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ACTOR When you're still getting to know each other, unless you are literally seconds away from death on the floor, he Does Not Care. I am so sorry, but it's true. He doesn't even think you're "being dramatic" or "it can't be that bad", my loves he had a wife he adored, HE KNOWS 🙄. He's just an asshole. If you become closer friends/get together, however, he most definitely switches his tune - depending on how severe your symptoms are.

If you're more on the mild side, he's fairly chill about it over all. Subtle, even, in public/around people. Dotes on you in private. However, if your uterus is a spawn from hell itself, he is several degrees of worried and trying not to show it. The moment you mention it even coming up, he probably tells you to stay in bed and "just order takeout, my treat!" in an insistant way, and if he dare SEES you attempting to walk around without help, he's onto you so fast it's actually infuriating. He's SO annoying about it. Does he think he's being cute?? (...is it working?)

If he ever walks in on you throwing up, fainting, or just generally laying in/around the bathroom groaning like a zombie, well...yeah, he's gonna overreat big time. Try not to do that, I guess! (As if you can control it. I'm so sorry.)

DATE Baby, darling, sweet wonderful angel on high I'm too lowly to even sully with my gaze... he will handle everything. TERRIBLY.

At least initially. First time it ever happened, he was bad, but like, in a sweet way you can appreciate when you're not quaking in pain, if your periods tend to overstimulate you (Worst Symptoms Ever #24347: I Can't Speak Because I'm Too Angry From Pain Because If I DO I'm Going To JAIL). He just really, really cares. Obviously. I like to think he was one of those guys who like, would've been on earlier internet days seeking knowledge....from other people who also did not know how to type correctly. He's a Yahoo Answers OG. It's a wonder how he's still pure(?) (Fun side fact: did you know that YouTube was originally a dating website? How fitting!) He's just a bit of a hot mess when it comes to you, and he's that kind of boyfriend who, because he doesn't know what to ask/how to ask/doesn't want to upset you by asking, he just goes to the store and buys a bunch of stuff the internet reccommends. Thus leading to like, 5 packs of pads and/or tampons that aren't your size, none of them are Your Brand, but he did get you every snack he's ever seen you like, which is nice. Also Midol. PLENTY of Midol/an equivilant. And, you basically have a free servant at your beck and call until you feel all better, making you feel pampered, even if he's a little clumsy 💜.

He'll help walk you to the bathroom too, if it's that bad.

HEIST My deepest apologize, I give up trying to come up with something for him. I cannot possibly top yours. You're simply correct.

HEAD ENGINEER Okay, I like to think there would either be better methods for period management, but I feel like there'd be a limited supply within the ship's clinic, while The Rest is alongside the stored provisions. But, there's also paid time-off for it, like sick days. I mean, you're leading thousands into space with the hope of finding a new home planet, you might as well be entitled to it.

However, if for any reason your period occured (accidently missed a/several dose/s; had a recent medical change, like quitting testostrone; "just felt like it", etc. Of COURSE Engie isn't too far away, hovering, making sure you're taking care of yourself - because if YOU are going to ENDLESSLY PESTER HIM about his health and welless, expect it right back! Hmph! (He loves you so much, please don't die.)

He'd ask questions, be tentative, but 100% ready to give you space if/when you want it. He'll do check-ins to make sure you're getting along okay and everything, including sending you dog videos to lighten your mood 💜💜.

DARK [WARNING: implied stalking/potential unreality(?)] My dear, are you The Dearly Departed: District Attorney? The very same who had their body stolen by this bastard? Because guess what, iiiif you wanna, HE CAN HAVE PERIOD CRAMPS TOO!! HAVE HIM SUFFER BY YOUR SIDE!!!!!!! THE PERFECT REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, in all seriousness, he would take issue with you dealing with your period, especially cramps, in any kind of "tough it out" way. Don't ask how, but he knows when you're in pain, he knows those little minute differences that subtly indicate all kinds tiny clues to your emotions. Yes he's a creep, yes he's a weirdo, have you not seen him?? No, like literally, don't you see him? Watching you? Don't you ? He'll insist you leave work aside, you do enough as it is. Maybe too much, like him. You're too much like him, sometimes. He "remembers" how Damien used to help where he could. He also "remembers" what it was like for Celine, and tries to utilize that knowledge to his advantage as well. Otherwise, if this is a non-District Attorney kind of plot, then it depends on some variables. Does he like you, think you're an annoyance, or a pawn? If it's the former or latter, then, he might use it as a means of manipulation (or, "manipulation" in the case that he does love you, and wants you to like him, lol), like, comforting and providing stuff for you. Otherwise, suffer.

WILFORD Outright, he says something to the effect of, "ahhh, yes, I remember those!" is he trans??? Does he just not know what he's talking about????? (Alternatively: Did he try one of those "period cramp" simulators and counts it as being the same?) YOU decide, I'm not the fandom police. Depending on the plot, he might get you some things or offer some kind of encouragement.

BUT, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, do NOT say, "I wanna die!" because it's haha funny now, but then Wilford's gonna show up, and who knows if anyone's fast enough to get the gun out of his hands. Seriously, be careful. I will not be warning you twice. On the other hand, if you're trying to have Special Sickfic Alone Time Bonding with another ego, he lets y'all handle that mostly on your own. He's already forgotten. He'll remember later and bring you a slice of cake. Probably a week later after your period is already over. He does not know where he got it, but it does look scumptious as hell.

YANCY (in prison) Bamboozled. The one and only handsomest/most beautiful person in the world who knocked him on his ass is being tormented by PERIOD CRAMPS? Unacceptable. Unbelieveable. You're so NOBLE. How DARE this be something you have to deal with! Don't youse worry, he's gonna help you get everything you need, and nobody, I mean NOBODY messes with you during this time, lest they taste Yancy's shank. (Please be careful, he might try to stab your uterus as well when you aren't looking.) Whole prison gang is practically at your beck and call, I mean, half of them don't even know what they're doing and making suggestions that...sometimes have nothing to do with periods. "Here's some medicine!" and it's cough medicine. That kind of shenanigans. Feel free to just lay in bed the whole week, hell, somebody will bring food for you. Just...don't let Warden hear about any of this. Okay?

ILLINOIS Bless you, because when you mention your period, he says in the most deadpan voice, "what's that?" So let's hope YOU brought period products, for one thing, but even if he did know what periods were, there is nothing inside that pack of his except some granola bars and a dream. He's such a goddamn menance. Part of me believes this man just knows nothing. He just showed up one day. He isn't real.

Regardless, I think it's funny and maybe kinda fits him - imagine you having to explain it and he was like, "Oh, I thought that was a scary thing teachers lied to us about. Just like how eating an apple a day DOESN'T keep the doctor away." Suddenly, you're wondering if joining a random hot stranger to incredibly dangerous places without proper gear was ever a good idea. He's so fucking stupid it's not funny anymore, and yet you will still laugh. That's why you stay. Good luck.

Don't get me wrong though, he'd totally look out for you. Pitch the tent early, lay down, or whatever - he'll investigate the nearby area to satiate his need to wander, and you can focusing on resting...or whithing in pain. He'll bring back herbs or something to make a tea that he read could act as a natural pain killer.

CAPTAIN MAGNUM YOU'RE SICK? YOU'RE BLEEDING??? YOU'RE DYING!!!!! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

Just does NOT know what he's doing and thinks this is the end. Every five minutes you see him holding up a bouquet of white roses looking on the edge of tears, you might think he's being funny, but no, this is the most earnestly sad he's ever been IN HIS LIFE ever since he lost a massive teasure chest with a mermaid sitting inside it like a hot tub 52 years ago. He still thinks about her....Elizabetha.......

You're basically held captive in the medical bay with the only "bed" available there. Magnum doesn't care if someone else among the crew has been shot and is actively dying, YOU get the bed. YOU are dying. YOU are more important. When you finally "recover" a few days later, he thinks it's a miracle and immediately takes you through a montage of fun, pilaging and slaying, to celebrate. Your bond is strengthed tenfold. He lets you have dibs on the food and drink for like a week after. It takes about seven times of this happening before realizing this is just a thing you go through, rather than some reoccurring mystery illness threatening your life. Initially upon realizing this, he draws his sword thinking you were "taking advantage" of his kindness, only to burst into tears and reassure you that he "forgives" you.

MURDOCK [Warning: Murdock.] Keeps making "jokes" like, 'would you consider making a donation?', 'you want any help with that?', what the fuck does he mean, is he a vampire, or worse? 

Regardless, there's always hygine products for you on standby, he knows all the brands you use even though you never told him, but you just assume he noticed the labels in your trash or something. (Which, yes, that's exactly what it was. Take that how you will). He does in fact memorize your cycle and notices the patterns of your behavior + can accurately predict if it's going to skip. Who need a period app when you've got this absolute freak around? If you ask, he'll bring stuff to help, no problem.

If you wanted to make that little problem go away, however, he'd love to help :).

YANDERE SHE IS ON! HER!! WAY!!! Get ready to be utterly doted on until you literally cannot take it anymore - and even still, you can't bring yourself to be upset...I mean, look at that face. Come oooon.

Yes, she ALSO knows every little thing you need, and you don't have to lift a finger. She'll even do your homework for you!! (Bad idea, just so you know, her handwriting is way too distinct). Wants you to tell her if you need ANYTHING, because whatever SHE provides will reassure her how much you need her, and how much she deserves you. You're meant for each other, after all! Will say that she wishes she could take your periods from you, in a 'I wish your uterus was inside me instead'. Feel how you feel about that. Just know she IS smiling to herself with that wistful look in her eyes when she says it. Be safe!

The Host/The Author THIS IS THEIR FAULT. THEY ARE ENTERTAINED BY YOUR SUFFERING.