totally human I swear

is there anything funnier than somebody who has a tumblr account trying to seem like theyre above fandom

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

In the 90's the record breaking summer temp where I lived was like 85 degrees btw. It's been over 100 for a week straight now.

Where I live, the deciduous trees have been losing their leaves in winter instead of autumn for several years now and the first time I got swooped by nesting birds this year was July 15th, the actual dead middle of winter. They're supposed to herald the spring.

Where I am every spring plant is blooming and a lot of animals are migrating back that wouldn't be yet. A guy at the lake pointed out one of the migrating duck species was back early recently and we both were kinda upset about it instead of hyped

my dad had been dating my favorite character, who after they broke up, sent him a text saying that he was abusing me & my siblings (he wasn’t) and that they should get full custody instead

Can I hit or do I have to pay tribute to the rest of your polycule first

Twenty bushels of millet to milady with the neopussy. Twenty five to the it/she because it does the dishes most often.

@sometimesilikeeatingrawcorn

You should be able to take off your body for when you need to sleep

A grill worth fighting for

i get a $250 million production budget to adapt beowulf into a summer blockbuster and at the end beowulf is contemplating his reign as king in his old age and the passing of time and we hear some kids say something he doesn't quite understand and he says stoically "it's as if the English i speak is becoming old..."

(Trying to hide that I got bit by a single angelic zombie) I'm fine it's just a scratch. Let's keep going, we're almost to the sanctuary. La!