boy kisser

why? your guess is as good as mine tbh but lemme make some things so fucking clear

1. i believe that all folk under the trans umbrella, INCLUDING TRANS WOMEN, are an unfairly targeted and vulnerable minority, who all deserve support, validation and respect

2. i was raised with the mantra “do no harm, take no shit”. i see the struggles of my fellow transmasc brothers, and i will advocate for them, alongside my transfem sisters, and my enby and GNC siblings, but i will not be told that i am no better than the legislators and nazis in congress stripping away our rights and killing us in the streets without fighting back. i will never be sorry for that. respect goes both ways.

3 (a). my language will not be perfect. i have not been in many online queer spaces in a LONG time because i have a life outside of the little gay people in my phone. i will make mistakes, i will slip up, but i can tell you this right now, if youre looking for “dog whistles” in my posts you can stop looking. im not here to find my “fellow transfem hating brethren” im here to hear perspectives and stories from all voices in my community, share my experiences, learn and grow (and look at porn )

3 (b). if i make a mistake please tell me. do it respectfully (treat me like a human??? hello???) and i will correct myself. do NOT accuse me of harbouring an ideology that i find reprehensible and inhumane. do NOT tell me its “not your job to educate me”. the only way we as a community will ever learn ANYTHING is by teaching each other and having open, safe and real conversations which do not attack or villanize each other.

4. people who claim i am “not trans” “secretly a terf” or anything similar will be blocked silently. im done wasting my time and energy on y’all for that. i have been out for 6 1/2 years, i have spent countless hours fighting for and advocating for queer rights for ALL, often at the expense of my physical, mental and financial safety. y’all have lost “debate privileges”

the reason a lot of folks hate the term ‘male socialization’ and any speech around it is because of the deep seeded misandry within the queer community. men, males and masculinity are all demonized, so the very concept of being brought up as a man is villainized.

now let me say this: being inherently distrusting of men is NOT unjustified. there are more than enough reasons for someone to “hate all men”. we live in a society (said in the jokers voice) where men are often encouraged and rewarded for harming, exploiting and abusing women and fem aligned people. i too, have had countless horrific experiences with men, both as a woman and as a man. I AM NOT INVALIDATING THOSE EXPERIENCES OR THOUGHTS

however, because of all that, the term ‘male socialization’ is seen as an insult. something to be ashamed of, as if anybody, regardless of what sex they are had any say in how they were raised. ‘male socialization’ does NOT mean “you were taught that its okay to hate women and abuse women and rape women so you are dangerous and horrible and the worst person ever”, but what it DOES mean is “you experienced life in the patriarchal system we live in as a man, meaning you benefitted from it and thusly learned both consciously and subconsciously certain behaviours and thought patterns, which is true for someone who transitioned at 5 and someone who transitioned at 50. but that doesnt mean that you will forever inherently be male, just that you were perceived as one for <amount of time>”

AND THE SAME IS TRUE ON THE OTHER SIDE

i still find myself unintentionally making myself smaller to make more room for men, i still naturally fall into caretaker roles in relationships, etc etc. that doesnt mean im bad because i was raised to be a woman in the world we live in.

its just a statement. neither positive nor negative. thats it.

if you constantly search for some “hidden meaning” behind every word and phrase you WILL find something problematic or offensive.

yes the concept of ‘sex socialization’ (that sounds like another word for a BDSM party lol) has been co opted by TERFS and transphobes alike, but that doesnt mean that everyone who uses those words are TERFS or transphobes!!!!

random rant but i saw a facebook post that made me feel icky and im bored and stuck at home with a migraine lol.

ps. i absolutely will NOT tolerate being called a TERF in my comment sections. if i feel your comment is worth an actual response i will give one, but im not going to ‘debate’ anybody, this is not the platform for such a structured activity. im simply looking to share thoughts/info and learn new things/hear new perspectives.

well objectively, no, because “male” is a specification of sex, and as trans men, we cannot have anything associated with the opposite sex.

but semantics aside, short answer: kinda, sometimes. long answer?

in very incredibly specific circumstances, some trans men/transmascs may experience a mild form of privilege associated with being perceived as male, but these experiences are very fragile and are at constant risk.

——————

but to me, this isnt the conversation that needs to happen. rather - why is it that so many people (a disappointingly large amount being queer people, and even other trans folk) so comfortable with throwing transmasculine people under the bus?

yeah, we get it you hate men, all men are evil, blah blah blah, have you forgotten that our community has always and will always involve men and masculinity?

but more importantly, have you forgotten that its not trans men eradicating trans rights? its not trans men advocating to legalize conversion therapy. its not trans men using the queer community - specifically its most vulnerable section - to scapegoat for votes and power and money?

we have real battles to fight, and i promise you that telling trans men on tumblr that theyre no better than a cis man and deserve to die will not protect your rights.

a) 22 now actually (happy late birthday to me!!)

the problem is is that my experience with male privilege (someone who has been medically transitioning for 2+ years, generally passes around 75% of the time but is not very hard to clock) is going to be a thousand times different that the experience of someone who has not started medically transitioning, and does not pass.

even then, i am still biologically female. i still experience medical misogyny (on a semi daily basis since i am severely chronically ill).

there is not one single person in my life that does not know i am trans. this will most likely never change.

so sure, a stranger on the street who will see me once and never again will treat me with the immediate respect and privilege that they would a cis man, i do NOT deny that.

but at the end of the day i am still AFAB, i am also Jewish, neurodivergent/mentally ill and severely disabled.

the problem isnt that trans men dont think they are/want to be perceived as cis men, its that people use this as a catch all to claim that trans men dont experience hell, and no amount of male privilege that is only given under incredibly specific circumstances can make up for.