he’d simply walk into the professor  — intoxicated?

he appeared to have sunk in a thoughtless haze but was in fact taking in the glass articles surrounding her. intent on making the connection between the wine bottle and her sparse hiccuping. anyone else would have instantly guessed on the obvious, but having known of the teacher’s behaviour patterns put the student in a state of denial. 

- &&. “A strip search…” Xinya found herself echoing his words many times during their conversations, out of sheer disbelief. She couldn’t quite pin point how to respond, scared that he would turn whatever she said into another suggestive comment, “What? No, that’s fine!” She said suddenly, realising that she had been standing there in a shocked silence for far too long, and she didn’t want him to get the impression that she was actually considering his offer. “That’s fine…I’m sure I’ll find it myself. Anyway, you really shouldn’t be in here Yeosi, I will be making a repoty about this if it happens again - don’t let it happen again.”

“a strip search.” he confirmed; and his fingers had already taken to playing with the neckline of his shirt by the time she turned down the offer. admittedly, he’d anticipated this moment for a while. a time when he’d watch her eyes burn with an abundance of vexing emotions — warring within her. it held his lips set in a tight, thin, bloodless line even after she’d broken away from her haze and began spewing ultimatums as per usual. 

“ or maybe you’re just stupid. ” there’s a certain moment when jaewon snaps, breaks apart like a string that’s been pulled too tight with tension and when it happens, it’s a sight. maybe because it’s been too LONG since it’s happened ( ‘remember jaewon,’ he always fucking hears his parents’ voices, ‘hold your tongue, don’t lose yourself in the heat of the moment’ ) that his blood boils and all he wants to do is destroy. twenty one years isn’t enough to learn how to control, especially not when he’s spent most of it ignoring what he could become, the danger he could easily pose to everyone around him. and he should have seen the way the stranger looks slightly taken back, as though the wind has been knocked out of his chest. but it still doesn’t stop the coil bursting in jaewon’s chest, the spread of anger that blossoms and he doesn’t realise it when his fingers are wrapped around the boy’s throat, pressed tight against his windpipe. there’s a burst of red behind his eyes, blood rushing to his head, absorbing energy. maybe he should stop, but there’s a heartbeat under his grip and it feels too good.

- &&. Friday night. The students were partying in their doors, staff were likely out at bars and restaurants celebrating the weekend, yet Xinya was imprisoned in her office, several hours away from finishing her lesson planning. She could feel the vibrations of heavy music through the door and the sounds of students laughing and tearing down the halls. “This sucks.” She sighed kicking back in her chair. For a few brief moments, she eyed her mini-fridge tucked between two bookcases, she was certain that there was a bottle of Charbonnay or two chilling in there, only to be opened on “special ocaissions” “I shouldn’t” Xinya thought to herself, glancing at the fridge, it was almost like the wine was talking to her through the fridge doors. “I can’t…Fuck it.” Xinya grabbed a neaby empty glass and made her way over towards the fridge - she needed this.

he hated parties. not always, but on this particular day he did. he was overworked to the bone; his body demanded rest but the walls of his room wouldn’t stop booming and pounding with vibrations. someone would be regretting this the following morning. but getting some shut-eye remained his top priority for the time being.

with a groan, he slid out of bed and began sauntering towards the more peaceful side of the building. blanket thrown over his head and all, seeing as it was chilly, and he’d worn a plain white tee and flannel pajama pants. it efficiently covered up the bed hair too, although he’d have definitely looked less terrifying in the middle of the night had it not being his need to stay warm. 

- &&. Xinya didn’t know why she even bothered attempting to get Yeosi co-operate, he never would - willingly that was. His detailed stories only added to Xinya’s embarrassment “No, No! I do not wish to hear about whatever that is you’re talking about.” Her cheeks burned red and she shook the growing imagine out of her mind, frowning even further. “I’m not going to ask you again, return my key, or I’ll have no choice but to report you to the school - I’m sure that they will find this story very interesting, don’t you think?”

it was that exact response that drove him further. he had absolutely nothing against xinya. but it felt so good knowing he could just mess with her head so easily  — be the artist painting her cheeks all shades of pink. “i’m here pouring my heart out and that’s what i get?”

- &&. Xinya sheilded her eyes instantanisouly, repressing (as best she could) the naked image of yet another teenage boy. Thanks to Yeosi, she had seen her fair share of naked young adults, and it was as bad as it sounded. “I don’t care, who that was! I don’t want to hear your excuses - give me the key.” She held out her palm, scolding Yesoi in the same way a parent scolds their child. Xinya should’ve known Yeosi would find her sare keys, despite her attempts at storing them in ‘secret’ places. “I know that boy, whatever his name is, and he definetely did not started. His parents do not even know he’s gay, so it was most certainly you and your honeyed words.”

“ah, about that— “ his face broke into a radiant glow as he started. had he not been in his element, he’d have had no hope of suppressing his smile. luckily, that wasn’t the case. he was made for this. “yesoi had it. so unless he somehow managed to pull up his jeans while running, then— ” he paused for dramatics. “it could be anywhere by now.”