소비

Let’s get this bread

For if I am not yours, what am I?

She always knew it, she always read his letters to her, such heartfelt words he never even thought of telling his wife, she would read his letters to his lover and cry tears of such melancholy, tears she pretended to be ones of happiness. She liked to pretend those long letters were for her, and not the woman who he actually managed to love.

She would watch his smile strain a bit every time she would look at him with that heartfelt expression, she wanted nothing more but to be the receiver of those eyes he gave to his paper and ink, she wanted those songs he streamed in his radio show to be for her, but in the end she always knew his eyes didn’t belong to her.

“How was your day at work?” She asked lightly, words only loud enough for him to hear, “it was lovely Blanche, truly lovely!” His signature smile glowing as he looked at the letters in his hands, only dimming once he looked at her, as she saw the sun rays from the windows she saw his skin glowing, his beautiful honey eyes glowing like she had never seen before, she felt selfish, she felt unworthy, she saw the sun setting on his neck, and the only thing she could think about is how she couldn’t be those rays of light, so gently caressing his skin and making his eyes glow, even if it was a small synthetic gleam, she would be happy. “Alastor why do you always look at your paper and ink that way…?” She asked looking anywhere but his face, he stopped to think, slightly taken aback by her question, “in what way, dear?” He asked looking at her with a raised brow, “you look at it as if you loved it more than you love me” the words slipped from her mouth, she didn’t even stop to think about them, Alastor laughed a bit at that statement, “don’t be silly, you know I don’t like silly women! Haha!” Not wanting to continue the conversation he stood up with the intention of walking off to their bedroom, “I know” Blanche said in a more serious and loud tone, “you sure do!” He added unseriously, “No. I know Alastor, I know…” she turned to him with a frown on her face, “I know you do…!” He added again with a smile on his face and raised eyebrows, “Alastor what am I doing wrong?”, he was taken aback by the question the woman had made, almost afraid of what it could mean, he chuckled and turned around to look at her, “whatever could you mean dear?” He asked curiously, “when did I stop being enough… was I even ever?” She responded, with her head held low, looking at her ring shining just a bit with the rays of sunshine coming from the window, “now… where is this coming from…?” He asked, smile never dropping, “you might think of me as a stupid woman, a “silly woman”, you give me much too little credit” she said almost sobbing out every word she said, “now now, I don’t think you’re stupid! I think you’re remarkable dear!” He said as he stepped closer to her only close until she could no longer avoid seeing him, but far enough for the couple to not touch each other, she tried to reach out for him but Alastor quietly flinched away, “is she better than me? Does the way she look appeal more to you? Is it the way I touch you? Is it the way I speak, is it the way I feel? Alastor, please, tell me what I’m doing wrong so that I can correct myself for you, for if I am not yours… what am I?” Alastor took three steps back, smile stuttering and eyes locked on her, “yourself”, “you don’t understand, you are everything to me, you don’t know how many days I spent praying to the heavens so they’d let me be the sunlight that kisses your skin as gently as the summer breeze ruffles your hair, how many nights I spent praying to be the night breeze that caresses your skin and makes you shiver, everyday, all day, I spend it praying to be the one you truly love, I spend it praying so that at least the heavens will hear about how I feel about you, I love you so much it’s eating me inside out” she confessed, she spilled her guts out to him, and he only looked at her, with that stupid smile of his, a smile that was never for her, this was a smile he gave the world, only one woman knew of his special smile, the smile he would give to those he truly loved, a woman who wasn’t Blanche, “I never told you, I never told you I knew, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to leave me at once, even if you didn’t love me, at least I wanted to feel a bit of your touch, at least I would get to take glances at the eyes you bare for your one true love, I would get to read the letters you wrote for another woman and pretend those words were for me”

Who else hates lesbians