I need to vent at least a bitā¦ I donāt have much people in my life, tbh itās always just one and currently itās my bf with whom I have the most hard relationship ever. We r married bc of his papers, we are junkies plus I have really addictive personality as Im diagnosed with asperger I always charged my social energy/masking with itā¦ plus after all the years Im left with oh god multiple mental shit I cannot really handleā¦we went tru two car crashes where the second one was him crashing on amfetamin and now heās going through court shit. I only wanted us to have one good day without worrying about shit and IT WENT GREAT. I had one of the most beautiful days of my life till one old guy met us and lit forced our drunk asses to have a dinner and drinks with him. I in my lone-time did actually spent some time with old fucking dicks for cash and im 24/7 people pleaser I canāt say no even when I want to, instead I start just staring and leaving my body wich I loose almost any respect for. I in situations like that am hopelessā¦ Back to the story I was hoping my bf will stand it and will drag me out of it if something happensā¦ but well he didnāt, he let the old guy kiss me, in front of all the people that were sitting in the restaurant and ofc I didnāt pull myself away in a second, it took me time to realise and then I did, I started shaking and the old fucker started jerking under the table while touching my thighs, I wasnāt able to move I only felt small tears falling from my face. My bf was pissed but he didnāt do anything and I eventually made myself get my stuff and I left. When my bf came out he started yelling at me to give him the keys and I didnāt want to I knew he wants to leave me now bc I didnāt do anything about it n I was still so polite.Big drama on the street where I didnāt make a sound I just left the whole bag on the ground and decided to walk to one direction till i fell on the ground and I was honestly just trying to fucking breathe and the pain, anxiety and everything was burning me from inside out, everything blurry, everything fucked up. Eventually my bf came to me screaming sum shit how I fucked up, how i should have pull myself away in a second and all I knew I should have, I knew I fucked upā¦big time. I couldnāt get a sound of me n I was lit just trying to make myself die in the same place, I had broken vodka bottle in my bag as I threw it on the ground before and I cut my hands when I was desperately looking for I donāt even know what. I think two people stopped by me sitting and sobbing on the ground having extreme breakdown and my bf yelling at meā¦ in the end he left. Im sucker in orientation and it took me some time till I stood up on my feetā¦ and then the old dickhead from restaurant came out, started riding around me with his car, telling me to get in, multiple times I said no and then he crossed my way and again said āget in we are gonna find himā I didnāt want to get in I turned myself and he get out of his car, forced me to sit and call my bf who didnāt cared where Im sitting and he didnāt want to tell me where he is. It ended up with the old dickhead taking my phone, saying that Im not allowed to pick up my bfs calls and he gonna ride me home. I wish I would shit my pants but I didnātā¦ I wasnāt scared. I didnāt careā¦ not at all. I was only hearing my phone ringing and I knew I wanna pick up and I couldnātā¦ i told him where I need to go, I said a slightly different address (like that would help me right) ofc he stopped my the highway resting place, started talking to me about my bf, that i donāt deserve him and than totally flipped the topic to asking what we do together, started jerking offā¦ again I couldnāt fucking move myself even a bit. He moved to myself, trying to kiss me but I didnāt move w my face even a bit. Disgusting too spicy smell was going from him as he was trying to get to my pantiesā¦ i still couldnāt move, scream ā¦not even talkā¦ eventually I got āhomeā He insisted to go with me n I didnāt said anything, i just ringed on the strangerās house bell and hoped someone will openā¦
