I just feel defeated because before my shift I was anxious because I feel like I'm not good enough compared to my friend who works there (we'll call her R) but I still managed to force myself to think more positively about things and have a more positive attitude by the time I arrived to work even though I was still anxious. And then I got through my shift or at least most of it so I was more relieved but also stressed because R was there and I feel like whenever she's there I just look bad because all of the customers know her and want to talk to her but not me, which is understandable because I know im shy asf. And then after everyone left she said our boss wanted her to tell me that I need to pick up my pace and that we're not gonna be slow forever and I honestly just feel fucking worthless and like I should just give up on even trying to bartend anymore and I feel so pathetic because a few years ago at an old job I was like I need to move out of my parents house asap because its not healthy for me and I decided the quickest thing to work towards would be bartending because I didn't need a degree and im so frustrated with myself for spending all of this time towards it when I don't even have the personality for it and I just feel like a failure and I have no idea where to go from here or how I will ever manage to move out of my parents house or find a job that im actually good at and enjoy doing. I just feel so lost right now and have no idea what to do with my life or how im supposed to succeed at anything.

It would be great if I could STOP fucking eating when I'm not hungry jfc