Unmerited Favor 🙏🏾

I live in a 2-bedroom apartment with a wonderful friend that puts up with my weirdness and respects my beliefs. I have lots of friends in my life who I see on a daily basis and even some I get to enjoy outside our workplace. My parents live across town and I speak to my other set of parents at least once a week, I’ve even gotten to see all of most of my siblings more than once within the past 2 months. The point of this being: I am not alone. My day is filled with faces that I love and am blessed to be around.

But it wasn’t like that this time last year.

I lived alone. I only saw a few people outside of work. I would try to see my parents as often as possible but it still wasn’t as frequent as it is now. Now many of you may have turned your emotional setting to pity after reading that but I implore you to hold off on that. Because looking back that year I spent alone in my ridiculously expensive 1-bedroom apartment was one of the best. In that year I felt so close to God and so near to His heart that every day, no matter how hard, had hope. The year was still a ‘normal’ one, don’t get me wrong, I had really great days and really suck days the same that I do now; but back then I felt so near to God because I had no one else to be near to.  That’s an amazing feeling!

And no I’m not saying that being around people is bad or that it’s damaged my relationship with God in anyway at all. We’ve simply moved on to a point in this walk where I get to be an example of God’s love for people, He is still with me always and I’m still learning of course. There are nights where I miss the balcony I would sit on where I would talk to God all alone. Yet He reminds me in those moments of yearning that He is still just as close to my heart regardless of how I feel.

The reason I felt the need to post this is because I see so many of my beloved brothers and sisters talk about how lonely they are, how they feel isolated, and they feel like there isn’t anyone out there for them. My friends, I know it’s hard, trust me those suck days I mentioned were like super suck; but I can also tell you with confidence that those moments can be the best moments in your life for your walk with God. It might take time and you might feel silly at first but genuinely I want you to try and just talk to Him in those moments where you’re all alone. Just talk. About your day. About your plans. About the things you’re afraid of. About the things you are excited for. About how lonely you feel. Despite the moments of pain along the way, I can say with confidence that my ‘year of loneliness’ was one of the most amazing and impactful years of my life. I am so grateful to God for that time we spent together and I’m eternally grateful that He is still with me and has blessed me through the season to this one.

Hang in there, my dear friends. The seasons of loneliness aren’t nearly as lonely as you think because you’re never truly alone.