I wish I could fly
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@yaseatoro
I wish I could fly

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let this be a reminder that even if it takes time your dreams can come true
Photos of Elliot Smith captured by Len Irish in New York, 1997.

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Practicing rationality for big '26.
The season of giving
The last couple of photos were taken by my little sister, I'm really proud of her for taking an interest in photography. She's the cutest little thing.
I absolutely adore what I received from my dearest Jocelyn: a perfume I've been raving about for weeks and a copy of Giovanni's Room, which I've been wanting to read for ages. The wrapping was beautiful and the box was gorgeous, it is such a blessing to receive a well thought out gift. She is so talented when it comes to choosing gifts, I learn a lot from her when it comes to understanding others.
I can't wait to begin reading the copy of Dracula gifted to me by her mother and sister, it's such a cute cover and I love the textured lettering. I'll get to it once I've finished Giovanni's Room, which I started earlier today.
December is such a wonderful time for me, I take great joy in buying gifts for others. Some find it materialistic, but I adore the giving season. I had a great time with the maternity home, I threw a cookout for them and helped with the Christmas gifts, handing them out was lovely. I did have a headache though, having so many voices in a single living room was so overstimulating.
Tonight's song is this. I didn't have much to say for this post, I just wanted to write something to make me feel better. I get sad when it's late.
I don't feel liked all the time, just gotta keep it pushin. Tonight's song
Honu the turtle
Today I pulled up the story of a patient who was here a couple years ago that I had always meant to share with you, and didn't get around to back then. This happens a lot! I have a patient who has a wonderful transformation, or comes in with a great story, but then I get busy, and there are so many patients and so many stories. But I have them all stored, and eventually, hopefully, I will share many! But today is Honu's turn.
Honu the turtle was living a happy life with his family until he saw some funny brown water and wanted to investigate. It was coffee! Which is not good for any turtles, even if it's decaf. So his family quickly gave him a bath but... they used a hair dryer to try to dry him and the concentrated heat of the dryer meant Honu got burnt (PSA: Please do not use any heat for drying stuffed animals. I've seen way too many burn victims!)
Here are Honu's diagnosis photos. Fortunately, the burns were pretty small:
We agreed Honu would come to the hospital and even though he'd had a bath, he would get a spa (there was concern his foam filling hadn't dried all the way before the burns) and then we would treat his burns once everything was nice and clean.
Here he is in his bubble bath:
Once clean and lightly stuffed (he'd get more stuffing after surgery) it was time to choose fabric for his grafts. I always tell people, perfect matches are rarely possible, and if so, I send photos of patients with transplant options. In Honu's case, there wasn't a perfect match for either of his greens, but there were two nice options:
His people made a choice, and surgery proceeded. The plan was to make the patch on the top of his shell heart shaped. For his belly burn, I was able to stitch the injury so he had a small scar, but no patching.
Here are some closeups of those healed wounds:
There was the option of a heart on his belly too, but his people opted for the seam scar instead.
Once approved, stuffing continued, so here's his heart being made and installed with a bit of his original stuffing:
And here he is all better, socializing with my turtles and waiting for his flight home to the Pacific Northwest:
His family wrote:
Thank you so much for taking such good care of Honu! He looks so happy that he's making new friends :)
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This post was done in part in honor of my turtle, Tuesday.
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If you enjoyed this post, you may be interested in my substack newsletter, doctorbeth.substack.com. It's free, and you get the stories straight to your inbox. I also do occassional retro posts from the backlog through the newsletter. But don't worry, I'll keep posting everything new here too.

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Pooh Bear
I see many Winnie the Poohs at the hospital (aka Winnie aka Pooh aka Pooh Bear), as you may guess. Many look like this, a bit flat and with small wounds, designed to have a removable shirt:
They come for spas:
New hearts and stuffing:
And plumping up so they have a proper belly again:
Sometimes they look like this:
A bit more loved… or as his person said, in more “desperate condition”.
He also had a spa (not everyone does):
As you may’ve noticed, he needed a new nose and there were several options:
His heart had a pooh on it as well as some magic from a heffalump:
And after a bit of arm and smile surgery, soon he was healthy and ready to fly home:
His person wrote “He looks wonderful!”
The final Pooh I’m going to show you today just flew home yesterday. He is always called Pooh Bear. He is 14 years old and showed every year of hugs.
Here are the photos his person’s mom sent for diagnosis:
As you can see, Pooh Bear was a bit flat and a bit gray. He came in for a spa:
Got new stuffing and a magical Heffalump heart to preserve a bit of his original stuffing:
And finally was clean and plump and fluffy and ready to fly home:
He could even sit on his own! His people said his chubbiness was perfect and as I said, he flew home yesterday!
this blog is singlehandedly curing my depression
Jean Paul Gaultier spring/summer 2007
Wide Out (1998) by by James Turrell
Yohji Yamamoto: 'Many Buttons' Shirt (2010)

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The point of mistakes is to learn from and improve upon them, yet I've failed to do either. I won't allow myself to give up and be like the other men in my family, but I will never escape their eyes staring back at me in the mirror.
Some on campus pics I've taken recently.
The season's finally started shifting these past few days, with a nice chill coming thru and my sweaters coming out. I absolutely love this weather and I've been going on 5 AM runs, as well as watching what I eat. Definently a new leaf for me haha. I really let myself go after Jayden's memorial, I gained a few pounds for sure.
It's been a lonely month. I cry myself to sleep a lot of nights but I sleep like such a baby once I do. Other nights, like this one, I'm just restless. I have such conflicting emotions because I've got such lovely people around me, and a wonderful support system, but little things just set me off. Little things make me feel so, so, so alone. I've been doing great these past 2 weeks with sleep though, been in bed by 9 PM! It's 3 in the morning right now unfortunately, and I've gotta get up at 6, but this hole in my chest won't let me relax.
I think I ask too much of others, but I don't verbalize it. I just want people to do certain things without my asking, but that's a personal flaw and I'm sure there's some typa complex within that. Only person I'm hurting is myself, so I feel like a big dummy, and people have their own problems so it's selfish of me to expect so much from people going through just as much (often times more) than I am. I'm just really sensitive haha, writing this straightened me out lowkey.
I started going to counseling, she recommends I get rescreened for ADHD. Got diagnosed in another state when I was young so I don't have current documentation. She thinks medication could help me out a lot, especially with my mood swings, so I wanna give it a try.
Anyways, I'm gonna try to go to bed for the third time tonight, hopefully I have luck in that.
Tonight's song is this, in memory of the little homie Jayden. Fly high homie, wish you could be here to see what's going on in the NBA :(